Girdan didn’t live in Pandemonium normally. The general had somehow managed to lay claim to the ruins of Versailles up in France. It made sense; he’d spent a decade masterminding the fall of England, and it put him closer to the English Channel. But, he’d ventured south for the trial and brought my real quarry in tow. He was in a borrowed villa near the outskirts of the city. I paid the orcish rickshaw to drop me off a good distance away and I found a spot on a nearby rooftop and waited. It was one of the nicer parts of the capitol; the goblins had kept the buildings in decent repair, though the exteriors were filthy. Demons love to despoil things, and a clean wall was an invitation to mayhem. I knew they’d be spotless inside, though.

I’d lived under the general’s thumb for five years and I knew his habits like my own. Just as I predicted, the gates opened and discharged his chariot at 6 o’clock on the dot. He loved feeling the wind in his hair, never mind how impractical it was. He’d even splurged on horses, the extravagant bastard! The native fauna of Earth had become rarer and rarer as time went on, displaced by the useful animals we’d brought with us from the other world. We mostly maintained the tastiest native lifeforms. It was rather kind of humanity to produce so many lovely, genetically engineered versions of crops and livestock for us to inherit.

I put aside my anger at the old devil. If all went well, I needed all the time I could get. He’d be high on his victory in court and off to celebrate, and but he wouldn’t be out all night. The gates closed again and I slid down a drainage pipe. I padded up to the gate and waited. I didn’t have to wait long before it opened again.

I strode through, barely acknowledging the goblin hurriedly cranking the mechanism to close it again. He ran up alongside me, struggling to keep my pace on his short legs. “Master Malthus! I got your carrier pigeon. I can’t say I expected to hear from you again.”

“I do try to keep people on their toes, Dewdrop. It makes things more exciting.” I paused. “Do take good care of the bird. I don’t know when I’ll be back in Pandemonium, and they’re hard to break in.” I don’t know why humans wiped them out. They’re damn useful, especially when you use a spell to guide them precisely where you want them.

He nodded, making his bald, grey head shine in the moonlight. “Of course, sir.”

“Is she here?”

He nodded again as he opened the main door for me. How thoughtful of him. Dewdrop had always been the consummate manservant. Well, to me at least. He’d always preferred me to Girdan. I think it’s because I’m not as fond of corporal punishment. I followed his lead, since I’d never been in the villa before. “Yes. Is Mistress Fera expecting you?”

I bit my lip. “No.” Doubt washed over me. Whose side was she on in the spat between Girdan and I? Ah, well. I was already violating the so-called sanctity of his home again. I’d find out one way or the other. I flashed Dewdrop a devil-may-care grin. “That also makes things more exciting.”

He sighed. “I wish you’d be careful for once! It’s not just you on the line. They applied the Band of Truth to me to make me give an affidavit!” He rolled up the sleeve of his doublet, exposing a burn mark that ended just below the palm of his four-fingered hand.

“I’m surprised they needed it.”

The middle-aged goblin smirked. “You always said you’d take care of me in my retirement. I had to put up a little fight.”

Had I promised that? It sounded vaguely familiar. “Just a little?”

“Maybe more than a little. I tried to twist things a bit to make you look better. It didn’t go well, and I need that hand. But, I tried.” Dewdrop’s self-interested calculus was the closest goblins get to loyalty. It was almost touching. I decided then to actually live up to my half-remembered promise. Goblins didn’t live that long, so it wasn’t going to be much of a burden, and he had always been there, ever since I’d first joined Girdan’s household.

Dewdrop lead me up a flight of stairs before coming to a halt outside of a set of white doors. He knocked twice. “Mistress Fera, you have a visitor!”

There was a long silence before the door flew open. “Damnit, Dewdrop, what’s this… Malthus?”

It took me longer than I’d have liked to speak up. Fera had always had that effect on me. She was two years my senior, and I found the contrast between her charcoal skin and fair blonde hair entrancing. That, coupled with her adorable, tightly curled rams’ horns, never failed to impress. The look of annoyance on her face wasn’t much worse; it just meant I had to fight that much harder. I cleared my head with a shake. “Ah, Fera, my dear! You’re a vision, as always.”

She crossed her arms across her chest, which didn’t do much for my focus. I knew that she used glamours to enhance her bust. I can’t say I cared; she showed more restraint than most who went down that route. “I can’t say I was expecting to see you again.”

“It’s a pleasant surprise, I hope.”

“We’ll see about that.” Her yellow eyes narrowed as she cast Dewdrop a sidelong glance. “If Daddy gets home early, tell us before it’s too late this time. If you can manage that, you incompetent!” She didn’t wait for his response before slapping him across the face.

“Yes, Mistress.” Dewdrop picked himself up, not daring to tend to his reddening cheek.

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Without a word, she spun about and went back to her room. I followed, Dewdrop closing the door behind us. The room was lit by candlelight, and I saw she’d been studying a map. I couldn’t quite tell what it was of, since she covered it up quickly. “What do you want? I don’t have all night.”

I took a step closer to her. “So cold! Then again, what should I expect after your performance at the trial?”

She waved me off. “Oh, that? Daddy was already mad at you. No sense making him mad at the both of us. He’s decided I’m his innocent little girl. It’s best to play the part.”

“Well, he thinks that, but we both know better, don’t we?”

She blew a rogue tuft of hair out of her eyes. “Oh, he knows. He just lives in denial. And he likes to eliminate things that get in the way of his denial.” She sighed. “We go through so many aides-de-camp. I’m amazed you made it five years. I guess it’s because I kept saying no.”

