Drago and Hortencia went inside Drago’s house, and called out. “Hey, Mom! Dad! Is anyone home?”

There was no answer. Drago slapped his head. “Duh. They’re at work.”

“Didn’t you call from the starport?” Hortencia asked.

“Um… I wanted to?” Drago began. “I was nervous and figured I’d surprise them.”

“Genius. Sheer Genius.” Hortencia snarked. “What now?”

“I guess go see if my old room is being used – and if not, drop our gear there.” Drago replied. Herc, his curiosity getting the best of him, scampered off to explore. “Don’t eat anything until you show it to me first, Herc!” Drago yelled after his errant pet, getting only an annoyed “coo!” in return.

Drago led the way upstairs, and took Hortencia to a room at the end of a short hallway. There were three bedrooms – one obviously Drago’s parents, one looking relatively unused, and one decorated and furnished for what appeared to be a young man. Drago paused. “I guess my room got taken over by Sasha. He must be what? Twelve years old now? I guess we’re in the guest room.”

“You never told me you had a little brother.” Hortencia replied. “Is he nice?”

“To be honest, I only have a few pictures of him. I haven’t been home since he was 4 years old. He was a good kid brother when I left – always getting into trouble.” Drago smiled at the memory.

“Yeah… Isn’t it great when kids are troublemakers? My older sister Lamia burnt down the neighbor’s house!”

“Oh my god! Did they escape?”

“Not when the doors were nailed shut!” Hortencia replied, proudly. “She was a little demon! I’m so proud of her.”

Drago sighed, pinching his nose. Try to remember Hortencia is different, Drago. He thought. Gods willing this won’t be a disaster. He looked up, and smiled at his girlfriend. “I love you, Hortencia. Your family is so unique.”

“Thanks, honey. I know you’ll love them when we I take you to meet them. We’ll fit right in, I’m sure of it.”

Drago grinned a bit painfully. He wondered if his nervousness of meeting the Addams family showed. “I can’t wait, dearest. I’m sure they’re all rapists and murderers.”

“That’s so sweet of you Drago, but mummy hasn’t murdered anyone in years. She’s on a diet.”

Drago nodded, and started to unpack. Sometimes it was better to say nothing at all.

* * *

A few hours later, Drago and Hortencia were sitting in the family room watching some TV, when they heard a car drive up the driveway. Drago peeked out the window, and smiled. “I think Sasha and my mom are home.”

“Great!” Hortencia tried to put a smile on her face, but it was clear she was rather nervous. “All I have to do is make a good impression.”

“Maybe don’t mention you brought your scorpions with you, then?” Drago suggested.

“I had to, Drago! Who was going to feed them while I was gone?” Hortencia stressed.

“I know, lovey dove. Just, maybe don’t mention them though. It might be a bit much for her to take.”

“Harumph. Fine, I won’t mention them unless she does first.”

“Thank you, Honey.” Drago went to meet his mom by the front door. “C’mon!”

“Mama!” Drago called out, opening the door.

“Drago! Oh my gods, Drago! What a nice surprise!” Drago’s mom rushed up and gave him a big hug. “Sasha! This is your big brother, Drago!” She started tearing up. “What is the occasion?”

Drago unravelled himself from his mother’s embrace, and stepped aside to reveal Hortencia. “I wanted you to meet Hortencia Addams. She’s my girlfriend, and we’re pretty serious.”

Hortencia smiled. “Hello, ma’am. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Hortencia. Please, call me Tatiana. Let me get inside with the groceries and we’ll talk. Have you been here long?”

“No,” Drago replied. “Just since late this morning. We got a lift from the starport from Bear. He went to visit his Grandma.”

“I’m glad to see he finally came home. Will you be staying long?”

“No more than a week, I expect.” Answered Drago.

Tatiana nodded, and moved into the house, and went to the kitchen, Hortencia going with her to help. Sasha, the young man – and Drago’s younger brother watched Drago quietly.

“Sasha… Don’t you remember me?” Drago asked.

