Wren took a seat while Hiidan gathered his thoughts. The fully recovered Hiidan looked a bit different to Wren. The avatar was on the lower side of Tier VII and being near the emanations it gave off were similar to laying in a tanning bed. It didn't feel bad but there was a sensation of slowly cooking and the knowledge that being close for a long period of time would leave him feeling burnt. Wren was certain the sensation would fade once he started filling in the exorbitant amount of extra spiritual and essence room becoming Tier V gave him.
Restored to health, Hiidan no longer had so much a villainous look as perpetually mischievous. His pale form had a glow of vitality that registered just as much on the spiritual as it did the physical spectrum. Partly due to having lost the dangerous edge to the insanity in his eyes and partially likely to do with his personal life circumstances, he seemed more whole. As Wren observed the man, a subtle warmth rose through him and on impulse, got back out of his chair and hugged Hiidan.
Wren said, “Don't ask me where this is coming from. I'm not sure myself but before what you have to say forces me to think about other things, I just wanted to say that I love you, Pops. Thanks for looking out for me and taking care of me when you could.”
A thousandth of a second shudder, that represented stunned surprise for a Tier VII existence, was followed by a careful but solidly returned one as Hiidan buried his face in his son's hair and said, “I never really expected you to ever accept me wholeheartedly as your father again. I never really felt like I deserved it. I'm sorry for all the times I failed you but know I always loved you with all my heart... The other me didn't know you as I do but it surprised him how much he cared for you too. Deep down, I think he felt it like an instinct that you were our son.
“I'm such a flawed thing. Even now, I continue to wrong you, though I didn't mean to. Anything in my ability to grant is yours for the asking. I say this because I believe you wouldn't ask me to do something horrible but the madness of my grief and guilt towards you would be unbearable otherwise.”
Wren wanted to let go but he could feel his father trying to get himself back under emotional control. Hours passed before Hiidan finally released him. Fortunately emotions played a huge part in how emanations affect lower tiered existences or Wren would have had physical and spiritual illness from exposure. Instead, Wren felt slightly bolstered and relieved of fatigue.
After releasing Wren to sit back down, Hiidan said, “Might as well start with the hardest one for me to say... You've probably noticed you are no longer bonded to Djehuty. After everything that happened and your convalescence, his affections shifted to me. Thoth wanted his son to be happy and it had been so long since I had held another that... I didn't mean to steal your bonded from you. It's unforgivab-”
Wren interrupted, “Nothing to forgive. Hooty was lonely and I was just offering what I could to ease it, mostly just because I could. The bond wasn't even a conscious choice. You didn't steal anything... Can't say I'm not shocked though. I took you for a ladies man.”
Hiidan smiled brightly and said, “I was and fundamentally still am but I spent countless time imprisoned within my own mind. As I progressed spiritually, degenerated and recovered mentally countless times, I just don't have the same way of looking at things anymore. Things like physical form doesn't mean much in broad terms. Besides, Tier VII entities can struggle for centuries to produce a naturally conceived child. A Tier VIII like myself can struggle for thousands, more so since I've relinquished a portion of my reproductive potency. I can't easily express how great a gift Djehuty has given me in Teremun... We click, that boy and I. You were affectionate but in many ways you were so distant... It' doesn't mean I love you less. I just...”
Wren shrugged and said, “From the start, I was a peg that didn't fit anywhere. Afterwards, I was a wild weed that blew all over the place. As many times as I've died and sprung back up, I'm sick dizzy with it. Terry seems to be more sensible now than I'll ever likely be. If anything, I'm relieved you got a kid who's stable enough for you to build a legacy on... This is all well and good but I'm a little too anxious about my people right now and I'd like to be filled in.”
Hiidan nodded and sobered back up as he said, “I'm a bad news first kind of guy so lets get that out of the way... Just be aware that it's not all bad so hang in there... Your sister lost her main body helping me kill our enemy in the Balance Keepers so she's went back into her bower on Satyrus to nurture and raise her avatar back up.
“There's no easy way to say it so I'll just spit it out. Sable and Petre both died during the confrontation with Gnarly.”
Confused and panic rising, Wren said, “But I can still feel our bonds.”
