"Oh, wow, what have we got here? I can't believe you've unlocked the Interior feature already."

"...Yes. That was definitely a thing I did"

<< Subtle, why don't you ask him for design tips >>

"Do you have any design tip Great Ma-"

"High Mage!" Terendrian interrupted.

<< Smoooooooooooth! >>

"Shuuut uuup!" I whisper-shouted just a tad too loudly.

"Benjamin, no need to snap at me like that! I do you the honours of calling you by your correct title, please bestow me with the same graces! ...Though I do suppose I did snap... Please accept my apologies and let us start afresh!" He held out his hand.

It stayed there waiting awkwardly for a moment and not just because I was worries about crushing it due to the giant disparity between our hand sizes.

"Wait... Do you think "Benjamin" is my title?"

<>

And then there was the disconcerting noise of stilletto heels on a hardwood floor some how walking away from my mind. How does that even work?

I was beginning to miss my hangover and the time this morning where my mind was startlingly less vacated than it had been over the last couple of hours.

I was taking too long and the Gre- High Mage was beginning to look mildly irritated or whatever the mild British Aristocratic version of affronted would be called.

I stuck my Index finger into his tiny hand and hoped it wouldn't come across as condescending to the small nuclear reactor.

"Deal!"

"What do I do now?" I asked. I actually meant it for the voice in my head. Now that the High Mage was safely appeased, I thought I should try to appease that voice too before she decided to inflict more pain on me.

No answer came; presumably my stiletto-d overlord was still getting her popcorn. Luckily, the tiny gentleman was being very helpful.

"I'm going to teach you how to be a dungeon," the High Mage announced. "I see that you've unlocked the Interior feature already, so this should be fairly easy."

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

"Uh... yeah, I, uh, got that bit," I said. Of course, I had no idea what he was talking about, but my best chance right now was to play along.

Terendrian floated up and peered into the hole in my chest. "Oh, wow, so you've got the Basic Monster feature unlocked as well? This will be much quicker than I thought."

"Uh... yeah," I said. What monster?

The High Mage then floated directly inside the opening and landed himself on the ground, making me jump as I could feel his tiny boots inside me. I was about to protest, when I suddenly realized I could see him, almost life-size, in front of me, as if I was inside my own chest.

"Well, well, well, isn't this interesting," said Terendrian.

It took a few moments to adjust my head to the fact that the High Mage inside my chest and yet looking straight into my eyes, or at least the eye of my Quicksilver Golem-self that was also within my own chest. How the hell does that work again?

I didn't have a lot of time to wonder, since as soon as I shifted my consciousness into my other self I was somewhat affected by my meager 3 points in Intellect, which didn't allow me to be that bothered.

"Pretty low health," commented the High Mage. He lifted his walking stick again and poked me. The tip went through the reflective surface of my body.

"Ow!"

Terendrian jumped back. "Did that hurt?" For some reason this didn't seem to please him.

"No sir, no." I guessed at what he wanted to hear. "I was just, uh... surprised."

"Oh, good," said the mage. "For a moment I thought you were..." His voice turned dark and deadly as if someone was offering him a magic ring he did not want, and I, I mean me, not the GolemMe, suddenly felt a wild sense of dread. "Never mind, then. Let us continue."

"Continue what?"

"With the tour, dear chap! This can't been the only room in your whole blasted Dungeon Benjamin!"

"Um..." I explained in an articulate fashion

< Tell him to look left >

I feel a moment of relief that Persephone has returned, only for the moment to be spoiled, by the polystyrene crunches of popcorn chewing. I look left, or at least my Golem-me does and Terendrian follows my eye-line a moment later and so we both spot the large metallic sliding doors at the same time. Given that the door is surrounded a bright diagonal yellow and black hazard pattern around the edge of it, I have no idea how we missed it before.

<< Because I've just made it up silly! Now stop thinking so loudly and distracting me, I need to concentrate >>

I can't just stop thinking, you get that right?

<< Well you've been doing a great job up until now, so why don't you go back to playing with your "chum" my dearest? >>

And with that I could feel myself being dismissed.

Ah bugger, I better get on with it then... I indicated towards the door with an open palm in a jerking robotic motion

"Beep Boop... Please. Follow. Me. High. Mage. Terendrian. Beep Boop... This. Servant. Has. Been. Tasked. To. Guide. You. Beep Boop"

It was definitely the worst impression of a robot I've ever done, but what the hells was a Golem supposed to sound like?

The High Mage's eyes twinkles for a moment with amusement.

"How very Retro, Benjamin. Very Well. Lay on dear Replicant, Lay on!"

And followed me in my terrible walking re-enactment of the worst white person dance in history. I had no idea how my back would cope with this...