~~Dear Pen Pal,

  It's been a while since I last wrote you. My apologies. I have been occupied in handling recitals and performances on behalf of my school as well Warsaw's Musical Symphony. Even with my pitiful health, I have been converted into something akin to a worker bee. It has been exhausting. However, I should not bore you with my less than appealing anecdotes. You are not my diary, you do not need to listen to my despair.

  You asked me in your prior letter. You expressed curiosity regarding this 'lazy cat' that I have taken in from, a 'bad rain storm'. There is no much to tell you. My life was quiet, peaceful, a world where only Jolly my beloved piano keeps my company... but when she's hear... that 'lazy cat'... All chaos breaks loose, harder than Beethoven's musical piece 'Rondo alla ingharese quasi un capriccio'... You know, 'The Rage over a Lost Penny', that one...

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"....... Penny. What are you doing?"

"Wh-what do you mean, Chop-Chop---I mean, H-honey! I-I'm Jolly! Your beloved Piano Wife!"

"....................................................."

First off, Frederic Chopin's beloved piano (Jolly) was missing.

He finally had the guts (literally had a stomach flu the last few days) to go to school, but he came back early as the sun radiation was messing with his blood pressure again.

The boy only wanted to throw down his school bag, sit on the piano bench, and just touch his beloved piano to make it sing a wonderful new composition... But after he tossed aside his school bag, sat down on his piano bench, and reached out to touch his beloved piano..........

His hands accidentally bounced off the soft stomach of a certain Witch, who oddly wore a piano-black apron. Whether or not she wore anything else underneath, was up to the reader to decide (#NoJudgment_BathingSuitOkay).

Normally, any man would be happy to see such a wonderful sight.

Frederic Chopin was above the norm - so he was not amused.

"...I'm tired. I just walked half a mile back home while wheezing like a sea dog. I don't have the energy to endure your pranks. So please tell me: Where did you hide my piano?"

"H-how silly of you, h-honey! T-to not re-recognize y-your own l-legal wife! I-I'm your piano! N-now play me like you always do with lots of love!"

"Penny."

"Aaah! Y-you h-haven't to-touched me in so long! I-I missed how your fingers p-press my ivory keys."

"Penny."

"Aaaaah! M-make me s-scream out your name a-as you play your music on my body!............C...come on!"

"You're red all over. Are you really that desperate?"

"D*mn it! I-it's your fault for never looking at this flesh and blood concubine the entire time! Y-you pay too much attention to your god-d*mn wife! If you continue this negative spiral, you'll become a what the Japanese call a NEET!"

".......I'm not a Newt."

"Whatever! It hurts me how you don't have a social life, Chop--I mean honey! As your piano wife, ahem, I want you to be brave and leave me alone at home, so you can see the world outside! D-don't just throw away your future by locking yourself in this stuffy house and pl-play me all day and all night like some make believe game... You need another hobby!"

"............... Penny, I---"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, CHOP-CHOP! JOLLY IS JUST A BIG@SS BOX OF CORD AND STRING! IS SHE REALLY THAT IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO ABANDON YOUR REAL LIFE!?"

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The Witch said those words before she broke down crying. Frederic Chopin would just stared at this grown woman who filled his entire lap, curling up like some kind of hamster crying from a hunger strike gone wrong. No matter how he looked at it, he felt like she was only getting his attention again.

Like a child intentionally breaking a vase, so the parent would stop counting finances and look at them. What? Tapping them on the shoulder did nothing but get 'shoo horsefly, shoo!'.

"What's worse. When you do finally spend more time in the real world, you devote every waking and healthy hour to that boy down the block! You talk about him more than you even look at me! What was his name? Lickitung!?"

"Liszt."

"I don't care! You're a boy, so why are you fauning over another man as if he was your lover!?"

"Franz Liszt is my friend. We share the same passion for music. In fact, he has greater talent than I could ever hope to achive. I look up to him like a big brother."

"Says the man with three little sisters and one older sister!"

"... Penny. I don't know how to calculate this psychological math problem you've given me." 

"Just what is so special about that scrawny brat!? He wears clothing three times too thick for his frame and he looks paler than the jesters with full makeup during a town festival! Surely you haven't fallen for him!? N-not when you have this beautiful Witch girl you're raising as your girlfriend!"