Hiidan walked over and gave Wren a reassuring shoulder squeeze then said, “They didn't stay that way but they're different... Sable was hiding in your shadow when you were attacked. Got tore up before he had a chance to do anything. Dying and coming back the way he did actually helped him regain most of himself. The important parts seem to be the same at any rate.
“Petre lost more since he took the brunt but he was much more resistant to the corruption so he retained far more spiritual identity. Most of his later memories of life are lost and he seems reluctant to embrace emotional ties he made during that time. Everyone seems to be accepting of it, save Assassin.”
Wren took in a deep breath to steady his nerves and said, “Who do I have to thank for their return to the living?”
Hiidan sat back down and said, “For Sable? Yourself I guess. For Petre? A maelstrom born angel and Apple. Sable doesn't remember much about the exact happenings but as he was dying, he grabbed Petre's corpse and went into your domain... Best he can figure, it was reflex and instinct... Anywho, once he arrived, he got a chance to notice he was in your, um, pool room before being shredded like tissue paper in front of a machine gun. Apparently your well can do what maelstrom portals can do on a smaller scale.
“Everyone at the scene had given them up for gone considering what was happening to you. Lo and behold, after close to a decade, a naked man just appeared in a flash of light, sitting on top of your band-aid ball. Sure enough, a small hole with signs of outward tearing was found. Couple of years after that, he brought out an angel shaped maelstrom born that had a baby in his arms. After that a day care kind of got set up in your recovery room as Chanda and Hedge came out with their boys. A baby demon girl came out with a Lady called Shisa.
“After a few years, the daycare turned into a classroom. That's when the angel boy stopped wanting to go by his name and wanted to be called Petre. Sable brought it to my attention and the rest is history. Most of the kids he came with are still pretty little but since his dad spends a lot of time here among Thoth's servant scholars, Petre does too. Most persistent little guy I've ever met. For what I guess is about twenty years his time, he spends around six hours on recuperation and the rest is spent trying to get back what he lost with interest. When anyone asks him why he studies and trains so hard, he just says that he has something to protect and he's not strong enough. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together can figure it out. If his father didn't have some sort of weird instinctual reverence towards you, I think we'd have to worry about him strangling you for stealing his son away.
“The angel's name is Malus, by the way, but enough of that... Rozchereck left for the celestial realm not too long after you were put here. People weren't very nice to him since he didn't come to your aid. To be honest, I wasn't either till I found out he was mid transformation and was weaker than a wet noodle. I can sense him crossing the divide as we speak so he should be here in a few days.”
After the silent pause, Wren said, “Well I should probably get to reuniting with my peeps. We can fi-”
Interrupting, Hiidan said, “Not done, bud... A world god husband and wife came to claim Seaside's arcane well. They died for attempting it but took a good deal of the people you knew with them. Healer was lightly injured protecting their child and Assassin went on a killing spree... If there is a single follower of those two world gods left, it's some kind of miracle... Jaden's widow took their children elsewhere but Glaucous and Rohn have returned. I'm surprised Rohn survived Imani's death. Maybe it's because she never grew past Tier III or gave him any children. He told Troy that his imprint just kind of shriveled up along with her. He was still sad but hearing his daughter and grandson died affected him a lot more. Needless to say, Malkanthor was right in front and Ephyra's considered MIA. Most likely in the belly of one of her surviving children who followed her to fight.
“They'll be good for awhile but with your sister hoarding flow to recover, magic's fading faster than it was originally supposed to. I hope I don't sound callous but her well being is more important to me than the lives of people on Satyrus. I kept an eye and ear out for news of your friends but that's as far as I'm willing to stretch myself when I've got my own family to worry about. At my level, getting directly involved would cause more problems than it solved anyway.
“Okay, so Jampa went into deep meditation on this Earth and is waiting for the Great Merge... Some event that the spiritually sensitive are saying is going to happen in the next five or six hundred years... Lilly died in a duel with someone fighting for the right to join her husband's non-existent harem, around fifty years ago. Three years ago, after her daughter dueled and killed half of her grandfather's harem. The old man let her use his power of wish to bring Lilly back before banishing the lot of them. The three of them moved to Seaside and are waiting for Lilly to birth their son/brother before figuring out what to do next.
Troy is... somewhere. After he hit twenty-nine, he went off grid and only shows up once in a blue moon. I heard a rumor that he's pretty much doing what Jampa is but shows up to steal the odd valuable resource and to bail his friends out of jams before disappearing again.
