The next three days had passed slowly, with Bear getting more and more nervous and discomfited. Even Herc couldn’t cheer Bear up, so the rest of the crew decided to let him stew, figuring he would come to them when he needed to. Even Hortencia was at her wits ends about how to deal with Bear.
“Maybe if I put a scorpion in his coffee, he’ll snap out of it?” Hortencia asked anyone who would listen.
Drago sighed. “I don’t think that would help, honey. I think he just needs to face up to what happened, and go home to get closure. I think he’ll be better after this visit.”
“Well I frigging hope so,” Hortencia grumped. “He’s been a jerk almost all week. What about you, Sarah? Is he still being a jerk when you guys are doing sims?”
Sarah shook her head. “I don’t know. I haven’t done a sim with Bear in three days – not since I got stabbed on the Wraith in his sky-pirates game. He’s been off brooding by himself.”
“Do you think he needs an intervention?” Hortencia asked.
“He might, but scorpions are not the way to do it, Hort.” Drago replied. “At least, not with Bear. He needs some other kind of wake up call.” Herc snuggled in Drago’s lap and cooed in agreement.
“I could talk to him?” Sarah suggested. “He does seem to open up to me on occasion.”
“Could you?” Hortencia asked. “It really bothers me when he gets like this.”
“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.” Sarah answered. “Can I ask you a question, Drago?”
“Sure.”
“What is Bear’s full name, and yours – I’ve heard your nicknames, but never your full names. I’m curious.”
“Really?” asked Drago. “Mine is Rogozin Alesnarovich, and Bear’s is Polyakov Yaroslavovich”
Sarah tried mouthing the names for a moment, until she seemed to get the hang of them. “Thanks Drago.” She replied. “I’ll go give the big guy a visit and see if I can’t shake him out of his brooding.”
“Thanks.” Drago replied gratefully. “I think he needs it.”
“Yeah, thanks Sarah.” Hortencia added. “You sure you don’t want one of my scorpions for good luck?”
Sarah smiled at Hortencia’s offer. “I don’t think so, Hortencia. I don’t think he’d appreciate him.” Sarah couldn’t help but shudder a bit at the idea of handling a scorpion… She couldn’t fault her friend - she was just being Hortencia.
“Okay…” Hortencia sounded like she wasn’t sure, but accepted Sarah’s decision.
“I’ll go see him now.” Sarah got up and headed for Bear’s cabin.
Sarah left the common room, and walked to Bear’s door. Knocking quietly, she called out. “Hey Bear, can I come in?”
“Da. Just a moment.” Bear replied. Sarah heard some movement, and then the door opened. Bear looked tired and stressed out. His hair was mussed, and he seemed nervous.
“Hey. You look terrible.” Sarah began. “What’s up, Bear?”
“I am not doing my best, Sarah. Would you like to come in? It is more comfortable to sit.”
“Sure thing.” Sarah entered his quarters, and moved to sit on his bed, as Bear moved to sit on the comfortable recliner next to his VR unit. They stared at each other for a few moments, until Sarah broke the ice.
“What’s bothering you, Bear?” She asked. “You’ve disappeared for three days. We haven’t seen you even at meals much. What’s going on? I know Drago and Hortencia are worried, and so am I. We haven’t even done any sims since the Wraith.”
Bear looked down and sighed. “I guess I have been pulling back.” He began. “I wish I could say it was just stress, about going home. It is also shame, at being gone so long, and fear at what my babushka will think of me. I have not been the best grandson. And there is still saying goodbye to Sorcha. I have been a bad leader – and a worse friend.”
“Maybe,” Sarah began. “Your friends would love to help you out, you know? Hortencia wanted to cheer you up so bad she was going to get her scorpions.”
Bear laughed. “That girl. She thinks scorpions make everything better.” Bear couldn’t help but grin. “Baba Roga is unique, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, that’s for sure.” Sarah laughed. “Drago doesn’t really know what to say – but he wants to help, and so do I, Bear.”
“The difference is you know what to say.” Bear replied, looking at Sarah. “You make me open up and reveal myself. I don’t know why I open up to you, but I do. Sometimes it scares me.”
“Why? Why does it scare you?” Sarah asked.
“It scares me because I can’t help it. It scares me because I am used to hiding part of myself. I am scared to show it to you. I am scared it will drive you away.” Bear was being completely serious, and his eyes were staring at hers, locked on her gaze. It was like he was staring into her, and it shook Sarah to her core.
“Bear…” She began. “Why are you scared?”
He paused a bit. “I am scared because I worry that if I show you my real self, you will leave. I don’t want you to leave. I need you to stay.” His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes, glistening with unspilled tears.
He… he needs me? What do I say to that? She thought, feeling herself grow flushed and nervous. A nervous ball of butterflies found its way to her stomach, and began flitting around. “I need you to know I’m not Sorcha, Bear. I know I look like her – but I’m not her.”
