(DAY5)

With our new gear and training, we flew through the first two levels of the dungeon like water through grass. Smooth, a few ripples and little noise or trouble. On the third level as Kaimi Wailani warned, each group started having a few archers. Our shields held before us, we charged forward, either to melee or to cover depending upon the terrain. In each room, we tried a variation on our tactics. We found that the standard us army leap frogging/bounding advance worked quite well if there was enough cover. We didn’t have a real challenge until the level 3 floor boss room.

I peeked around the door jam into the boss room, my breathing steady. In the middle of the room was what I can best call a small stone fort. Square footprint, walls about 10 feet high, made of chest sized stone blocks dry fitted together. I could see a dozen archers on the walls behind the square toothlike crenelations, In the center of the castle was a square tower, 15ft square and 25 feet tall. The tower too had crenelations, I couldn’t see anything up there, but I had a feeling the boss was either coming out the door, or going to stand up on the tower, and use some kind of ranged attacks to eat us up. Frankly a Ranged boss on the first ranged level made stylistic sense to me. A really defensive melee boss, would probably be more dangerous, to Jimmy and I.

I pulled back behind the entrance, moving a silently as I can, grabbed Jimmies arm and pulled him back into the prior room. Pulling a finger to Jimmies lips when his questioning face morphed into asking a question. I pulled the heavy door shut slowly, trying to make no noise. Once the door was shut, I turned to Jimmy. “Mate, I think this one is going to be a tough nut to crack. We’ve been running no magic so far, as things have been pretty easy. I think we should pull out all the stops on this floor boss. All the new toys.”

Jimmy looked down for a few seconds nodding slowly, then looked up at me smiling a malicious smile, His eyes twinkling. “Joe, I think this is going to be fun.”

Jimmy waived his hands and a knee high golem made of sandstone appeared at his side, it’s hands were just balls of stone, it’s features, just hints of lines. “This is Edgar, he’s, my pet. I can heal him by channeling mana, and once we level him to be big enough, he can be our tank. My ability, Restorative Web makes all buffs and heals from any source apply to all members of the party including pets. I say we send him in, and use him to distract archers while we pick them off. If he gets hurt, just heal him. We start in a sniping battle, if a melees charge, or the archers start shooting accurately back at us, we’ll send him in to distract them. Because of my power levels, and my abilities, he’s extra tough and extra fast, making him a nasty opponent.”

I look back and jimmy and say “Dude that’s awesome, great choice on your spell. I got more spells, and I’m going to use them as the need comes up. If as I suspect, a mage appears at the top of that tower, I’ve got him. I’ll teleport up there with it and gank it. Bamph is not cheap, so I have to use it sparingly, but it’s great for mages. If an extra tough melee boss comes out instead, I’ll beat it down with my zot spell that ignores defenses. You concentrate on the minions.

We slowly push open the door and then take careful aim with our bows. I wait for Jimmy to fire, then drop my archer kobold with a clean headshot. I quickly reload the crossbow and jimmy gets another shot of before I finish. He shoots more shots, mine do more damage. When we’re outside, he’ll have more range too, but in a dungeon, that’s the effective difference.

The nearest kobolds to the one we hit turn to look at their friends in surprise, and I have time to drop another one, before they even realize we are there. Jimmy drops 2 more, before they start taking cover I start using the paper dolls to cheese my shots, I pull out the sword and board(shield) and give jimmy cover from incoming shots. I used the paper dolls to reload the crossbow, and when the kobolds feel safe while jimmy is reloading, I swap weapon sets and shoot a bolt at an exposed Kobold. Okay I need several crossbows pre-loaded in my inventory. Jimmy is right, this is fun!

Jimmy Drops 3 more, playing archer tag, and winning the game. I get 1 with my trick shot before they catch on and just start having one archer keep watch on me part time, when my bow appears it shouts something surprisingly like “ON”, and when it disappears, “OFF” rings out from the fort, and the kobold slide back out from behind the crenelations of the tower wall... Next time we delve this dungeon, I need to bring along a pavice, a shield taller than me with feet on it so it stands up and I can hide behind it. Portable crenelations like the kobolds are using to hide. If effectively infinite inventory it has benefits, it’s going to be situation specific toys.