“I know some of what I've just told you is gonna make you want to fly off to the rescue but, son, resources reality wide are gonna start drying up and you can only reach your hand out to so many. Close your circle and take care of what you got.
“Aside from what we've seized in the last stronghold, Thoth contacted his people and fleeced the Balance Keepers of all the goods and artifacts in their possession that belonged to the Void Host. To top it off, after filing a reinstatement of the existence of the Void Host with me as the director, he placed a sanction of unlawful seizure of goods against the Infernal, Celestial and Abyssal Hosts. The Abyssal and Celestial Hosts were exempted if they throw their weight behind the sanction, Something they were more than happy to do.
“It took some time to sort it all out... The best lawyers and con artists come from the Infernal Realm after all... But once we got all the goods, Thoth levered the Hall of Records to ally themselves to us. Now Void Denizens have preferred status for employment as the enforcement, security and delivery people of the Registrar and deposit strongholds. Only if they are registered as part of the Void Host, of course... The moral of the story is, don't mess with the Director of Scribes, marry in.”
“You'll notice several rows of little black boxes, with 'trash' written on the sides, lining the top floor of your warehouse. Start with one at a time in your void... There's a lot in one of those boxes... Several more line lower floors with much different labels. I beefed up security measures on your lowest floor where I stored a good chunk of Tier VI goods and a small handful of Tier VII stuff of specific use to you. This is the last big haul, son. Every power out their has taken all the pie there is to slice. Make it count.”
After another four hour hug and a kiss to the top of Wren's head, Hiidan lead him to the martial training field. On the way Wren contacted Aaron by call mark.
Wren said, “Still alive and kicking. I'm sure your lovely trip was all you hoped it would be. I'm sure you're just as equally thrilled I have survived.”
Aaron replied smugly, “True on all accounts. Otherwise, how could I enjoy the disappointment I expect to hear once you know I've slipped your leash. I'm not without appreciation. I've sent you a sizable amount of thank you gifts. Generous by anyone's standards but I'm moving on to other things and the Brimstone Ark will be of invaluable assistance to me.”
Wren chuckled while his father stopped walking to listen in with wrath on his face, then said, “I would have been disappointed if you hadn't slipped your leash, Aaron. Worried even... Black Samsara, activate. Heart of Obedience, hark and heed. Aaron, collect all your possessions and meet me in my void space alone. How long will it take?”
Aaron replied in a hollow voice, “Three minutes with the use of Brimstone Ark. A few seconds with the use of a distress return artifact.”
Wren thought for a second then replied, “Destroy active tracking devices aside from Brimstone Ark then activate the matrix with my signature on your astral body... Sorry, Pops. This will only take a minute or two.”
Hiidan growled, “No concern, son. Chastise your worthless servant well, to death if possible. I hope you wont mind me tagging along.”
With Hiidan in tow, Wren arrived in his void space and moments later Aaron arrived as well. Before he addressed Aaron, Wren asked his father to be mindful of temper. If Hiidan were to get too angry and lash out, he could easily rip holes in Wren's domain.
Wren said, “First, divide the cursed items into an appropriate container and hand them to Pops... Now place all valuables aside from the Brimstone Ark in your remaining containers and hand them to me in as orderly a manor as you can... Wow, Aaron, you managed to get your hands on quite the haul. Now relinquish control of the Brimstone Ark to me.”
Aaron, who had been peacefully complying until that moment bucked and struggled against the affects of Black Samara and Heart of Obedience with the aid of the Ark but once Hiidan forced another, much stronger, samsara pill down his throat, Aaron was unable to do nothing but what Heart of Obedience compelled him to. Still, it took all he knew of infernal engineering and some experimenting before he felt his mind connect with Brimstone Ark.
Once Wren had control he ordered, “Merge with my domain and continue doing so until my domain has grown to accommodate you. You are an extension of my domain and it is an extension of you. The successors of my domain shall be your only new pilots indefinitely so merge your controls with my domain first. Cor and Alma may issue commands for as long as they are at my behest or in my interests if I am unable to confirm. Input manual of control to myself, Cor and Alma in as timely as is safe for the capacity of chosen operators.”
Hiidan shook his head and smiled wistfully as he said, “I would be lying if I said there wasn't a small temptation to talk you into letting me hold on to that for safe keeping.”
