“Edward, please have a seat. We have a lot to go over.” I said, gesturing to the seat in front of me.
We had a few good conversations as we traveled back to Bicman, and I thought he had started to relax around me, but now he seemed really nervous.
“Relax, Ed. We're just going to go over the finances and operations of the different villages. After we get everyone settled, we will tour the villages. If you're going to work with me, you are going to have to chill. I mean, this is a job even I managed to do for a while, so I have no doubt you can do it. Before we begin, do you have any questions for me?”
“Um, My Lord, I have to admit that my nervousness comes from your popularity. It makes me worried I might fail you,” Edward said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
“My popularity?” I exclaimed in confusion.
“Yes, well, when we arrived in Kerisi, and I saw all the people out to greet you, I thought it was all staged,” he said, sounding embarrassed.
I had to admit to myself those thoughts had been seeping into my mind over the last day as well.
“I expected that as soon as you left, people would start grumbling about how they had been taken away from their work just to come and pretend to respect you. But the opposite was true. Everybody was talking about how excited they were to have you back. People that you had waved to or acknowledged as you passed were talking about how you had noticed them. The people whom you greeted at the feast were bragging to everyone else. The lines of your speech were on everyone's lips as if they had been spoken by the Endless One himself. I am ashamed to admit that on the journey here, I thought your attitude towards everyone may have been an act just to keep everyone moving and cut down on desertion. I realize now that you really are the man you portrayed yourself to be. I ask for your forgiveness.”
I sat there stunned for a moment, trying to process what he was saying. I really hadn’t done much for these people yet. I knew what I wanted to do, but we were a ways off from it: a coined-based economy, increased education, diversified job market, and elevated standard of living. Suddenly, I noticed Edward shifting in his seat nervously. It almost made me laugh. He had to be at least twenty. I was just a kid compared to him.
“Sorry, Edward. I just got lost in my thoughts. There is no need for an apology. If I were in your position, I would have felt the same way. I don’t get offended easily, so let’s just move on."
Edward's expression changed to one of determination. He stood from his chair and then dropped to one knee. “My Lord, although you have not requested it, I, Edward, scholar of Kimton, do hereby swear fealty to the house of Bicman. I promise to serve you and your posterity to the end of my days.”
This guy was really good at throwing me for a loop. Although I wanted to just gape, I pulled myself together and responded as best I could. "I, Lord Amos Bicman, do seal your oath with a covenant. My posterity and I will treat you and all those in your household with fairness. Serve me well, and the success of the house of Bicman will be your success. This I swear. Rise, Edward, Steward of Bicman.”
“Now, are there any more surprises for me before we get started?” I asked lightly.
“No, My Lord. Thank you for your confidence in me.”
“OK, let us begin with the map of the territory.”
I pulled out a map and started showing him the different villages. Next, we went over the resources and production numbers in each village. I went over the production numbers from last year as well as the current estimated projection for this year. When I went over the projection, he started to argue with me because he didn't believe I could produce the quantity of crops I predicted.
At least he was becoming more comfortable with speaking to me.
At that point, I began to reveal my plans. I started to pull out drawings of our creations and future projects. Edward immediately wanted to jump up and go see the plow and the fields that we had used them on, but I made him wait.
I went on to explain why I had brought in the engineers and that I wanted two additional water wheels for my land: one for Melnon and one for Alfer. I showed him the designs for the water powered bellow, rock crusher, and trip hammer. The design for the sawmill blew him away.
“And- And this thing will work?” he exclaimed.
“Well, assuming that we can get a rotary blade that is perfectly symmetrical and balanced, yeah. It’s going to be tough.”
I wonder if a linear motion with a straight blade would work?
“My Lord,” Edward said, interrupting my thoughts, “These things are incredible. The work of ten men is being done by one or two. What will the rest do?”
“Trust me, there is always more to do than time to do it.” We will find work for everybody—at least, I hoped so.
While I was going over things, I was testing him on various concepts. He was a bookkeeper at heart, so he was not familiar with all the laws and statutes of the land, he had no management background, and his multiplication and division weren’t all that great. He filled a role, though, and he would get better. I need him to consolidate information from all areas and give me reports. He would be a liaison between me and my people. I would still try to meet and talk with them, but I wanted to have him handle most things.
We left the study together, and I was about to go hang out with Aaron when one of the guards stationed at my door said, “My Lord, I was told there was a dispute while you were in conference. Apparently, one of the new citizens struck a member of your militia after the housing lottery. The man has been locked up.”
“Do you know the details?”
“No, My Lord, but the man is in the cell.”
I held back a sigh. This was probably my least favorite thing about being a regent. Dispute resolution was just not my forte. I put on a neutral face to hide my discomfort and turned to Edward. “Well, let’s go figure out what this is all about.”
“You want me to come?” He said in surprise.