Jimmy hollers “Go” and Edgar takes off and starts zig zaging towards the castle. As expected, the 4 remaining Kobold archers start taking pot shots at him. I swap to sword and board full time, and get ready to heal Edgar as arrows blow big puffs of sand off him with each impact.

He’s further ahead than I’d planned so it was a perfect time to use one of my new toys. In my mind I pick a spot about 10 feet straight ahead and think Bamph at it. In a cloud of blue green smoke that smells of cinnamon and back raspberry I reappear. Edgar is still way ahead of me. I take a stumbling few steps in confusion. What the actual fuck? I visualize as strongly as I can, on the spot beside Edgar, who was in desperate need of a heal by this point one of his stumpy legs limping. BAMPH I think. Smoke, Cinnamon and Berries. I’m paying closer attention this time. The world around me had staggered, despite the smoke, I definitely moved, but I’ve been punched further distances between one blink and the next. What the Fuckety, fuck, fuck?

Jimmy shouts from behind me, “Why are you farting herbal tea each time you Blink?”

Blink? I’m not Blinking I’m Bamphing. I flex my will and Bamph again… Smoke, fuck, it does smell like Herbal tea. No 80s X-men dark homage brimstone smoke for me, I get to smell like your hippy Gramma. Worst of all I’d moved, but less than a foot. And my three attempts had emptied half my mana-bar. Clearly, I’d misunderstood something terribly.

I start channeling my Healing Draft into Edgar, the divots and lumps smooth out, he’s running at full speed. My Mana is at 10%

I start booking it towards the walls, Jimmy drops another archer leaving 3 left. Suddenly a double sized archer starts popping up at the top of the tower with a heavy crossbow. It’s first bolt gets stuck in my shield about 6 inches from my hand, the metal head of the bolt protruding past my fist on the shield. I Shift the shields angle, from barn door orientation flat in front of me, to a 45 degree angle hoping the bolts will skip off. Edgar reaches the safety of the walls shadow, where the archers have to lean out to see him, and starts pounding his stone fists against the gate, starting to break it down. He’s stronger than he looks, but the door ain’t weak either. It’s going to take time. I hear shouting from inside the fort. I don’t hear a lot of people running around, but I don’t know if that’s because they are in place, or because they aren’t there. The boss archer on the tower puts another bolt into my shield, I try to bat at it as it hits, to make it skip off, a trick I’d practiced with slow padded bots a hundred times. It actually works with my wooden shield. Hell yes! The high-powered bolt skips off the shield, pounding into the dirt behind me and to the side.

It was time for my “This didn’t come from Bill, I have no idea where it came from…” Gift. As You’d expect from Bill, and the situation, it was small, simple, and very cleverly thought out. In a twist nobody was expecting, it was stylish and gorgeous too. About my wrist was a bracelet of spherical stones the size of my fingertip. Between each of the spherical beads was a tiny silver one. When I first put it on, the spherical beads were solid black, made of polished opaque jet, as black as your crazy ex’s soul. When I wore it though and when my mana was 100% full, it would pull off a spoonful of mana from my pool, and store a drop of that spoonful into my bracelet. Then my mana recharge would fill me up again, restarting the sequence. Drip , Drip, Drip. As each stone charged up containing 10% of my current total mana, it changed from jet to a faintly glowing translucent white moonstone. Currently I could only fill 2 stones, but I have a feeling as I wear it and level, the number of stones I can charge up will increase. Yeah, you heard that right, an automatic, parasitic mana battery that sipped on my mana only when full, -and- was -scalable- on 2 dimensions. Each stone was a percentage of my mana, not a set number of points. That meant I’d -never- outgrow this item. Only maybe replace it with a better one, if I ever find one. Plus, the longer had it, the more of the 15 spherical beads I’d be able to charge. Damn, I really need to send Bill, and Aggie now that I think of it, a cheese basket or something.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