Wren said thoughtfully, “I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about having you do just that but when the mirror barrier falls I'll need it to safely travel through iterations. Besides, now I have something to hide in that even Tier VIII existences would be leery of trying to breach... At least till they know who actually holds the reigns... “Aaron, feed the power of your existence to any remnant of yourself that is still beholden to your oath to me. It would have been so much better for both of us, had I knew I could do that... You'll never know just how much I had hoped you could have honored that oath. In a little over a hundred years I could have released you from it. I despise robbing others of free will but you... My hate for you is only rivaled by the stupid desire to find a way to redeem you... You have violated the most sacred of master and servant oaths. I request the highest penalty.”
As Aaron was converted to purified liquid spirit essence, joined by streams from other places, Wren turned his back and shed a single tear for the irredeemable man with a haunting past only Wren himself now knew.
Hiidan nodded somberly and said, “It is good that you can do what needs to be done. It is equally good that you can feel the weight of that decision but I hope that his fate doesn't overly hurt your heart. I have yet to encounter another so undeserving of someone's tears.”
Wren looked at his father and said softly, “His life has been filled with betrayals. Many he brought upon himself but he learned to live the way that life taught him. He deserves to be mourned by someone. Who better than the last to betray him.”
Hiidan sighed and said, “I must disagree. A person who lives by the sword knows he will die by it, should be surprised if they don't. I respect your sentiments, though. If one day, all that remained were my enemies when I died, I would welcome their sorrow at my passing as well. Hate should die with the hated... How did you get him to take in spiritual bindings?”
Wren remained silent till all of Aaron was gone then said, “His original augmentation. Those two spirit formation infused medicines were fed to me each time I became shackled to his side. There was a lot of dirty stuff in the mix I boosted Aaron with but most of it was removed by the resources I gave him to accomplish his mission. To keep him from getting paranoid by a lack of tricks, some of the medicine was bad but I knew he'd find them all... Let's get going. Dwelling on this isn't going to make it any easier for me.”
After having his father help him sift through the remainder, finding a sealed box timed to reincorporate the small portion of Aaron's spirit inside by drawing in surrounding resources, he sent on the organic stuff to Cor and Alma to distribute and the rest into the care of the golems. After triggering the box and feeding it enough essence to form a a protective layer around the soul core, he sent it on to whatever the future may hold for Aaron's reincarnation. Blinking the box to his work desk, Wren exited his void, with father in hand, to the next destination.
For a moment, Wren marveled how numb he felt. So much bad news and the sour dealings of the day just seemed to get stuffed into a box that seemed bottomless but Wren knew that was far from the truth. All that he'd went through to get were he was now wasn't done with him yet either but there was a callus forming around the soft spots in his heart. It worried Wren that one day he'd truly cease to be a person who he could recognize but, for now, he had to soldier on till the butcher's bill was due.
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
As Wren and Hiidan stepped into the large warded room with a hard-packed dirt floor, all the fighting between four different men came to a sudden halt. The mature looking red winged and haired angel dropped to a knee then bent his head towards Wren. A younger angel, with the indelible stamp of the first but all hard lines and angles, stood still in paralyzed indecision.
With a wink towards Wren, Teremun shifted to the side so that Wren could get a better look at the man partially hidden behind him. For the better part, Sable was recognizable under the idealized version of himself but the black silk skin, only hidden by a short kilt, was clear of ash colored flecks. The smoky green eyes and delicately curling, silver tribal marks that climbed his flank from under the kilt's belt, gave Wren a strong dose of embarrassment.
Troy, I'd like to give you an apology for all those years ago. If I was as mentally young as you were then, I'd probably have a look of horror on my face too right now. Who wants the world to see a walking billboard of your sexual fantasies? It's mortifying. More so when some of those standing around know exactly where certain features come from.
After a few short courtesies, Teremun and Hiidan led a somewhat reluctant Malus away.
Wren endured the intense stares of the two men for an uncomfortable minute before Sable finally hugged Wren and whispered, “From what I've been given to understand about my new state of being, I am very flattered I can still recognize myself in the mirror. I've grown quite fond of the markings as well. The eyes are a little jarring but seeing that you really did like my ears makes me happy. To think my most unwanted feature was part of-”
Wren managed to work his hand over Sable's mouth, blocking the breath that was causing his already burning ear to scorch. Supremely glad he was wearing one of his father's creations instead of a TSSR suit, Wren returned the hug for awhile before he turned to get his emotions under control. With a few softly spoken words of gratitude over mutual survival and reunion, Wren turned to Petre.
