Cover story 32: A letter to express mu mu myself
I see people not as people but as paper figures who someone sprayed inc on. I know the world is not wrong, but the world feels off. Fishes swim in the water of alleyways, paper walks where humans used to walk and green and yellow color starts to blur my vision. I never saw people as people, because that is my job, Ashphalter did the same but I could never do such. I am human, but I cannot stand the eyes watching me. I see people on the streets and they seem even more off than normal, as if they are planning the next street shootout. But I sound crazy, I sound as though I was a malfunction and the peoples eyes watching me makes me unable to dow work. I can’t do work with people watching me and I can’t get work done. I know I will get fired. But what will I do thne thin then.
There's a conpiracy
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I'm out of the house again, still in debt and barely even scraped the barrel, just in mornings time I even lost my job, lost all my money last night and having nowhere to stay I gambled away all my money and even more some, even borrowed my mothers investment and told her about me investing on it for the stockmarket. Nothin, absolutely nothin ... and made nothing out of the fact I went into work with a knife on my hand demanding more money ... like that helped. I got fired today because of that, I am so dead I am about to be WHY AM I WRITINGG THIS STUPIF STUPID JOURNAL PROCRASTINATING AGAIN.
Even when screaming how I don't change, man I know it sounds dumb, but mugging an old lady really didn't feel like me. Am I stooping this low, she was throwing away the cash decked me in the face and tried crawling away. I couldn't take the cash, but I sure could deck her with the money she hit me with, I didn't though my mind would kill me if it turns out the lady stopped breathing because I decked her right in the face.
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Then on the next hour I went house to house, church to church begging for some money, bank to bank and only by chance did I come across the one bank that offered their clients money no matter the situation they were in, these banks were loan sharks or whales because they will kill you the moment you borrow too much and worse if I don't got a paying income. I was fucked again, the only thing I hadn't done now was get taken advantage of, get shot or worse the money breaks because for some dumb reason the most valuable money is the most easy to break.
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On that hardwood floor was me and my dead corpse, and as I sat there on my throne, I won didn't I ... I was perfect and yet in almost every reality in my head I see my knee blasted through. Deep inside I knew it was a gun shot by nobody but me, nobody can touch me, I have lived so long alone why is it all hitting me now. I can't stand it, why didn't I win ... w wh wh ww wwhy what di did I do wwwrong. I know I will lose something big, I don't know what if this continues, my money is already in a decline, I can't order new workers like this if my fear destroys me before he does, the days I am gone makes me feel anxious. How will I die, i i if I am not the highest being c can you offer me guidence, ... god ... gods if you exist outside of my being why if all I can offer this world is the hardwood floor my body will cover like a blanket in the night. I am scared, I did something not so good today, if I die today will I be happy, will the fire burn on the other side.
And yet my hand grasped my face and all that could come out was a simple frown ... almost a facepalm. Eeeeeughhh.
I don't question my being like that ... this will end ... THIS WILL END.
Why not brainstorm a cool story, I need a story for when I get big right.
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I ran back home with the money, my best bet was that dad wasn't gonna be recognized if we find a way to run away now before the debt is settled maybe start from zero. But I couldn't do that after the loan I just borrowed, but these loan sharks were nice with money when it came to giving them back something that had the chance to age and increase in value all we needed would be to gather all that money and pay off the debt with a singular earned coin a day ... maybe more. It's a rare coin closely out of stock for grabs though.
"What are you doing where were you", my mom asked but all I could show was the broken coins as I opened my hands I was double in debt. Fin.