“Yeah! I just remembered you different, Drago. I missed you. You should visit more.”

“I know, kiddo.” Said Drago. “Part of the problem was Bear wasn’t ready to come back – he wasn’t over his girlfriend being taken by the monsters. Now that I think he’s okay, we’ll be visiting more often.”

“Cool! Can I get a tour of your starship?” Sasha asked eagerly.

Drago smiled. “I don’t see why not, Sasha. Let’s go help mama.”

When they entered the kitchen, Hortencia was helping Tatiana put away various groceries and canned goods. “I heard from Hortencia that you two met in the navy. How are things going, since you mustered out son?”

“Pretty good, mama. Bear kept his scout ship, and Hortencia and I joined him, and we’ve been travelling about ever since. I just finished telling Sasha that I think Bear is finally over losing Sorcha, so I think we’ll be able to visit more often now.”

“That’s wonderful!” Tatiana exclaimed, smiling a mile wide. It was obvious that she missed her oldest son.

Suddenly, there was a ‘pop’ of displaced air, and Herc teleported into the room onto Drago’s shoulder. “Cooo!” Herc called out, and rubbed his lizard like face on Tatiana’s cheek!

“Oh hey! Mama, this is Herc – he’s my pet Dragon. I found his egg in a market near the fringe, and kept it. He hatched two months later, and he’s been with me ever since. He’s my good boy!” Drago crooned to Herc, and Herc turned and crooned back to Drago, wrapping his tail around his masters neck.

“Awesome!” Sasha called out. “You have a dragon!?”

“I totally do.” Drago replied. “Do you have any cool pets?”

“Oh please,” Tatiana begged. “Don’t get him started.”

“Yeah!” Sasha replied. “I’ve got a tank of poisonous spiders!”

“Cool!” Hortencia interjected. “What kinds?”

“I’ve got a Nally’s Recluse, a Blue Widow, and a pair of Mog’s Tarantulas.” Sasha was obviously very proud of his collection.

“Will you show me?” Asked Hortencia.

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“Sure! Do you have any pets?” Sasha asked, heading to his bedroom.

“I sure do, Sasha. Let’s go!” Hortencia followed Drago’s brother from the room. “I’ll see you both in a few minutes.” She added. “I have to pay my respects, of course.”

“Of course.” Drago nodded.

His mom watched Hortencia go, her lips pursed. “Hortencia is into poisonous spiders too?”

“Actually, I think she likes all arachnids. She has some scorpions.”

“Well, do me a favour and don’t give Sasha any ideas.” His mother responded. “Herc is cute. Is he housetrained?”

“Yeah – he won’t be a problem, mama. When is nana getting home?” Drago asked.

“In about an hour. He’ll be so excited to see you! Seriously son, it is good to see you. Please don’t stay away so long in the future.” Tatiana looked rather sad, and Drago could tell his long absence had been noticed.

“Sorry mama.”

“It’s okay. Just spend some time with us for a while.”

“I will.”

“Good – now let’s go to the living room and wait for your girlfriend. Are you two close?” Tatiana asked.

“Well, to be honest, yes. I was thinking of asking her to marry me next year on her birthday. She wants me to meet her family first. I need to talk to her father first. They’re really old fashioned.”

Tatiana squealed with joy. “Oh, Drago, I’m so happy for you! Does she know?”

“Not yet, mama – could you help me keep it a secret for a while longer?”

“Of course I will.” She replied.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Sasha’s room, Hortencia was being introduced to Sasha’s collection of poisonous spiders. So far she had met Niggler (the Nally’s Recluse), Bittner (the Blue Widow), and Karol and Drogo (the Mog’s Tarantulas). Drogo was climbing up Hortencia’s arm, and she couldn’t have been happier.

“Your spiders are really cool, Sasha!”

“Thanks!” Sasha replied. “Are you dating my brother?”

“Well, I think we’re a bit beyond dating, actually. We moved in with each other a few years ago.”

