image [https://i.imgur.com/xcQhW8Y.jpg]

With maximum effort—well, perhaps not effort, but definitely maximum bitching—I commenced my grumbling, whining, cursing, and name-calling as I slowly oozed my way through the rubble of what was once the great pathway of Moria... well, the Deep Roads. Wait! Wasn’t Moria the name of the mines, and Khazad-dûm the city? I better not slip up on these details, lest I invoke the wrath of those D&D—no, wait, Potter—cultists online. They’re a fierce bunch of keyboard warriors!

Seriously, Blake? Stirring up the trolls again?

YEP!

What’s next, Rey was a Skywalker?

Oh—I love Star Trek!

Eh, Orville is better.

Shut your mother-licking face hole!

Yes, I was mentally rambling to myself as I slithered through the fucking cave-in caused by that female bitch—well, canine. I’m assuming he was a she because, let’s be honest, that was a total bitch move! I probably should use they, but that’s more about respect, and let’s be real, I don’t really respect anyone. Still, every they I’ve slept with could eat pussy like a freaking champ! Why, you might ask?

—The constant mental chatter part—not the pussy eating, bitch, or cave-in stuff—obviously. For starters, there’s no music, so my brain does this annoying little dance—it just has to be doing something, thanks to ADHD and a cocktail of other mental quirks, including a few misdiagnoses for good measure. This jumbled mental process was exacerbated in my last life by the US’s crap healthcare coverage and the scarcity of mental health options for those without a ton of money—which doesn’t really explain my new fondness for eating people. Though, I think I’ve ranted about that before, so you should already get it—hopefully… unless you’re also a bit twisted in the head?

Secondly, I’m bored out of my damn gooey skull—though, isn’t that just a rerun of point one? Whatever! Just know this: the path deep under the earth—or well, Nyxoria (not going to lie, I hate that the word Earth also means ground, soil, dirt, and all that shit. It’s so confusing at times)—was jam-packed with rocks, stones, and dirt, making it a total bitch to navigate—hence, all the mental gymnastics to keep me from going insane…er.

Lastly, but perhaps most significantly, I needed to distract myself from my—rage! Yes, I was seriously pissed off right now. Why, you may ask? Well, my corpses, brimming with those oh-so-good skills—and yummy intestines—were gone when I woke up. Sure, it was tough to search with a mountain of debris on top of me, but I still looked, and looked, and looked—and, well, you get the point. So, yeah, I’m not exactly taking it well.

That being said, one good thing did happen: I remembered my dream this time! You know that feeling, right? Waking up almost giddy because you can perfectly recall every detail of your dream—that was me... or would have been, if I wasn’t so infuriated about my breakfast disappearing when I woke up. You think a cup of coffee can kickstart your day? Ha! Clearly, you’ve never tried cannibalism!

Ugh, and I was so ready to eat those two elf girls’ asses!

Literally, I take it?

Mhmmm! Do you think—wait, do I think—dark elf meat tastes better than high elf? Oh! Oh! Better question: Ass—hind, if we’re being politically correct—breast, or thigh meat?

Ass, while my head is sandwiched between a pair of thighs, and I’m holding onto two handfuls of breasts—and let’s not forget the bean!

No sausage?

I’m still talking about food, right?

…

I chuckled at my inner monologue as I slipped around a particularly tight crevice, happy to find larger gaps as I continued my slimy journey. Until at last, I was free—free at last, thank... Wait, hadn’t I already made this joke reference once before? Eh, but it’s a classic.

Now, out of the collapsed section, I got to work on the work of reforming my body, which, let’s be honest, wasn’t really work at all. In fact, it required no thought whatsoever and seemed to work better without my meddling. I’d explain the mechanics of this work, but I think I’ve overworked the explanation of that subconsciously dead horse by now. Instead, I worked on stretching, putting some work into extending my arms wide—not that this bit of work needed much effort. I suppose it was a subconscious thing, a work habit from my past humanity where stretching just felt good—like decompressing after a day filled with hard work. It’s curious how some forms of work, like stretching, can feel like work even when they’re effortless.

How many times am I going to say ‘work’?

What, am I out of narrative ideas?

...No.

“I think that dream really fucked with my mind, hard. And not in a good way—more like it hate fucked my ass sideways, all messy like, then went full vaginal without so much as a courtesy baby wipe, leaving me with a serious tract infection,” I grumbled… from experience before clarifying. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m feeling a little extra crazy today,” I huffed.

The only reply was the sound of a small pebble falling somewhere off in the distance.

I shrugged, “Everyone’s a critic.”

Oh, and yes, I am all alone, chatting up a storm to myself like the certified madwoman I am. What’s new, right?

I strode toward the path leading back to the main part of the dungeon, eyeing the exit. Not that I felt ready to tangle with those Slutty-teens—Slaethians, or whatever they call themselves—but hey, options were slim. The only fuckers left that could give me any new skills were those three statues, once guardians of the core, now just decorative ass-kickers after the dungeon’s denizens carted the core off to their metropolis, only to have it stolen yet again.

