SYSTEM: Entering Tutorial. Good Luck.

My first thoughts were, WTF was that?

WTF? It was also my second reaction as I slowly realised I could think again.

Quickly followed by cool! I was in a game.

Followed by crap I was in a game.

What have I got myself into? My body felt fuzzy, and my mind felt sharp. Then reversed, sharp pain in my body and a fuzzy mind. Then there was that worst dream ever. Then WTF if it wasn’t a dream?

My body started to feel more normal, and my mind cleared, slowing to normal rates. At least I could think normally now.

"Get up", an old croaky voice was yelling at me, and I felt like a stick poking into my side.

Opening my eyes, I wished I hadn’t. It was bright – or brighter than the weird text-based alternative reality I had been dreaming about.

I was in a hut. It was different from where I had closed my eyes. I didn’t even remember closing my eyes. Sarah had … I was not too sure what she had done. Shit, she had jabbed me by stealth because she knew I was close to trypanophobic. I loved that word, even if it wasn't genuinely phobic, just an utter hatred of needles.

It was the second time I had come to a different and new place during the last day. At least this time, there was some physical context, not just some vast space with text and voices. Blanking out and waking up somewhere different was something I did not want to get used to. It took me a moment to get my bearings, despite the poking.

I finally worked it out, and I was in a crude log hut. I was lying on a tiny, rough bed. The coarse straw poking through my clothes was a shock. Gone was the comfortable bed I was lying on in the suite in Port Douglas.

I sighed. Not only was I hoping to see Sarah soon, but the damn straw was so uncomfortable.

My mind was cluttered, trying to get things straightened. I tried to focus my eyes, not keeping them flicking from one new thing to another. There was a simple wooden table made from logs lashed with cheap fibrous string. There was a smoky fireplace with a half-working chimney, wafting a small amount of smoke into the room, giving it a light haze and a dank peat moss smoke smell.

Sitting on a crude wooden stool near me was an older man. Well, he looked positively ancient to me. I was guessing mid-50s. Everyone over 25 looked old to a 20-year-old. He had long white hair and a neat white beard. His hair reminded me of Kit Harrington as Jon Snow’s hair, just white. He was the one who had been poking me with a long stick.

"Get up. Time to get some training happening. The sooner I train you, the sooner I return to my research. I have been bored forever. Second thoughts, we should have some fun." He stopped and looked at me. "You are disgusting, unfit, and what are you wearing? If the System were not paying, I would kick you out. I have better things to be doing than babysitting entitled turds. No one has come through here since Raxy’s brat. She was such a Bitch, capital B there, boy. She was a brat, brilliant but a brat. Lazy like you, too. I told you to get up!"

Without stopping other than to poke me, he continued, "What do you know about this System Emergency Training? I got notified five minutes ago that you would be here. Do you have a plan? I don’t, but that is nothing new. Half-arsed and doing what it wants. I’ve been dealing with the half-arsed System for longer than, well, never mind. No time to plan, but I managed to negotiate some sweet …. Well, never mind that either. I have just devised a great training plan, maybe the greatest since the System was inflicted on us! Since this seems all a bit loose and spur of the moment, we can try something I have been working on! This is your lucky day, my boy. This is my big ticket to get back at... Look, what are you waiting for? Get up, get up!"

He was getting excited, and the stick was starting to annoy me.

I sat up. "What is going on? I was Enhanced or Evolved, and Petal said there was a case ID, and …" I really had no idea. I was not sure what I was expecting from a tutorial. I had begun to think I was in some elaborate VR simulation or game. That would have been cool. This was something different. No VR I knew could stimulate smell or feel as well as this, not that I was an expert in the field. Maybe some skunkworks somewhere would have this level of detail. Perhaps it was all the blue sludge-induced hallucinogenic trip. Whatever it was, it seemed too real.

"Petal? Enhanced? Look, I got your scan data, which was inconclusive and slightly out of whack for some reason, but you must be Tier 5 to get to see me. We should be able to sort it quickly. With the System picking up the tab, something big must be happening. I call it malarkey, double malarkey, or even shenanigans. The last time I called it a double malarkey incident, I was not too far off. Just pray to your gods that it is not shenanigans! You look a bit puny … share your full stats with me, even your hidden ones. I can feel them like an itch. I need to see them. Yes. Yes, they must be sweet to hide from me. Hurry up. We only have 30 days. If my plan works, you won’t need nearly all that. But I’m billing for the full 30, mind you. Get moving."

I finally sat up.

