The God of Rants sighed.
It had been a long day.
Everyone seemed to think that he loved to rant, which he kind of did, but that didn't mean that he should be called over to rant every time some lazy god or goddess decided that it wasn't worth their breath! Nobody likes ranting about 9-5 desk jobs, especia-
"YOU!"
...What?
"Who?"
The God of Rants spun around.
Some crazy god he didn't recognize was pointing at him. His finger was shaking and he looked like he could lose his sanity at any moment.
...Meh.
Probably a god of alcohol or something.
But wait...
He seemed powerful enough to be...
"YOU! TALKING IS COPYRIGHTED! SPITTING IS COPYRIGHTED! RANTING IS COPYRIGHTED! ARGUING IS COPYRIGHTED! SIGHING IS COPYRIGHTED! BEING DEPRESSED IS COPYRIGHTED! BREATHING IS COPYRIGHTED! EXISTING IS COPYRI-"
"WAIT! Wait! Wait! Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait! Wait a minute! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wai-"
"Huh? What? What language are you speaking?"
"I, uh... I switched to inhaling carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen last year to help the planet! Technically, that's not-"
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
"NOBODY CARES! BEING ECO-FRIENDLY IS COPYRIGHTED! SAVING THE WORLD IS COPYRIGHTED! ...Uh... BEING A GOD IF COPYRIGHTED! EXISTING IS COPYRIGHTED! BEING CONFUSED IS COPYRIGHTED! B-"
"WELL THEN, COPYRIGHTING IS COPYRIGHTED!"
"COPY...Wait... Why didn't I think of that?... But I was the one who copyrighted it, so it doesn't count! COPYRIGHTING IS COPYRIGHTED!"
"I didn't-"
"ATTEMPTING TO COPYRIGHT IS COPYRIGHTED!"
Dang it!
Copyright was out of control! He was getting more and more powerful at an exponential rate! Even the god of the internet was having trouble keeping him from destroying everything he saw!
"Go copyright yourself, motherf*cker!"
"CURSING IS COPYRIGHTED!"
"I DON'T F*CKING CARE!"
"NOT CARING IS COPYRIGHTED!"
"...Wait, what?"
"Not caring is copyrighted, so I guess you'll just have to care?"
"Oh..."
"CARING IS COPYRIGHTED! SAYING 'OH' IS COPYRIGHTED! TRAILING OFF WITHOUT COMPLETING SENTENCES IS COPYRIGHTED! BEING CONFUSED IS COPYRI-"
"YOU ALREADY SAID THAT!"
"I...Oh. Right. Well, then, YELLING ALL IN CAPS IS COPYRIGHTED!"
"...C O P Y R I G H T T H I S, M O T H E R F * C K E R ! "
"...How should I say it... What...Dang it! Whatever! For breaking copyright law by talking, spitting, ranting, sighing, yelling, arguing, caring, breathi-"
"I DIDN'T BREATHE!"
"NOBODY CARES!"
"Now where was I? Talking, spitting, ranting, sighing, yelling, arguing, caring, not breathing, being depressed, being confused, being angry, being scared, b-"
"I WASN'T SCARED!"
"NOBODY CARES!"
"Talking, spitting, ranting, sighing, yelling, arguing, caring, not breathing, being depressed, being confused, being angry, not being scared..."
The God of Rants sighed.
It was time to utilize his only weakness.
He would do more and more things that were supposedly copyrighted, stalling for time.
* * *
"HEY, YOU! POLLINATING IS COPYRIGHTED! BUZZING IS COPYRIGHTED! FLYING IS COPYRIGHTED! BEING ANNOYED IS COPYRIGHTED! GLARING WITH LITTLE BEADY EYES IS COPYRIGHTED! BEING A BEE IS COPYRIGHTED! LANDING ON FLOWERS IS... HEY! GET BACK HERE!"