image [https://i.imgur.com/xcQhW8Y.jpg]

“Pssst! Pssst! Psssssst!” The muffled sound came repeatedly now.

I spun my little eyeball on gooey tendrils around, trying to locate the source of the sound. It seemed like it was coming from inside my head, which wasn’t exactly a new experience for me. But this was different from my own insane monologue. This voice had a sense of urgency but didn’t sound like me, unless I’ve got a split personality I don’t know about. I mean, ha! I’m not that crazy or anything, am I?

“PSSST!”

Who the hell keeps psssting me?

The variety of colors from Mana Focus didn’t quite match what I’d expect; hues on objects looked like wafting wisps or blotches of paint, reminding me of something I had seen in a film once. What was it? What Dreams May Come, I think. You know, the one with the GOAT, Robin Williams, about the afterlife, where his heaven was made out of literal paint. Anyway! I was still having a bit of a hard time with it, so I turned it off and went back to Thermal. As the other skill activated, I glanced around, searching for anything glowing white… turns out, there was a lot of stuff with warmth in the cavern, unlike the cold chamber I had come from. Though, nothing nearby, except—that’s when I saw it—a small, glowing square hiding amongst some rocks.

What the—is that?

“Pssst! Hide! Pssst! He’s going to see you!” The voice spoke again, still just as urgent and panicked. “HIDE! NOW!”

It was then I noticed the sounds I was hearing in my head were awfully similar to how the ochre jelly had spoken to me. Then it hit me—the Polyglot skill mentioned in the description that I could harness the ripples of mana to manipulate linguistic barriers or some stupid shit like that.

Is that thing talking to me through mana?

As I looked down at the group of five people below, I wondered why I was being told to hide. They couldn’t even see me—not to mention my size. But as a gooey, shapeshifting… thing, I still hadn’t quite figured out how to speak in my new form. So, instead, I scurried over with slimy legs flopping out and disappearing within me as I made my way over to the slime cube. I came to a wobbly stop before it, lifted one of the oily appendages I guessed was supposed to be a limb, and pointed a tendril at myself.

My current tiny form, with gooey spider or octopus-like legs, still resembled a tar-covered eyeball. Huh, I suppose I do look a lot like an octopus. It was safe to say I was disappointed with my shapeshifting abilities and lack of mass after getting all my hard-earned gains burnt away. But hey, at least I had magic—life should improve, right? So, no full-blown freakouts… yet.

“What?! Yes, you! Hurry! Hide, brother!”

Brother? Oh, hell no—why does everyone think I’m a man?!

I gave the tiny cube a nonchalant shrug, which looked rather odd with no shoulders, but I was surprised to discover that I didn’t feel a sudden urge to devour the cube.

Ha, maybe I’m not a complete psycho after all.

“Not near me! Hide somewhere else!”

I nonchalantly gave the cube another bizarre shrug before plopping my eye down beside it, crossing three slimy appendages as I did. Gazing at the cube, I mentally frowned; it was twice my size.

“What are you doing?”

Again, I lifted an oily tendril, gesturing toward where my mouth should have been—if eyeballs did have mouths. Then I pointed at where I thought a hole—or mouth—should have been on the cube. The five other Dark Champion candidates were still bickering in the distance, but who cared? If this cube was talking through mana, I wanted to know how it was doing it. This little guy was another slime, and he knew how to talk! If he didn’t teach me how to speak, I could always eat him and see what my Absorb skill could teach me.

Would eating a slime count as cannibalism?

No? Wait, hadn’t I already resorted to cannibalism?

No. Maybe? Technically... well, technically, eating Olin and Sophia shouldn’t count since I’m now a Black Pudding. And Niamh was a succubus, and everyone’s probably had a taste of that—

Ugh, Blake, I’m sick in the head! Also, I really should stop talking to myself.

“Stupid puddin’ slime! What are you doing? Get away from me! I won’t go back!”

Go back?

Fine, if you’re going to be a dick about it, let’s see how you taste!

No, don’t do it, Blake. He’s twice my size. I just need to chill out and not attack everyone and everything that annoys me—I’m not my mother!