Those stony, marbled pricks were way out of my league, but what’s a girl to do when she needs more skills? I had managed to swipe some from just one other Earthling, a corpse I didn’t even get the pleasure of dropping myself—complete and utter bullshit. And yeah, I snagged some skills from a few other dungeon bosses, a couple of baby spiders, a succubus, and... okay, I admit, I had a whole arsenal of skills to play with. But can you blame me for wanting more? Greed is a hell of a drug—not quite as good as cocaine, but then again, I don’t have any of that here. Looks like it was core-heist time. No other options on the table.

I glanced down and, oh, fabulous—a large pink tentacle was snugly wrapped around my waist. I traced it back to its source and spotted a treasure chest on the other end.

“Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me. How many freaking mimics are down here—”

My rant was cut short as the mimic yanked me off my feet, hurling me straight into its gaping maw. The lid snapped shut with a vicious clang, and rows of shark-like teeth clamped down, gnashing at me as if I were mere bubble gum. It chewed with relentless ferocity, the lid contorting from side to side as it shredded my silk façade and savaged the dark flesh beneath—puncturing, stabbing, and serrating with each horrific chomp. Its wet tongue greedily rolled me around its mouth, savoring me like a connoisseur relishes a fine wine.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

Pain from physical attacks felt more like phantom pain; it didn’t truly hurt, but my mind kept insisting it should—it was quite bizarre. The only genuine sensation was my exasperation with the entire ordeal. Yep, you heard—argh, read—that correctly. I was beyond anger or rage. In fact, if my face hadn’t been all torn up at the moment, I would have worn the exasperation of someone who’s just had enough—in an unamused sort of way.

A few moments later, I strode away as a mimic chest, coated in green flames with purple tips, screamed and wailed. It skittered frantically, bashing from one wall to the next on crab-like legs as if its hair were on fire—well, to be fair, its entire body was on fire, but hair paints a more vivid picture, wouldn’t you say?

Before long, I passed by the dungeon colosseum, steering clear of the three statues that had resumed their original poses, and made my way to the stairwell leading out. The path up was dark and foreboding—though that might have been my nerves. Not that I was worried about vampires or anything, but for some odd reason, my thoughts kept drifting to Aurelia. And now that I could actually remember my dreams, it was like being stuck on a loop of my supposed past lives, particularly that disaster of a night buried under snow.

Were those dreams—or should I call them nightmares—actually memories of past lives?

Sauntering into a chamber that felt more like a crypt than a room, I found myself encircled by ten massive stone slabs, each screaming altar and tailored for someone way taller and less alive than your average NBA star. They huddled around a pit, the fire long snuffed out—ancient history, maybe? My Mana Focus lit the place up like a neon rave, painting everything in wild mana technicolor. Without it? I’d be blinder than a bat who’d lost its sonar at the absolute worst moment.

The ambient mana didn’t just lurk; it pulsated, wrapping around me in a suffocating embrace that was unsettling yet weirdly comforting—like a backstabbing friend ready with a warm hug. Amidst these ethereal currents, whispers of healing energy flickered in wisps. As I navigated this eerie ambiance, I couldn’t help but muse—was this cryptic venue some kind of celestial pit stop? Perhaps a respawn chamber for the brave or downright idiotic system users daring enough to tackle the dungeon?

I didn’t linger, darting out and barely rounding the corner when my metaphorical heart plummeted. The corridor unfolded into a grotesque horror show—bodies strewn everywhere, contorted into unnatural poses like a deranged artist’s macabre playthings. Blood, fire scars, and the remnants of violent magical bursts marred the walls, creating a chaotic canvas strewn with debris. The vamps had clearly gotten their asses handed to them. My stomach churned with a bizarre mix of hunger and—dare I say—arousal? Sure, the carnage might resemble a scandalously forbidden feast, but manners, manners! All thoughts of Magic’s quest vanished as my mind focused singularly on one imperative: find Aurelia!

Frantically, I rummaged through corpse after corpse, each face a silent prayer answered that it wasn’t hers. Yet, amidst the bloody task, I couldn’t resist a nibble here and there—a girl’s gotta eat, after all!

This obsession with finding Aurelia was gnawing at me. She bore no resemblance to the woman in my dreams, yet the fear those dreams stirred up clawed at my insides, just as tangible as the monster of insanity I’d become. I persisted through the destruction, each non-Aurelia body a twisted relief.

Turning down another gloomy hallway, I spotted a lifeless gnome—recognizing the corpse as Olin, that little ghoul twerp, now just another casualty with an axe buried in his skull. The urge to smash his face in and snack on his eyeballs and intestines was tempting—super tempting! But then, like a shart at a funeral, another thought struck me loud and clear amid the deafening silence.

I’ve got an idea.

“Status!” I called out, even though a mere thought would have sufficed.

