The blackness receded, and I reappeared in the luxury room that had once been a crude shack. Julie was sitting back on her chair, feet on the table, reading her tablet.

I was still struggling with the entire where was my natural body, what was simulated and how the hell did I just move between places like that.

I grabbed my information tablet and sat down.

"Where is Tasar? I have a heap of questions and stuff to go through. I need to head back to the shop over the next couple of days to finalise my shopping - I got an AI coming".

"Oh? Anything interesting?"

"A couple of skills and a bunch of gear." I said as I grabbed the "OMG, Heal me, it hurts." Skill Crystal held it against my head and depressed it into my forehead.

Skill Acquired: OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

Ten seconds of pain and another freezer brain headache later, I felt OK. The rush from learning the skills was so good. The pain, while not insignificant, was not enough to discourage me yet, it was like the pleasure centers of my brain got set off with the rush of knowledge.

I activated it.

OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

It was instant pain relief. It was instant value for money as the pain faded to a dull headache.

Leet Parkour was done, 20 seconds of pain this time, some tingling in my muscles, as new neural pathways were formed. I broke out in a light sweat and nearly threw up.

Skill Acquired: Leet Parkour.

"Stealth - Hide from shit." was next. This headache was much worse. I had to close my eyes for a full minute. But the rush felt so good. This time, my whole body tingled, and I could almost feel all my cells start to burn, a deep muscle post-workout burn. It felt so good when I stretched out.

OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

Skill Acquired: Stealth - Hide from shit.

I waited a couple of minutes before I hit the next skill crystal, the next, "Can’t see me. I am invisible". I am pretty sure I passed out on that one. Julie had moved a bit, so I knew a little time had passed.

OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

Skill Acquired: Can’t see me. I am invisible.

I was sweating and breathing a little roughly. I guess that it was because it was a Tier 3 skill. It was the worst case of flu I’d ever had. A deep bone, weary fever. The only saving grace was the absolute pleasure I felt as all my nerves fired in a soothing rhythmic pattern. I could almost feel my cells dying off and being rebuilt.

Luckily, "Thunder Grip" was only Tier 1, but that didn’t stop me from passing out. For a couple of hours. In the comfortable chair.

OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

Skill Acquired: Thunder Grip.

"What the fu…. hell were you doing?" Julie almost screamed at me when I groggily came too with a groan.

I must have made quite a bit of noise to attract her attention.

"Nothing." I was on a roll, and learning skills was such a rush.

I did the last one.

There was no pain now, just dull pressure. "Learning some skills?"

"Did Hydrox tell you how to use them?"

"She gave me the order to use them."

"And 1 per day per Tier? Recovery time, assimilation time and …. how many did you do and what Tier?"

I listed them off for her.

"8 days’ worth in less than a few hours. You are lucky you didn’t fry your brain."

"I think I did!" I winced.

"Can you use them?"

"No idea. I used the healing earlier. I am trying the others, but nothing is working…."

"Not surprised, stupid Jashaa!"

"Who or what is a Jashaa?"

"It’s not important right now. "A motherly scowl formed, " just that they are stupid like you! Go to bed, rest, and you must start training tomorrow. Tasar and I have a lot riding on you. We will all make loads of credits - for us, loads of credits for you, and maybe, just maybe, help the Empire."

"What do you mean help the Empire? I don’t know anything about the Empire or even care about it at this stage. I don’t know anything about anything, really. What about Earth?"

"Help the Empire, help Earth. Despite the lovely credits we — er — you have, it is all small fry when you look at the size of the empire. A billion times the amount you have might put a small dent in the central coffers of the Empire. We need the plan to make some serious creds so we can give your little planet a decent start. You need to start thinking and be smarter than USING ALL YOUR SKILL CRYSTALS IN ONE DAY! Despite your stupidity, you are the CEO of a small, wealthy, and growing company. Act like it." she finished shouting at me with a smile that only slightly softened the dressing down.

