Between one blink and the next, I left Agatha’s office and appeared in a rather shabby living room. The TV was on, the volume slightly higher than was comfortable. In the big chair across from the TV fully reclined was an old gray-haired man wearing pajamas a bathrobe and bunny slippers. His hair was a brush cut, and his beard shaggy and somewhat wild. He was snoring softly. He was in great shape for his age. He shoulders Still well-muscled under the robe.

I sat up on the edge of the couch, rather loudly I asked, “Ahem, excuse me, are you Garabal? I think you are my new God.”.

The old man awoke with a snort, leaping to his feet his fists up in a fighting stance. He was looking all over as if expecting ambushers and rapidly blinking his eyes. He was swaying and wobbling slightly in his place. ” What? Huh? who are you and what are you doing here?” Somewhat plaintively he said “Why’d you wake me up? That was only my second nap today.”

https://i.imgur.com/4yomjVf.png [https://i.imgur.com/4yomjVf.png]

I repeated myself as politely as I could. I figured it was time to name drop as well, just in case.

“Excuse me, are you Garabal? I think you are my new God. Agatha Orebite sent me, from the Onboarding Department. She said to say hello by the way.”

At the mention of Agatha, the old man perked up.

“Agatha eh, wonderful woman, quite the looker too. We spent a delightful summer in Acapulco together, back during the bronze age. Man can she drink! And the dancing, oh me, the dancing, ahh…” his swaying momentarily taking on a more rhythmic cadence.

Garabal, for that was who he had to be, was much more awake now. Looking off into the distance fondly. His shoulders were even bigger than they looked laying down. He was also about 7 inches taller than my 5’10”. That’s 6 foot 5 inches, for those of you bad at math in the cheap seats.

He focused his eyes on me, much sharper now, “Your new God you say? Follow me into the kitchen”. He padded off, plaid pajamas, terry cloth robe, bunny slippers and all.

We moved into a large but open kitchenette with a small wooden table with four chairs. It reminded me of one in my grandmother’s house. The cabinets were white, the counter and flooring a dark brown. Garabal gestured one large hand to the far chair. “Have a seat lad, not sure what time it is where you came from, you want Coffee or a Beer?”

“Honestly sir, it’s just before lunch if I had to guess, but after today, I’d love a beer.”

Garabal waved the formality off with one of his large hands. “Nah nah, lad, don’t sir me, we’re going to be working together, if things are as I suspect. Just call me Gar. Save the genuflecting and god worship stuff for when visitors are watching. I got over that shit in your late Paleolithic.”

Gar reached a strong arm out behind the kitchen counter and pulled out what looked like a huge suitcase. He plugged a cord into it dropped it on the table and folded the end down, showing a keyboard. Good lord, that’s an actual luggable computer from the 1970s, the ones where the keyboard was the lid and the screen was 2 color green and Black about 3 inches square. From the thump when he sat it on the table it must have weighed 30 pounds.

He booted it up from a 5.25” floppy disk of all things. Then he started puttering and clicking about.

He began nodding and chuckling quietly. “Yes, yes, that old darling. Going to have to invite her to something to say thank you. Did I tell you she was a wonderful dancer? Quite the woman that Aggie.”

He waved one hand negligently and two cold open bottles of beer appeared on the table one for each of us.

I leaned forward taking the delightfully cold bottle in my hand, bringing it to my lips reverently. Closing my eyes to enjoy it I took a swig. “Ahh,” I breathed, “That’s soo good. My doctor had me off beer because of kidney stones. I figure that’s irrelevant now.”

“Yes, Yes exactly so, medical conditions are cleared when you land on Devona.” He puttered away at the computer hunching over to look into the screen, reminding me slightly of Mr incr-edible at his insurance job.”

“Hah, that old darling, she even managed to give us a budget courtesy of the Recruiting & Training Department. A small budget mind you, but if we stretch every penny we might be able to make a great start. A master of the bureaucracy that woman is, never get on her bad side. She even roped old Bill in to help if needed. Wonderful, Wonderful.”

I sat up straighter and said “She was remarkably helpful to me, I was very glad to have had her assistance.”

“Quite so, quite so.” He finished on the computer for a moment, and looked at me thoughtfully.