V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE

CharacterStatus

Name: Blake

Race: Black Pudding

Class: Monster

Level: 25

Titles:

- [Hopeless Crusader]

Racial Skills:

- [Absorb]

- [Arcane Insight]

- [Corrosive]

- [Polymorph]

- [Thermal]

Spells:

- [Astral Insight]

- [Blight]

- [Fear]

- [Life Drain]

- [Mana Focus]

- [Necrotic Flame]

- [Paralysis]

- [Terror’s Infusion]

Abilities:

- [Burst]

- [Ethereal Mist]

- [Silk Webbing]

- [Spider Walk]

- [Venomous]

Vulnerabilities:

- [Fire]

- [Holy]

Immunities:

- [Acid]

- [Darkness]

- [Disease]

- [Dread]

- [Fear]

- [Poison]

- [Sleep]

- [Sorrow]

Unique Traits:

- [Oracle]

- [Polyglot]

- [Stellar Void]

Selectable Skills:

- [Acid Breath]

- [Dull Corrode]

- [Fear Harvest]

- [Fortress]

- [Leap]

- [Poison Spit]

- [Shield Proficiency]

- [Spirit Vessel]

- [Spores]

V:\>

My eyes roamed down my skill list, my expression turning into a frown at the Immunities. It was frustrating that some skill immunities didn’t apply unless cast upon me by an external source, like Fear—I mean, I could still feel scared, like how I was terrified for some unknown reason about anything happening to Aurelia, even though I had immunity to… well, Fear. And yet, Sleep immunity protected me from all states of unconsciousness—unless, of course, someone had an attack that could turn off my buffs, but that’s a different drowned bag of cats.

What I’m getting at is, nothing seems very consistent. It’s almost like the rules of magic are a lot like English: for every rule, there’s an exception, and none of those exceptions make any sense.

Sighing, my gaze moved on until it landed on my available skills to be selected.

“I know I have two available skill points, but it would be nice if my status page actually said that,” I grumbled, silently hoping that blue magical cunt had heard my bitching.

With a deep, resigned sigh, I immediately spent a skill point without an ounce of hesitation—yes, that was a lie if the sigh wasn’t a tell. What? Leveling had become really hard without the dungeon core, so I wasn’t exactly eager to spend my last two points, but I knew it had to be done. Plus, I had an idea. It hit me when I saw Olin’s corpse, reminding me of what Aurelia had done with his soul after I had devoured his last body.

V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE

SkillDetails

[Spirit Vessel]

Description: Manipulate spirits around you, mending and melding them with any accepting vessel.

Status: Inactive

Type: Spell

Activation: Cast

_

V:\Ascension>SAFE_MODE

ActivateSpell

Selecting Spell: [Spirit Vessel]

Status: Active

Type: Spell

Activation: Cast

[Spirit Vessel] is now set as an active-cast.

_

Selectable: 14 out of 15 Skills Activated.

V:\>

Casting my new skill with all my insight guiding me. I watched in both fascination and hunger as the injuries on the undead ghoul began to knit themselves back together—a grotesque display of blood and brain matter flowing back into its body, as if manipulated by some twisted unseen force. Despite the gruesomely enticing sight, which stirred my hunger once more, my priorities were clear—I needed answers first; feasting could wait.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t give two shits about healing Olin or anything like that; I really didn’t like the little prick. However, I needed answers, and more importantly, I needed to find Aurelia!

Alas, the ghoul’s gaze remained vacant and lifeless, and my quest for answers was far from over. I stared at it for a long, probing moment—something was amiss. I wasn’t an expert, but from what I understood, Spirit Vessel shouldn’t have healed the corpse, right?

I wiped at the corner of my mouth, catching a trail of yellow drool, my hunger a subtle reminder of my needs as I continued to study the corpse. Stepping back, I noticed something else peculiar. Tilting my head from side to side, the corpse’s appearance shifted oddly, like those holographic foil trading cards—what I was seeing didn’t seem quite real.

From one angle, the body still looked just as ravaged, but from another, it appeared healed.

Wait—did I mend the spirit?

So, what I’m seeing is his soul? How can I see his soul?

Unless… a soul is mana—Mana Focus!

So, I had apparently healed Olin’s soul, but I couldn’t get it to fuse with the body. I glanced back at the skill’s description and fixated on the phrase, “melding them with any accepting vessel.” My best guess, using all my insight and common sense, was that his body was too damaged to accept the soul.

Disgruntled, I began using Spirit Vessel on Olin’s soul with every nearby body I could find, but to no avail. Intriguingly, his soul took on the appearance of each body I tried, continually giving it that holographic foil trading card look as the soul overlaid the corpse. I admit, it tricked me a couple of times into thinking I had succeeded. However, by leaning from side to side, I was able to notice the illusion—though I suspected that if I wasn’t using mana to see, I wouldn’t have had this issue.

With a huff, I plopped down on my ass, racking my brain for a solution or at least a workaround. Astral Insight and Arcane Insight were proving utterly useless, and don’t even get me started on Oracle—I wasn’t even sure if those skills were doing anything at all. Then, suddenly, an idea popped into my head from seemingly nowhere. I snapped my fingers. With a wicked grin, I activated Stellar Void!