Pointing wasn’t cutting it, and I wasn’t about to take no for an answer. So, I took matters into my own... tendrils. This should get my point across. Without hesitation, I rammed one of my tendrils straight into what I hoped was the cube’s face, sizzling a hole into it as I watched the temperature change across its surface from my passive attacks. I doubted Corrosive would do much to another slime, but as I’d seen from the one I had killed earlier, they didn’t have protection from my venom, or at least, not enough resistance to the dose I could dish out.

You better give me something good—wait—don’t eat me!

I had attacked the cube without thinking, just doing it despite it being bigger than me. What can I say, I’m such a Karen, picking fights that I really shouldn’t. Heck, in my annoyance, I’d probably have asked for the cube’s manager as well, just so I could fight them. Yeah, I can be that kind of bitch. Thankfully, my passive attack did its work before the cube could try eating me.

V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE

Acid Status Detected [SD]

Resist Status: Full Immunity [Active]

Applying Resistances...

Resistance Successful.

Acid Effects Nullified.

_

V:\BattleResult

Enemy Defeated: [Dungeon Gelatinous Cube]

Current Level: 13

Next Milestone at Level: 15

Initiate [Absorb] on [Dungeon Gelatinous Cube]?

> YES

> NO

V:\>

Disappointment for not gaining a level washed through me as I slurped on the remains of the delicious cube. As I did, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Oops, I guess that answers my earlier question. I am a cannibal! Oh well, no big deal. After all, it’s not like I could help being what I am—body positivity and all that, right? And hey, the cube tasted like peanut butter, so it wasn’t all bad. Plus, who needs to speak when you have tendril-fingers and magic.

I guess I’ll just have to find another way to learn how to talk.

I glanced at the notification, and with a mental confirmation, I clicked yes.

V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

SkillUpdate

[Absorb] [Dungeon Gelatinous Cube] Successful.

New Selectable Skills Available:

- [Paralysis]

V:\>

Alright! Another skill I can’t use... oh, joy. I wonder when these milestones will start handing out skill slots. Geez. Not that I don’t appreciate gaining already active racial skills, but I could really use some extra skill slots.

“Er, y-you seen Doodles?” a new voice asked, nearly scaring me into splattering myself from surprise.

Glancing up, I spotted a child standing over me, most likely searching for the cube.

Doodles? Are you talking about the cube?

While he couldn’t hear the internal questions I threw at him, little did he know... Doodles had been quite the scrumptious treat. I attempted to shush him but remembered I lacked a functioning mouth—and face. Instead, I gestured with a tendril, mimicking a shushing motion where my lips should have been on my eyeball, hoping he’d catch on. As expected, much like with the cube, he didn’t understand what I was doing either.

V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE

Notification

Skill [Pet Submission] used by Dungeon Denizen:

Name: [Wartie]

Race: [Dungeon Goblin]

Class: [Pet Tamer]

Error Detected: [ED]

- Submission Skill cannot be used on USER.

- Submission Skill unsuccessful.

- Skill Negated.

V:\>

You, little dick!

“YOU LISTEN? ME TALKIN!” he bellowed. “FIND Doodles, then home to Ockpool!”

Oh, I’m so tempted to kill him right now.

No, Blake, hold back; he’s just a kid.

Ugh! Is it possible I still have a moral compass?

No! Maybe? Though, who cares if I ate his friend—pet. But still, did he just try to make me submit, like some animal?

Don’t kill him. Don’t kill him. I want to kill him. I want to kill him.

Good grief, kids can be so infuriating. Also, what is Ockpool? Is that the name of a place or something?

“SPEAK!” he commanded, snapping his fingers.

In a panic, I hastily pointed toward the cliff edge where the other candidates were. Oddly, they had fallen silent... I deactivated Thermal and switched back to Mana Focus—only, instead of focusing it into the eyeball I had polymorphed, I infused it throughout my entire round body, gaining a panoramic view all around me. I enjoyed a complete three-hundred-sixty-degree view—and I absolutely hated it!

While most of my surroundings were blurry, my focal point was becoming slightly clearer—it seemed I was getting better at this, although it still sucked. I spotted the child, only to realize he wasn’t a child at all. The kid—or rather, thing—was covered in green skin, adorned with large ears and warts. A goblin? However, I couldn’t dwell on that for too long as a hazy purple fog materialized behind him. I watched in amazement as a blade formed out of the haze. And then, it swung outward—at his neck!