If Sable was a man built equally for business and pleasure, Petre was all business. Though there was nothing to recognize of Petre in features, there was a shadow of him visible through aesthetics. As he slowly walked towards the frozen angel, Wren started noticing a few striking differences from his maelstrom born father. Eyes like polished pennies and subtle streaks of gold in hair and wings would easily set him apart from his father's baby blues and pure fire-truck reds. Malus' scholarly form and light touch of accentuating pale androgyny were lost under lean muscle, sun-kissed skin and a surly disposition.
Unsure of how welcomed it would be, Wren tentatively reached in for a hug and whispered, “Thank you for saving me. Thank you more for coming back.”
Wren suddenly found himself in a tightening vice-grip of arms as Petre buried his face in Wren's neck and mostly managed to choke back a handful of sobs. Wren's hands stroked the downy capped lower back while his breath stirred sensitive fluff where wing connected to powerful back muscles, causing Petre to experience an unexpectedly pleasant shiver before wings rippled and disappeared. After a handful of seconds, Petre released Wren and stood back in cool composure. It was as if the moment never happened if one overlooked the glassy, red-rimmed eyes and discrete adjustment of waist belt.
Wren gestured for the two to get closer and blinked into his sitting room. Sable and Petre shared blank looks at Wren's weary face as Wren flopped down into an overstuffed chair after blinking in a cask of spirit wine. Sable's eyes brightened significantly at the familiar sight while Petre looked at the glass Wren handed him dubiously.
Wren said, “Not going to force the issue but you're missing out. Ask Sable.”
Sable chimed in, “Who knows, Petre? You have told me that your life after the early years is distant and shadowed. Perhaps a break of routine for personal enjoyment with the one you have worked so hard in the name of, may invigorate and put color into your memories.”
Petre took the glass and took a timid sip before looking at it sharply, licking his lips. Sable downed his and helped himself to a refill while Wren drank leisurely. Shutting out the emotional influx of nearby bonded, a sensation Wren hadn't had in some time, he tried to get some equilibrium before tackling the knot the two in front of him represented. He didn't believe he was ready but his entanglement with the two would only grow more complicated with time so rather than push it away, he decided to tackle it head on. Ready or not.
Wren said, “I'm not sure what to say or even how to approach the conversation we three need to have but it's going to happen.”
Sable chuckled and said, “So your solution is to shake yourself loose and see what falls out? If that's the case, why are we doing this here? It seems to me that a hot soak or your bedroom would be a better place.”
The look of growing anxiousness pushing through Petre's cool demeanor almost made Wren smile as he said, “Delver ways of handling things may be efficient but I think a little more tact might be more appropriate. Knight may be the only one out of his group that didn't but he wasn't the biggest fan of Delver sensibilities.”
Petre said a little frostily, “I'm not this Knight fellow. I may have been him but I am no longer and haven't been for a quarter century.”
Wren wiped the mild shock from his face and said, “You've been doing your insane routine since you were five!? Sorry. It's better to stay on track at the moment... Petre, you represent a huge ball of confused feelings for me. I met Knight, got a ripped out piece of himself stirring up old feelings from another life before he took it back and disappeared. I thought he didn't really want anything to do with me but then he accepted a bond my living manifestation threw to him.
“He still didn't show up. I started thinking I should pack those feeling back up and file them away for good, giving a serious thought to seeing what me and Sable could be if I gave it a chance. Then a psychotic and powerful outsider tried to kill me and Knight shows up to block and buy time. His death meant there was something of me left to save. If he hadn't, there's a small chance something could have been left but it would be so little it wouldn't really have been me anymore. If Sable hadn't low crawled himself and Knight's corpse into my domain, I may not have either of you two here right now and that would have nearly killed me again. What am I supposed to do with all of this?”
Wren downed his glass poured another.
As Petre was lost in brooding thought, Sable said, “You had truly? Why did you never tell me?”
Wren said, “Life is messy and things rarely turn out the way they were planned but walking away from unfinished business to start up something else? That's just sloppy self indulgence.”