“Why not? A second opinion may help, and as steward, you should become familiar with these things.”
“Will this be part of my duty?”
“Partly. You won’t be judging crimes. But you may need to gather information and let me know the details. That is what we are doing now.”
We discussed a few of the finer points of Edward's duties as we walked to the cell. When we arrived, I found Curtis outside the cell, lost in his own world. It couldn’t have been a very fun job.
He stood to attention as soon as he saw me and bowed. “My Lord, are you here for the prisoner?”
“I would like to speak with him.”
“Very well,” he said as he opened the jail.
As I walked in, I noticed a man in his early twenties sitting on the mat in the corner with his head down. He looked pretty dejected as he looked up at me. Upon realizing who I was, he immediately stood up and bowed.
“My Lord,” was all he said.
“What is your name?”
“Taylor, My Lord.”
“Taylor, I find it interesting that you would strike a fellow citizen after the laws had been read a few times to everyone on the way to the barony. So I have come to hear your side of the story.”
This seemed to come as a surprise to the young man, but he straightened and began to explain. “My Lord, I do apologize for my actions. The lottery had been drawn for the first houses, and my family didn’t receive one. I was upset because my wife is in the last stages of pregnancy, and we have two other children, one who is not yet one year old. It was a long journey, and I was hoping we could receive a home. I approached one of the young guards and tried to explain the situation to him and that my wife was having a difficult time. I wanted to know if an exception could be made. He responded that I should have kept my pecker in my pants after the first one. I sort of lost it and struck him.”
I wanted to admit to the man that if that were what had truly been said to him, then I wouldn’t blame him for hitting the man, but unfortunately, he broke the law.
“Taylor, I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. The first offense of fighting without causing serious injury is a night in prison, and I will not go against my own law. Still, I had overlooked the matter of pregnant women and possibly other conditions that could have been considered in the housing situation. I will see what I can do to make your wife's situation more comfortable. If necessary, I will have her and your children sleep in the great hall. I will also speak with the guard about what he said. That was uncalled for.”
Taylor fell to his knees. “Your Lordship is most generous.”
I nodded and left.
“What do you think Edward.”
“It is nice of you to offer them a spot in the great hall. Will there be a lot you have to house there?”
“I don’t know how many with special needs didn’t get a home. I will have to see if the people who won the lottery are willing to give up their spot to those in need.”
“I don’t think many would be willing. It has been a hard journey, and no one wants to sleep in tents.”
“True…” I started to run through different ideas in my head as we headed to the camp that was housing the new citizens. There were definitely fewer people because they had moved into their homes here or traveled to Barim to fix up the abandoned ones.
Chris approached me as I was just entering. Before I could say anything, he spoke first.
“My Lord, have you come to talk about the incident with the fight?”
“Yes.”
“I think we have it under control. After Lance finally admitted what he had said to the man, the older guys gave him a tongue lashing. They wanted me to ask you to release the guy.”
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“Well, I cannot go against my own law, but I promised Taylor I would find a place for his family to sleep.”
“Actually, when the story spread, one older guy and his wife offered up their home to the woman and her kids.”
“Excellent, and… why don’t you tell anyone that would be willing to give up their home to people in similar situations that I will give them two copper.”
“Not a bad deal. I’ll let the men know to spread the word.”
“The people that are receiving help must be in a situation similar to Taylor's family. A need, not a want. Tell the people to come speak with Edward for their compensation.”
“Alright, next, we need to… Hmm, hey Edward, what do I need to do next.”
“I don’t believe you shared your plans with me, My Lord.”
“That doesn’t matter. As a steward, it is one of your responsibilities to tell me what is next on my schedule.” I said in a demanding tone.
Edward looked utterly confused. “I-”
“Ignore him, Edward,” Chris interjected, “He will randomly start teasing people. He isn’t insane. He just likes saying things that throw people off. He must like you if he is already teasing you.”
“Lieutenant Chris, if you don’t keep your mouth shut, I will promote you to general. I could have gotten at least a few more shocked expressions out of him before he figured it out.”
“You know, most people just think you're insane when you speak nonsense. Then those of us who know you have to explain to them that you are just a bit eccentric.”
“You’re right.” I sighed, “It’s a shame though. It is a great way to relieve stress.”
“Let’s go practice your spearmanship. That should do the trick.”
“Ah, yes, I remember now. I was going to spend quality time with Aaron. Sorry, Chris, but I have a lot to do since I just got back.”
I walked quickly back to the road leading to the manor. Edward hurried to catch up.
“My Lord, you are not what I expected." Then he paused. "That might not have come out right. I meant it as a positive thing. You are friendly and caring towards your vassals. I understand now why your people respect you.”