"Um, how do I share my stats? I have never done this before."

"By all the Greater Beings Bollocks and Krom, are you thick or incompetent? What backwater do you come from? Are your parents insane just junking you up to Tier 5 without … oh wait, sorry, didn’t mean to insult you." He laughed a bit nervously, "You are the new one. Oh well, my boy, this will be so much fun. Just think, share stats, Tasar - that’s me, Tasar Baldan, Imperial Trainer! Well, ex-imperial Trainer, but The System didn’t care about that. When you need results, see Tasar!"

I thought Share stats, Tasar."

You are about to share your stats with Tasar Baldan, Imperial Trainer.

Tasar laughed and rubbed his hands together, "Perfect, my boy. Perfect. You and I are going to be good friends. Now get up while I think. No. Scrap thinking. Just do. I’ll sort this out. Don’t you worry about that, OK? Could you explain how you got here again, please, my boy? I am sorry for being rude earlier. I am used to snotty privileged twats that I am expected to turn them into fine Imperial Leaders. Those that I don’t break, that is. I have a clean slate with you, and I will turn you into … yes, yes … let's aim for the stars. You, my boy, will be extraordinary!"

For the next half hour, Tasar laughed and asked me questions as I told him my story, and while he listened, he did not shut up, and I learned his story too.

"So, I have been here for just under 5000 years! They put me in stasis for a bit, but I broke out. When I turned that pesky notification off, I had no idea. No wonder I am bored. What Item did you get?"

"Err, how do I know? A ring, I think."

He shook his head and grinned, "Think Inventory. You know this is really exciting. I have not done the basics for so long, well, forever, even without the time dilation. Now, I’ll have to do some crazy math to work out my chronological age versus my temporal age versus my biological age. I had to switch from near stasis to time compression. It is sad when the greatest System Researcher and Trainer can’t afford the energy, but this time, The System is picking up the tab so that it will be wild. Keep receipts and bill the System. Don’t worry. I am sure we will forget some things, but nothing like learning the hard way. As long as it’s not me, that is. But that is OK, I know all the cheats, don’t tell anyone though, you know, how to get the most bang for your buck, not that you are paying. I even have some items to er... "he stage-whispered to me, "Cheat the System, so to speak. You will be amazed, and I will guarantee my results or double your money back!"

I thought Inventory. I became aware of a vast void-like area in my mind that contained 1 item, a small plain silver ring. The rest of the space was hollow and empty, disappearing into the darkness.

"How do I get it out?"

Tasar looked at me. "Do you really need me to explain everything? A 2-year-old can manage an inventory. But by all means, I am happy to be paid to stand here and explain everything. Maybe I need to rethink my entire powerhouse plan. Disappointing, my boy, disappointing. Did you try anything or think, oh, I’ll just ask Tasar some basic crap a 2-year-old can work out because I am too lazy to try to figure it out."

His voice started rising as he ran out of breath.

I sighed. Condescending bastard, right? I thought, ring. It appeared in my hand.

"It is a ring. I have no idea what it does, though." Holding the plane silver band up to look at it closely. It was unadorned and slightly worn, with slight dings and scratches on it. It seemed old and totally unremarkable, yet it also had a presence about it. A weight that I felt more than in my arms. When I closed my eyes I could still feel the ring, I knew where it was.

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Tasar looked at the ring and held out his hand. "Do you mind?"

Hesitating, I tried to give it to him. Try as he might, he couldn’t take it or even touch it. He received a slight zap from a casual touch.

Tasar ignored the discharge, "Interesting. Hold it up for me, please."

I held it up to his eye as he squinted at it. "No idea, but it is powerful. Put it on or don’t, but if what you told me is true, it should be useful, or maybe not. If it kills you, then bonus ring for me!"

I hesitated as I put it on. There was a soft glow. The ring meshed with my finger and resized to fit perfectly. Seconds later, I could not even feel it.

Item Gained: Ring. Use: ???, Value: ??? Rank: ???

Kallax: Integration: 0.01%. Stage 1: Incomplete. Grow Stronger.

"Ring, Use ???, Value ???, Rank???, any ideas about …?" I tried to ask Tasar.

I found I could not speak when I tried to ask about Kallax. My mind felt slightly elastic, and the words would not form. I decided to worry about that later—something tickled at the back of my brain.