“Ewww!” Sasha made a icky face.

“What’s wrong with that?” Hortencia asked.

“Cooties!” Sasha replied, as if that explained everything.

Hortencia smiled. “Did you know that cooties epidemiology is more virulent and contagious than a Zombie virus?”

“No way!” Sasha exclaimed.

“Way!”

“So how come old people don’t believe in cooties anymore?” Sasha asked.

“Well, they’re infected. Duh. Once cooties get into you, you start thinking girls are pretty and stuff. The only cure is to stay far away from anyone with cooties. Cooties make girls like boys too.”

“Ewww!”

“Yeah – and if you get the wrong strain of cooties, you might end up liking boys instead of girls! That’s how lesbians and gay people are made.” Hortencia was very serious in her demeanor, but soon, even she couldn’t keep it up. “Ace people are immune to cooties, and some people get infected with both strains.”

By now, Sasha looked ill, and Drogo was crawling up Hortencia’s face. She gently plucked him off, and handed him back to Sasha. “Your spiders are amazing, Sasha.”

“Thanks.” He said. “Is there any way I can be safe from cooties?”

“I don’t know, Sasha. Everyone I know is infected. Have you ever seen a scorpion?”

“No! Are they cool?”

“They’re the coolest things ever! Want to see?” Hortencia asked.

“Yeah!” Sasha looked eager to see what scorpions might be.

“C’mon!” Hortencia led Sasha to her room, and showed him her collection of scorpions. “I have so many I call them my Furies instead of giving them individual names – except for the one with the bright purple stinger. She’s Lucrezia. I named her after my younger cousin cause she likes stinging people.”

“Has she ever poisoned someone?” Sasha asked.

“Oh yeah, at least three people!” Hortencia replied.

“That must be bad.” Sasha said.

“Yeah, she was going for four, but the last one survived.”

“Wait – are we talking about your scorpion, or your cousin?” Sasha wondered.

“Ummmm.” Hortencia began. “Maybe I should go and chat with your mama. I’m sure she wants to talk with me a bit.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later. Bye Lucrezia!” Sasha waved to the scorpions, and headed back to his room.

* * *

Later, Hortencia and Drago were seated at the dining room table, along with Tatiana, and Drago’s father Oleg. Sasha had been excused so the adults could talk. Dinner had been delicious – and now that the food had been put away, Oleg went to the bar and brought back a bottle of liquor to share a drink with.

“It is good to meet you, Hortencia. I’m glad my son has found someone he loves very much.”

“Thank you, Oleg.” Hortencia replied. “I love him too.”

Drago just smiled, and hugged Hortencia close.

“So what lies in the future for you two?” Oleg asked.

Drago thought a bit. “Well, We’re probably going to keep travelling and making money – but sometime soon, Hortencia wants me to meet her family.”

“That is good, son. We should celebrate your good fortune! Will you have a drink with me?” Oleg retrieved four shot glasses and started pouring the clear alcohol into the glasses. His hand was steady, and he poured with practiced skill.

“Definitely!” Drago replied, taking one of the shot glasses. His mama and Hortencia eached grabbed a glass as well.

“Na zodorovie!” Oleg called out, and downed his shot. Drago, Hortencia and Tatiana quickly followed suit. The clear liquor burned on the way down, but all four just smiled and set down their glasses. Oleg laughed. “It is good to see your girl can handle her booze, son.”

“I’ll have you know, I was a navy engineer, thank you very much!” Hortencia began. “We brewed this stuff in the engine room to keep boredom at bay when we were off duty. You can hardly call yourself Navy if you can’t handle your drink, thank you.”

“Aha! She has spirit! Good for you son! I’m sure you and Hortencia will have many strong children.”

“Nana!” Drago exclaimed, looking a little embarrassed. “It is rude to speak of such things. We will have children when we are ready.” Hortencia just smiled. She liked the idea of having Drago’s babies.

“I am just kidding, son. I just want you to be happy.” Oleg continued.

“I am happy – we are happy. Thanks Nana.”

