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Bored Hero
Rintash

Rintash

Rintash, a shitty little hunting village in the middle of Greydar forest where every man woman child and even the babies are hunters. Their sole purpose in life is to hunt down the many wild animals and beasts of the region and sell their hides for good coin to the few brave merchants who come their way.

A simple people with a simple life, hell if I remember correctly children don’t wear proper clothes until they make some from their first kill. A strange people indeed seeing as though most humans like to sit comfortably in luscious chairs surrounded by sexually arousing others tending to their every need, but this lot prefer cold hard wood as their beds and fresh furs as their blankets.

I’d say the only good thing about these people is their rowdy nature after a big hunt and their traditions for coming of age, less than dull compared to many human settlements out there. Though they could be a little more friendly.

Signalling Tillia to stop, I sigh at the sound of the drawing of a bowstring from the trees above.

What did I have to do again?

“I stride like a beast to water, for parched and hungry am I”

*Twang*

They only have two good things going for them that’s for sure.

“Hey, you little shit that’s the travellers saying so why did you shoot me?” Deadpan, I rub at the small bruise appearing at my throat, staring at the mousy brown-haired youth who almost falls off his perch from the trees above at being spotted so efficiently.

He responds by taking out his hunting horn and tooting twice.

“No fighting” I stop Tillia as she knocks an arrow. Fighting would be easier but there’s really no point to killing everyone.

As I stand there, eye glued to the youth, he shakily knocks an arrow and aims it at me once more.

But before he lets loose, a small contingent of people arrive, leaping branch to branch, bows trained on me once in range.

*Sigh*

“I stride like a beast to water, for parched and hungry am I”

..

.

“And like the river, we are ever present, nourishing all” An elderly man, in his late sixties I suspect by his failing eyes and lack of teeth, nods towards me in a sign of acknowledgment.

Finally someone with some common sense.

Suddenly and silently, all bows lose tension and many descend the trees almost running with their clawed boots.

The elderly man offers me a hand, still muscular from constant use. A strong and harsh village this is. “Kairon Endlefan, Apologies for mistaking you as a zombie”

Euric’s nephew? And a zombie?

I sense TIllia giving a nod of approval at that stament.

“Roy Hero” Roy the Hero technically but in my weak days I got bullied and many assassination attempts for that because apparently nobles don’t like narcissism from others but themselves.

He peers at me for a few seconds as if looking upon a memory come to light. “Have I…”

“Are you Euric’s nephew?”

“Indeed, though for you to have known my uncle…” Yes I am old but that isn’t the problem here.

“Tillia how many years has it been since I came to Larios?”

“…I…m not Tillia. That’s my mother” Not Tillia looks at me with a rather confused expression, which I reciprocate

..

.

“At what age did your mother have you and how old are you now?”

“I’m twenty two and my mother had me at fifty seven”

I came into the village when Tillia was barely in her twenties

…….

……

…..

….

..

.

Laethänion would be so proud.

Collecting my thoughts on the fact that I had spent the past fifty six years sitting and drinking in a dark room and it only felt like a few months was…a wake up call to my stomach which hurt, a lot.

“Food” I thought it was strange how I was so hungry after only a few months of an average human’s daily meals.

“Wait a second Roy, you and my mother knew eachother?”

“Food first, I’m starving” Ignoring not Tillia, I rush to Rintash ahead of everyone else, since I obviously remember where it’s at.

In the trees, like children building treehouses but in a bigger scale. It helped that the groundwork was made by the elves before they 'departed'.

Jumping straight to the Main tree, a black oak in the midst of large pine trees, I land at the side door, opening it straight into the kitchen.

“What’s for lunch” I smile to a rippling muscled woman with tangled brown hair knotted in a messy bun as she roasts a skinned panther with delight.

“What did you bring?” Give food to get food, such a pain in the ass, but at least you didn’t have to do the cooking.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

“I’m Euric’s Forest Wanderer” Took me a day to finish that lifetime quest.

“Euric? Who the hell is that?” Barely twenty, so I guess she wouldn’t know Euric then, this is a pain.

“Late Pack Master, Euron’s father”

“Oh my ma, told me about ‘im, a good hunter I was told.” A better actor.

“Your mother, Kayla, is she still around?” Perfect recall, annoying but quite useful when I really want something done.

“You know me ma? Wait here, I’ll go get ‘er” Kayla Juniour runs past me to the outside.

That panther’s cooking too slow…

Midway through my hot meal, Kayla Juniour and a decrepit hag shuffle through the door. How she's alive is probably by sheer willpower.

“Kayla…may your blood be bait for the feast upon your death”

“Roy Hero…I’m not dead yet you geezer, and you look more like a walking zombie than I do” Her curtness hasn’t lost any edge from what I remember. Though she limps haggardly as if the toils of the world hang heavy upon her back.

“I am very hungry”

She nods understandingly “Tilly dear, can you get everything from our stores” Being one of many cooks who have had to feed me…she knows just how much I eat for breakfast alone.

“Everything ma, is this a festival?”

“No, it’s lunch” She gives me a wicked smile.

She seems almost delighted to cook for me again. Odd since for the few weeks that I stayed here neither she nor any of her dozen kitchen staff got a wink of sleep thanks to my hunger and restoration spells. Would’ve thought she’d never want to see me again after that.

Tilly leaves the two of us and immediately Kayla inches closer to me, failing eyes squinting to get a better look.

I cast clean and regenerate so her dying breath doesn’t spoil the meat.

“Over fifty years and you haven’t changed a bit” Well it does turn out I haven’t moved for fifty six years, which explains a lot of muscle pains...and why my serving girl changed from Mary to Molly.

