Part 14 - Heart Dee

Korri’s eyes traveled over Dee’s face. She asked softly, “What?” Her mind spilled over with his words like a swollen river as she struggled to make sense of them.

Dee laid out a hand. “I was born female. My aunt is Cerys Newid, our boss.”

Korri’s mouth dipped open. Confusion reigned in her thoughts as she slowly shook her head. “What…why…how?”

Dee shrugged. “I have a means of remaining male while I work, which Cerys provided me.”

All the air seeped out of Korri’s words. Shaking her head, she asked, “Why…are you telling me all this?”

Dee lowered his hand. “Because of what you said…and what I said.”

Korri kept her eyes on Dee. “So, you lied?”

Dee tensed. “I don’t lie. People just never ask the right questions.” She watched his eyes. They didn’t waver. They met hers boldly.

Korri dipped her head away. “Whatever. What now?”

Dee’s hands splayed out on his desk. “I don’t know. You okay?”

Korri clutched her hands. “I’m…I…I need a minute. Excuse me.”

She stood up from her chair and swiftly walked out of the room. She didn’t have a plan for how far she was going to go.

Korri made her way around the bend of the hallway and out. She stepped into the housewares and bedding section of the store, leaned against a gigantic pillow on the end of an island, and rested her head back.

She wanted to hide and stay there. She wanted to cry but couldn’t bring herself to tears. She couldn’t bring herself to do or feel anything as she leaned there and thought. There wasn’t anger. She wasn’t mad but she didn’t feel right.

She felt like the ground had slipped from underneath her and she couldn’t get her footing. All she could do was hide.

As Dee’s words reflected back in her thoughts, Korri’s head drifted away from the pillow. She set her foot out and braced herself as she looked back to the hallway leading to Dee.

She took a deep breath. Not knowing exactly how, she took a step followed by another. She walked back to the Returns & Complaints Department, stood right in front of Dee, and announced, “I’m confused but I trust you, Dee. And…what you said goes for you too. Boy or girl, you are you. Isn’t that right?”

Dee marveled at Korri curiously then slowly nodded as he said, “That can be assumed.”

“So…then I ask…you as a girl or as a boy…do you mean what you said?”

Dee relaxed his eyes. “I always mean what I say.”

Korri nodded. “I mean what I said too. I don’t know what to do about it, but I mean it.”

Calmly, Dee stood up from his chair and walked around. Korri guardedly watched him approach. Her skin felt a flush flutter. The moment felt surreal as Dee wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug. She couldn’t imagine being in her body but the touch was so very real.

It was a precise and practiced hug. It was friendly but still a little distant. It felt like a hand to help her up or a hand on her shoulder to protect her. But Korri felt relief in that embrace.

When it finally ended, Korri lingered till Dee drifted away. He turned and leaned against the counter, resolving, “How about we finish our closing papers first…”

Before long, and with few words, the two of them settled back into their seats. Korri looked at her paperwork but her attention kept diverting with questions. Those questions kept nudging her to glance in Dee’s direction as he worked. She glanced quickly, almost out of the corner of her eye, before turning away.

She highlighted the memory of that hug until the thought glowed like an ember as she wandered through the rest of her paperwork.

As the dimming lights and sounds of closing flowed in their direction, one last customer made his way through the bending hallway. Dee took care of it. The man’s face and questions washed over Korri as she drifted between feelings.

He had a booklight. It highlighted opposite sex perspectives in a text through gentle, mental nanites. It simply broke. No drama. No deductive skills required. Just a replacement. When the customer was gone, that was all.

Dee shuffled his papers together and asked, “Done with yours?”

Korri straightened. She glanced down and tried to clear her head. She nodded and pronounced, “Yup.”

Dee stood from his chair with a creak. “Mind if I take them to the shift manager?” With a little sigh, Korri tidied her work and passed it to Dee.

She noticed how his fingers nearly touched hers as he took the papers. She noticed his soft but prominent smell as he passed behind her. It whispered across her. It seemed to draw her closer, like a wake through the air.

When Dee left through the hallway, Korri pressed her hands to her face and muttered, “What the heck….” She sighed and pushed away from her chair. Vainly, she tried to still the torrent of thoughts and confusion by retracing the lines of the ceiling. After fidgeting a bit, she walked over to the industrial fan and let it blow across her face until it felt numb. Before she could think of anything else, Dee stepped back into the room and smiled.

She tried to return the smile as naturally as possible, but it squirmed on her face between a smirk and a wild grimace. Dee’s look was inscrutable. He flattened his cap in his hands and glanced around the room. Korri followed his gaze. Eventually, it came to rest on her. She leaned back and asked eagerly, “Yes?”

Dee gestured towards the hallway and noted, “I figure the boss will let you change out of that uniform now.”

It took Korri a moment before she nodded and said, “Oh! Right. See…well. Since I might still be on her err…shitlist…might be best if I approach her before changing.”

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Dee shrugged. “Your call.”

Korri took a few steps towards the hallway before adding, “I’m considering what I might say to her…about my experiences since earlier.”