Sable slowly shook his head and replied, “That is time both of us could have been living more fully. If your heart took you elsewhere, it isn't as if I wouldn't understand.”
Wren's insides clenched in frustration and as he forcefully relaxed he said, “I appreciate the generosity and caring behind your offer but just because you give me permission to have your attentions when I want doesn't make it right to... This has the ability to turn into a circular argument.”
Sable slid out of his chair and took a knee on the floor, fist over his heart, as he said, “I want you to hear me again, Wren. I am first your servant, second your friend because you desire it, third your lover if and when you desire it.”
Wren noticed Petre getting ready to make some kind of similar gesture after having watched his and Sable's discussion and stopped him with a hand gesture as Wren said to them both, “At this very moment, I don't want to hear what you're willing to do for me. I'm deeply touched by the devotion that both of you have for me but that's just it. What I want to know is what you want. Not what you consider enough. Not what you think you deserve or what's even strictly possible. I want the bold, naked truth in your deepest parts, your greed and full desire.”
Sable downed and refilled his glass twice before sitting on the floor and staring at the space between his folded legs. Petre stared into his glass and continued to nurse his drink, unconsciously taking larger and larger sips till he was staring at an empty bottom. Once Wren saw that the empty glass was holding more of Petre's attention than the whirling thoughts in Petre's head, he summoned another glass, filled it and replaced the empty one in Petre's numb fingers.
In the stretching silence, Sable cleared his throat nervously and said, “All my life, I've had a shadow looming over me. It told me when to eat and sleep, when to work and train. It even told me when and whom I could lay with, handing out punishment and reward. Later I may have become the shadow for some but still a shadow loomed over me. I chafed at the collar of my master because I was allowed nothing of my own. Later I chafed at the collar because the son I knew suffered in misery under the shadow that loomed over us both.
“When you took me in, cared for my son and showered me with your generosity, I waited for the heavy price I believed such things would cost me, gathered what information I could to prepare myself... When I heard what Troy said, my heart bled for you a little I think... A few small and inconsequential things later and you offered me a chance to pursue a half formed dream before what I believed would be death. Once there, I was careless and brought difficulties upon your shoulders and not only did you not punish me but after resolving the crisis, it was as if I had done nothing but what you desired.
“As doubly I strove to find ways to deserve my place under your shadow, you offer me a path and power... Others you bound tightly to you but not me... A fear I did not recognize at that time squeezed my heart so I tied myself to you, fully well knowing it would only make you more anxious.
Sable drained the glass in his hand yet again and reached for another and as his words took a soft edge, he said, “I finally felt like I had found the way to earn the place you had already effortlessly given me. I did not expect that the place I had made in my heart for you would turn into a place only you could fill... I could tell you sensed it but don't misunderstand. Your nearness, a smile I know was placed there by me, your pleasure and praise fill it.
“When I died and returned without your shadow over me, it felt harder to breath, the light too bright, sounds too loud. I know it for what it is but your shadow is a comfort to me, Wren. This is not some illness I seek to cure because I want to embrace it.
“ As for the rest, spending time with my grandso-daughter and holding my great-granddaughter in my arms has greatly quelled my urgency. I will want a child one day but I am satisfied for now... I greatly desire to hold you again but this is a strong want, not a need. If the desire grows too great and you do not ask for comfort, then I will seek comfort elsewhere when I can. If the day comes that you may not seek my comfort again then I will ask to look for a wife. If after that, the day comes where you seek it again, my wife will already know and be accepting of it or she will have never become my wife...
“Lastly, the thought of you seeking to share your life with me, to give me a child as you say you can, induces in me a euphoria so delirious I try not to think of it. That is the only thing you could do that could truly hurt my heart, to offer then deny that... Oh!... Something that I would not enjoy giving that I believe you to want is lingering nearness and embracing during rest. I cannot sleep well and it dulls my responsiveness to sudden changes in environment. I only say so that if you seek comfort you are not hurt by my absence if you awaken before me.”
Struck with a strong impulse to kiss the insecure feeling Sable, he froze midway out of his seat as Petre said barely above a whisper, “The thought that brings Sable the greatest happiness brings me the least. The thing he wants the least I want the most.”