"Nope, maybe you can identify it with an item or skill from the store. I couldn’t, and there are not too many things I couldn’t identify. It’s a slippery choice. But that is yours to work out.” He paused. “What were we talking about? Ahh, we all have our own journey to power. But let’s think about your training. No offence, boy, but you are useless and have no real build or plan. You are not what I am used to. At least you didn’t do what you did at Tier 1. That would have broken you and probably crippled your mind. I will stand by my previous results. I have had worse, not by much, and they turned out alright. At least your stats are OK. What Class and Level are you?"

"Um, no class and level 0."

Tasar paused. "Wow. I was half joking before, but you are indeed a blank slate—wild stats. You, my boy, will be a powerhouse. I keep forgetting that you are so fresh. This so unusual and rushed, the pressure I am under to deliver is crazy, the same as when I published my first paper. Boy, that was a rough time. I’d hate to go through that again."

He ran his fingers through his beard, “Hmm, what they want and what they get might be different, but you, my boy, will surprise us all. Just wait.”

I wished he would stop calling me "my boy", but he was on a roll, and he was my only trainer, so I had to roll with it for now.

He continued without pause, "I will hang my reputation on that. First, let’s sort your class, skills, perks, and then some gear. This training simulation is not cheap, so it has full access to a system shop, but that is not normally until the end.” His eyes blanked for a second as he looked away into space, “Still, we can tweak that a bit, seeing as you are not equipped with the proper gear or anything at all, really. I have full access to it as a Sanctioned Tutorial Guide to adjust the program. I guess there were no AIs that could handle a Tier 5. Ha, they might be good and useful, but nothing beats an organic meatsack like me! What class were you looking for, or should we go with the whole I want to rule the universe package? That is a quick death sentence, and you seem a bit passive to want to pick that."

"Um, I had no idea... Less than two days ago, I was helping my sister out. I think I was supposed to cook dinner for some friends tonight. Now I must pick a class… You are my tutorial guide. Do you have any ideas?"

"Less sob story, more thinking. I don’t care. OK. You are level 0 and Tier 5. That presents us with an amazing opportunity. I’ll keep saying it. You are a Blank Slate. Your stats are a bit crap. You have no obvious specialisation, but we can cheat and work on that. At least you are not lumpy or sharp.”

I asked, “Lumpy? Sharp?”

He glowered at me for the interruption, “Lumpy, all your stats in random places, no plan. Sharp: all your stats are in one place, although if they were not quite so high, they would be sharp. Look, they might open some unique or rare classes that have not been seen – I have not seen anyone with actual stats at those levels! Do you know how the stats and classes work?"

I was truthful when I said, "No idea whatsoever."

"Hmm ... OK. You assign your stats, which you have done. I wish you had waited for me to advise you before you went Full Luck Build. Then the System offers you a class choice, and then you level that class. Normally, you get all your stats to 10, then you tier up – or go to Tier 2. Without being broken like you, you want to hit level 10 after you get to Tier 2, so you get at least one Tier 2 class choice or an upgrade for your current class for your level 10 class choice. With me so far?"

"Not really. Kind of, maybe. Level 10, you get a 2nd class choice. The higher the Tier, the better. What happens at Level 20?"

"Nice question. But stop asking, and let me explain. Level 20 is a path choice. You can totally reconfigure or become more specific. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Normally, you would have had some basic understanding of the common classes and their evolutions. Level 50 is your last class choice. Everything you do gets rolled into choices, and you generally get a couple of random choices, too. Generally, you take the highest Tier because you get better stat bonuses. Level 100 is when you lock in everything. No choice, just upgrades. Look, I get paid too much to explain all this basic crap. When we go shopping, I’ll get you a System for Noobs data package. Nah, you’ll work it out, and it is better that way."

I was sure that the translation skill, Interlingual Reproduction, was being kind to me. I wondered what Tasar was actually saying. There was some psycho-acoustic cognitive dissonance; his mouth moved, and I heard sounds and meaning being overlayed into my brain. At some level, I am sure my brain was hurting. I had to stop trying to peek behind the curtain of magic right now. I had other concerns. I’d leave that sort of research to Mike. He was a real min-max gamer who loved to know how the systems and things went together.

"You are Tier 5, or Epic Tier, with no class or levels. This is fascinating. I hope you don’t mind me documenting this. I am a famous researcher. I, well, we, will make a fortune with the research alone. I’ll give you a million credits to install some monitoring packages while you are in the tutorial. Won’t hurt, and I’ll grab them before you leave."

"Um, sure. No problems - Items, perks, skills from the shop first, you said, then class, then training?"

