image [https://i.imgur.com/xcQhW8Y.jpg]

We’re not going to talk about what happened; that’s final!

Those teeth. I haven’t been penetrated that much since... well, let’s just say it’s private!

Ugh, fine!

Yes, that damn mimic turned me into a personal chew toy, and once again, none of my passive attacks did jack shit! Not even infused with Fear from Terror’s Infusion. It wasn’t until I cast Necrotic Flame that the treasure chest spat me out. With utter glee, I bathed everything within the chamber in green necrotic flames—I might have been cackling like a maniac, but so what? A girl’s gotta vent somehow!

That said, I’m pretty sure I figured something out during that little encounter. I don’t think Terror’s Infusion works if the spell it’s attached to doesn’t work against my foe. Like, let’s say they’re immune to Blight—then no bonus Fear is added. But if I set them alight? Well, let’s just say the terrorized screams from that mimic chest were music to my ears—although that could have also been from pain, so further testing is needed. Not that it’s world-shattering knowledge either way.

But hey, neither was the discovery that the Earth was round—despite my stepdad’s adorably delusional insistence to the contrary.

Pfft, and he always said I was the nutjob!

Yes, it’s round—I know, world-shattering, huh? Am I contradicting myself? Who cares, it’s still a deliciously fun—I mean, irrefutably true—fact to toss at those looney cultists and conspiracy theorists! But let’s be honest, trying to convince the inconvincible of anything, especially that they’re not the center of the universe—boomers, am I right?—is a lost cause. Oh, and just for kicks, Biden won!

What? I said it. We all knew I was going to get book-banned, so why not jump in with both feet, waving my pink and blue pride flag all the way! Bwahahaha!

Um, where was I going with all of this wall breaking again? Hmm… I suppose it doesn’t matter, but isn’t it just a blast to stir the pot sometimes?

Some folks just want to watch the world burn. Me? I used to get a kick out of pitting people against each other and watching the chaos unfold from a safe distance. But times change, and so have I. Now, I prefer to be up close and personal, doing the slaughtering myself. It’s just more... satisfying. Oh! Oh! And yummy.

Wait—does that mean I’ve given up on being a range-casting sorceress?

Nah, I’ve still got range spells. It just means I’m really starting to enjoy the thrill of the up-close and personal. Adds a bit more... flair, don’t you—I—think?

“We’re here,” Redtail uttered, snapping me out of my internal delusions—or musings, thoughts? Whatever you call them.

I glanced around, finding myself before another set of iron doors, eerily similar to the last. I didn’t bother thanking Redtail; why thank your food, right? It’s not like farmers thank the chickens before dinner... or do they?

If my mind wasn’t so adept at dodging the stuff that actually mattered, I might actually freak out about those lifeless eyes that keep haunting me. Seriously, I’ve reincarnated—or been summoned into—a sadistic, murderous cannibal, and yet, a random hallucination of a dead woman I never even knew is gnawing at me, right down to the core. Hence, this overwhelming urge to punch something!

Ugh, and what was with that old lady in the woods—Ethereal Plane? Realm of Dreams? Tomato, tomahto? That’s another mystery I need to unravel. By the way, I’m still utterly, fuming pissed at that admin bitch for taking away my skill that lets me—or my consciousness—visit that place. Like, what’s the big deal?

Why can’t I go there?

“Cunt,” I swore under my breath.

“Excuse me?” Redtail blinked, apparently catching my muttered vent.

“Hmm? Oh, not you, a different cunt,” I flashed a quick smile as I shoved open the iron doors and strode into the next boss chamber.

All I really wanted was a clean fight. Well, I was okay with using dirty tricks, but I desperately needed to rip something—or someone—limb from limb as they screamed in agony. I might’ve considered my lizard-chicken-dinner for the role, but he was still somewhat useful.

The boss chamber was quite similar to the last one, which—come on—was totally lame! You’d think whoever designed this place would’ve had a bit more imagination. But despite the obvious lack of originality, I strode into Bat Cave 2.0, scanning for this chamber’s boss. I peeked around a few stalagmites—let’s be honest, if a boss could actually hide behind those spiky decorations, they wouldn’t be much fun to fight, would they?

I heard a gurgled laugh from behind, prompting an exasperated sigh. “Really?” I grumbled aloud.

Does everyone have to sneak up on me like this?

I spun around as the iron doors slammed shut, the echo of a gurgled laugh, vaguely reminiscent of a ribbit, filling the air. Looking up, I caught sight of my opponent on a ledge above the doorway, sporting what could pass for a smirk—if toads could smirk.

“Playtime,” I declared, my grin as wide as it was toothless.

The monstrous crimson toad, poised to pounce, was decked out in a bizarre ensemble: a grotesque cleaver, longer than I was tall, and a heavy-duty shield that seemed ripped straight from a Snyder film—you know, the one with all those nearly naked Spartan guys. I’m pretty sure that gloriously homoerotic movie was Snyder’s way of hinting he’s one of us. One of us! One of us!