He shook his head slightly, sadly clearing something painful from his mind… Making me look about the kitchen. Formica counters, linoleum floors. But well lit, neat and tidy all the same. The décor was way out of date, how old? I’ll just say the fridge was avocado.

Gar clapped his big hands together. I turned my eyes back to him quickly. “From your records, I’m going to assume you have no idea what’s going on. Is that correct?”

“Yes, that’s an apt description” I said, taking a drink of my beer.

“I see you are a gamer, so I suspect you played god games before, the more worshippers you have the more power. Heroes doing deeds in your name, word-fame, those kinds of thing”

I nodded at him and he continues, gesturing with one large hand.

“That’s pretty much how it works here, much more complex mind you, but it’s a good model to start with. You are going to be my new hero. You go out and do good things, ascribe deeds to me and get stories told of us both. More power into me, more benefits for everyone. I see on your record you’re not super religious, don’t worry about being a preacher. Just go be a bad ass and drop my name a lot. You see the upside of all this? If you hit a new world like Devona, you can popup in power pretty quickly. The down side is what you see here.” Gar gestures at himself and a deprecating manner.

“Once you lose your worshipers, you kind of exist on mentions in tales and legends. Out of the game entirely. Think of it as a retirement plan for gods. Like the Greeks and Romans, and the Norse before that Thor guy got his own comic book. They are having a nice revival off that let me tell you.”

I nodded slowly again “I get it, plenty of stories and games like that. I’m guessing once you are out of the game it’s remarkably hard to get back in?”

“Very much so” the older man rumbled. “Thus, the value of this gift from Agatha. A good woman there, need to do something nice for her.”

“Okay, I go out, be a hero, drop your name. How does everything work. The character sheet seems pretty minimal.”

I watched Gar take a slow sip out of his beer as well.” The whole thing is minimalist. Only heroes and up even get a character sheet. No XP, No classes, no global quest system etc. He pulled out a book about the size of a high school math book, but covered in rich dark brown leather and gold letters saying “Garabal’s Dao of Doing” and slid it across the table to me.

“This is your Magic Tome.” Not only is it one of my holy scriptures, and your tome, once read, will boost you to a Mage Hero of the First Rank. That’s fairly common, but way more powerful than a bog standard sentient, or a non-heroic mage. The best way to power up within that rank are to be skilled, creative and clever with your magic. To get to the next rank, you have to find these.”

He held up a Crystal Skull the size of a plum, between his thumb and forefinger. “This one is just a dummy, so don’t get excited. Find one of these, and crush it in your hand right before you go to sleep. Bill will show up in dreamland and help you pick your powers. Same thing happens when you read the tome, but it happens immediately. Read the tome -before- you leave that safe area you land in. Also do me a favor, hang on to that book. I kept it from the old days as a personal memento. We’re using it now to leverage every drop of our budget. Buying you that, is what the budget was originally designated to do. By using my copy we have some wiggle room.”

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Gar points at the book. “You’ll have several points to spend at each level. There will be 4 kinds of choices, Elemental Power, Elemental Control, Abilities and Spells. Elemental power is your raw output capacity. The spells are there for people who can’t figure out how to use the magic on their own. Think of them like crutches, or booster seats. Elemental Control is like spell dexterity, useful in the beginning but mastering skill makes it train on its own over time. Get a 1-2 levels of Control at your first rank, and maybe your second level, but that’s it. In my opinion 2 to 4 tops, no more. Also get just one or at most two spells to teach you the ropes of casting. Everything else goes into raw elemental power. There are no spells in the list you can’t figure out how to do all by yourself in time. Elemental Power however is much slower and to grow, think decades per level, and is best bought early. Be aware, this is a -long-term- power strategy; short term spells are handy as hell… but it’s like using crutches instead of learning to walk and then run.

I blinked slowly and said, “Understood Sir.”

“Abilities are like the boons you got from Agatha, but you spend the points. They are sometimes called perk, advantages, etc. We kind of screwed up the nomenclature to be honest, should have just called them all advantages and been done with it, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20.”

I blinked slowly again and said, “Understood Sir.”