"...First, Liszt is a boy. Second, you're a fugitive from a Witch Hunt. Three, you have yet to pay rent for your tenancy."

".................... Please be gentle with my body. Sniff."

"I don't accept that kind of I.O.U. So please, spare me. Cough, cough. I don't have the stamina to keep up with your wild energy."

"I-it's okay if you go wild on me! M-my @ss can take--"

"Stop. Please. My head hurts."

Frederic Chopin groaned as he rubbed his entire face with a single hand. He had yet to take his medication today. He was so excited to let his stress out by playing music on his beloved piano. It was to the point where he made the mistake by stuffing his fingers into the Witch's apron-covered belly button when he absent-mindedly reached to touch the keys.

Of course, the touch made the Witch happy. But given how quick he woke up and withdrew his hands like a true gentlemen, she pouted like a deadpan snake wanting more food. Some boys would think this reaction was cute. To most girls, they would just want to smack her silly until she had her eyes rolled back, her tongue all swollen, and holding her pitiful fingers in a V sign... wait...wrong genre.

"... I haven't been seeing Liszt lately."

 "F-fuweeeh? Wh-why are you suddenly p-petting my h-head? I-I'm not a cat!"

"I've honestly been too preoccupied in preparing for one year end recital after another festival performance. Even when Franz Liszt invited me to join him to see the travelling circus of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Circus all the way from the United Colony in the North, I... I had to turn him down. I wanted to practice and make sure my songs were ready."

"...C...Chop-Chop?"

"...... I feel bad for neglecting you. I truly do. I'm sorry if I made you feel lonely... I was hoping to make it up to you, by inviting you to my next performance at a charity ball for the local church...as... my friend...but I guess that's not a good time to---"

*FOOMP!*

A strange noise echoed in the Chopin Family Parlour. It was like a cute little kitten tackled its owner right in the stomach.

A kitten the size and mass of a soccer ball, fired from a cannon point blank.

Obviously, the delicate Composer fell over onto his own floor with a PLOMP!

".......Chop-Chop... I...I..."

"...P-Penny. Y-you're breathing is irregular. Your face is flushed pink in a bad way. An-and I don't like this hazy look in your eyes. C-could you please n-not pin me down like a hungry wolf?"

"To think, you've been thinking about me the entire time. All day and all night. I... I really...want to..Aah.."

"N-no. No. O-only all day! I-I thought about you in a chaste manner! L-like worrying about whether or not the kitten at home was well fed!"

"... Oh my god... you think I'm your sweet little kitten girl? Does this make you my master♥?"

"Cr*p. She's drooling!" 

The Composer shuddered--no, no. That word did no justice as to how scared he was right then. To have this 110 pound beast in heat called the Lazy Witch holding this violently pleasant look in her gaze. There was a type of glow that no man alive should ever see without being traumatize to the potential destruction to his entire body and skeleton.

Especially a man frail from the day he was born.

"...Chop-Chop...I really, really love you! Please accept my raw and unrestrainted feelings!"

"W-Wait! P-Penny---"

"Ssssh. Don't talk, my honey... I... I really want to savour this moment... where we'll build our own family. So tonight... let's work hard to have 30 children~♥."

"My sister's home."

".................................Nice try. You can't fool...hmm? Who touched my shoulder? Hey bucko, didn't you see the sign on the front door? Do not Distur---Oooooooooh... H-hello!.....H-ha-ha...A...Are you th-the doctor E-Emilia, o-or the shin-kicker I-Izabella?"

"Ludwika... my big sister. She favors the riding stick."

"Uuuh...Ha-ha...Wh-What ho--HEEEEEELP! HEEEEELP! SHE'S USING MY HAIR LIKE A HORSE REIIIIGN!"

"...Sneak Sneak Sneak."

"GET BACK HERE AND DEFEND YOUR WOMAN LIKE A MA--GYAAAAAAH! I'M SORRY, THIS BIG SISTER WITCH WILL SUBMIT! P-PLEASE DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT RIDING--*SNAP*--GUYGGYYAAGGNNNNNNNGG♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥"

There was... a lot of happy whipping afterwards...Sigh.

Welcome to Volume Two, ladies and gentlemen. Feel free to laugh.

Please don't cry.