"No, no, no, and heck no! By all that is holy, Endless One. What are you thinking? Seriously, I…"

Just then, I noticed Captain Draves's stoic-looking face was starting to show signs of concern.

"Could you please excuse yourself from the room for a moment while I rant? I will call for you when I need you."

"Certainly, my lord." He said with a bow.

"Thank you," I said as he walked stiffly from the room. I really wanted to know what was going through his mind right then, but that wasn't a thought I could entertain at the moment. I had bigger fish to fry. Namely, this Endless One character that everyone was keen on here.

In a softer voice, I said, "Where was I? Oh yeah. Listen here, Endless One. If you think for one moment I am going to be some sort of baron in a backwater estate, you have the wrong guy. And whoever referred me was obviously lying about my qualifications. I mean, seriously, in what universe is my being a Baron a good idea? Barons are politicians with military backgrounds, so they can support the king in defending their territory. In what way does Youtuber translate to "Great Military Leader" or "Politician"? I spent most of my life screwing things up and the last part trying to fix all the damage I had caused. What exactly do you expect me to do here? I had my after-life all planned out."

Okay, that may have been a stretch. I really didn't have any other plans. I would go find Nate and apologize, then go surfing if I could find a beach. Being used as a fill-in for some demised noble did not fit with my agenda.

I then remember to take some deep breaths.

"Ya know what, fine, you want this train to wreck, so be it. I already died a slow death; what does it matter if the next one is quick? Just don't think you can put a black mark on my Endless scorecard if this all goes bottom up." I waited a minute just to be polite.

"Ok, have it your way," I said. "But you gave me nothing but a few memories to lean on. So don't be mad at me if I don't fit."

That was the first problem. I had no way to fit in here. That glimpse of the past of this body was not enough to develop a profile of the culture. That vision only showed me that he didn't get along with his family and some of their financial problems. I watched a documentary on spies on the History Channel, and it took months of training to blend into society, and even then, a lot of spores were uncovered. Not only would I have to fit into a culture, but also an actual persona. All his mannerisms and quirks. Everybody had tells, and I knew none of Amos's behavior patterns.

Sure, the stories are cool where someone can just seamlessly fit in when they get dumped into a situation, but habits and behaviors are a hard thing to break, and I had no idea how to even identify mine that wouldn't work. One of the things said in the documentary is that you have to do what everyone else is doing and model the behaviors of others. That might work if I had been put in the body of a servant or peasant, but I needed to model a noble. I had no one to model if my whole family was dead.

Then there is the fact that I freaked out and blew it with the first people I had met. Sure, it is possible that the old Amos would react that way, but I doubted it. I would have to stick with the amnesia angle and see how long it lasted. But it wouldn't fool people for long. It was best to just hope that people were not allowed to question noble behavior. Trying to fake another personality was also something they said would get you caught. Dang, I wish this guy's family were still here. It would mean I could just act upset and hide myself away until I figured things out. But apparently, I was in charge now. I had to interact with people. People who knew what Amos was like.

Try to blend in, but don't force it so that it raises red flags? Yeah, this wasn't going to work at all.

Succeed or fail, I had already made peace with death. Why try to do the impossible when I hadn't signed up for this?

I had screwed up badly on Earth. I had ruined lives, including my own. I thought I had gotten myself straightened out. Maybe one life wasn't enough to make up for what I did.

Ok, time to call the captain back in. I already screwed things up with him so I would just have to roll with it.

"Captain, please come in here," I yelled.

The door promptly opened. "Yes, my lord." He said as he walked back into the room in his usual stately manner. He totally would make a good Baron. Can I abdicate?

"First, I want to apologize for my outburst," I said as he approached the bed.

"We all grieve in different ways, my lord. Your outburst was not unwarranted."

"See, look at that," I pointed at him, "You pulled that off so perfectly. I don't think I am ready to be a baron. You want the job?"

The captain opened and closed his mouth several times, words lost in his throat. I needed to rein it in. Turning everything into a joke was a great way to get myself locked up in an insane asylum.

"Sorry. Bad joke. Just a little overwhelmed here. I don't think I am ready for this. Is there anyone else around here that could run things?"

I know the responsible thing would be to try and help, but really I was not qualified for this. If we could find someone capable of leading, it would be much better for these people. I could just help in the background.

"No, my lord," You are all that is left of the line of Bicman."

I said, "So be it. Endless One, help us all. Captain, you are the only one I trust with the information I am about to share," not that I knew anyone else, "We have two problems. I was not trained as a baron, nor did I prepare myself for this. As you may have guessed, I have lost most of my memories. I remember the names of my family members and a little about their personalities. I know we have serfs in the village and some peasant villages around us. I need production numbers, though. I need to know who is doing what in the manor and in each village. I need-"

There was a knock at the door, interrupting my train of thought. I sat there staring at the door for a moment before Draves said, "You must give them permission to enter."