Gar looked at me sharply staring into my eyes intently. “Hey, you awake inside there kid?” He snapped his large fingers in front of my eyes a few times. ”You seem a little, absent. Tell me what, tell me, why you decided to join this game and become a hero in the first place. What -Drives- you man?”

I met his eyes calmly, still feeling somewhat vague “Honestly, Gar, I didn’t. As near as I can tell, I was kidnapped mid cereal at my breakfast table by a lazy recruiter who was behind on their quota. I mean, this magic stuff seems kind cool and all. I dig that. I love playing games. But I’m here, because someone kidnapped me. I’ve sort of just been drifting along half in shock since then, trying not to think about the big picture so I don’t go all ‘when in danger, or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout’.”

Gar screwed up his face in sympathy, “Huh, that sucks kid. Trust me on this, if we can’t get a fire lit back inside you, you’re not going to last a month down there. First thing, you and me, we’ve got to find an ember deep inside you and see if we can blow on it, got it?”

“Yeah sure, Gar”, I lifted the bottle back to my mouth and took another sip. “I’m looking forward to beer, red meat and as much dairy as I can stand. The gameplay and crafting sounds cool. Does that count?”

The big grey man shook his head, making his beard sway slightly out of synch with the rest of him. “Not even a little bit kid. I assume you’ve picked up that you can’t go back, right? You just poofed out leaving behind cereal to get soggy.”

“I kind of got that part. Ms. Agatha shut down the possibility of going back. Bureaucracies are not known for tender kindness. More the grinding you to pulp beneath there stones vibe, if you dig.”

Gar quirked his mouth bitterly and coughed out a small chuckle. “More than you can possibly believe, kid, more than you can possibly believe. What made you get up and go to work at home?”

I stand up and start pacing the room, my jaw working, the vagueness falling off me like a sheet. finally, I throw my hands in the air, and blurt out what I’ve been avoiding in my head. “My kid sister Jodie, she’s sick. I work to take care of her, pay her bills, Keep her in health insurance. You all pulled me away. She probably thinks I fucking abandoned her. Who’s going to take care of her? Our mom? She’s broken in the head. She can’t even take care of herself. We ain’t got no dad! It’s just me and her, and you people fucking took me away from her man, that shit is cold. You sentenced her to die alone, feeling like I ran away from her. How can I forgive y’all after that? Huh?” I plop into my chair, my head hanging and my limbs weak. Shaking with the anger and pain coursing through me.

Garabal held up his hands in a stopping gesture, “Whoa, first off that’s the fucker in Recruiting, and Agatha is burning the living shit out of them with this whole emergency fix. Secondly, what can we do to make that right? I’m just barely a god in some ways right now, but once I was a real player. I can call in a favor or two. Speak. I can certainly get a message to her. In time we can build up enough power, that I can trade favors over there and get her cured. In the meantime, we can set some mile stones and use our power to help her out.”

I sit up straighter and look him in the eyes hard. Hard. “Okay give me some details. I might be able to work with that.”

“Let’s start like this. 1. I get her a message from you; you explain to her what’s going to go down, tell her it’s a top-secret thing if you prefer. Main point is she knows you are not really dead. 2. We put a body in place so everyone else thinks you -are- dead. She gets your insurance, retirement, the house, all that. That gives us a year or more to maneuver, pays her bills and her insurance. Shit, I bet Agatha can get her on Medicare too. 3. We trade favors to get her a cure. You get me up to having a Temple in my name again. That’s Shrine, Church, Temple. Then throw in and say 25 to 50 worshippers, or some broadly circulating stories… It’s going to take a lot of work on both our parts. But with that much mana coming in I should be able to make a cure for her happen. After that we build a new deal about taking care of her, and your mom. You want her to have a good life. We can make that happen. You sit here and think about your message. I’ve got a couple calls to make.”

I sat there at the table staring off into the distance. Half thinking about what to tell my sister, I didn’t want to lie to her, Half listening to Gar on the phone.

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“Operator, can you connect me to the Cryptid house please. Thanks… … … Hey Chupa! it’s me, Gar, yeah Garabal, long time no see. They got you working the phones, eh? Great! I’ve been hearing good stuff from you. Yeah, yeah, totally. Hey, I need to talk to the Squatch, can you connect me? Sure, sure I can wait.”

