Chad's head whipped toward the call. It was the first time he'd heard someone call for help so openly, strangely enough. Still, it wasn't like he could ignore it. Where there was conflict, there was opportunity and experience to be had as well.

As he revved his engine, he tracked the panicked cries to a particular building some ways down the street. He crossed the distance quickly, speeding past damaged storefronts and monster corpses. Skidding to a halt, Chad found himself parked in front of a pet store of all places. The shop's windows had completely shattered, covering the surrounding area with a sparkling carpet of glass shards.

Leaving Ol' Bessie outside for the moment, Chad sprinted through the gap where the front door had once hung. His boots crunched on debris as he took in the scene.

Shelves and display cases lay toppled in drunken heaps, their contents scattered across the floor. Bags of treats and colorful toys littered the ground atop a layer of glass like he'd encountered outside. Only the fluorescent lights remained intact, bathing the place in a soft white glow.

It looked as though a bull had been through the place. A drunken and very angry bull. As Chad rushed inward, he saw that many of the displays bearing placards for hamsters or lizards were also smashed and empty.

"HELP, SOMEONE!" The cry came again, more intense this time. "I'm gonna get eaten here!"

Spinning around the corner, Chad spotted the source of the call. Before him stood a birdcage display that towered a few inches taller than he did. But a quick glance around revealed no person in need as he'd expected. Rather, a single light grey parrot with red tail feathers flapped madly at the bars, trying desperately to escape the cage's other inhabitant: a large and very out-of-place snake.

Python (Lvl 4)

The snake's sinuous form wound around the bars, coming ever closer to the bird with more speed than Chad expected. The grey parrot had to constantly reposition, squeezing against one corner or the other to keep its distance. The snake climbed ever higher with the inevitability of a rising tide.

The voice started up again. "Oh, thank goodness! For the love of– help me out, here!"

Chad blinked. He'd seen some odd sights today, but apparently there were plenty more to be had. "You're a bird?"

"Yes, I am, thank you for noticing now for the love of– gah!" The bird barely managed to dodge a sudden strike from its assailant. The snake pulled back from the near miss with a mouthful of red feathers. "HELP ME BEFORE I GET EATEN!"

Setting his confusion aside for the moment, Chad moved to flank the serpent. Unfortunately, the thing had noticed his approach. Its head swung around with alarming speed to face the new threat. A soft hiss of warning told him in no uncertain terms to back off.

A sharp pang of fear shot through him as the snake's slitted gaze locked onto his own. For a few moments, Chad found himself unable to think, much less move.

"Hey, what're you doing?!" The bird called in alarm. "C'mon, do something! Snap out of it!"

He barely heard the bird as the snake began descending slowly, eyes still locked on. It moved with an almost casual air, taking its time.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! You can't just stand there!"

The snake's head reached the floor as it began working to close the distance. Some part of Chad's mind screamed for him to run, move, do something, and yet he couldn't. The snake's eyes filled his mind with a paralyzing fear unlike any he'd ever known.

"Oh, for– hey! Scales-for-brains! Look over here!"

With a sudden jolt, the world snapped back into focus. Chad blinked rapidly as he stepped back in surprise. Before him, the snake had broken eye contact and turned back toward the gray bird that was now clawing and biting at its scaled body.

"Yeah, how do you like that, huh?! Take that! And that!"

It gave a hiss of indignation and slithered back toward the cage. Chad shook the last of the fear off and darted forward. The python was too low to the ground to grab, so he stomped at the thing's long body, hoping to crush it beneath his boot.

His efforts were met with less success than he'd have liked. The snake writhed at the strikes, but seemed more annoyed than actually harmed. Even worse, it took advantage of Chad's approach to whip around and lunge at him.

His right arm flashed up to intercept, catching the snake just beneath the base of its head. Pointed fangs wiggled in front of his face as the serpent struggled to reach him. The rest of the snake's body flailed behind, trying to coil around his torso.

"Got you, little fucker." He growled. "Doesn't feel so good being stuck yourself, huh?"