The remnants of the headache were still lingering, so bed sounded good. "Um, I don’t have a bed. Also, I missed dinner. I am supposed to eat something healthy …." I was so close to being overwhelmed. I don’t know if I could deal with Julie’s displeasure with me. I could not blame her. She had thrown her lot in with me, and I was acting rashly.

I needed time to think.

She laughed, "Eat what you want. Your nanites will sort it all out. You don't need to eat if you get your Body and Spirit high enough. Just convert mana to energy or something. No need to... go to the bathroom as well. You should have grabbed some instant food or something while in the shop. It’s what most people eat. Easy, tastes OK and convenient, stacks well in your inventory."

There was another stat goal: High Spirit, no bathroom, eat what you want.

Julie passed me a data tablet. It was the history of the Empire.

Sunny W’s Guide to Imperial History 291 ed. The only guide endorsed by His Imperial Majesty Raxemius Jannar.

"Read this. It may help. Sunny’s original edition is considered the official history of the Empire. He has continued to update it since, although only the first edition was endorsed, and that was by accident."

She pulled a small free-standing hammock out of her personal inventory. "Use this."

What was it with hammocks? I hated them except when I was actually in them. I found getting in and out of them challenging, but I loved the comfort.

I finally managed to get into it and started looking at Sunny W’s book. It didn’t take long for my world to go dark with a comforting sleep.

I woke naturally. Well, as naturally as you can when an annoying dinging appeared in my ears and vision. My System overlay had been upgraded.

It was now kind of a mixture of a heads-up display for an old-school text-based game. There was a clean and neat overlay, better than the system-generated prompts. I hoped Petal would not be offended. The new floating text was in an easily readable font and easy to see around. It was way less distracting.

I ignored the prompt for a second. I needed a plan to figure out how to get a morning coffee. I’d kill for a decent coffee.

Eyes of City Watch

Integration Complete. Tier 1 version installed, upgrades available. Do you wish to upgrade? Y/N?

Now, that sounded interesting. Upgrades were good. I remember hearing a podcast that said we had been trained to auto-update almost everything because of our phones and apps. Despite this, I decided to update as many skills as needed and do all the upgrades lying down for safety and because I didn’t want to spend the five minutes trying to get out of the stupid hammock.

Sure

Y/N response required.

Purchase compatible AI for non-standard responses.

Do you wish to upgrade? Y/N?

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

Y

Verbal confirmation is required.

Purchase compatible AI for non-standard responses. Do you wish to upgrade? Y/N?

Seriously, it just recognised a thought response and then ignored it. I hated dumb AIs.

"Yes"

Tier 2, 3, and 4 options are available. Select one. Say Tier 1, Tier 2, Tier 3, Tier 4.

"Tier 4", I chose the obvious.

Do you wish to purchase the sponsored version, the subscription version, or the lifetime version?

I looked around for help, but neither Julie nor Tasar were around. Sponsored sounded like embedded adverts, which could be cool but annoying after the first two or three, just like the Internet, although alien advertising could be better than earth advertising. I missed the Internet at times like this, where I could find out stuff. Was there an Empire Google? Subscription sounded like the cheap short term, but expensive long term. I didn’t have to worry about Credits for a bit.

I said, "Lifetime version."

Do you wish to select the bronze, silver, gold, or platinum package? We recommend platinum. Say Platinum for the Platinum package.

Hmmm, I swear there was some snark coming from my inbuilt, stupid, pedantic HUD AI thing, and it was like reading the prompt for upselling at a fast food joint.

"What is the difference?" I asked. It would be good if there were an online wiki or something.

Unknown response. Purchase compatible AI for non-standard responses or queries. Say Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum.

"Platinum", why the hell not? It sounded fancier, and I could be fancy.

Lucky for me, I was in the hammock. This pain was a total brain freeze for my entire head. I don’t know how long it took, but I was getting sick of the brain pain. I gritted through the worst of it, waiting for the absolute pleasure to kick in. It was like a stick, then a carrot.

OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

Sometime later, just as I was getting worried,

Upgrade complete.

5 Mana per minute drain while active.

Suggest keeping active for full results.

All settings are restored to default values.