“It passed quickly” Laethänion really taught me something useful there, might have to find myself a nice place to lie down and make millenia pass and hope something interesting is happening when I come to.

“Indeed. While my daughter’s busy cooking, how about I show you all the changes” As long as I get to take the panther with me.

Holding the sizzling rack on both ends, I chomp away as we walk outside after casting a few utility spells to help speed her up from the zombie shuffle she was displaying.

“As you may have found out, Euric’s dead, ripped apart by a Bristlebear Matriarch, his son Euron killed it and then took his father’s place. Every bit as good as he, if not much less dramatic” Euric and his flouncing around was surely worlds different from the stoic, death-hardened people that made up this place.

“What about the Travellers saying?” Since a new Pack Master meant a new saying.

“Abolished after too many outsiders found out. How did you fare in this Games?” She suddenly directs the question as she points me towards the mountain of herbs growing in pots outside the herbalist’s house.

Deathroot lily, wow they certainly have been using my maps to make a good headway in. they might even reach the Blight in the next few years if they try.

“I need a drink and some food” She laughs gutturally. “What about here?”

“They came but a few hours ago, wearing odd clothing and wielding even odder weapons. Most of us died rapidly once they found us, but our traps and numbers were enough to whittle them down in the end.” Seeing as though the place seems to be at full capacity, Euron must’ve revived everyone with his victory. “Will it happen again?”

“Most definitely and no I’m not helping before you ask”

“Not even for a barrel of Goldensprout ale?”

Goldensprout…dammit it has been too long since I’ve had anything decent to drink. And Goldensprout is absolutely gorgeous with it’s lemon and honey, tangy taste.

“How do you even have one?” Dwarven make from the Caverns of Coldar. Production stopped ninety years ago due to a final drow insurgency blowing it all up. By now all should’ve been taken by all the rich bastards and drunk shamelessly.

“Years of looking and a lot of favours and trade. Euric’s orders, as thanks for all you did in case you ever came back” A hint of a smile crawls across her thinning lips  “And if you would like a drink with an old friend” It must’ve come after he died or he would’ve drunk it, no doubt.

“Where’d they use his corpse?” I cast a Recall spell on her to help things along.

“Near river Dwyne, lured a Krokoking” She seems impressed at her own memory.

“There you are” Not Tillia lifts herself up the last few pegs and onto the platform. “You’re really hungry aren’t you?”

“Famished” Taking a last bite of the panther, I hand not Tillia the bones on a rack and wheel around.

“If you’re buggering off I’m joining” I can feel her discomfort emanating, Half-elf problems. Whatever, lunch won’t be cooked for at least another hour.

Casting a few more lasting spells on Kayla so she has the energy to cook, I ignore my stomach ripping itself apart inside and head towards the kitchen once again

Without any trouble, my nose finds the cask and I hoist it onto my right shoulder, grabbing two wooden tankards and begin jogging lightly with all across the small treetop village.

Since I am not in a rush, I allow not Tillia to remain beside me as she quietens her huffs as much as possible while sprinting and sweating profusely.

Reaching the river in just a short while, I ignore her stares as I shapeshift my eyes into a Redcliff Roc’s and begin looking around for the small grave made of blackened bones that signify a fallen hunter. Though I do have her go do something else as I’m not to be disturbed.

Beating an eager Krokokile to a pulp as it decides I’m easy prey, I notice the small grave just a few meters away.

Taking hold of a charred bone, I cast Taste on it, and then sit down by it and start pouring some ale.

…Hahhh

Just like the old days, having a drink with someone who’s already dead. Well I hope he enjoys his Goldensprout. Cheers to you, you burnt piece of bone Euric.

*glug*

The taste is worse than I remember;  honey's gone slightly  sour,  probably a few too many years stilling and waiting to be drunk. Dammit perfect recall, can’t you let me enjoy this drink?

Refilling his tankard and pouring it over his bones as I drink, we quickly finish the cask, of which I chuck into an oncoming Krokokile’s face.

“I hope you’re enjoying the bitch that is eternity” Giving a last look at the charred bones as they pulverize themselves to ash, I call out for not Tillia, who reappears from the trees not far away. Seriously I told you to leave us alone.

“Old friend?”

“Sort of” Friend would be a strong word. He actually kind of hated that I was superbly overpowered. But then again we both hated that “So what is your name then?”

“Thëssaelïa”  Thessa for short, long names are just annoying.

“That’s pretty elvish”

“My father named me, who knocked up my Mom then fucked off” Okay daddy issues calm your tits.

“Was he a half-elf too?”

“Mom said he called himself a full elf but that’s bullshit, everyone knows elves don’t exist anymore” true so probably a narcissist. Damn, to see Tillia get knocked up by that, bloody typical of this world.

Tutting to myself, I walk back to Rintash, climbing up the pegs this time, mostly holding onto Thessa, as I seem to have lost more muscle mass and am basically a stick at this point.

Really should rein in on the whole throwing about spells like spit for now.

“Food” I grumble to Thessa as she supports me. I may be a hero but not getting enough sustenance really fucks me over big time.

Just one of many things that will make boredom into living hell if I let it too much out of control.

Stumbling into the main hall, guided by the same mousy brown-haired kid who shot me, I’m assaulted with the sight of dozens of beasts being roasted in front of me, the fires taking up much space of the hall.

“Welcome Roy Hero, Forest Wanderer of Euric, it is a pleasure to see a figure such as yourself here, one whom my father spoke much of” He gives me a pleasant smile and nod “But enough of the pleasantries, you are hungry are you not?”

“I could eat a country”