“So what do your parents do, Hortencia?” Tatiana asked.

“They’re sadistic creatures of the night, who prey upon the weak.” Hortencia began – and paused, seeing Drago trying to change the topic. “I mean, my mother is in politics, and my father studies law.” She continued. “They’re fairly well off, so they have their career as a hobby mostly.”

“It would be nice to be so well off, wouldn’t it Oleg?” Tatiana asked her husband.

“Da. I think it is nice your parents have good jobs. Any ties to the community?”

“Oh several.” Hortencia mentioned. “They’re deeply involved in organizations to help Widows and Orphans, and they foster a rare animal shelter too. They’re thinking of sponsoring a wing at the hospital for more disabled people, too.”

“That’s nice.” Tatiana replied, not really understanding what Hortencia was saying.

Drago sighed. It was going to be a long visit.

Just then, the phone rang, and Oleg rose to answer it. “Drago! It’s your friend, Bear!”

Drago nodded, and excused himself, while Oleg returned to the table.

“I noticed Drago has a pet lizard.” Oleg began. “Do you have pets?”

“I do.” Hortencia replied. “I keep some plants and some scorpions in my room on the ship.”

“Why scorpions?” Oleg asked.

“Because they remind me that no one can escape their true nature.” Hortencia responded. “Scorpions are what they are – they don’t pretend to be anything else. In a way, they’re very honest about it.”

Oleg and Tatiana looked like they were just digesting her answer, when Drago returned.

“Mama, Nana, can I ask you all a question?”

“Of course, Drago.” Tatiana replied.

“Bear just called and told me his Grandmother won a lottery and has invited us to go on a cruise for two weeks. If we say yes, we have to leave in three days. Did you want to go, Hortencia?”

“I’d love to go, Drago – but I don’t want to wreck your visit with your family!”

Oleg broke in. “Don’t worry about us. We still have work most days – and it will give us time to have a proper celebration when you get back. We can have Bear over and cook steaks on the grill, and have a family get together. Plus, you could bring some souvenirs back for Sasha and your mother.”

Tatiana nodded. “I agree, Drago – take the chance. Cruises such as that cost a fortune. We can visit more when you get back.”

“We still have three days.” Drago replied.

“Yes, and we’ll fill them with as much visiting as we can, son.” Oleg replied back. “But the reality of it is we’ll be at work most days and you’ll be here alone. Go have fun, and tell us all about it when you get back.”

“Thanks, nana.”

* * *

Somehow the next three days passed without major incident, except for Hortencia introducing Drago’s little brother to a new version of spider, which she called “Sandkings” – she apparently had some soil with eggs inside and gave them to Sasha, who was eagerly awaiting their hatching. Tatiana and Oleg did not know, yet. Drago hoped it would be okay – he knew Hortencia would never try to hurt his family.

Drago had somehow manouevered his parents so that no one had a major blow up about Hortencia, but it was plain that they were beginning to be somewhat concerned about her candor and forthright answers to questions that most people would answer normally. He could tell they were beginning to see Hortencia as ‘strange’. Maybe being away for the cruise will be for the best, he thought.

Either way, they had decided on going – with a promise to take lots of pictures for when they came home. Thus, they found themselves waiting for Bear and Sarah, while Drago’s parents headed off to work, and Sasha went off to school.

“I think the visit went well so far, Drago. Your parents are a bit normal, though.” Hortencia thought out loud. “Your brother Sasha has promise though,”

“Well, I think they feel the same way, but differently. I guess my folks might not fit in well with your family’s style Hortencia. I hope that won’t be a problem?”

“No way, Drago. I love you. Your parents will come around, or not. It’s your life to life – not theirs.”

Drago smiled, and gave her a hug. The visit hadn’t turned out too badly after all. “Honey. About Sasha.” He began. “What are those spiders you gave him… the Sandkings?”

“Oh look! I think I see Bear and Sarah coming!”

Drago sighed. Maybe it was better not to ask.