Full integration in one day.

You are minimising non-urgent prompts.

I thought Stats: Skills to check what else I could upgrade.

Skills Tier

Lucky Bastard. 5

Eye of the City Watch. 4

OMG, Heal me, it hurts. 1

Eyes of Fury. 1

Leet Parkour. 1

Stealth - Hide from shit. 1

Can’t see me. I’m invisible. 3

Thunder Grip 1

In my HUD, I noticed an upgrades section. I selected

OMG, Heal me, it hurts.

You qualify for a free upgrade. Upgrade in progress. One of our after-sales consultants will be in contact with you shortly.

We hope you do not have to enjoy using our skills.

I felt a slight tingle, then a jolt like a bolt of lightning, and that was it. Was it irony where a healing skill hurt? The "Eyes of Fury" implant was set to be installed later today, so that was all good and would probably upgrade then, so I tried Leet Parkour.

Leet Parkour.

Leet Parkour has been upgraded. Full functionality is currently disabled pending qualified training and instruction. For emergency use, please use the override code supplied by our sales representative when you purchased the Tier 5 upgrade. One of our friendly, qualified instructors is being sent to assess that you comply with the legal to use our Tier 5 product. Please contact the after-sales office if you are not contacted within seven (7) of your local days. If you are remote, you may sign our disclaimer, waiving all rights to compensation for death or injury from using this skill without training. You can enable the module with the code provided at the end of the waiver.

I could feel the knowledge and body movements but felt blocked from being able to complete them. Well, that wasn't very reassuring and somewhat of a letdown. I found the code and signed the waiver.

The blocks that prevented me from wall running and doing cat flips were gone. Maybe "Stealth - Hide from shit" would be slightly less annoying. I initiated the upgrade.

Upgrade complete. Tier 5 Active.

I waited a few moments. Nothing! I sighed. These were disappointing. Maybe my invisibility would be different. I started the upgrade for "Can’t see me, I am invisible".

Upgrade complete. Tier 5 Active

I waited another few moments. No pain, no pleasure, nothing. I was worried that I was upset; I was not feeling pain. Maybe I needed some counselling. Just as I was getting bummed out by not much happening, some more floating text appeared in my HUD.

Compatible Tier 5 Humble Divine Bonus Stealth Package: Paranoid detected

Do you wish to run the paranoid package installation? Y/N?"

"What is paranoid?"

No AI was detected. Purchase compatible AI for non-standard responses or queries.

Our sales representative can refer you to a suitable match.

Do you wish to install and activate Paranoid Y/N?

I sighed. It sounded like something I might need. "Yes"

Installing Humble Divine: Paranoid Package.

Paranoid mode initiated. Standard settings applied.

Do you wish for real-time, hourly or daily summary logs?

The default is real-time. Please say real-time, hourly or daily.

"Real-time", I could always change it later, I guessed.

LOG: 3 unnecessary outgoing connections detected.

LOG: 3 outgoing connections paused pending approval

LOG: 3 incoming connections were detected 3 incoming connections matched as tracking beacons.

LOG: 3 incoming connections are blocked. To resume these connections, please consult your AI.

LOG: 1 incoming connection - update files for "Eye of City Watch" database - approve? Y/N?

The updates were good, so I approved it.

"Yes," I approved the other connections and confirmed the blocking of tracking beacons.

Paranoid: Do you wish to maintain Active Stealth while not in combat?

"Yes"

Last upgrade.

"Thunder Grip". I was so going to shake people’s hands with this. I hoped I could return to school and shake some of those bullies’ hands. I chuckled to myself at the picture. Then I realised I should shoot laser beams at them from my eyeballs! That would be safer and so much cooler. I started the upgrade.

Thunder Grip Tier 5 requires 80 Body.

Requirement met. Your satisfaction is our aim.

Please feel free to leave a review.

LOG: Incoming sales connection from Followers of Redemption: Your purchase of "OMG, Heal me, it hurts." and its upgrades, as well as the subscription to the bulk purchase of our healing canisters, qualifies you for a one-time discount on our Tier 4 passive regeneration skill: "It’s OK, I’ll be better soon: Your very own trollish regeneration."

