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Confessions of the Magpie Wizard
Book 6: Chapter 9 (Wherein Bike Remover is Discussed)

Book 6: Chapter 9 (Wherein Bike Remover is Discussed)

Chapter 9

“I am going to die here,” groaned Mariko. “My first day and they had to use the mercy rule.”

“You weren’t the only one,” I said.

“No, but I was the only one who could not clear the first wall,” she said. We were back inside the base where the air was heated and the hot chocolate plentiful. Chocolate was at a premium due to the Horde holding Africa and South America, mind you, but this brew was mostly sugar anyhow, so they didn’t bother with a ration. Mariko was the only one with tea, since she couldn’t stand the stuff.

A group of us sat around a table with textbooks strewn about. We were supposed to be refreshing ourselves on the more difficult spells from the first year curriculum.

“I do not belong here,” she added, burying her face in her hands.

Instead, it had turned into a bit of a therapy session for Ms. Yamada.

“I always thought so,” said Yukiko, hastily adding, “not that you aren’t a lovely person, but I can’t think of anybody less suited to this life.”

“Yukiko,” said Hiro, earning a chastised look from Yukiko. “Mariko, you have avoided a lot of strength training by not dueling. You have some ground to make up.”

“He has a point,” I said. “You made us some lovely dinners back at the farmhouse, but you weren’t out there pitching haybales with Kowalski and I.”

“You were not complaining at the time,” she said.

“No, but that the most you had to lift was that cast iron pan,” I said. “Before that, the heaviest thing you lifted on the regular was a cast iron skillet. Meanwhile, I keep having to lift you to carry you out of danger.”

She held up her bad hand, showing off the mild quaking. “Even if I could bench press you in return, Kasasagi, this would stop me from climbing the wall.”

“Only if you let it,” said Yukiko. “You can hold a pen well enough to write, even if you can’t draw. And you managed to clear the mud pit. I think you can survive.”

Mariko balled up her fists without revealing her face, and I almost worried the pacifist would break her vows and sail across the table to throttle Ms. Sato. I wasn’t expecting her to break out in a giggling fit.

“Fantastic,” I said, patting her on the back. “I think you broke Mariko.”

“Well, I didn’t mean to,” she protested. “I was only trying to encourage her.”

“That was pretty gentle for Yukikins,” said Hiro.

“That was… that was why it was so funny,” managed Mariko, straightening back up. “Knowing you were trying to be gentle and bringing up my pain is so you, Yukiko.”

“Did I say anything incorrect?” she asked.

“No, you did not,” she conceded. “Maybe you have a point.”

“I’d be happy to work with you on your arm strength,” said Hiro, rolling up his sleeve of a fresh cadet uniform. That flex was just showing off, in my opinion. “I didn’t build these overnight.”

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“Having an affinity that can booth your physical strength cannot hurt,” she said, looking down at her quivering hand again. She balled up a sheet of scratch paper, which began to flake away under the pressure of her own affinity. “I do not think the Sergeant would approve of me digging a tunnel through the climbing wall.”

“That reminds me,” I said. “You still refuse to name your affinity. Bike Remover is still the top candidate.”

“Bike Remover?” Hiro had been speaking Japanese the whole time, since discussing magical stanzas could be difficult enough in your native language. “Another English pun I don’t get?”

“No,” said Mariko, “it is Kasasagi being ridiculous because I used it to annihilate a bike frame.”

“That’s where you’re wrong” I said. “We learned during the fight with Mol that you turn the items you destroy into a flammable gas. That isn’t true destruction, it’s transformation.”

Yukiko perked up at that. “Then I am glad we are not near the fireplace.”

“Ara!” Mariko’s face went white. “I-I will have to be more careful with that.”

“Especially since Moulham won’t give up his cigarettes,” came a stern voice from behind. We leapt up to salute the Sergeant, who waved us down. “At ease. This is supposed to be a time for you to focus on your magical learning, but I couldn’t help but notice none of you turned a page recently.”

“Simply discussing tactics, ma’am,” I said. “Though, since it keeps coming up, what magic are we allowed to use to clear The Gauntlet?”

“Why did you assume magic wasn’t allowed?” she asked in return.

“Well… because it’s an obstacle course,” I said. “Obviously it’s meant to build our physical strength, right?”

She looked to the others. “Cadets, did I ever say anything about using magic when I introduced the course?”

Everyone’s eyes went wide. “Hold on,” said Hiro. “You said the course was to test our bodies, and that we are more than spellcasters.”

“Ah.” Carine Lakhdar was a bit too pleased with herself. I’d seen that smirk many times; commanders back home wore it when they caught you in a technicality. “But I never specifically said not to cast magic. I don’t mind that most of you managed without it, but a few of you could clearly use the assist.”

“You didn’t say we could, though,” said Mariko.

“It didn’t stop Marlowe here,” said the Sergeant. “He was the only one I saw try to apply magic to the situation on his own. You realize you are wizards in training, right?”

“Wait,” said Yukiko. “Why didn’t you tell us we could use magic?” She sounded betrayed; the rule-bound woman couldn’t conceive of coloring outside of the lines on her own.

“Because I wanted to see who here had some creativity,” she said, turning towards me. “You were also the only one who helped anyone but yourself.”

“My Soren is generous like that,” said Mariko, patting my arm lovingly.

“Let’s not make too much of it,” I said, feeling my demonic pride under assault again. “Any one of us would have caught Kiyo.”

Yukiko frowned deeper as old memories flashed through her mind. “Perhaps.”

“Anyway,” said Sergeant Lakhdar, “Takehara, good job coming in first.”

“Should I have stayed behind to help the others?” he asked, his tone guilty.

She shrugged. “You all need to learn to act within my orders. All I said was to get to the end quickly so that your breakfast would be warm.” She held up her hand and cast a small Fireball. “You all know spells that can fix that problem if you take a little extra time.”

“I see,” I said. “You’re telling us in a small group instead of all at once. I take it we should let the others figure it out on their own?”

Sergeant Lakhdar nodded once, her grin added more creases to her face. For a woman who acted stern, she had an awful lot of smile lines. “I know you four are joined at the hip, so I didn’t see a point in only telling Marlowe. Keep it to yourselves, though; I want to see who else figures it out on their own. Well, I’ll leave you to it.”

Once she was gone, we all shared a look.

“This feels like a trap,” said Mariko.

“At least we can be creative about our orders,” I said. “Beats a flogging when you step out of line.”

I hadn’t meant to say that part out loud, and everyone looked uncomfortable at me bringing it up.

“They did leave a mark on you,” said Hiro.

“Makes you wonder why anybody signs up, doesn’t it?”

“No sense in trying to understand the insane,” said Yukiko, flopping back down on her standard-issue chair.

“What about ‘know thy enemy’?” I countered.

She shrugged. “Sometimes you’re dealing with monsters. What’s there to understand?”

Mariko squeezed my hand. “Because some monsters turn out to be soft and squishy inside.” She gave me a wry grin. “Right, Kasasagi? You were the only one to help anybody else.”

Sometimes you don’t have a smart comeback, so the only option is to deflect. “If we can use magic on The Gauntlet, then I think I saw a useful chapter when I was skimming Field Magic earlier…”