Chad held the snake's head away from him. Then, he squeezed.

The serpent's head shot toward the ceiling with an audible pop. Blood splattered across his chest and face as it gushed from the decapitated body like some sort of macabre champagne bottle. He angled the body away from him, directing the flow onto the concrete floor as it puddled around his boots.

You have defeated a Python (Lvl 4)! +6 Exp.

The rest of the snake's body spasmed for a moment before going slack. The torrent of blood lessened to a steady trickle, then stopped entirely. Chad stood there for a moment, panting as his heart rate returned to normal.

Damn. That almost went really poorly.

"Oh thank goodness. I thought you were gonna die there!"

Glancing up, he saw the parrot resting on one of the wooden sticks inside of its cage. It squawked before continuing. "You're lucky I saved your ass. That thing was no joke. It ate pretty much everything else in here. I really thought I was gonna be next…"

Chad dropped the limp body of the snake. "Yeah, thanks for that. I dunno what happened there. I just saw its eyes and… froze up."

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

"Yeah, well, you can thank me by letting me outta here." Grey wings flapped impatiently. "No way I'm hoping for some employee to swing on back and do it. They booked it out of here first thing, didn't even take a second to think about me! Harumph!"

"Sure, sure." Chad stepped toward the cage. "I still can't believe you're really talking, though. I knew parrots could talk, but uh…"

"Of course I can talk." The bird sounded affronted. "What do you think I am, a canary? A damn duck? Some kinda songbird that just twitters away?"

"No, I didn't mean that!" Chad tried to placate the ruffled bird. "Sorry. I've never met a parrot before, and it's just been a crazy day. Lotta weird stuff happening."

"You mean those floating windows?" The bird cocked its head to the side. "I was wondering about all that. Is that why everything's gone crazy outside?"

"Wait, you got windows?" Chad's eyes widened. "Can you see your stats and traits too?"

"Of course!" The bird puffed out its chest in pride. "I have a whole 8 in intelligence. It's my highest stat after dexterity."

With a bit of effort, Chad managed to keep his face impassive. That's ok. Don't say anything. He said it's one of his higher stats, so let him have this. Even if that means the bird is apparently smarter than me.

"What?" The bird eyed him, sensing Chad's hesitation anyway. "8 is good, isn't it?"

"Uhhh… I really have no idea." Chad admitted. "I've only heard a few people's stats. But it seems pretty good for a bird."

"For a bird? What do you mean, for a bird?" Beady yellow eyes narrowed at Chad. "I'll have you know that African Grey Parrots are some of the smartest animals around! Heck, I bet I'm smarter than half the morons they had working here…"

Chad only half-listened to the parrot as it ranted on and on. Instead, his mind whirled at the discovery that animals not only had access to the same system he did, but that they might be able to understand it.

It makes sense that they have levels and stats and all that, but skills and traits too? Do they pick them like I do? Are ALL animals sentient like this guy now?

It didn't seem likely. Though that snake was certainly bigger and faster than it should have been, it didn't seem particularly smart. The only other special thing about it was how it had managed to paralyze him.

It was level 4, so maybe it had some sort of intimidation skill? The idea made him frown. That would mean animals get skills too, just like humans. I guess that just points toward this system stuff being universal, then.

"Hey, how do you even understand the system stuff?" The thought struck Chad suddenly. "Can you even read?"

"…Of course I can!" The bird croaked unconvincingly. It didn't meet Chad's gaze. "I mean, I can understand the little boxes, can't I? Anyway, aren't you supposed to be opening this?"

"Oh, right. Sorry." Chad glanced down at the cage door and shook it. "Locked."

"Of course it's locked. What, did you think I was just choosing to hang out in here?" The bird nodded toward the desk. "There should be a key somewhere back there. If the boss didn't take it with him when he skedaddled."

"Yeah, we could do that…" A slow smile spread across Chad's face. "Or…"

With a quick motion, he reached toward the simple locking mechanism and squeezed. The thin metal of the cage deformed in his grip, warping and crumpling with a squeal.

