The situation was dire. Just looking at the bearing of the woman seated in front of me, the spitting image of an evil corporate overlady, I knew I was in trouble. I breathed in, closed my eyes, and tried to gouge how I should do my diplomacy here.

This setting… what kind of person would do this? Her eyes had some sort of hypnotic effect, which I gather should count as gaslighting. She had teleported us here to her office, and the door behind us was barred. Gatekeeping.

I nodded to myself and opened my eyes. Definitely a girlboss.

“Fluffles,” she drawled in a smoky voice, trailing a sharp nail along her mahogany desk. “When a pet is called, how do they answer?”

The fat cat in my lap finally unfroze, and bolted from my lap with none of his usual feline grace. He slammed down to the floor, then slowly oozed forward, until the miss took her up into her lap, where she began stroking him.

Her eyes turned to me and the smirk on her face deepened. “I see you’ve even picked up a new servant.”

“Partner,” I corrected. “We agreed to split half profits.”

She quirked an eyebrow and turned to fluffles. “Is this true?”

The cat rolled over and gave the woman a pleading look. “She’s my dungeon master now—she’s really strong you see! An outworlder.”

The miss instantly stopped petting the cat and her smirk turned cold. Her eyes froze me to the back of the wall. “Another one? Troublesome.”

“T-there are more like me?” I asked.

The woman sighed and set Fluffles down to her lap, then leaned back in her gaze, measuring me. She slowly nodded. “It is a troublesome thing. The system thinks it amusing, so more and more foreign souls have been added to the drop tables. Heroic spirits from other realms, the greatest of heroes…”

She leaned forward and her eyes pierced me. “Just who exactly are you? What heroic deeds did you do to get here?”

I awkwardly chuckled. “I’m just your ordinary café manger, Kati. Nothing heroic about me! Maybe there was a mistake somewhere along the line?”

The miss clicked her tongue and frowned. “I don’t believe you,” her tone took a more threatening tone, and her skin began to take on a red tint. Horns sprouted from her head as she stood up from her seat. “You wish to conceal your origins from me?”

I shook on my feet. She’s a real demon woman too? This is too much! Are they trying to hit all of my favourite tropes?

I licked my lips, eyes focused on the cat in her lap, some primal part wishing that was me. No! Restrain yourself! Don’t fall for the temptress!

“I—I’m just an ordinary café worker, I swear!”

Her gaze pierced me, and then the pressure suddenly stopped as suddenly as it had began. Her skin turned back to normal and the horns receded. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Your measure will be taken, and you will be of use to me. You will address me as Miss”

I tensed and glared back. “I’m no servant.”

“Oh, really?” She said, voice lowering. She was smiling again, dangerously. Like a predator eyeing their next meal. My tail was lashing with agitation.

She lowered Fluffles to the ground, then patted the cat on the head and scratched him under the chin, keeping her eyes locked on me. It felt like they were spinning—something drawing me in. She smirked, then pushed fluffles off to the side, then gestured at me.

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“Your turn. Here kitty kitty.”

It was like a magnetic force pulling me to her grip, but I refused to surrender my pride. “No! I may be a catgirl now, but I’m still more girl than cat!”

She tsked. “Cat’s do have their pride too…” she poked around in her breast pocket for a moment, then came out with a sealed packet of something. Her eyes focused on me. “But everyone has their price.”

“Mine is one million dollars,” I declared.

“We’ll see about that,” she said, the opened the packet and dumped its contents into the ground. Fluffles instantly jumped at it, but the miss caught him into an iron grip and held him away. A heavenly scent made its way to my nose. My whiskers started twitching.

“Catnip,” she said.

I lunged forward, madness in my eyes.

“Good,” she said, a fond smile on her face as her hand came to pat me on the head. “Good girl.”

When her hand started scratching at my chin my senses finally came back to me—and I hesitated—then pretended to still be under the thralls of the catnip. This actually is pretty nice. A bit longer won’t hurt? Oh! She might suspect something… maybe I should—

“Noooo! The power of catnip is too great, I cannot resist it at all!” I shouted with the best of my acting skills, indulging in the moment.

“Ohoho,” the miss cackled, pleased at my deference, bringing her free hand to her mouth.

—

A bit later, I was back at the far wall, making my best display of outrage. “I will never submit to this treatment!”

The miss was once more stroking at Fluffles in her lap, eyes closed. “Yes yes, I’m sure you won’t… but—” her eyes opened. “It’s time we get to business.”

“What type of business?” I asked.

“I have to actually do business?” Fluffles asked, disbelieving.

The miss chose to answer Fluffles first. “Why yes, you silly thing. You’ve finally found a caretaker with some business acumen to her, so you might finally be of some use!”

She turned up to me. “A dungeon that is of no use will eventually be disposed of, I’ll have you know. You’ll be excepted to pay your dues to the family.”

“How?” I asked, instantly curious. Money talk was serious talk.

The miss nodded. “Any way you can think of, really. A dungeon is extremely efficient at converting life force to mana, and also in converting mana right back into matter. There are endless business opportunities in this.”

“Let me guess, laundering stolen goods, counterfeiting money and valuables, disposing of bodies and other such matters?” I asked.

The miss froze for a second, then nodded. “Well—basically, yes. There are ways to detect our fakes, and then we have to consider the natural decay of dungeon goods and the maintenance costs—”

“I don’t care,” I said, shaking my head. The miss stopped and I put on my sunglasses. “I have my own plans to earn money, lots more money than any of your other schemes might be able to.”

“How?” The miss asked.

“Cats,” I answered. It was a simple thing. “I will open a cat café, and the money will roll right in.”

“You are confident,” the miss said, sighing. “But you are still a fledling dungeon. Arrogance must be backed up with results. Do not disappoint me.”

“However,” she clapped her hands and the door behind me opened, revealing a long and gloomy staircase. “My part in this was only a formality. You were summoned for a different reason.”

She pushed fluffles off her lap, and the cat walked over to me, and I picked him into my own hands. “Why were we summoned, then?” I asked.

“Well, it is simply that your… sudden arrival and disposal of a certain goblin band has not gone unnoticed. Many are displeased at your actions. Explanations are needed.”

So, we had angered some people, had we? Well, I could handle problems. I had dealt with bothersome rivals before. I shared a glance with Fluffles, then started slowly walking down the winding staircase.

It led down, down and further down, as if we were descending to hell itself. Then there was a door. I smelled a thick scent of cigarettes and cigars on the other side, as well as a rhythmic clacking.

Well, time to meet the competition.

I slammed the door open, and a roomful of eyes went to me, but I only focused on the people that mattered. Four people, seated at a table, playing a game of mahjong.

A half-fox woman wearing an elegant kimono armed with a katana. A wide-mouthed fish-man with a curly moustache and droopy eyes. And a two-meter tall hulk of a goblin, skin tattood black in a dazzling variety of symbols, and a vicious smile on his face.

The goblin spotted me, and stood up at the table, reaching for a knife at his side. “You!”

The others at the table turned to me too, none of them pleased. It was all grimaces and glares. The cigarette scent in the air felt suffocating.

“You know what—I think I’ll let you handle this one,” Fluffles said in my lap, shaking with fear. He began fading out of existence.

“Wait, what are you—”

“This isn’t the real me! I’m just a projection! What help could I be? See you back at the dungeon,” he shouted, and then he was gone.

And I was alone.

The door behind me slammed closed. I sighed, then took my sunglasses off. Ah, much better.

I walked toward the mahjong table, a natural smile on my face. “How do you do, partners?”