That stunned me. I knew that the popular belief about barons was that they were aloof and uncaring toward their people, but I hadn’t really considered how that separated me from other nobles. I am sure I wasn’t the only noble who treated his people with dignity. Vaspar may not have been a caring individual, but I believe he was, for the most part, a just man and fair with his people. I wanted to be both. Would that help or hinder the barony? It certainly hadn’t helped with Marcus.
Patricia, as well. She was a criminal, and I had let my emotions thwart justice. I should have kept her locked up. Now Marcus was on the loose, and I was worried he might hurt someone. I could only hope that he got eaten by a bear.
Speaking of the old steward’s family, I heard a voice call from behind me.
“My Lord.”
I turned to see Carrie heading towards me. The one good thing that came of the whole situation was saving her life. As she approached, she knelt down in front of me. She was her usual nervous self around me.
“Carrie, you look unwell. How may I help you?”
“My Lord, Hyrum has locked himself away and is refusing to speak with people. He barely eats, and when he does sleep, he screams. Please help him, My Lord.” she pleaded.
Her voice was heart wrenching, but what could I do? I wasn’t a psychologist. I had been the one on the couch. I had been the one trying to commit suicide. I couldn’t just do nothing, though. Not because of Carrie and not even because I owed Hyrum my life. It was because, as Edward said, I cared about my people. I didn’t want him to go through what I had gone through.
“I will do what I can, Carrie. Lead the way.”
It didn’t take us long to find the house on the edge of the village. Carrie turned and faced me. “Will you be able to help him?”
“I’m just a man, but I will do my best.”
The look she gave me was one filled with hope and trust. I wished I deserved it.
“I will be speaking with him alone. Edward, has Marshandra shown you your room yet?”
“Yes, My Lord, Are you sure It is OK for me to sleep in the family wing?”
“Better you than those stuck up guys I put in the stewards room. It is only temporary until they are no longer around. Carrie, I will come find you when I am done.”
I turned to the door, knocked, and entered. The large one-room hut had a bed in one corner and a small table and chair on the opposite side of the room. Hyrum sat on the edge of the bed, his elbows rested on his knees, and his fists gripped his greasy hair. He was rocking slightly. It brought back memories that I would rather forget. Had I been this bad?
I pulled out the chair and sat facing him. What was I supposed to say? I spent five minutes looking at the broken man. Did he even know I was here?
“Hey Hyrum, sorry it took me so long to come see you. The Count demanded that I come down and speak with him. Have you ever been to Vaspar?”
Hyrum lifted his head and looked at me through bleary eyes. “Yeah.”
“How long ago?”
“I don’t really know. I was a kid when my dad was guarding some supplies. The baron gave him permission to let me tag along. I saw ships. I-I thought maybe someday I would become a sailor.”
“I have always wanted to be a sailor.” I agreed.
Hyrum didn’t respond.
I waited for a minute and then continued. “You want to talk about what’s going on with you.”
We sat silently for, I don’t know how long. At least fifteen minutes. How did that councilor get me talking?
“So, have you talked to Carrie lately? She seems pretty worried about you.”
“Why are you here, My Lord,” Hyrum said in a dead voice.
“Because you’re my friend, because I owe you my life, because Carrie loves you, because I’m your liege because you're a good man. Take your pick."
“I should be dead. I shouldn’t have survived. I-I’m broken. I can’t stop seeing their faces. All I remember is the pain. I should be dead.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d been there, though. Not exactly, I hadn’t been tortured. Not unless you count me trying to cut myself up.
“Hyrum, I owe you my life. Do you mind if I share something with you? Something I haven’t told anyone else.”
There was no response to that.
I braced myself and took a deep breath. “I’m not the Lord Amos who was originally in this body.”
I couldn’t see his expression with his face down, but I could hear his snort, “Of course you’re not. Nobody thinks you are that kid.”
That took me off guard, “What do you mean, nobody?”
“Do you think we are all idiots? Even those who have never met you have heard the rumors. You may have his face, but you don’t talk like him, you don’t act like him, and even your walk is different. That boy didn’t care about people. You care about everyone, even those you shouldn’t. The people of Melnon think you walk on water and crap out gold after you brought that boy back to life. To everyone in this barony, you are Chosen of the Endless One. Well, that or the Endless One himself come to help us.”
Dang, that’s not good.
We were off topic. “Actually, that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m not the Endless One. You know that just from just hanging around me. Draves, Em, and I think Marshandra know I lived before, but I want to tell you how I died.”
This got Hyrums attention. He sat up straight and looked at me.
"When I was a teenager, I wasn’t a good person. Nothing serious, but my grandma called me a little hellion. I had an identical twin brother, and we were almost exactly the same in every way. We looked alike, we liked the same food, and we loved the same movies. Our only difference is that I was always getting into trouble, and he was always covering for me and cleaning up the mess. He was my best friend.