I sent a thought at my bracelet and the 2 glowing white spheres flashed to black, and my mana bar was quickly back up to 30%. For now, Bamph, was Blink, a really, really shitty blink. Note to self, no matter how bored you are, train extensively with your new toys before using them in the dungeon. I’m pretty sure I’ve made that mental note before. The goal today was to measure how much my training and gear had increased my combat power. The answer was clearly a lot. But even so. Train with -all- the new toys, don’t wait to play with them in the dungeon. I held my hand over the center fort gate where I suspected a bar was across the inside, keeping Edgar and myself out. I cast Immaterial bolt, concentrating on the wooden crossbar I suspected. Nothing happened, the gate didn’t thump or quake beneath my hand.

I saw a Kobold thump to the dirt a few feet to my left, looked at Jimmy, playing archer tag with the kobolds. He caught my eye and briefly held up 2 fingers. Dashing my sword into my inventory, I tried to signal back . A 2, then my fingers trying to make a plus sign with one hand, and then a 1, pause, 2 + 0, then drew a question mark in the air to see if his 2 included the boss. Luckily, he figured out my frantic hand signs. And sent back 2 then a pause and then a 1. Got it, 3 total including the boss.

The window ledge part of the wooden forts upper crenelations was just too high for me to reach. Even 2 feet of Bamph could have let me reach it. But there was no way I’d reach it as is. Even if I jumped, then Bamphed at peak, and then grabbed the window to pull myself in, I’d still be a good half foot short and scrabbling at the wall, adding to my splinter collection. I watched Edgar standing perfectly still in front of the gate, only his arms pistoning away like pile driver’s about waist high into the gate (Edgar’s waist). He was making a shitload of noise and dust, but not much real progress. We really needed to teach that guy how to punch with his feet and his waist involved, it generated way more power. The wall was a flat cliff from my feet up to the top, which meant I needed to keep an eye out for leaning archers. But it also meant I wasn’t undercut. I could reach those crenelations, I just needed a boost.

Thinking frantically about needing ladders in the magical toolbox called my inventory, I suddenly spotted the solution to my problem right in front of me, practically staring me in the face. My shield flashed away following my sword and I crouched getting ready I ran at the gate, jumped, planted one foot directly on the top of A Edgar’s bald, shining, sun warmed bald head, and leapt for the bottom of a lower crenelation. I bamphed again at my peak, and wound up with one arm over the wall and into the fort. I was hanging by my armpit my feet scrabbling at the wall. I got my other hand up and grabbed, then pulled myself up and over and slid into the keep. One Kobold archer was just staring at me in surprise, not 10 feet away, then he started to turn on his scaly feet and raise his bow to point it at me. I Channeled 100% of my remaining mana into an Immaterial Bolt and blasted it from my half raised hand and into his? her? It’s? , whatever, its, chest.

The Translucent magical comet shot from my hand, and unlike on the gate, this time there was totally an effect. The arrow was however already on it’s deadly path. The Kobold was blasted another 10 feet backwards landing on the walkway hard, then rolled off to the ground some 8 feet below. It laid still in a cloud of pale yellow dust, dead or stunned. The aforementioned arrow slammed into the center of my chest knocking the breath from me, but I felt no sharp pains. I looked down and pulled it out, no blood. Go, go Gadget Chainmail!

I quickly rolled to one foot, crouched with my sword hand still on the dusty wooden platform beneath my feet. In a thought my shield was back on my left arm and I was full super hero landing posed behind it. The walkway alas was Kobold sized and only about 12 to 15 inches wide. I rolled to the balls of my feet, legs close together still crouched behind my shield, it’s heavy wooden presence a comfort between me and the Kobold Crossbow Boss lizard. I rotated enough to look behind me, and saw no other Kobold bow archers. Jimmy must have finished the last and was now running towards the fort.

