“MR HERO” Crashing into the room, hair dishevelled and a fearing look in her eyes, she catches the hem of her skirt on the door handle, tumbling to the floor with a crack. “Please help us” snotty tears mixes with her bloodied face as she looks at the languid figure rocking in the shadows.
That shadow, rocking on two legs of a chair with the all the calmness in the universe, sighing with a world weariness of an elder beyond his years, ale lapping tasteless into his mouth…is me.
“Why help now when tomorrow you will ask the same thing? Why aid those who can do so themselves?”
“They’re dying, they’re DYING. Can ya not hear the screams?!!” Ghastly like a ghoul, she crawls towards me, unkempt dirty blond hair hiding more than half her girlish, not quite womanly, face, yet what is visible is caked in fresh blood and tears.
“A million screams I have heard and a million more shall I hear. And every scream although different in its source, is but a common noise, an annoying noise. I have spent my life wading through screams, what is one more but another sound to the cacophony of my nightmares?” that is if my dreams were still so vivid.
“But but you’re a hero aren’t chya?!”
“Retired missy, now” I take the last gulp of that bitter ale, placing the tankard down semi-lightly onto the rickety table “Get me another drink”
“No” She stands up, blood spurts down her leg as she does so, almost topping her over once more.
“Are you the barmaid or a bitch”
“You don’t take that tone with me, I aint serving ya nothing until ya go out there and save the town!” Crossing her arms defiantly. Oh come on, I just want another drink.
“Fine” a smile cracks upon her lips “I’ll go get the ale myself” Pushing off the table with my feet, the chair and I fall to the floor. Ah might actually have a nap instead.
*BRATATATATATATTTT*
*Snore*
“WAKE UP, WAKE UP” Her weak slaps are almost like raindrops, ahhh shitty memories.
The screams permeate downstairs with a crash, that odd sound following inside and like a phantom of death cuts out all other sounds of life.
“PAPA” Molly screams, running out of the room towards the ever growing screams of death and battle
…….
……
…..
….
…
..
.
I’m thirsty.
Dragging myself to my feet and stumbling to the door, just about catching the handle, I swing it open into a human in full swat, black-ops looking gear pointing a machine-gun between my eyes.
*Bang*
“…ow” completely deadpan I look through his night-vision goggles, seeing dreading eyes behind them.
Crushing his head before he can shoot another bullet into my head, I get assaulted by a blue screen.
Hello again, it’s been a long fucking while blue screen.
Thank you for joining The Games in sector FS3-X41, Roy the Hero.
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
Enemies left: 475
Allies left: 13
If I could roll my eyes further to the back of my head I could.
*BRATATATAT*
*Dingdingding* Oh that is going to get annoying.
Wobbling down the shot up wooden stairs, nursing my favourite tankard, right into the crosshairs of a dozen swat looking soldiers, I cast a simple air slash before they can riddle me with enough holes to become swiss bloody cheese.
*Dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding* Honestly the bullets might be less annoying.
Strolling to the bar, dammit they even shot the casks.
To the cellar and god dammit soldiers why do you have to shoot all the ale?
*Dingding*
Pain in the ass, all I want is a drink.
Luckily the cellar is pretty big, so after a good twenty minutes of searching and killing the dozen soldiers that came in locked and loaded, before they could shoot up the place more than it already is, I finally found a cask that hadn’t been punctured.
Elfbark ale, tastes like sugary piss. Eh it’ll do.
Getting back upstairs, well that explains the massive cannon sounds as the entire above ground part of the tavern has been obliterated. Wait the bar is still slightly intact.
Where is…aha there’s a tap. Crooked but it’ll do for now.
*gulp gulp gulp gulp gulpahhh*
Give me a second please tank, I’m pretty thirsty.
Poruing myself a second tankard of ale as the huge barrel of a black heavy looking tank veers towards me, I drain the second tankard just as the click of gunpowder reaches my ears.
*BOOM*
*dingdingdingdingding*
And that’s one blown up tank, now to get my tankard ba…nope it got shattered inside the barrel too. Man that was my third favourite tankard.
*Brrrrrr*
“Fire!”
Ignoring them as over a hundred machine guns, miniguns, shotguns, rocket launchers, sniper rifles and a bunch of other guns fire everything they’ve got at my protective shield as I scour the somehow standing bar for another tankard.
*Clickclickclick*
“He’s a monster”
“M-m-men! It doesn’t matter, reload and shoot, something will get through eventu-”
*Dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding*
Well I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been through worse repetitive annoying noises before. At least I took them all out with a wind slice rather than have to suffer one ding at a time.
“Please spare me” There’s always one that survives somehow, always a young looking kid probably not even legal sex age.
Stomping his mask in, one last fucking ding and if I counted right that should be all the enemies
VICTORY!
The battle between Larios (Village) and Coombeinteignhead (Village) has ended.
Casualties:
500 Enemies
498 Allies
Please wait while other battles finish
Now THAT got my attention. Coombeinteignehead is from Earth if my perfect memory is correct…No wonder they sounded English and had guns…though the full on swat looking armour is definitely unusual.
Well I’ll learn whatever the hell is this in due time, might as well get myself a drink...
*Crunch* Ah screw it.
“Hero”. Bloody Molly sits up suddenly, bullets falling out of her body with more annoying clanging. “Why am I alive?”
Ow shit my eyes are stuck in the back of my head again.
*thwack thwack* There we go I can see again
“Find me a tankard” Plopping the surviving cask on the remains of the counter and sit on somehow an intact stool. “And pour me a drink”