It is important for every person to have a purpose in their life, because without it you get lost, forget about important things or don’t see any sense in your path at all. Over time, your hope crumbles in your hands and the sun goes out over your head. I try to walk straight on the path that my family chose, but to this day I wonder if I really have a purpose of my own.

I don't care about other people's lives, I don't see the point in meddling with other people. I have no desire to give advice or listen to it from others. In our world, it's hard to find truly sincere support, to hear people's honest opinions without having a nasty residue in your hoarse throat afterwards. Maybe the whole point is that I simply didn't find such people and soon forgot how to listen to myself.

Marta: Khun Isa, how are you feeling? - A soft, quiet voice breaks me out of my thoughts. She comes closer and I don't quite understand the reason for her excitement.

Only when I turned my head slightly towards her did I finally feel it. My headache. So strong, like a storm in broad daylight. Had I really been in this state for so long that I stopped reacting?

Isara: Don't worry, I'm a little dizzy. - I try to say this as calmly as possible. Leaning on the table, I stand up to take another pill.

Marta: No, please sit down. Your face is so pale, like a dead person's. - Her movements are sharp, she grabs my arm, holding me. She runs her palm over my forehead. I don't have the strength to object, I fall back into my chair.

She leaves me to go in search of painkillers, and after she finds them, she hands them to me.

Isara: Don't worry so much, I'm used to it. Besides, the weather is terrible today, I can react to changes in climate. - It's true, I have a hard time with sudden temperature changes and the change from bright sun to thunderstorms. It's not always about work or sleep.

Marta: You haven't even had lunch today. - It sounds like a remark and I smile a little for a second. This girl doesn't even think about how often she says something like that to me. - Take a pill and I'll get you something to eat.

Isara: I'm not hungry.

Marta: Do you want to pass out? Even if you don't care about your health, think about the reactions of those around you. - The expression on Marta's face... I'm still trying to figure out why she keeps bothering me, but what's even more difficult... Why don't I kick her out?

Isara: Okay. Bring the food to my bedroom. I need to lie down. - A cold speech that I try to hide my true feelings. After my words, I see how quickly her emotions change.

Marta: Thank you, Khun Isa. I'll be right down to the kitchen - She smiles and quickly leaves my office. All that remains after her is the scent of sweet vanilla.

Maybe I myself have stopped understanding what I want and maybe that is why I experience such strange feelings when I see satisfaction in her eyes. I would not say that I need approval, but the way she gives me her fleeting smile makes me doubt myself. I can’t understand what is happening. Why does this make me afraid?

I wash down the pill with water, once again waiting for it to take effect. I close my eyes.

—

Cold can be different. Sometimes we feel the cold under our feet when the waves touch us, it doesn’t scare us, but on the contrary, inspires us. The cold that we can feel from people brings completely different sensations. Her eyes are always full of sadness and her voice is cutting like steel. She can scare and repel, but only once seeing a real smile on her plump lips, the whole image that has lasted for so long falls forever. I leave the room pressing my hand to my chest. My rapid pulse screams about danger, but I can’t hear anything except her voice.

The fear I have been feeling lately is not because of her attitude towards me, but because of how she treats herself. I have had enough time to notice how carelessly she treats herself. This moon-kissed woman is completely oblivious to the majesty that others see in her.

My worries are interrupted by Mali's voice. She runs up to me asking questions, but I am unable to answer any of them.

Mali: You are very silent. Are you really so afraid of our Lady? - The maid has no idea about the feelings that sometimes touch my heart.

Marta: No, she treats me well. I'm just worried about her health. - I walk around her and go to the kitchen.

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Mali: She should go outside more often. She goes to all meetings only by car, and when she comes back, she sits in a stuffy room all day.

There was truth in her words, but it was still too much of a challenge for me to take Lady Isara for a walk. I sit down at the table and watch Rada cook.

Rada: Everything takes its time. Our Lady needs to get used to Marta. As I can see, you are exerting your influence on her, albeit little by little.

Marta: Do you think so? - I would like to believe it, but I was worried that all the concessions on Khun Isa's part were just a game.

Rada: You are here because you persuaded her to eat, isn't that a success? A person living in such a gloomy atmosphere sometimes even forgets to drink water. Day and night pass unnoticed. - The cook smiled at me and handed me freshly baked cookies.

Marta: Thank you Rada. - The fragrant smell of baking calms me down.

Rada: You have about 10 minutes until I cook and put everything on the tray. Would you like to go for a walk in the yard? No one will chase you away, have time to walk before it starts raining. - It was a really good offer. Given the circumstances, sometimes I began to feel like I was adopting Lady Isara's lifestyle.

I thanked them and went out into the yard. Indeed, the weather was getting worse rather quickly. Thick clouds were pressing on my temples and made me want to hide as soon as possible. It seemed that no normal person would want to spend time waiting for a thunderstorm, but a familiar figure appeared before my eyes. Lady Sawika stood with her head straight to the sky. As always, she had a notebook in her hands, it was in good condition, but pages had clearly been torn out of it periodically. It seemed like she was trying to see something in these gray, frightening clouds. I came a little closer, afraid to disturb her. One could easily notice the external resemblance to Lady Isara, although they were dressed completely differently.