When I was fifteen, my dad left us. Just up and left without saying a word. I blamed myself. I was the bad one. I was the screwup. I started drinking and doing drugs to cover up the pain of rejection I felt. When I was seventeen, my brother found me drunk at a friend's house. He dragged me out of there and tried to get me in his car… let’s call it a carriage. Anyways, it is hard to explain, but the carriages where I came from moved on their own. Horses didn’t pull them. You could steer then and increase the speed many times faster than a horse can gallop.
I was so angry with my brother that I punched him in the face, took the keys he had dropped, and scrambled into the driver's seat. I tried to take off without him, but he jumped into the passenger seat. I immediately started speeding down the road as fast as I could. I blew through an intersection right in front of another fast moving carriage. The carriage collided right into ours on my brother's side.”
I had to pause and collect myself. I took some deep breaths. I spent a long time learning to forgive myself, but that didn’t stop the memory from being painful.
“It killed him instantly and damaged me to the point where I shouldn’t have lived. The carriage that collided with ours had a family of four in it. A father, a mother, and two small children. All of them were injured, and the little girl was never able to walk again.
"In my old world, we had advanced to the point where some parts of the body could be replaced if a similar one were found. My heart had been damaged beyond repair, but my brother’s was intact. When I woke up after the accident, I found that they had given me my brother's heart. I had killed him, and he had saved my life. I had stolen a little girl's future and her family's happiness, and yet they forgave me.
“Hyrum, I don’t know what it is like to be tortured, but I do know what it is like to have a best friend die. I know what it is like to scream during the night because the fear and hate won’t leave you alone. I know what it is to hate yourself because you survived when others didn’t.”
I realized that my nails were digging into my palms. I had spoken of this probably a dozen times in group therapy sessions, but it never got easier. Tears dropped from my chin. They always did when I talked about Nate. The room remained silent for a very long time as I stared at the floor.
“How… How can you be happy?”
“It took a long time. It is always easier to fall off a cliff than to get back up it. I can promise you this, though: You can get back up. You can find peace.”
“How?”
“When I lay on the bed recovering, a priest came in to visit. I don’t know what religion he was. We had a lot of different religions where where I was from. He talked about finding peace through religion. I brushed him off, and it wasn’t until a year later, after I had gone through a a lot of therapy sessions, that I started thinking about what he said. Some of the people in the group were finding peace through religion. The strange thing is that they weren’t all the same religion.
“I started studying a bunch of beliefs and looked for what they all had in common. I also read a ton of biographies and books on different philosophies. Sorry, I am kind of rambling, and some of this probably doesn’t make sense. Basically, I found some key things that helped me find principles of peace, even if they aren’t exactly the same for everyone. OK, I guess I didn’t need to go over all that, but I want to know if you are willing to work with me. I know you can get through this.”
He looked at me with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “Can you really help?”
“You're going to be the one to do all the work. I can just give you some ideas that helped me. First, you can’t do it alone. You need Carrie and maybe Draves.”
“Why?”
“You need support. You need people that love you. You need to discuss your feelings with them. Next is service. You need to get outside yourself and help others. When you are helping others, it helps you let go of your own problems. That is all I want you to do for now. I have some other things, but that is what I want you to do now.”
“Will this take away the nightmares?” He said nervously.
“Post-traumatic stress is difficult. I have some things that may help, but everybody is different. Let's start with a Neuro-Linguistic Programming technique I used for my own bad memory. I want you to close your eyes and think of a bad memory, not the worst one. We will save those for later. I am going to try to help you disassociate yourself from that memory. Do you have a memory in mind?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Good. Notice how vivid the colors are. Memories attached to strong emotions stand out in our minds more. I want you to pull yourself out of the scene as if you were watching it as an audience in a play. Then, I want you to freeze that memory in place and focus on draining out all the color from it. Make it dull. This takes practice, so don’t worry if you don’t get it the first time. There are a few other steps, but I want you to practice this for right now. You are training your mind to be able to distance yourself from bad memories. It doesn’t erase the memories, but it makes them less significant.
“OK, I really want to stay, but this is something only you can do. So I want you to go talk to Carrie and tell her everything you are feeling. Hold nothing back. You have to release it, not hide it. I want you to go help people. It doesn’t matter if it is helping someone hang up laundry or dig a ditch. Just serve others. Finally, I want you to practice what I taught you with memories.
“I will follow up with you in a few days, and we can go over a few more things that may help. But if you need to talk, come and find me.”
There was a long pause before Hyrum said, “Thank you, My Lord, for sharing your past with me. It helps.”
“You’re a good man, Hyrum. You deserve to have peace,” I said as I stood up.
As I reached the doorway, Hyrum called out, “My Lord, you said you were going to tell me how you died.”
“Oh, yeah, I did, didn’t I? Well, that will give you something to look forward to on my next visit.” I said with a grin.