"Yes!"

It’s OK, I’ll be better soon remotely installed.

Running passively at 5 mana per minute.

Please consult your health provider before further medical procedures.

Skill Acquired: It’s OK, I’ll be better soon (Passive)

I waited. Not much. Well, that was a bit underwhelming. I’d have to spend some time reading up on how to use the skills, as I had no idea how to use them. Also, I didn’t want to accidentally laser beam someone while looking at them. I snickered. I finally found some documentation on some of my skills. The rest were all "Don't hesitate to contact our sales office.

I guess my sales consultant was Hydrox. "Eyes of Fury" was the first I needed to read up on since it seemed most likely to hurt someone accidentally. It appeared I couldn’t accidentally set them off. I was worried that I might blast through my eyeballs if I sneezed. It seemed there was a half-second build-up of photonic energy, something about mana conduits, and then whatever I was looking at, boom - a double blast of lasers that coalesced from in front of my eyes.

Julia walked in and sat down. She glanced over at me and started working on her tablet.

After a while, I asked, "When do I start training? I’d kill for a coffee."

She jumped a little, "Sorry, when did you get here? I didn’t see you there. I was caught up in my work."

Hmm, nice. Maybe my stealth packages were OK. "A little while ago, I was checking on some of my skills. A few need tweaks, such as training, sales reps, and such. I am keen to get a class and learn how to kick ass..."

"Tasar is just tweaking your schedule. We are slightly behind, but you still have 28 and a bit days left here, so that is OK. he is definitely up to something and will ensure you get the maximum training done. Do you remember the classes and choices you get and how they work together?"

"Kind of. What Tasar said was a little confusing, so if you could use little words and explain it to me again", I took a little dig at her.

I got one of her radiant smiles, "OK, kiddo. You will get a class choice soon. You have deferred it so you can settle into your skills and stats and, more importantly, listen to some advice. A lot of what you do in training after that will depend on your class choice. Tasar will want you to maximise your training in that class until Level 10. That is normally when you Tier up to Tier 2 and get some stat bonuses and another class choice. Most people don’t get a tutorial and must wing their training with hard work and repetition. You are lucky there, but you won’t Tier up, so you may miss those bonuses, but you should still get a decent choice. At level 10, it will be something new or an upgrade to the next Tier of your current class. Hopefully, a random rare offering from the Empire system might be rarer or more interesting for you. Then, we will revise your stat gains and class skills and repeat them to Level 20 and Tier 3. Got that so far?"

I nodded, even though I only had half an idea.

Julie continued, "Good. Normally, Tasar would kick you out and be done, as he did when he was an in-demand trainer. Now, I think you will be his star pupil. I feel sorry for you. He can be quite intense when he gets excited... It doesn’t help that he has been adrift for a long while."

As she finished, Tasar walked in looking smug. He had a small black felt sack in one hand and what looked like a silver dog collar in the other hand.

"I finally found them. Now we can really train. How do you feel about really cheating the system, young Luke? And you can tell no one, like ever, kind of cheating!"

"Um… OK?" I replied. I had no idea about the system, so cheating was not a big deal, so I’d go for it.

"Well, if anyone finds out, I would be possibly put away at least, and Julie too, just for knowing about it. After all, some of it was her ideas, which are a bit common, but we will push them and break some rules."

Julie looked slightly startled, "My ideas, I was talking about beast master training, not … whatever, I don’t want to know. You train him, and I’ll try to keep it quiet and keep my nose out of it. I’ll be in our offices if you need me outside the time limit. Remember, long time here, short time outside. The only real-time comms will be in the store or other system-sanctioned spaces, and you don’t want to get into those yet. See you soon, kiddo. Don’t spend all your money at once, and listen to Tasar, even if he does sound a bit crazy at times."

"Later, Julie", I waved as she left.

"Now to cheat", Tasar said, slipping the silver collar around my neck. It closed with a click.

You have been affected by a Modified Incarceration Collar.