Oops—sorry, I got distracted there! Anyway, back to the toad: His scant attire was completed by a minimal loincloth and leather straps crisscrossing his massive belly and chest, which alone made a sumo wrestler look trim. And let’s be real, no spray-on abs for this guy!

A whimsical desire for dual-wielding skills tickled my mind, though I had no real interest in sword arts. No, my current ambition was singular—to hear this toad’s screams!

With that all in mind, a thought tickled at the back of mine. It was what the admin—Magic, or whatever her bitch-ass name was—had said: “Time to wake up and grow—quickly, if you are to be of any use.”

After she deleted my Ethereal Awakening skill, I suppose you could say my trust in her plummeted—not that I had any to begin with. Yet, annoying as it was, she was right about one thing—I did need to grow. I needed to not only get stronger, but I needed to thrive!

I won’t lie; a piece of me was second-guessing my decisions… That primitive drive for mere survival, something from my old human days, feels more like a chain than a charm. And to be honest, every second this soul’s stuck in this wacky body, my humanity’s taking the back seat—like way, way back. Hell, I barely recognize myself in the mirror anymore—metaphorically, or would that be literally?

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Sorry, had to clarify that last part since there’s always that one person who’ll point out, “She’s not in her original body, so of course she doesn’t recognize herself.” Yeah, I may have said that in a condescending, nasally tone.

Not that I miss the old me too much!

A sigh escaped, but let’s be clear—it wasn’t from any sappy nostalgia. No, this whole gig isn’t about just scraping by or mourning my oh-so-tragic loss of humanity. This is about leveling up, about becoming the kind of nightmare that sends shivers down even Magic’s spine. Forget clinging to humanity—I’m here to thrive as something gloriously monstrous! It’s high time I evolved, blossomed into a force so formidable, even the admin would think twice before messing with me!

The toad hesitated, his eyes catching the sadistic grin stretching unnaturally across my face, dark and demonic in its glee. For a fleeting moment, doubt flickered in his eyes, quickly replaced by a surge of anger at his own hesitation. With a mighty croak, he lunged, his grotesque cleaver arching through the air with lethal intent.

A wicked thrill of adrenaline surged through me, both alien and absolutely exhilarating. Down came the toad, cleaver swinging with the finesse of a sledgehammer at a tea party. Yet, in that heart-stopping moment, my usually dodgy instincts sharpened like a gossip’s tongue at a scandal. I sidestepped with unexpected grace, dodging death by a hair—literally—with a smug smirk plastered across my face.

The chamber trembled as the toad’s cleaver sank into the stone, shredding a trio of stalagmites that had the misfortune of being in the way—oh, and slicing through some of my tentacles that I’d been rocking as a hairdo. Did they look good? Hell yes, they did! Time hiccupped—us both locked in an adrenaline-fueled standoff. I watched in dismay (my fabulous hair!) as he proudly chuckled in glee as my hair squirmed on the ground, dissolving into a dark, sinister puddle. The toad’s laughter boomed, grating on my nerves like a busted chainsaw on a quiet Sunday—utterly infuriating.

And just when I thought his obnoxious cackling couldn’t get any worse, I realized he hadn’t just given me a drastic haircut—he’d taken my arm, too. Fantastic. Because obviously, what’s a day in my life without a little dismemberment?

“That’s it—it’s showtime, you wart-covered dick!” I snapped, my frown now a full-blown grin as I unleashed Blight.

A sinister wave of black miasma erupted, coiling around the toad’s cleaver and left arm like a dark secret just begging to be whispered. My spell was a nightmare come to life, birthing pus-filled blisters across his flesh faster than juicy rumors at a high school reunion.

Yeah… I’m on a roll with all these gossip and rumor metaphors today.

His triumphal ribbits morphed into howls of sheer agony as the infection ate through his flesh, forcing his grip to slacken until the cleaver clattered to the ground. He staggered back, a pitiful sight, now just a sad, one-armed joke still clutching his colossal shield. His left arm hung uselessly, oozing a vile mix of pus and blood from the countless sores—like a horror scene gone viral in the worst possible way.

He let out a sound—a cross between a primal roar and the world’s saddest ribbit—and charged, shield raised like a battering ram. Me? Caught in the spectacle of his misery, I was too slow to react. He hit me like a freight train, my form splattering across the cavern wall in a display grotesque enough to make a splatter painter jealous.

As my Rorschach-like remains grotesquely slid down the wall, pooling on the floor, I began pulling myself together—literally. Eight spidery, squid-like limbs sprouted from my back, crafting an image straight out of a horror artist’s fever dream... or like me when I’m on mushrooms. And no, I’m not admitting to narrating this epic tale while under their influence. Nope. Not even a microdose... Oh, shut up! Fine, maybe I’m a tad high while spinning this tale!

That does it—I’m pissed!

Reacting to my rage, the new limbs on my back snapped to attention, ready for my subliminal commands as if they’d been with me since the beginning.