"Oh, right. Umm... you may enter," I said.

The door opened, and the older maid came in carrying a tray with a clay bowl on it. A wooden spoon sat on a white linen cloth. A mug of something sat opposite the spoon.

I scooted further up as she set the tray on my lap. "A light vegetable soup, my lord."

"Thank you," I said with my most charming smile. Her stern face showed the barest hint of confusion. Dang, another fail. Evidently, the kid didn't say thank you. This was all going to unravel so fast. Well, screw it. There was no way I was not going to be polite just because the last guy was a jerk. Besides, saying please and thank you was ingrained into me. Maybe with time, I could learn to be a prick, but it was going to take some practice. Or try really hard to act like I did when I was a teenager. As she left the room, I said to Draves, "What is her name?"

"Marsh, my lord."

"Marsh? Well, that might explain her frown. She must be very unhappy with that name." I said softly.

The captain snorted, "I believe it is short for Marshandra."

"Ah, well, that's not bad. I will try and remember that. I feel bad I can't remember anyone's name."

"They would probably find it odd if you did start addressing them by name. Your relationship with the household was not the friendliest."

"At least I didn't discriminate; I was the south end of a donkey to everyone."

"An interesting phrase, my lord," Draves said hesitantly.

See, this is why fitting in was just not going to work. Too many ingrained tells. Maybe there was an etiquette teacher around this place.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

"How familiar am I with the people of the estate and barony?"

"You mostly keep to yourself."

"So, no friends."

"There are no nobles here except your family."

So maybe my odd way of acting wouldn't be too obvious.

"Ok, well, I better not let this soup go cold," I said, completely ignoring the fact that I couldn't have friends outside of my social status. I was in no way going to fit in right now anyway. After a few spoonfuls of the soup, I realized I really missed salt. My mind was also calming down, and exhaustion was setting in. I had definitely done too much while sick. "Captain, I am sorry. I should have excused you. Thank you for taking the time to help me this morning. I am feeling quite tired and will need to sleep after this. Why don't you go about what you need to do? When I wake, I will need a bath and to look over the reports. Do we have someone who handles the finances and other reports?"

"The master steward used to handle that for your father."

"Used to?"

"He also passed away during the illness."

"Well, bugger that," I said in frustration. "Do we have anyone who could fill in?"

"His son is sixteen. He can read and write."

"Good, we will have to check his competency. For now, let me rest."

"Yes, my lord." Draves said with a perfect bow. Turning on his heels, he left the room.

I finished the bland soup and set it to the side. The drink was slightly sour and warm. Something fermented. It probably wouldn't be so bad if it weren't warm.

'Where are my ice cubes when I need them?'

The meal finished, I set the bowl on the bed next to me. I was afraid that, in my state, if I tried to place it on the nightstand, I would fall over. As I was about to drift off, my stomach started to cramp. I turned to the side and vomited everything I had just consumed onto the bed, nightstand, and stool. Oh, bugger, Marsh is not going to be happy about that. I didn't have the energy left in me to call for someone and subsequently drifted into oblivion.

******

A twelve-year-old Amos was in a hallway listening to a conversation behind a partially opened door. "The boy is a fool. He will never pass as a courtier for the king. I don't think I can even pass him off as a servant for Count Vispar. Not that we are even in favor with him. The military may be all that's left," said Baron Bicman's annoyed voice.

"He will die. If you had given him the attention you gave to Aaron, then it wouldn't be this way." Lady Bicman retorted

"Amos was your responsibility. Besides, do you honestly think that layabout would ever become half the man Aaron is becoming? He doesn't have the brains or the will."

"Find a wife for him in a good family?" Lady Bicman said questioningly.

The baron snorted. "Who would take him? No baron or count in their right mind wants a connection with us."

The Baroness sighed, "You are right." There was a pause. "We could train him as best we can and then marry him to a wealthy family that wants nobility in their blood."

A longer pause, "It will not look good on our family if he marries someone without noble blood. It will most likely be the military for him."

I felt the young man's indignation inside of me. He had tried. He constantly struggled with focusing. Nothing he did was ever good enough. What's the point of even trying anymore? Amos wandered down the hall and into his bedroom. Closing the door behind him, he walked over to a chest. Opening it, he looked around the room and pulled out a bottle of sweet wine. He had recently discovered a stash of it and found that he quite liked it. It dulled the pain of his own failures. The old Amos's mind became fuzzy as the new inhabitant of the body came back to consciousness.

********

Ah, we now have a clue about Baron Amos Bicman's emotionally scarring backstory. A certain cartoon character from my youth would be proud, I thought to myself. Dang, times like these are when I miss my childhood cartoons. Childish as it may be, sometimes regressing can be helpful in high-stress situations.

I pulled myself up into a sitting position, and remembering the bell, I gave the rope by the side of my bed a tug. I heard a soft clanking of a bell outside my door.