My smile strained at that point. “That actually brings me to why I’m here. It’s my last night in Pandemonium. I was thinking we could pick up where we left off. Earn my punishment, if you catch my drift.”

She gave me a once over and found me wanting. “I think not.”

“What changed? I recall you were raring to go last night!” I felt utterly crestfallen, and I didn’t manage to keep it out of my voice. Hell, I’m sure I whined like an orc.

She shrugged. “Last night you were a promising officer with a future ahead of him. Now they’re sending you off to die. You aren’t worth the effort.”

I shook my head. “No, no, they haven’t done that. It’s a spy mission, to get me out of the city until things cool off.”

She looked at me pityingly. “Oh, you believed that? Do you know how many active spies we have in human territory?”

“I can’t say I know. It’s not my department.”

“Well, it is my department. The answer is none. We can get devils with disguise magic in occasionally, but we have to get them in and out quickly. Nobody can ever pretend to be human long enough to pass. We’re too sane and rational for that. I’m sorry to say it, but you’re not exactly subtle.”

I took a step back as I weighed what she said. “That can’t be right. Father wouldn’t do that to me.”

She shrugged. “He dumped you on us when things were hard.” She checked an old grandfather clock on her wall, apparently done with me.

“He wouldn’t!” I let the fire into my voice and rose to my full height. “Father is a bit odd. Soft. He fell to pieces when Mother died. He couldn’t stand it if anything happened to me and it was remotely his fault. I can trust that. He thinks there’s a way out. I just have to find it.”

Fera’s eyes widened and I loomed over her, and she looked at me contemplatively. “Well.” She ran a hand through my hair, running her fingers over my horn nubs. “Nope, they aren’t any bigger. I guess you’re just being a man for once.”

“S-stop that!” I found her natural scent intoxicating. Just a hint of cinnamon. It hadn’t changed much since I’d been a young man in that big, empty palace at Versailles. “It’s demeaning.”

She withdrew her hand. “Just like that, you’re boring again. I like you so much more when you have a spine.” She stroked her chin. “But if you’re right… hm. The Grand Vizier is a smart old devil. Maybe he knows something we don’t.” She studied me carefully, weighing her options. “You know, maybe I have been too cold. Maybe I owe you more than that. We have known each other a long time.”

“That we have.” I considered telling her that she’d been my first crush. That I measured every woman’s beauty by her. That I’d been crushed when her father had hauled me out of her room when I was so close. I’d carefully kept those feelings hidden from Belialia and Father when they’d asked why I’d made my play for her. You never give a devil ammunition which, sadly, included Fera herself. “I’ve always been fond of you.”

“Oh, I know it. It’s almost cute the way you always follow me around.” She smirked at me. “It’s actually been nice to know that there’s somebody so smitten with me. On the off chance that you do come back…” She checked the grandfather clock again. “Daddy will probably be out another two hours. Let me give you two gifts before I send you off.”

“Pardon?”

She reached up and took me by the horn nubs again. “Hold still.”

“What are you…”

“Fleshwork,” she intoned. As the spell did its work, I felt a warm tingle where her fingers traced against the lumps of keratin. That was a shock, since they’d always been nerveless before. It was oddly pleasant, but it was soon replaced with an intense itching, and then an intense migraine.

“Hush, you’re distracting me,” she chided me when I cried out. “Besides, I’m already done.”

The pressure released, thank Our Father Below. “Done with what?” I took a step back and ran my hand across my head. “They’re gone! You crazy bitch, you’ve unmanned me!”

A broad grin split her face. “I didn’t cost you much. We’ve been over it. Besides, you were never going to keep them hidden. What if you got your hair wet, or needed a haircut? I just saved your life.”

I frowned at her petulantly, but I knew she had a point. I scratched the top of my head, distracted by the sudden change. “You could have asked first.”

“Why bother? Besides, I’ve been practicing my glamour. I can always give them back to you later. Maybe even do something about that pale skin of yours and make you a real devil.”

I straightened up, knowing when I was licked. “You said something about a second gift?”

“My, aren’t we greedy? Very well, since you were such a good boy before.” Her nightgown slid to the ground, exposing every delightful inch of her.

“Why now,” I said through a mouth that was suddenly dry.

“I have to give you a little something to remember me by, my little lottery ticket. I’ll probably never see you in this world again. On the off chance you do survive, when you get home, you’ll be the first long-term spy in our history. You’ll be a rising star in Pandemonium. Even Daddy wouldn’t be able to speak against you. I’ll want you to remember that you like me when every tart in a thousand miles suddenly notices you. We can run this city together.” She put a hand on her hip. “Care to explain why you’re still clothed?”

“J-just awestruck by your beauty.” I fumbled with my shirt’s buttons. I was honestly conflicted. That tentative offer was basically a marriage proposal, by devil standards. The girl I’d wanted since I understood how wonderful girls were had just become my fiancé, and now we were going to consummate it. I’d imagined this moment many a time over the past five years. I’d expected more declarations of love, or at least interest. I would have also been happy had it been like the night before, a bout of spontaneous, drunken fun. Instead, it felt like a job interview.

Ah well. I finally got what I wanted. As we embraced, I reflected that perhaps Father could harbor delusions of love at first sight, but those of us in the real world knew those feelings were just the precursor to a pleasurable act. They were best just pushed aside.

Of course, she kicked me out as soon as I was spent. Declared me an, “adequate bedmate.” Wished me luck. I supposed it was the best I could expect.