Me and Thousand Cuts turned from a casual stroll, into a sprint. The swordswoman took the lead. I lagged behind her. The wind pressed down against my ears.

I tired myself out from chasing the laser pointer, so I had less energy.

“This should be the place,” she halted.

We were at the training hall, the same place where the spar happened. I sighed, nothing good happens at this place.

“White Shroud, don't look so sad, you did great. You ran well.”

“I had weeks to practice,” just not the practice I wanted.

“You mean with the pen that emits a beam? I heard how you reacted. I’m tempted tempted to buy one myself,” she teased.

“Does everyone know?” I whitened.

“No, I asked Lorry how you were doing. She told me how enthusiastic you were at chasing the red dot. That's not all she said — she called you cute.”

“Nya! I don't want to hear it,” I cover my face.

My hands blacked out my eyesight, yet I knew she was reveling in my embarrassment. How could she? I released my hands.

She leaned closer than last time.

“You’re so adorable when you get flustered,” she grinned.

“I see what you're trying to do,” I calmed my nerves. “You are attempting to fluster me, so that I meow! There’s nothing about training. You know what? I'm not giving you satisfaction now, to you or your plot!!” I exclaimed while my ears twitched.

“When I said I'm going to train you, I meant it. I keep my word. What I’m doing is more for — motivation. Seeing you stumble always makes you so cute.”

“Nice try! But I’m not falling for your attempts. You have to do better than that, and I’m not cute!” I stomped my feet.

“Oh? Is that a challenge that I hear? The catboy shows his claws once again, yet you were not careful enough! I will hold you to your provocation, for I, ‘Thousand Cuts’ do not back down so easily.

“But I didn’t challenge you!”

“Alright, Alright, we can begin the apprenticeship. As more than a practitioner of the shadows, your weapon needs to be laid bare,” she opened up her arms. “I, for instance, choose the path of the blade. A tool that is merely a means of an end. I summon the powers to lurk beneath. The blade of the phantom. Like me, you also have a tool that guides you along a dark path.

“You want me to show you my weapon?” I asked.

“In a way, yes.”

“What happens if I don’t have one on me?” I deflected.

“White ShroudI can tell that you are hiding a weapon by the way you move. Your way of concealment is amateurish. There is so much for you to learn.”

It comes to this, “I don’t want to show you… It’s embarrassing,” inadequate, weak. “Y-you are going to look at me differently,” my tail flattens.

“Mekiko, don’t say such awful words to yourself. You know that Donovan sings such high praises for you.”

“Really, Donovan? That sounds implausible.”

“Okay, you got me. He does mention you from time to time, although briefly. I had never seen him so animated before. He must think rather highly of you.”

I sighed, “If you say it like like, then fine,” Might as well get this over with.

She was finding out what the weapon was at some point. I handled my knife out from under my shirt. The knife twirled in my fingers before giving her the hilt. I was ready for the disappointment that came with such a weak weapon.

No, I wasn’t ready, not from a person like her.

My hand tossed the hilt of my knife to Thousand Cuts. I had to rip the band aid off early. She analyzed the small blade that I was sporting.

“Not bad, good craftsmanship on the metal as well,” she nodded.

She’s trying to cheer me up, as predicted. Maybe she’ll lose interest in me…

“No, rather impressive! The perfect weapon, as expected of you,” her smile widens.

What?

“While others pick up a gun in battle, they lack a certain savoir faire. The ability to do the right action,” she clarified.

French doesn't even exist in this world. Where is she getting her information from? I stared at her dumbfounded.

“For you, this knife fits like a glove. No power, no strength with the size of a knife. Speed, subtleness, precision, that's what's needed. Many have fallen because they couldn’t wield their weapon with grace. You have romanized my dear apprentice.”

Subtlety? Grace? I chased a red dot this morning, like an enthusiastic beast; and she wants to praise me?

“I heard enough,” I said. “You better stop before you get carried away.”

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Yet she never listened. She twirled before posing, covering her one eye.

“To go into deceit, to rely on outmaneuvering the opponent in order to overpower them. That is the way. The one who waits within the shadows and strikes anyone who gets in your way. You go far, White Shroud.”

“Fine you win Thousand Cuts, you managed to fluster me!” I covered my face. “Now can you stop it with your constant teasing?”

“I have yet to make you meow, so we call this one a tie,” she relaxed her posture.

We sat down. My turbulent emotions cooled off. She held me closer with her arms, an awkward feeling, but not terrible.

“You thought that I mocked you back there, be honest,” she said.

“With your teasing, I wouldn’t be surprised,” I told her.

“I meant what I said.”

“Truthfully, I have a hard time believing it.”

“You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. I saw the way you handled that knife. You have a knack for shorter blades. All you need is more style, and you could be a pro.”

“What I need is more than knife tricks,” I muttered

She flicked her finger towards my head.

“Nya!~” I blurted out.

“I will not allow you to slander yourself. For once, I’m pulling my authority over you. Stop criticizing yourself. Take the compliment. If I hear anything other than ‘thank you’, I’m not having it. Do you understand, Mekiko?” She rested her finger on my head.