Sawika: Aren't you afraid of getting wet? It's going to rain soon - the woman asked unexpectedly and I jumped up.

Marta: I apologize Lady Sawika, I didn't mean to disturb you. - I bowed my head, feeling panic, but instead of a stern remark, I heard a light laugh in response.

Sawika: Am I really that scary? - She looked at me. - I was just wondering why you were out in this weather. Don't be afraid of me, I don't bite at all. - She touched my shoulder so that I would raise my head.

Marta: I decided that… I need to take a walk before the storm, because it's unknown how long it will last.

Sawika: You're right. I'm sure waiting for my sister to give you orders is a pretty boring activity. Don't be shy about going out every now and then. You can't be with her all day, after all. - For some reason, these words upset me. The woman noticed that I was slow to respond. - Did I offend you, Marta? Are you uncomfortable talking about Isara?

Marta: No, it's just... I'm trying to understand my Lady, but it's hard. - Maybe my words won't seem serious to her, but I really wanted to understand and get to know Khun Isa better.

Sawika: You know, few people can understand what's in her head. Sometimes it seems to me that she doesn't recognize herself anymore. I think it's my fault, too. - She frowned, clutching the notebook in her hands. - Tell me, Marta, do you like poetry?

Marta: What do you mean? - This change in our conversation left me stupefied, but Lady Sawika only laughed.

Sawika: Just poems, they can be about love or about places that hold a special place in our hearts. - She tore out a piece of paper and handed it to me. - Take it. Maybe it will cheer you up.

Marta: I... Thank you. Thank you Lady Sawika. - I accepted her gift and when my eyes fell on the text written in beautiful handwriting, I smiled the widest smile I could. We soon had to say goodbye, but I was glad to see her again.

On the way back, my gaze was caught by blossoming flowers. They were beautiful, but it was impossible to touch them, since the thorns did not allow it. My thoughts returned to Lady Isara. She was the same, no matter how much I wanted to touch the corner of her soul, I can only watch her from the side.

I didn't want to think about it any longer, so I hurried back. I couldn't stay too long, otherwise Lady Isara's food would get cold. I went into the kitchen and took the tray from Rada. The cook noticed that I was late, but didn't say anything about it. Finally, I went up to the second floor and knocked on the door.

- You could have come in without knocking. I was waiting for you, - The Woman answered.

I opened the door and saw that she had changed. She was wearing a nightgown and a light, translucent cape. She seemed to feel better, most likely the medicine had worked. However, her face was even more gloomy than before.

Martha: How are you feeling now? - I put the tray on the bedside table. Lady Isara looked up at me and sensed her displeasure. She was in no hurry to speak. - Did I do something wrong..?

She turned away and was silent for a while. No, she was not angry, but perhaps upset. Suddenly I thought. The windows in her room looked out directly onto the courtyard. For a moment the thought occurred to me that perhaps she had seen me with Lady Sawika. I dismissed these thoughts, since it was unlikely to upset her.

Isara: Have you already read the book I gave you? - With this question she only increased my confusion.

Marta: No, Khun Isa. I'm not even halfway through.

Isara: Do you only read before bed?

Marta: Yes, it relaxes me.

Isara: In that case, I want you to bring the book here and read it out loud to me. - This request was very different from the previous ones. However, I was very happy with her request. At least she could always kick me out if she got tired of my company.

Marta: Of course. I'll bring it now.

Isara: Wait. I want you to change into your pajamas. - She said this very calmly, and then added. - You went out into the yard, it's dusty there. Change and you can be free today. I won't keep you long.

I paused at the door, trying to collect my thoughts. Was she really upset? She said nothing more, waiting for me to return to her with the book. It took me a couple of minutes. I did as she asked, took off my uniform and put on my house pajamas. Upon returning, I noticed that she had closed the curtains and turned on the lamp instead. The woman put the tray on the other side of the table and got into bed. Almost silently, I entered, closing the door behind me. She pointed me to the place next to her.

Isara: Sit down. I don't bite. - She smiled slightly, but it made me shudder. That's what Lady Sawika said to me today. - Okay, maybe I do bite, but not today. I'm not in the mood to be rude.

Sometimes I felt like Lady Isara was a house cat in a wild panther's skin. Her behavior is unpredictable. She changes so quickly and unexpectedly. I just want to understand if it's really her.

Marta: Which chapter do you want me to read to you? - I can only do as she asks. Sitting down next to her, I can't help but notice the aroma coming from her. Dark chocolate. My eyes are downcast, I'm leafing through the pages. Her voice behind me makes me shrink into a kolach.

Isara: Continue where you left off last time.

I nod and begin to read. My voice is not listening to me and I stumble over my words. She does not interrupt, continuing to listen to my miserable speech. When I reach the end of the page and am about to turn it over. Unexpectedly for me, she tucks my hair behind my ears. Feeling my mouth go dry, I turn away. I hear how after that she moves away and lies down on the pillow. Lady Isara turns her face to the wall and I finally exhale deeply.

The time I spent with her that first time in the room will forever remain in my memory.