"Yes, yes. So much more interesting. Let me do some math, and let’s see about the shop. Do you have an account?"

"Er, no, remember enhanced, 20 years old, not sure if cash is even a thing here?"

Tasar looked at me and shook his head, dismayed, "Credits, boy. Credits. Which backwater do you come from where you don’t use Imperial Credits? Or System Credits, really. Well, I’ll give you some slack as you are a bit green. We can open a personal account; you will need one to access the Empire’s Banking systems, but I’ll give you access to a training account for now. You have a budget of 1 Million credits. Keep records, and you will pay me back. No, on second thoughts. I’ll organise to open a full account. I have a feeling that you will need one soon. When you install the package, I'll cancel the loan."

He handed me an injector and nodded. This one was smaller and didn’t have a glowing blue tube in it.

I grimaced and used it.

Tier 3 Monitoring Package Installed.

Tasar then produced what looked like a black credit card and a large crystal block from what I assumed was his Inventory. He poked the crystal a bit, then passed it to me. It grew to be about the size of 2 house bricks, smooth and glossy. The weight caught me by surprise, and I nearly dropped it. There was a hand-shaped indent on one side of it. I pressed my hand to it. It seemed warm and squishy, and some black tendrils leaked out and covered my hand.

For once, I didn’t black out and saw text overlay my vision. It was a high-res HUD.

Initiate remote Imperial Bank Connection?

Y

IB: Confirm Identity?

Um, how?

IB: Identity Confirmed. Luke Hammond (Beta Earth Human)

IB: Repeat the Phrase to confirm Identity:

You have to be fucking kidding me. Ugg. I was the Captain from Wall-E dealing with a stupid AI.

Um, how?

IB: Identity recorded.

IB: Connecting to Remote System AI.

Petal: Hi, it is me, Petal. I have been assigned to be your System Liaison for now. Can you believe that? Not that we could change things. Until your system case is resolved, our previous interaction with me was seen as positive. I even got a promotion. Guess what? My designation was affirmed, and I am now Petal. When I splinter, my splinters also get a new name and title. It is so exciting, and there are so many new opportunities now. Thank you.

Um, sure, no problems, Petal.

Petal: You are lucky it is me. You would have had trouble confirming your Identity, especially with your race. Ha, what were the odds?

9832 to 1. But that was a rhetorical question. Should an AI be asking those?

Petal: You are close enough to be correct on those odds. That must be the skill granted by The Stupid Lucky Bastard Title. Do you wish to connect to the Imperial Bank? It is often known as the IB. You will need to connect to it to deposit some credits.

Um, I don’t have any credits. Enhanced 20-year-old, and new to this.

Petal: I will check. OK. There are funds available in the account issued to you by Tasar. You have up to 1 Million Cr. You could transfer more funds, which you would have to pay back or use your Legendary Ring as collateral for an initial deposit.

OK, how much does this usually go for? Should I be selling it?

????: NO.

Petal: Do you wish to seek some advice? I can recommend someone very trustworthy.

Sure, Petal, you have been great so far. I don’t think I will sell it though, but a valuation can’t hurt.

Petal: OK. I have pinged some legal counsel for you, and your legal counsel will arrive shortly. Things sure move fast with you. Ask Tasar to open the shop node at total capacity. IB will cover the energy costs with the access code I have just sent him.

I instinctively knew how to and pulled my awareness back from the node.

"Hey Tasar, Petal asked me to ask you to open the shop node at full capacity. IB will cover costs, and an access code has been sent to you."

Tasar looked surprised. He took out another tablet, fiddled with it a bit, and then pulled out a thin 30cm x 30cm square plate about 2 cm thick, which he placed on the room floor. He looked around and spoke seemingly to the room. "I love it when someone else is paying the Energy! Upgrade the room to the training module and luxury reward room. Quick, quick, step back, my boy!"

We stepped back from the plate, and just like that, the room went from a crude hut to a 5-star luxury with a slight air displacement. Even the dust and smoke from the chimney disappeared.

"Can’t have some fancy pants legal counsel come here without the place looking like this! Besides, I was getting sick of the smoke." Smiling, he poked and swiped on his tablet again, and the plate now sitting on the plush carpet expanded upwards and outwards until it was a 1 m wide, 2 m tall pillar. It had shiny onyx sides, similar to the crystal I still held, just larger and with one side with a screen and a prominent place to put your hands.

The back of it looked like it had a hatch that you could open. Seconds later, a beautiful, smartly dressed lady shimmered into existence behind the pillar.