“N-nya~,” I paused. “Yes, I understand. Thank you,” I deflated my ears.

“Hey, put those ears back up. You have to stop being negative about yourself. At least don’t voice your thoughts out loud. You’re slouching, straighten up,” she bumps my shoulder. “You earned your place in IMPERIAL, so don’t belittle yourself.

My ears were lowered. Thousand Cuts was right. I had a position to uphold. All of Imperial was brought down because of me. I was to blame, the sole reason.

“I’m sorry,” I lowered my head.

“Don’t you dare say sorry, Mekiko. “I’m not acknowledging any apology,” she shook her head.

The swordswoman got up. She extended her hand. I grabbed on, and she helped me up. I expected her to tease me about meowing earlier, yet nothing came up. The tension behind us was always there. Her words of encouragement felt different.

She actually cares about me, the thought ran through my head.

My heart fluttered, a warm sensation.

My tail straightens up, my face reddens as I could turn into a puddle. I realized what made me act this way.

General affection.

Even from a person like Thousand Cuts, I was so desperate for warmth. My emotions were uncontrollable.

I’m going to lose myself if she touches me.

I backed away from her.

“Mekiko, you're acting weird. Are you alright?” Thousand Cuts asked.

She leaned forward in concern, so I stepped back. My tail twitched in her presence. The woman reached out in an attempt to comfort me.

I closed both my eyes with my palms.I dodged out of the way in my haste. There was no way to see. I tripped and then stumbled. I released my hands to balance myself.

Thousand Cuts reacted. She tried to catch my fall. My heart beated faster. My body twisted away from her. I could have caught myself, but my mind went in multiple directions.

I would lose myself if I allowed physical contact.

The air released from my lungs as I fell onto the grass.

I stabilize myself to the best of my lung capacity. I refocused to see again. Thousand Cuts crouched down. She had her hand on my cheek.

“What has gotten into you? You have to tell me,” she looked down

I darted upwards, with my arms spread out. I hugged her closely.

“Thank you,” I whispered in her ear.

My eyes were shut, I was blind to the reaction she made. The swordswoman squeezed me in response.

I heard a soft buzzing noise while holding onto Thousand Cuts. I realized who was making the noise. It was me.

I was purring.

— — —

The sun hung onward.

I was at the spot from last night. The red dot crept in striking distance. My claws were ready, but my mind wasn’t. I still clawed at the laser pointer despite my turbulent emotions.

Donovan turned off the laser, and put it away.

“Good work, Mekiko,” he said. “However, I can tell that you’re acting off. You're not staying focused today.”

“Is that so?” I shrugged.

“Is that a lack of denial I see?”

My thoughts were concentrated on last night. Donovan teasing was a lesser form of discomfort. I glanced into his silver eyes

“No,” I said. “Don’t worry, I’m okay. In fact, I will give you my full attention.”

“I heard from the guards that you went outside last night.”

“You mean from Grubbs? Yeah, I wanted some fresh air, so I went to the courtyard. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You know the woman? She calls herself ‘Thousand Cuts’.

I paused, “Her name is Thousand Cuts. At least respect what she likes to call herself,” I deflected.

“Alright, ‘Thousand Cuts’, know what she did last night?” He restated his line of questioning.

“No! I don’t know what she was doing. Not like I hung with her last night!”

“Well, you dropped this,” he held out my knife.

“-Nya!~” I blurted out a meow.

That traitorous tail betrayed yet again! It swishes back and forth. Hiding my tail back would only prove Donovan right, damn tail.

I forgot I gave Thousand Cuts my knife and never asked for it back. That woman, she gave the blade back to Donovan, specifically to fluster me!

“You wouldn’t be so careless for your knife to slip up,” Donovan’s voice was calm. “Did you do anything with ‘Thousand Cuts’ last night?” Donovan asked again

“Yes — I was with her last night.” I admitted.

“Is that so?” he responded.

I comforted myself. Donovan never saw me hugging Thousand Cuts, but I felt he somehow knew; in his own way.

“A bit of affection can do you good, but never let that get into the way of your training,” My mentor said.

Affection, is that what it was? I blinked.

“Mekiko, you are as white as a ghost,” my mentor said.

“It’s not like that… Everything is so complicated… She… No! I,” am digging a grave. Donovan already knew. I sighed “She is important to me,” I admitted.

“You don’t have to speak if you don’t like, but try to understand. There’s a difference between desperation and need. You need to look within, set priorities in what truly matters. Classify what matters. Mekiko, define if she’s worthy of respect. Set some boundaries when not.”

I nodded, too embarrassed to speak. This was not what I expected my morning to go.

“You had enough rest. We begin with practicing knife combat.,” Donovan said.

“Really?” My ears perked up, “are done with the laser pointers?”

“No, I judged that you improved. We can focus on more combat. You need more focus on the ‘laser pointer’, but the training is less of a focus.”

I deflated, It seemed like everyone was getting under my skin.

“Mekiko, is there a problem?” he asked.

“No problem, a knife is — a fine weapon,” I said

My grip on my knife tightens. I must try.