Bear nodded, but didn’t break his gaze – although one of his huge hands reached out to take Sarahs. “I know. Sorcha couldn’t buy and sell cargo. She wasn’t learning to fly a starship. She never picked up a weapon in her life – and never would. You are so completely different in every way. But you have seen me – the real me, at least part of it, and you didn’t turn away. You know the darkness I carry inside, and it hasn’t frightened you yet. You are not Sorcha… I know this – but I buried Sorcha a long time ago. You… you are everything a man could want. Skilled, brave, and someone who never says surrender. Someone with a drive to excel far beyond most others around them. You are a leader, Sarah, even if you don’t know it. You are more than a match for anyone on this crew, and I have admired that about you since you arrived in our lives.”
“I… I…” Sarah muttered, not knowing what to say. Bear’s hands held hers, and his face was so close. She could smell his scent – a musky smell like soap and hair and something else. Her mind was paralyzed with confusion – she wasn’t sure what was happening. She was supposed to come in here and help him feel better – how had it changed to whatever was happening now?
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Bear leaned in close, and Sarah felt his lips brush hers, pressing gently against them. She felt the little tickle of his whiskers against her lips and cheek, and smelled his scent. She had never seen Bear like this before… It lasted only for a moment, but the kiss was sensual and sweet and gentle, and Sarah was stunned to find herself enjoying it. Then before she could react further, the kiss ended, and Bear pulled away.
“Bear…” Sarah whispered. “What was that?”
“It was how I feel about you, Sarah.” Bear replied. He was watching her carefully, to gauge her reaction.
Sarah was in turmoil… She felt sick with the butterflies, but the scent of Bear and the feeling of his kiss confused her and made her feel good. She was confused at how everything went off-course so quickly, and couldn’t fathom where things had changed. Without thinking, she let her body take over, and she found herself wrapping her arms around Bear and kissing him back. It lasted only a moment, but the surprise and happy shock on Bears face was unmistakeable. Sarah idly wondered how she looked too.
“I… I don’t know where that came from.” Sarah said.
Bear smiled. “It is all right. It is enough that it is there. Perhaps it was too much. I am sorry, Sarah.”
Sarah thought about it a bit. “No, it’s alright. You said… did what you were thinking… I get that.”
“I mean, maybe it was too much for you at once.” Bear said. “I didn’t mean to put all that out, but when you came to me, I couldn’t keep it in any more. I care for you, Sarah.”
“And I’m really confused at the moment, Bear. Could we take this slow for a while? I’m not sure how I feel. I feel overwhelmed.”
“Da. I am sorry.” Bear confessed.
“Don’t be.” Sarah replied. “I just have to parse what’s happened.” She paused a bit. “You know, you completely derailed my pep talk I had planned to get you to rejoin the crew.” Sarah looked a little bit miffed, and was actually pouting a bit.
Bear smiled, a deep wide smile. “Da, I guess I did. Sorry.”
“Does this mean you’re going to rejoin us, and stop hiding?” She asked.
“I guess so.” Bear replied. “I feel better getting that off my chest.”
“Great.” Sarah stood up, still flustered and confused. “I’m going to my quarters for a bit. I’ll see you at lunch.”
Sarah retreated out of Bear’s room quickly, and headed across the hall to her quarters, closing the door and leaning against it gasping. What the hell happened in there, she asked herself. He kissed me! I kissed him! She slid down the door to the floor, her back against the door as she sat and thought. Her thoughts and emotions whirled around, with her unable to grasp them – and she just sat there, trying to make sense of what just happened.
Sarah sat there, letting her emotions and thoughts whirl around for a while. What had just happened? She wondered. Bear kissed me! She felt her stomach churn, and couldn’t tell if she was going to be sick or not. The butterflies and nerves were too much, and she sat there, shaking, trying to let the stress out. She liked the kiss… but she didn’t know why she had kissed him back. Why? She couldn’t answer herself. I just wanted to cheer him up, she thought. How did it fall apart to that?
Sarah tried to calm herself, breathing in and out slowly, remembering her focusing techniques from before the Hyperion. As a few minutes passed, she felt herself calming – and the whirling feeling in her gut faded slowly with it. She could still feel the touch of his lips on hers, and the scratch of his whiskers on her cheek - still smell his scent. She sat and slowly tried to figure out what she was feeling, piece by piece. She liked Bear – she thought he was cute; she knew that much. The kiss… It was just a kiss, wasn’t it? Nothing special about it…
Sarah sighed. She liked Bear. That’s what it amounted to. She was attracted to him. I know where he stands, she thought to herself. Now I need to figure out where I stand. Too bad that’s the hard part. She sighed. She gave him the opening, she realized – when she tried to see how he was feeling. It’s just she hadn’t suspected exactly what or how deeply he had been feeling.
“Is that one of those, don’t ask if you don’t want to know questions?” She asked herself out loud. Laughing a bit at herself, she sighed, and stood up. “I probably look like a mess.” She thought, and checked herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks flushed. I look emotional, but not too messed up, she thought. She took a moment and washed her face, and felt a bit better. It was then she heard a gentle knock on her door…
“Sarah? Are you okay?” Sarah could hear Hortencia on the other side of the door.