Open the Gate, or throw a rope over the wall. With a quick mental count, the number of allies outside was clearly 2. That meant the gate was my target. I hopped off the walkway, my sword hand grabbing the edge to slow my fall and landed gratefully on the ground next to the gate. Another crossbow bolt smashed through my shield, this one a few inches below my hand. Crap, this boss kobold was smart, he was shooting for my shield hand, not shooting at me randomly. Shield + chainmail would nearly certainly stop and shot he hit me with, but even crouched behind it, my shield hand was still only covered with a leather glove. I re angle the shield to a better deflection angle, and slide backward till the gate is hard and cool against my back. Glancing I slide my shoulder under Is weight and thrust with my legs, pulling the crossbar out of its brackets, and then tossing it to one side. I take a step away and rear straight kick it as hard as I can. It swings 6 inches open before being slammed shot by Edgar’s punches. Either Edgar or Jimmy was watching though, and the pounding stops. I Shout “Opening” And kick it again. The gate flys open, and Edgar dashes through, instantly orienting on the tower, and dashing over to do his door knocker routine anew.

Jimmy comes through, shield in an angled deflection stance clearly copied from mine, and lines up to my left. I say “Standing” to let jimmy know we are not immediately moving, and I lose my focus on the outside world for a moment hoping Jimmy can cover my gap. One of Kaima’s 2 precious blue potions was in my hand. I slide my thumb up to cooly pop the cork out, but no joy. Still as firm as a rock. I pull my shield hand out of the strap and use my knee to brace the shield, pull the cork and quickly down it, dropping the cork and regrabbing the shield. Oh Blue Raspberry, my favorite Blue flavor. I was definitely getting more of these. Jimmy Shouts “ON”, having clearly heard the kobolds too, and before I can do anything, a crossbow bolt smashes into my helmet, glancing off and slamming into the gate behind me quivering in its impotent rage.

I turn to Jimmy, and shout “Can Edgar use an Axe to chop that open? He shook his head and shouted back “No his hands are basically potatoes, no fingers.”

I Nod, and step back, angling my shield up covering the angle to the wop of the tower, summoning and supercharging an Immaterial Bolt for when the Crossbow boss popped out to shoot at us again. Thanking god for his slow siege bow style crank method and it’s resulting rate of fire. “I shout, pull your axe and start chopping too, I’ll cover us from here.

In a moment the crossbow Kobold leaned out to shoot at us, and I loosed my bolt at him, taking a good quarter of my mana with it. I focused on the kobolds chest even after the bolt was loosed, focusing with my will as the archer leapt back to cover. Luckily, as I hoped, I saw the bolt curve slightly to follow the kobold, plunge through the wood of the tower like it wasn’t even there I then heard a Thump up on the tower, and the crossbow went tumbling off to my right, a split second after it thudded into the sand of the inner courtyard, I hear a large thump on the ground at the far side of the tower.

“Jimmy, I think we got lucky, Hold the fort here while I go look.” Jimmy blinked to his long bow and I went running around the tower. As I thought the double sized Kobold Crossbowman was laying on the sand, crumpled in a way clearly showing it landed on what used to be it’s head. But instead, was a large splattered explosion of blood and bits on the sand with a broken body laying near to it. Think a Jackson Pollak painting in Red white and grey on a yellow canvas. Now add the smell.

I flip all the non splattered bits of the boss into my inventory, and then begin to move to the crossbow. I yell to Jimmy, “Boss Dead, but we do not know if the tower is clear. I scuttle out quickly to loot the crossbow expecting it to be our boss loot, then run back to Jimmy.

We break down the door and find the tower to be Empty, we then run around the tower vacuuming up every scrap of portable property. Kobold archers and their loot, check. Everything loose, check, Edgar was pulling the gates and doors out for Jimmy when I finally came to a stop. I was panting in my loot hunger and staring at the ground, thinking I 100% believed one day I’d want a pile of sandbags to hide behind.

This was out last free dungeon dive, after this they came out of pocket and we didn’t know what 2 tickets was going to cost. Between that, our loot hunger, the tireless if clumsy strength of Edgar, and our unlimited schedule, we started breaking town the fort and throwing it into our inventories in big sections. We went just a little far, think teenaged boys in a frenzy of destruction and aggression, tearing down abandoned things and breaking them. Only one of use was in our thirties.