My body tingled with adrenaline, watching everything unfold as if in slow motion. I was still sitting on the ground, a tiny black blob, staring as the sword connected just below the goblin’s head. I should have been freaking out, but who was I kidding? This was too fascinating to look away from!

The blade bit into its mark, and I watched, captivated, as the goblin’s neck gave way, each muscle fiber slicing apart. The goblin was helpless as the sword moved through him like a hot knife through butter. The sensation of utter glee ran through me as I observed the scene. And before I knew it, he was decapitated, his head spinning in the air before landing right next to me, the gaping neck wound splattering me with blood.

That was amazing!

I want that skill.

The purple fog slowly dissipated as the goblin’s body collapsed to the ground, revealing a figure standing over the corpse, looking almost giddy. He appeared mostly human-ish, except for the severe underbite that revealed dozens of razor-sharp, needle-like teeth—a dentist’s worst nightmare.

But my attention was split among a few pressing matters. First, I couldn’t help but marvel at the grotesque sight of my head beside me, gaping open in a way that was both fascinating and horrifying. It’s not my proudest moment, but it’s far from the worst thing I’ve witnessed or done since becoming an acidic, flesh-eating pudding.

Second, I noticed the other four candidates rapidly approaching from a hundred yards away. And finally, the most important task at hand—hiding before Baraka, or whatever his name was, noticed me!

“Hell yeah, I freaking love Phantom Slash—”

Me too!

“—I can’t wait until my next milestone at level ten—these racial skills are wicked!” Baraka, Snaggle Tooth, or whatever the fuck his name was, lowered his voice to a whisper, “I can’t wait to eat those four fuckers’ hearts once we kill that fat-ass boss. Pfft!” Then, turning toward where the others were approaching, he shouted, “Hey guys, this stupid goblin didn’t even know what hit it!”

Well, he’s a sinister, backstabbing bastard.

The nerve of some people!

As he openly reveled in his eventual plans to turn on his allies as they drew closer, I quickly rushed into the nearest hiding place I could find—right inside the neck hole of the goblin’s head. It was both delicious and practical. I mean, who would look inside there? Also, I was in no condition to fight five other candidates. My only issue was not dissolving the entire head before they left, so, sadly, I deactivated Corrosive but left on Venomous just in case one of those idiots tried to mess with the head while I was inside it.

“Jason, what was it?” Another person sprinted our way, calling out as he approached.

“What on earth is Jeremy talking about? What was it? I already fucking said it was a goblin,” Jason muttered to himself before shouting back, “A fucking goblin!”

I heard noises like bones being cracked open. Curious, I wanted to peek out from the neck to see what was happening, but I remained still, not wanting to risk being discovered.

“Gross!” a woman’s voice exclaimed.

“Jason! That’s disgusting,” the same voice that had shouted earlier—presumably Jeremy—said, sounding as though he was standing right over me, or rather, the goblin’s head.

“Look, it’s not my fault I’m in this body,” I heard Snaggle Tooth, or rather Jason, reply. “I’ve got a craving for hearts.” He paused, then added, almost casually, “I also unlock new skills from any dungeon monsters or system users whose hearts I consume,” piquing my curiosity even further.

I bet he has all kinds of skills I could take from him.

My thoughts zeroed in on a single command: Blight. But I hesitated, recalling Jason’s mumblings about his impending level ten milestone. The true significance of levels still eluded me. The boost I received from killing the succubus suggested she was far more powerful than me—yet, unlike Sophia, whose corpse I had absorbed, she wasn’t a system user. Did that imply Niamh lacked levels as well?

With a deep sigh, I refrained from casting Blight. There was too much I didn’t understand, and I wasn’t ready to make a move just yet. Besides, my choice to hide inside the decapitated head of a goblin already reflected my reluctance to confront them directly.