"WHAT IN THE–" The parrot flapped back with a squawk of alarm as Chad twisted, then released his grip. The door swung open smoothly, its lock damaged beyond repair.

For a moment, the bird simply sat there gawking as Chad stepped aside. Then, with an experimental flap of its wings, it dove toward the opening with a screech of elation.

"I'm free! I'M FREE! Ha-ha! I'm finally free!"

The bird soared around the ceiling of the store, circling in celebration. Its wings spread wide, red tail feathers fanning out as it made graceful loops and dives between the fallen shelves.

Chad grinned upward at it. He half expected the thing to fly out the window and into the unknown. But after a minute of jubilation, it came back to rest on his shoulder.

"Aaaah, thanks pal." The bird seemed to sigh. "I haven't flown like that in… Well, ever, really. What's your name, by the way?"

"I'm Chad. Do you have a name?"

"Of course I have a name!" The parrot replied, affronted. It raised one wing to its puffed-up chest in a strangely human gesture. "My name is Percival Aurelio Malthanus the Third."

Chad frowned. "What the– Percy-what? That's the dumbest name I've ever heard."

"It's not dumb!" The bird protested. "It's a proper name for a proper and sophisticated parrot like myself."

"Dunno who told you that, but they were wrong. it's definitely dumb." He shrugged apologetically. "And the third? Really? You're trying to tell me that people named other parrots that twice?"

"Well, that's my name." The bird crossed its wings. "So don't forget it."

"It's way too long. Can I just call you Squawkers instead?"

The bird froze. Its talons dug into Chad's leather jacket as it hissed in his ear. "What did you just say?"

"Squawkers!" He grinned. "It's a way better name than… whatever the heck that was. Easier to remember too, since you squawk and– ow!"

Squawkers nipped angrily at his ear. "No! You are not calling me Squawkers! My name is Percival Aurelio Malthanus the Third!"

"Sure. Whatever you say Squawkers."

"You… You…!" The grey parrot huffed angrily. "That's it! I can't handle this kind of... Of… insubordination! I'm leaving!"

With a flapping of wings that seemed to buffet Chad's head a bit more than necessary, the prideful parrot took to the air and headed toward one of the broken windows. "Sheesh… the nerve of some people! And after I saved your life, too!"

"Careful, there's a lot of—"

Chad called out a warning just as a giant deer-mosquito hybrid buzzed down the street. The bird cried out in alarm and banked hard before reaching the window, diving beneath a pile of dog food bags to hide.

"—monsters n' shit out there."

The mosquito continued onward obliviously and disappeared down the road. Chad approached the frightened bird, his steps crunching on glass as he came to squat before him.

"Tried to warn you. It's pretty nasty in the city right now. Wanna stick with me instead?"

Squawkers peeked out between his wings. "R-really?"

"Yes, really." He shot the bird a thumbs up. "I mean, I've never met a talking bird before, and you seem pretty cool."

After a moment of hesitation, the bird relented. "...Fine. I'll accompany you. Might be that you need saving again." He alighted once more on Chad's shoulder and straightened his feathers. "But… you really won't call me Percival Aurelio Malthanus the Third?"

"Buddy, my eyes glaze over every time you say that name."

"What about Percival? Percy?"

"Yeah, but…" He shrugged. "You don't seem like a Percy to me. Squawkers fits so much better."

The bird mumbled under its breath. "No class, and no imagination…"

"What was that?"

The bird sighed next to his ear. "Nothing. Fine. I guess that you can call me… Squawkers… as a nickname." He shuddered. "But just you! And only because you let me out. Anyone else has to call me by my full title."

"Awesome!" A grin split Chad's face. "Glad to have you on board, Squawkers."

He reached up to stroke the bird's head. I have my own parrot. A real talking parrot! I'm like a pirate. Now I just need an eyepatch–

"Ow!" His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden nip at his temple. "What was that for?"

The bird fixed him with a glare. "I just had a feeling you needed it."