-- New weapon available: The Haunted Blade -- Properties: Unknown Do you wish to equip? Y/N

At least the thing has a cool name, but what the hell does it do? From experience I knew that at least it could cut.

I felt Steve stirring as he began to regain consciousness and I hurriedly equipped and raised the sword.

Did I feel guilty as I realised what I was about to do? No, Emotional Resistance took good care of that at least, even if I could still feel the chemical flush of panic coursing through me. This bastard had actually enjoyed hurting me earlier. I had seen the unbridled joy in his eyes, in his sadistic smile, as his sword cut into my body again, and again. Whether or not the weird time-resetting effect counted as reality, it was fucking five times in a row. The psycho killer deserved this.

Considering that I'd never killed anyone before, I found myself stupidly wondering if I should go for the heart or the throat. Heart, right?

But before the Haunted Blade could make a true ghost of it's former master and before I could claim my first-ever intentional kill, I felt my right side burning as if I had fallen over a stove.

"Bad Robot! Bad!"

  -- Magic Missile Resisted --   -- Magic Missile Resisted -- -- Magic Missile deals 3 damage -- -- Magic Missile Resisted --

I was more shocked that anything else. No magically, just... hmmm, I can't even say emotionally. Maybe shocked wasn't the right word.

Suffice to say I was confused about what was happening and why and it stopped me in my tracks.

"And this is why my dear lady Zinnaella, I must repeatedly insist that you and your brethren desist and evacuate this dungeon. This is absolutely amateurish behaviour and all sides and it has no bearing on testing."

"I must most strongly disagree High Mage, surely you must see that this is flagrant and rabid behaviours by the creature of this dungeon and duty must send you forth on the path of it's destruction most expediently while..."

The situation came into focus. Clearly Terendrian had arrived during the course of the battle and then just... stayed back and watched. If that was the case though, I didn't think it was entirely fair that he interrupt just before I could once more taste the delicious energies of a dying sociopath. I mean either help at the start or just let nature take it's course and let me kill him.

I deserved to get to kill him surely?

"I hesitate to interrupt you milady, but as you have now said your fifth variation of the same idea, I feel that I should interject"

Zinnaella actually looked almost grateful. I mean, she continued talking regardless, but it did seem to reduce in volume.

"All three of you entered with provocation and in a tremedous state of violence. Despite his Excellencies' states position on Dungeon's in general and the circumstances surrounding the death of his moron nephew Maius in particular, the intent to kill does not define a Dungeon as Rogue or a Taker, especially not when said Dungeon is engaged in the act of self-defence. Dungeons are not playgrounds madam and they should be respected as the resources they are."

I really didn't know what to say to this, but then, I still had no idea what the fuck was going on.

I still had no idea what the fuck was going on.

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<< And you don't need to. Yet at least. >>

Oh joy, that gang's all here

<< Why couldn't your ridiculous Golem lobotomy you inflicted on yourself at least gotten rid of the sarkiness? >>

I inflicted? I INFLICTED?!

<< Oh do go do one. I gave you as much of a choice as I could given the circumstances. It's not my fault you decided to Flanderise yourself by choosing literally the dumbest choice possible! >>

WHY EVEN ADD THE CHOICE TO THE LIST IF YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A STUPID CHOICE?! I'm not sure what it was about Persephone that I fell into bickering with her like we'd known each other for years. Besides we fixed it didn't we? And the time travel shit is pretty cool!

<< Argh! Look, just shut up you massive Timelord wannabe. I told you earlier, that I'll explain things at the Club, but for just now, the plan seems to be working. Thank fuck these Assassins are annoying the High Mage to the point he isn't looking at things too closely. Just keep Cybermaning it up >>

It will be as you command, Mistress Persephone.

My sudden shift into obedience seemed to surprise my overlor- lady and the comment was met with silence. I suspected those moments were spending trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic, which I wasn't entirely. I took advantage of her moment of stunned stupor and loosely defined orders to quickly turn my attention back to the scene, where the High Mage and Zinnaella were still engaged in a Victorian speech contest.

"BEEEP! BOOP! BOOOWWOOP!" I let my most convincing robotic sounds escape my throat as I pretended to erratically swing my sword about.

"Oh, dear," the High Mage exclaimed. "My missiles were meant to do inflict minor damage, not malfunction it!"

Zinnaella started letting loose a flow of words about the properties of a robotic brain, as I continued to flail about like a complete idiot. For some reason the High Mage didn't want me to kill the psycho bastard, but it would not be my fault at all, if it was an accident.

I tripped, I fell, and but I was aiming. Heart, right? Or throat?

Maybe it didn't matter. No one, nothing was going to keep me away from my first real taste of blood. As I tumbled toward the ground, I made sure that the Haunted Blade was held at the correct angle to accidentally end Ghost Mamba Steve and finally give me my long-deserved delicious gush of life.

-- Quicksilver Ben has attacked Ghost Mamba Steve for 99 Stabbing Damage (16 Damage resisted). Ghost Mamba Steve dies! --

There was a plink as the Ghost Mamba dissolved into a cloud of rainbow pixels that floated joyously towards me like psychedelic butterflies and I could feel rush of energy about to flow into me.

I was almost drooling, I was electric with anticipation and that's when another notification of course popped up to ruin my day. The cloud rewound like a bad special effect into the ground where his corpse had been only moments before, the bright coloured pixels fading into sepia tones.

-- Curse of the Haunted Blade activated. Binding Spirit to location of demise --

Oh motherfucker no... Binding?!

<< Oh yaaay! A new monster type! You really know how to treat a girl! >>

And slowly coalescing before me was the smuggest, most transparent grin that I couldn't punch off of a face...

<< Ben, meet Steve, your new neighbor. Steve, Ben. >>

Ghost Mamba was apparently unfazed by his sudden change of status. From the way his blood-thirsty gaze fixed on me, I wasn't even sure if he even knew he just died, or that I was the one responsible. A sadistic grin returned to his face as he made a lunge at me, before being stopped by an invisible wall. Looking down at his empty hand, Steve seemed a little confused, especially when he suddenly realized that his Haunted Blade was now instead in my hand.

<< Play nice, boys. I can't have my own monsters attacking each other. >>

Steve didn't seem to have heard her, since the bastard was again dashing towards me, his eyes burning with hate. What? He's going to try to strangle me now? Can you even strangle a robot?

I could almost see Persephone roll her eyes as she spoke again.

<< Great. Now I'm stuck with two idiots. >>