A moment later, a young girl no more than fourteen walked into the room. She had long brown hair pulled up into a bun and held by some sticks. She wore the same drab uniform as Marsh but kept her eyes down as she stopped in the doorway. "How may I assist your lordship?"

"It appears I have vomited up the food I tried to eat before I slept. Would you mind assisting in cleaning it up? Also, I will need a bath."

She turned bright red, nodded quickly, and practically fled the room. I did not think much about the obviously shy girl until, once again, the ray of sunshine, who goes by the name of Marsh, stormed into the room with a cloth and bucket. The look she gave me could have melted steel, and the anger in her voice was no less piercing. "My lord, I request that you continue to follow the rules set down by your father and not require my maids to be in compromising situations."

'What? How in the world was asking for my room to be cleaned and… Oh, she thought...' The mortified look on my face was probably priceless. I felt the heat rush to my face. "Um, she didn't think that…" I trailed off. I couldn't even say it. It was way too embarrassing. Seriously, like I would ask that of a minor. Scratch that, like I would ask that of anyone.

After a very uncomfortable pause, I cleared my throat with a cough and said, "Marshandra, next time you have the chance, would you fetch me a large stick? I want something to hit my head against whenever I say something utterly embarrassing. It may happen frequently enough that I may need two sticks. I uh… I know my past behavior has led to her drawing certain assumptions about my request. I really only wanted her to get someone to get a bath ready for me. I in no way meant for her too... err... um, anyone really to…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

Dang it, I grew up on 21st-century TV; I should be immune to witnessing embarrassing moments. I guess it is different when it's you. "Could you apologize to the girl for me? And maybe you should attend me when you're not busy rather than the younger girls so there won't be any misunderstandings."

"That would be acceptable." She said as she bent down to clean the step stool and floor. When she was done, she stood up and examined my sheets. "We must change these sheets while your lordship is bathing." Marsh then promptly turned and left.

I leaned my head back against the headboard when she left and let out a long sigh.

Amos, you idiot! How many embarrassing situations will I have to blunder through because of your slimy reputation? With the gossip mill here, it's going to be harder to clean up than a bad review on Google.

Deep breath. One step at a time. "Oh, and you, I am sure you're up there somewhere just laughing your head off," I said as I glared at the ceiling.

Marshandra

I left the room at a slow, dignified pace, but as soon as I was out of the room, I put my hand over my chest to stop my heart from beating out of it. Putting my back against the stone wall, I slid down to sit on the floor. 'Did I really just tell the Baron of the House not to molest my maids?! He isn't a boy whose parents would have his head if he was caught with one of my maids. Now, it was my head that was on the line.

Well, he probably wouldn't go that far but lashing me or throwing me out of the manor. My mother always said that my tongue would get me in trouble. I was just so mad when my little Emily told me the letch wanted her to bathe him. I didn't even think about who I was talking to. Not until I was almost done cleaning up. How did I even manage to get out the door before I collapsed? I am too old for this.'

After calming down my racing heart, I thought back to the conversation. 'He was embarrassed! I hadn't seen him that red in the face since I found him drunk in the dining hall last year. I embarrassed him, and he did nothing. No, not nothing, he apologized. He said he felt bad about his reputation.'

"What are you doing on the floor, Marsh," said the stern voice of the Captain of the guards.

I looked up at him, and his stern face melted into one of concern. "You're as white as a sheet, Marsh. Are you ill?"

"I," Gulping, I said in a whisper, "I just told the Baron to stop attempting to molest my maids."

"You what?!" He shouted.

"Quiet down, Charles," I hissed while standing up. "I didn't say it exactly like that, but I might as well have. Emily came to me in a panic after she answered the bell contraption he came up with. She said that he had asked her to bathe him."

"What!" He whispered back.

"I went storming in there and told him that he shouldn't request things of my maids that compromise their femininity. Well, something like that. I wasn't thinking straight, and you know how I sometimes say things before I think."

The big brute just nodded at that. Seriously, don't men know when they are supposed to disagree with a woman?

"Do you know what he did? He apologized, Charles. To me! He got embarrassed and apologized."

The big idiot just stood there stone-faced. He was supposed to help carry the conversation. Then, a stray thought struck me.

"Charles, I… I don't think that is Amos. He doesn't act or talk like the young master. It must be some trick."

To my surprise, he nodded. "I thought as much myself."

"What do we do?"

"Would it be such a bad thing? He seems like a much better person."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Charles, he could be possessed. If it is some evil being, he could be laying a trap."

There was a long pause before he spoke again, "We will call the priest to verify. If he is a demon, I will kill him and say he died of the sickness. We will report it to the King, and he will seek a new Baron."

It was as good a plan as any, I supposed. I took a deep breath. "I need to make sure the bath is being brought in." Charles nodded and entered the Baron's room. As I walked away, I heard the voice of the young baron greet the Captain cheerfully.