I really wasn’t ready to confront these individuals yet. There was too much I didn’t understand about skills, magic, and the system; honestly, I doubted I ever would. The most frustrating part? It seemed like an absolutely flawed setup. Even the notifications were marked by Safe_Mode, which, to my understanding, meant the system wasn’t running at full potential, as if it were in diagnostic mode for troubleshooting. It made me wonder: was this how the gods of this reality managed things, or was I caught in some elaborate simulation? It didn’t seem likely to be a video game; Earth’s technology hadn’t reached that level of sophistication yet—the Matrix wasn’t real—no, this felt more like hell.

As my thoughts rambled on, the five candidates bickered about their disgust at Jason eating a raw goblin heart. They slowly meandered away, undisturbed, leaving me alone inside the green creature’s skull.

Peeking out from the neck hole, I confirmed they were gone. Satisfied, I reactivated Corrosive and delighted in the sensation as the goblin dissolved around me, infusing my gooey form with the savory taste of Carne Asada.  

Mmm, Mmm, good!

After savoring the remains of the head, I reshaped my form into an eyeball with gooey legs, eliminating the annoying panorama perspective, and glanced around for the goblin’s body. I was eager to finish my meal and extract those oh-so-sweet system skills—only to find that the body was nowhere to be seen. Worse still, I never received a prompt to use Absorb on the goblin’s head.

Wait, does that mean I need to consume a certain percentage of someone to gain the option to absorb their skills?

Well, shit! You’d think eating a brain would count for something—not that I suspected that goblin had much of a brain to begin with. Ugh!

With my pathetic meal concluded and the immediate threat gone, I faced an entire dungeon to explore and monsters to level up from. The only question now was, where to start?

~

“Aaargh!” a goblin screamed, sitting up abruptly and grasping his throat. Frantically, he patted his face, cheeks, and ears to ensure his head was still attached.

“Ah, Wartie, I see you’ve respawned,” muttered a grizzled old worg. He reached up with a gangly thin arm to his muzzle, stroking his long gray beard that draped down to the ground, dragging behind him as he slowly approached the goblin, the clicking of his staff hitting the floor with each step. “Ah, and so did your pet slime, I see,” he added.

Wartie glanced up at the floating dungeon core, then his gaze snapped downward to a trembling gelatinous cube beside him. With a slight squeak, the cube cried out, “No. No. I tasted freedom,” it mourned. “Just... just kill me!” However, its pleas went unnoticed by those unable to understand its words. The goblin’s face lit up with glee as he picked up the cube for an overly aggressive snuggle, squeezing it like a water balloon on the verge of bursting. “Oof. Kill meee,” the cube whimpered once more.

“Doodles! I never lose again!” Wartie exclaimed.

“You need to be more careful, young one,” the old worg admonished, shaking his gnarled, leathery finger at the goblin. “Children are exceedingly rare in this realm. At merely five decades old, you’re our youngest. The next youngest, Gapping, is approaching three hundred soon—and if you ask me, he’s far too annoying. You’re far too important to us to be wandering off recklessly.”

The goblin’s ears drooped as he stared down at the trembling cube. “S-Sorry, Warchief Hensley,” Wartie muttered, then glanced up at the worg with bright eyes. “Found black slime,” he said, his smile brightening but quickly fading into a pout. “But it got away,” he added, his large green bottom lip jutting out. Looking back down, he whispered softly, “But find it again. I will.”

Warchief Hensley was about to admonish the young goblin further after hearing what he had muttered under his breath when a piercing scream erupted from outside the dungeon respawn chamber of Ockpool. Turning sharply, the worg stepped out to find dungeon denizens scattering in alarm as an explosion tore a nearby building apart, sending rubble raining down across the great dungeon city.

The Warchief spun around and snapped at the goblin, “Run!” His voice boomed as the tip of his staff ignited, radiating an array of powerful magic.

Emerging through the cloud of rubble, a female high elf stepped forward, her golden hair fluttering behind her. With a determined gaze, she proclaimed, “I am Paladin Anlyth, on behalf of the Gods, the Kingdom of Slaethia, and the Holy Ascended Empire. Surrender the dungeon core, and I’ll make your final deaths as painless as possible, heathen monsters.”

“We will never surrender the core,” Warchief Hensley answered, pointing his staff at her.

“So be it,” the Paladin tsked. “Your unnatural and unholy union with the core ends now.”