After sending empathetic understanding and acceptance of desires at Sable, Wren turned to the once again silent Petre and prompted, “It may not be easy but I want to hear it. I don't expect it all to be pure and good and hearing your wants doesn't automatically mean I'll do everything to grant them but I won't judge you either way. If I never hear it, though, how will I even be able to contemplate them much less try to fulfill them?”
Petre looked at Wren defiantly, almost as if he dared Wren to retract his words as Petre said, “Are you certain? Once said it can't be unsaid and it would be much easier to accept only what you are willing to give if I never speak them and judgment is not so easy to withhold once some things are known.”
Wren quelled the momentary whispers of the coward inside him and said, “Yes.”
Petre downed the nearly full glass in his hands and motioned for the desire of a refill, half choking and gasping a couple of time, before he started with teary eyes, “On the day the memories of my previous life returned to me when I was five, in a panic, I nearly clawed my way through your wraps to see if you were truly there. Sable stopped me that day and as time passed my bond with you calmed me but the desire never fully went away. On days where it felt like I had pushed myself too far, when I was weary in more than body and mind, I wanted to tear my way through that hateful coffin of bandages and sleep with you in my arms till you awakened. After a night's rest and some healing I would recover control and begin again.
“To know that I was Knight sickens me. He was petty, selfish and drowned in delusions because he couldn't face reality. The one and only thing we can agree on is the lingering regret that he did not run away with you the day you asked him to. He knew exactly why you sent him to your sister but couldn't forgive you because he would have rather died that day, not giving a thought to how such a futile defiance would make you feel.
“Even in his most self honest moments, he would blame what happened on his inclinations and so began to despise them along with you. He found a mortal woman and romanced her, joining in a joyless marriage that ended up making them both miserable. His daughter enjoyed his fatherly affections for a time but eventually couldn't bear the stifling environment at home and ran away with a bard. If Mage hadn't went through a phase of practicing divination spells, he would have missed the death of his last descendant. Fortunately for Assassin she did. After all this time it is an open secret.
“I know nearly nothing of the joys of flesh. The only time Knight had ever felt anything other than numb acceptance of unavoidable contact, the brief physical response of emotionless union or revulsion was the memories of him holding you as you cried, as you slept. The only time he felt the promise of more, the day he placed your hand on his belly and kissed you. The best and worst day of his life in one. Maybe because of that, I yearn for it in abstract but fear it more.
After taking a couple large drinks of wine, Petre let out a long shaky breath and trudged on, “Being separated from you is unbearable. Being forced to live beyond you would be unforgivable. In my day dreams I found a way to chain myself to you so that you could never walk away and leave me again. I used to have a reoccurring nightmare that the linens crumbled away and there was nothing inside or worse. The Deceiver and Black Magician, the one Teremun calls Gnarly, was waiting within to tell me he had killed you and took your place.
“Since you want the unadorned truth of me and my greed, you'll have it. Every last tear you shed I would want to anoint my breast. Every weak and fragile moment I would have you spend in the circle of my arms where I knew the only limit to your safety is my own strength... I see you as Icarus. All you wanted is a greater joy in life but forces beyond you strike you down.
“I can see my truth gives you unease. I have no desire to lock you away and guard you like some dragon over his horde... Little desire, I have little desire to do so. I know the path of power is strewn with pain and suffering but I only want to be your vanguard, not stop you from walking it. What we know of each other is another life for both of us and I do not expect that you could see me as I want you to see me, the way you once did. It is only a hope that one day you might again.
Silence descended again as Wren fought his way clear of indecision, looking for an answer to what he wanted, and from that, what he was willing to give in return. He was somewhat distressed by the obvious extremes they portrayed. That he was touched by it, made Wren realize he wasn't exactly balanced himself.
On one side, I have an institutionalized killer who loves the boss that gives him the structure he craves. On the other, I have an obsessive-compulsive who may never be satisfied with what I'm willing to give him until he grows tired of/disappointed in me or claims all that I am... Not judging though. The sickest one here is me because I want them both and I'm trying desperately to find a way to justify it that doesn't make me feel bad. Well, they shared the ugly along with the good. Might as well be fair about it.
Following suit, Wren drained and refilled his glass then said, “I don't know how the both of you see me or feel about me fully. We can talk till our tongues fall out and that would still be true for me. So I'm going to say my bit and if something applies to you then take it to heart and if it doesn't then ignore it.