Sarah opened the door to see Hortencia waiting, looking worried. “Yeah… I guess I’m okay, Hortencia. Did you want to come in?”
“Sure.” Hortencia came in, and sat down. “You’ve been upset? Did Bear do something?”
“I guess so.” Sarah replied. “I went to see him, to see if there was anything I could do to help – and everything I thought I was going to do got derailed. He… he told me he has feelings for me, and he kissed me.” She paused. “And I kissed him back, and I have no idea what I’m doing or what happened.”
Hortencia nodded, and took one of Sarah’s hands. “I can tell it shocked you. It’s been plain to see for Drago and I that he was smitten – I thought you saw it too or I would have mentioned it. He only shares his sims with you, Sarah – we usually aren’t invited. Whatever he does is private for him – and he shared it with you. We thought you knew.”
Sarah laughed. “How could I know?” She asked, wryly. “I just woke up a month or so ago. I don’t have a frame of reference.”
Hortencia nodded. “I guess. Sorry, Sarah.” She paused for a moment. “Do you like him?”
“Bear? Yeah, I think I do. He’s cute, and kind and smart… but I don’t know what to do about it, frankly. I’m scared, I think, of moving too fast. Moving beyond my comfort level.” Sarah looked unsure of herself as she spoke. “I’m still figuring out who I am. I’m still exploring what I want.”
“So tell him that.” Hortencia suggested. “He’ll understand, I’m sure. Give him a chance – maybe you’ll like it?”
Sarah felt her cheeks pink as heat rushed to them. “Maybe I will,” she replied. “But I need to do it on my terms.”
“That would be for the best.” Hortencia said. “You know, there are a lot of worse things than being in a relationship.”
“Yeah – I just want to make sure I’m ready for the relationship, so I don’t screw it or him or me up while navigating it.” Sarah sighed. “How did you and Drago meet up?”
Hortencia laughed. “I caught Herc eating one of my scorpions, and scolded him – and took him back to his owner and gave him a piece of my mind. I yelled up and down the bulkheads at him, about how his pet could have been killed if he ate some of the plants in my room, and so forth, never mind that he ate one of my pets! He was so apologetic, I couldn’t help but give him a chance. Herc was so sorry too – he cried for an hour until we calmed him down. I guess I saw a hint of how vulnerable he could be, and it made me take interest. He tried to make it up to me by replacing my scorpion, and it got loose in his room, and I had to come track it down. It was so cute. Anyway, we started dating soon after that, and I learned that Drago was a little wild between the sheets, and that I really liked him. He suits me – and he’s come to understand me. Honestly, I think I love the doofus.”
“Really?! I’m glad for you!” Sarah exclaimed.
“Me too. I just wish the idiot would do something about it.” She laughed. “I was hoping to take him home to Caledon to meet my parents.”
Sarah wondered if anyone had survived meeting the Addams Family – especially if they were involved with their little girl. “Do you think he’s ready?”
“Maybe. I hope so. I hope daddy likes him.”
“Your parents have some issues with the people you date?” Sarah asked.
“Yes and no. They know I’m a big girl and can make my own choices, but they want what’s best for me – and you know what’s best for an Addams isn’t always what’s best for everyone else. I’m worried they’ll think Drago won’t fit in.”
“It’s your choice, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but I… I can’t give up my family. I just can’t. I want it to work so bad, but I’m worried sick Drago won’t be able to deal with my family.” Hortencia looked on the edge of tears.
“It’ll be okay, Hortencia.” Sarah said, taking Hortencia’s hand in hers. “I know it will. Drago has to be mental to love you.” Sarah didn’t actually mean what she said – she just knew what Hortencia needed to hear.
“Thanks, Sarah, that means a lot.”
“Actually I think you and Drago are a cute couple. Just break it to him slowly – and maybe wean him into the weirdness a bit at a time. He’ll come around.”
Hortencia smiled, and squeezed Sarah’s hand. “Thanks Sarah. I hope you work out whatever it is between you and Bear too.”
“We will, I guess, given enough time.” Sarah said, smiling. “I’m just glad we could talk about all this for a bit.”
Just then, the ship lurched, and both Sarah and Hortencia felt a bit of nausea wash over them.
“I think we just came out of Jumpspace.” Hortencia said. “I’d better get to engineering to make sure everything is okay.”
“I guess we’ll be on Burston soon.” Sarah began. “I hope Bear gets some closure.”
“Me too,” said Hortencia. “He needs something. He’s been driving Drago and I crazy for the last three days – and you too I bet.”
“Heh… I was more concerned for his state of mind than upset or crazy. He was acting out of sorts and I was worried.” Sarah replied.
Hortencia nodded, and ran off to engineering, leaving Sarah alone to wonder what their trip to Burston would bring.