A few moments later I heard. “Hey Squatch!, yeah Chupa was right it’s me Gar, Yeah I know it’s been forever. Good times, good times. How’s the wife and the Kids?

Married already? the twins graduating, God I feel old, seems like they left for college yesterday. Tell them congrats from me. Yea I really miss those twins since they left for college too.

Look sorry to jump to business, but I’m calling because I need a solid. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thing is, Aggie got me back in the game, got a new kid. Starting at the bottom we are, but he’s got some unfinished business on your home turf. I need your help to get a message to his kin. “

“Nah, not up there in the wet. This kid is from Texas. Yeah, I know you hate the name Skunk Ape, sometimes Texans aren’t terribly imaginative, remember Slaughter Creek, named because there was once a slaughter there, Or Onion Creek?

Yeah, I know Aggies great. Yeah, I don’t know how things went wrong either. Things just got… complicated. “

“No, No I’m calling her as soon as I get off with you. Yeah, yeah, I promise man, I owe her big. Gonna talk to her about the boy and see if she wants to meet for coffee or something. “

“Dinner eh, You sure? I don’t want to come on too strong. “

“Yeah, yeah. Okay I hear you. No, I Promise, Dinner. Yes, I’ll get a haircut and trim my beard. Like YOU of all people have a right to call -me- shaggy. Ha!”

“Sure, Sure, I got time to talk to the wife.”

“Hey Mona! Great to hear from you, heard about the wedding, Congrats to all of you. Yeah.. yeah… Uhuh… uhuh… Sure. Look, you know I adore Aggie, of course I’ll get a new outfit. “

“Yes, shoes too. I don’t wear the slippers all the time. Just that once, I was having a bad week, things kinda blur together when you’ve got nothing.” Gar shrank a little at that admission, his shoulders sinking, and the fire leaving his voice.

“Yeah… yeah… uhuh… uhuh…okay. Sure. Wow, are you for sure about that? What about Bill? I thought they... Bills gay? Just Friends? I didn’t know that...I thought for sure… Purely aesthetic appreciation? Uhuh.. yeah.. What about dancing after dinner, would that be weird… “ Gars shoulders relaxed and his tone started to sound more hopeful.

“Uhuh… uhuh… Okay I hear you, and I promise to take your advice. “

“Uh huh… uh huh… Yeah, I’ll tell the kid hi for you too. Nah he’s going to Devona, Yeah, that place is wide open, since they rebooted it. Yeah, we had some good times working there, didn’t we. You’re still the best tech we ever had…”

“Uhuh.. Of course. You know I’d do anything for you. I’ll talk to the kid, he’s a good kid, I bet he’ll be fine. Names Joe, Joseph, Joseph Isiah Walker, sisters name is Jodie. Nah she’s real sick. Want to do a number 7 to give us some time.”

Gar laughed from the belly tossing his head all the way back, “HA! Yeah. The classic number 7, fake body and everything, we just have to clear it with the sister first.”

“Sure, sure, send him on over, no we’ll be up. Wow, you guys can do that now? That’s super cool. I bet he’ll love it. Sure, and tell the Squatch thanks from us both. Anytime Mona, you know that. Anytime.”

“Alright, we’ll be here in 30. Sure. Thanks again. You’re the best Mona, I mean that. Yes, a whole new outfit top to bottom I promise, I’ll go see Jack you don’t need to worry. Okay see you then. Yes, I’m calling her right after I hang up with you.”

Gar hung up the phone. Turned to me and said “Okay kid, gotta be quick, my friends, Squatch and Mona are sending their youngest son over with a tablet something. 30 minutes. Says they can get you a video phone call straight to your sister. If the door rings while I’m on the phone, answer it okay?

I hopped up practically on my toes, “Really that’s awesome, Squatch as in sasquatch right? Yeah, sure I’ll get the door. You go ahead and call Ms. Agatha.”

Gar turned to me his hands together in front of him, somehow making even his shoulders look small and spoke softly. “Yeah, I’m just going to move to the phone in the bedroom. Y’no, so we both have privacy for our calls. Remember to warn your sister that the body is going to be a fake. Squatch has the rest handled.”