“I want both of you and I don't want to feel bad about it but that's not possible. Either I choose one of you and then want the other or I get both and feel guilty because I'm not giving you what I think you deserve. Sable, I like you in my shadow, literally and metaphorically but you have to know if I was any kind of good person, I should help you break free of that mindset but other than giving you what you want, up to what I feel is reasonable, I'll probably never really try...
“Petre, I should encourage you to be your own person, try to help you see how unhealthy it is to be so attached and dependent on another for self validation but other than giving you what you want, within reason, I won't try that hard with you either. The fact is, I revel in the attention. In a way that is no less unhinged, I feel safer and can offer so much trust because oath and illness bind the both of you to me so tightly.”
As Wren struggled to bring up more from the muddy depths of his thoughts and feelings, Sable said, “I can't say I understand. Are you speaking of monogamy? Why must you intentionally attempt to inflict a mental illness upon yourself? My desire to serve you and support you as a friend are separate to my lust for you. The lust may wax and wane with time, for both of us. Do you see this as a diminishing of love?
“How could you so easily send me to slake my lust with strangers and speak of aiding me to seek a wife if you did... I truly hope it is not because you think my love for you is false. Maybe it is because I am Delver and you are not but why would you even think that is something that I would want from you?
“Neuter your desire because it is what I deserve if you choose me? Because I love you I would not want to see you unhappy because your body seeks another and you deny yourself. I would laugh in ridicule were it any but you who said it. Physical desire often does not align with the desires of the heart and rarely survives the test of time... The weak and peaceful often lust after the strong and warlike. The reverse is also true but rarely do such pairings last. Most lasting unions are based upon common interest and shared ideals. That is why the convention of 'comfort' exists... I blame your lives with Jaden for this.”
Wren gathered himself up to give defense and explanation but Petre interjected to say, “I may not agree fundamentally with some points of Sable's. It would be a joy to me if I were all you needed as I feel you to be all I need and some jealousy may form in me at the sight and thought of you with another but it would hurt more to know that you sacrificed any of your happiness for mine, more so your well being.”
“Wren, I know you want to say much but I think I may have something to explain that is important... It may be the first time I am actually glad that I possess so many of the memories that I do... When you chose me you were five and I was eight so my memories of those first years may be clearer.
“Not all maelstrom born have the same spiritual needs. There is a reason why maelstrom born have the ability to bond but some need it much more than others. Ones like my father need less outside help because angels attract and generate much higher amounts of life spirit, the gentlest and easiest to condense. Sable holds some sort of spiritual fire capable of strengthening the soul directly. It also helps him to purify and condense spirit essence. Ones like yourself have a greater tie to the maelstrom which grants more variety and strength of power but makes condensing essence much more difficult.
“Your mother wanted from your father what you seem to be wanting to offer to one of us. If your father had relented before our time he may not have become Tier VI. Had he not nurtured his bonds sufficiently, he may never had made it to Tier VII. Now once he became Tier VII, his bonds were not really needed but he did not desire to abandon those who had aided his journey as your mother demanded. With waning affection and your mother's bond with your father having been parasitic rather than mutual, it is no miracle that it withered and died.
“I have built trust and camaraderie with Sable. It pains me to admit but it is true that Sable will benefit you in ways that I cannot. I may offer a stronger and faster condensing but Sable can purify and has a much greater capacity. It isn't false to say that, with you as the bridge, we will even benefit each other.
“We will respect your decisions but know we have made peace with each other. To say we are friends is truth as well. The one I have difficulty accepting is Rozchereck. Sable disagrees. He insists that Troy warned him of your frenzies during sharing and of difficulties in satisfying needs. With the addition of your stronger connection to the Maelstrom, even I must admit he has been a useful tool to alleviate building pressure of condensed essence in the past few years.”
As it appeared Petre might work himself into a bickering session about Rozchereck, Sable cut in and said, “By coincidence or unknown design, we three compliment your needs well.”
A shimmering of air produced the man in question who said, “It is warming to be appreciated, Sable. I've lost the wager... I was certain that the first thing You would do is end the contraction of your domain's passage of time.”
Wren's eyes went wide and quickly sent a thought to Cor and Alma to do just that, then said, “Slipped my mind!”