Dee traced his hand on the counter. “As I said, whatever you say is your call.”

Korri’s eyes dipped submissively. “Can we talk afterward?”

Leaning back against the counter, Dee gave a single nod. Korri touched her hair and asked, “Where will you be?”

Dee stretched his wrist. “The parking lot.”

“Okay.”

With that, she left and tried not to look back. Conflicting thoughts, like alcohol on her brain, merged and flowed. She had so many feelings towards Dee and towards this whole situation. Aisles and window curtains drifted by. She found and followed the red line. Despite the distractions of thoughts, she also found a sudden, feral pounding of her bladder.

She darted over to the rear, main restrooms and allowed herself only a momentary pause when she realized she’d automatically reached for the ladies’ room first.

Afterwards, Korri leaned over the sink and brushed water across her face. She relaxed till the door swung open and a woman entered. Korri paused and regarded her out of the corner of her eye. It was just a customer.

She knew that some of those in housewares had witnessed when the boss made her put on this uniform. She didn’t relish the idea of running into them right now.

Korri darted out of the bathroom and weaved her way along the red line. It terminated at an unremarkable, oak door.

Softly, she turned the knob and walked in. The room was simple with a small, narrow desk but the walls were not so simple. An enormous dreamcatcher hung from the far wall. A round, golden mirror flanked by yin and yang symbols covered another wall.

A colorful explosion of paintings filled further space. One depicted a dense jungle in the hills. Another, a rain-swaddled city at night. The rest were various ornaments of strange and foreign metallic designs.

The boss looked up from some paperwork and smiled at Korri as she carefully approached. Her hair was short, almost the same length as Dee’s but gunmetal gray. Despite her hair, her face looked youthful. She leaned forward. Korri watched her and tried to discern any similar features to Dee but, to her eyes, they looked nothing alike.

Korri lowered her head in an intentionally-submissive gesture and said, “Hello, Ms. Newid. I’m done with my shift.”

Ms. Newid flicked a bit of her hair behind her ear and asked, “And?”

With a sigh, Korri continued, “I’m very sorry about what happened earlier. I promise you it will never happen again.”

She inspected Korri and gave the smallest of nods. “I know. So, how have you and Dee been getting along?”

Korri cleared her throat and glanced over to the nearby wicker chair. Ms. Newid gestured lightly with her hand. Korri sat and answered, “There’s been a couple of challenging customers but nothing we couldn’t handle.”

Ms. Newid gave no gesture but remarked, “There’s really no challenge in it for Dee. Oh and, by the way, did Dee send the one who visited me?”

Korri confirmed, “He did.”

The slight presence of a smile slipped across her face. “As I suspected. And it was dealt with. Now…did you and Dee talk much?”

Korri pursed her lips and folded her hands. “A little in the downtime between customers.”

Slowly, Ms. Newid laid her fingers over the side of her cheek. Her neck relaxed and she asked, “How do you find Dee?”

Korri straightened and resolved, “A diligent and highly-capable employee, as you probably know.”

Ms. Newid gave a grunt and pushed aside a stack of paper. She rested her hands and asked, “How was your evening?”

Korri wove her fingers together and said, “Done. May I be released from my obligation?”

Laying out a hand, Ms. Newid responded, “As I said when you put it on, you may just remove the uniform at any time and that will be it.”

Thinking quietly a moment, Korri asked, “And there’s nothing else to it?”

Ms. Newid’s hand rose and curled in place. “Well, I wouldn’t say that. I’m not against mental transformations. I prefer not to use them personally. However, your uniform does have a little something extra.”

Korri’s attention sharpened but Ms. Newid’s fingers flicked out before Korri spoke. “Not a mental transformation. Just self-suggestibility. It was there to help you cope. I didn’t want your time to be unpleasant.”

Quiet followed a rough swallow by Korri. After a moment of reflection, she remarked, “In that case, nothing I experienced this evening has any meaning.”

Ms. Newid scoffed, “Now you’re just being like Dee. He doesn’t even know how often I try it. And besides, I wear a bracelet with something like it all the time.” Her hand dove into a drawer and came out with a jeweled bracelet.

Nervously, Korri scratched at the collar of her uniform. She inquired, “Why aren’t you wearing it?”

Ms. Newid set the bracelet aside and said, “Beside the point…”

Korri didn’t let it go. With far more force than she figured she could muster, she asked, “What do you want?”

The words froze Ms. Newid. She looked over Korri and admitted, “Maybe a little less sadness in the world. But who knows…”

Korri shook her head. “I want that too but it’s gotta be true, real, and sincere.”

Ms. Newid slowly whispered to herself. Korri leaned close and Ms. Newid responded, “This is one of those moments where I wish I had an old proverb to prove a point…but I have none. I can only say that I wish I were at home in truth like Dee is. And…know that I deeply love my niece with all my heart and soul and I would do anything for him.” The texture of Newid’s words changed as she spoke, like some deep reservoir inside her was speaking through her throat.