“Call me, Mistress Octopussy!” I bellowed, my voice echoing off the cavern walls. “—Wait, no, that’s a terrible name.”

But the toad, unimpressed and undeterred by my quip, launched himself at me again. He landed with a wet, sickening squelch, the force of the impact reverberating through the chamber. This was definitely not the hero moment I’d envisioned.

Trapped under his shield, my reformation stuttered, only a few tendrils sneaking out. My lofty plans for domination had devolved into a desperate, sticky scramble for survival.

Great! Just great!

I internally groaned a string of curses, realizing too late that I’d forgotten to toggle my passive skills. Yeah, getting distracted by that admin nonsense tends to have that effect.

Convenient timing, Blake. I need to focus on what I’m doing and let go of my bitching about what happened in that dream place.

As soon as I flicked my passives back on, things got wicked fast. My eight new limbs weren’t just for show—they wrapped around the shield and shot straight for him, tightly coiling around whatever they could grasp as if they had minds of their own, letting my passive skills do their delightful dance of doom. The toad shrieked like he was auditioning for a horror flick—you know, the one where pus and blood earn you an Oscar. Yeah, I think he’s nailed the role.

In a fit of panic, and much to my piss-stained surprise, he flung the shield upward. Big mistake… for me! Each of my limbs that had lovingly embraced the boss toad was cruelly severed, leaving bits of me still stubbornly clinging to him. Meanwhile, the rest of me—still attached to the shield—shot up like a cannonball, smashing into the chamber’s ceiling with a splat as stalactites rained down.

In the throes of excruciating pain, the toad’s mouth gaped open, releasing a bellowing, fearful cry that echoed off the chamber walls. My fragmented remnants burrowed into his hide with ruthless abandon, fueled by a Corrosive hatred and Venomous fury with a splash of Terror’s Infusion mixed in. As far as Life Drain went, who the hell knows? It’s not like I had a health bar showing me what was up. But hey, those tentacles still attached to him weren’t dissolving into useless goop, so maybe they were feeding off him?

Amidst his tormented cries, I stared down at him, noting the absence of teeth within his cavernous maw.

In a display that might have seemed almost pitiful in a different circumstance, the toad raised its arms heavenward as if in a futile plea for divine intervention. Yet, the only entity above him was not a merciful deity, but me!

At this moment, a deliciously wicked and deviously brilliant idea sprouted in my mind. I could almost hear myself cackling aloud.

Oh, Blake, that’s evil!

With devious timing, I released my hold on the shield embedded in the ceiling. I gave Ethereal Mist a go, plunging straight down into the toad’s gaping maw, unseen and unnoticed, filling its screaming abyss with my horrifying presence. There wasn’t a loud boom, bang, or even a splash as I landed. Honestly, I looked like falling bird shit splattering in his open mouth—if bird shit could be halfway between realms for a brief moment.

Still, I seized the opportunity, snapping back out of my temporary—temporal?—mist form, and quickly slithered down his gullet. My form seeped into every nook and cranny, leaving a trail of destruction in my wake. The toad’s cries of pain were abruptly cut off as his vocal cords were among the first things my form dissolved, spreading poison like a malicious whisper through his insides.

Surprisingly, the more surface I covered, the better I felt, as though the torn pieces were filling back in. I supposed it was Life Drain at work, knitting me back together even as I ripped him apart from the inside—and let’s be honest, this wasn’t the first time I did that to a man.

Suddenly, a crushing pain enveloped me. The toad had managed to reach into his mouth and grab hold of the remaining part of me that hadn’t yet infiltrated his lungs and stomach—or had he turned his stomach inside out? Frogs and toads can do that, right?

In desperation, I decided to cast what I had always dismissed as a useless spell—Silk Webbing.

Why not? It’s not like things could get worse.

Oh, shut up! They can get worse.

To my dismay, the spell didn’t project out in long strands of webbing or at a great distance—so, yeah, no web swinging in my future—but instead seemed to multiply in copious amounts within the confines of the toad’s mouth. Much to my surprise, that was exactly what I needed, as it spread everywhere.

Frantically, I kept casting, coating every inch of the creature’s maw, stalling for precious time as my passives did their work.

I’m not leaving without a souvenir!

I tried desperately to cling to a lung. Regrettably, I had underestimated the toad’s resolve. Turns out, it’s easier to tear a slime monster in half than to dislodge a lung. The next scream that echoed through the chamber was my own. With a cruel jerk, the toad succeeded in bisecting me.

Just great! Torn apart by a glorified frog!

My consciousness echoed my scream of agony, but soon, that too began to fade. I frantically activated Blight and Necrotic Flame in my last moments as my world spiraled into darkness—into a rabbit hole of lost dreams.

Thankfully, like any concussion I’ve sustained, the darkness quickly receded. What? I’ve always been a bit of a fighter… Anyway, I blinked, finding everything much brighter. Glancing around, I noticed I was lying in a snow-covered forest on a beautiful sunny day.

“Welcome back, dear. We never did get to finish our little talk, now did we?”