Annie sighed and hung her head. "Right. I knew you'd notice that."

"Of course I would, Annie." Chad gritted his teeth in tightly restrained anger. "You were supposed to tell me if anything happened."

"I know! And I swear, nothing did." The masseuse held up her hands in a placating gesture. "The truth is, I have no idea how she got that level. I really don't. We've been together during the day, and I haven't seen anything that makes sense."

Squawkers cocked his head. "What, is your grandma sneaking out to hunt at night or something?"

"I doubt it," Annie shook her head. "I would've noticed something like that, I think. Then again, this whole level thing is a mystery anyway, so maybe there's other ways to get experience than killing things."

At the explanation, Chad slowly unclenched his fists. "Ok. You're right. Maybe she got experience from… I don't know what. But you're sure you're ok?"

Annie nodded. "We are. I really don't know how she leveled up. The cats, either. But we're safe, I promise."

He let out one more long breath, letting the tension leak out with it. Thank goodness. At least Gram Gram wasn't in any danger...

"Wait a minute. The cats?" Glancing around, Chad focused on one of the felines where it sat on the porch. Its pupils were dilated and still trained intently on Squawkers, who eyed it warily. Sure enough, a tag appeared above the furball's head.

Cat (Lvl 2)

"Huh." He blinked. "That is weird."

"Uh-huh." Annie agreed. "I figure they've been hunting mice or something, but still. A lot of them are level two now. Some are even level three."

"Chadwick?" Gram Gram's reedy voice called out from within the house. "Come inside, both you and your girlfriend! You'll let the kitties out!"

Jerry nearly stumbled as he heaved his suitcase up the last porch step. His head whipped up, alarm written plain across his face. "Girlfriend?! You can't be serious. Annie, you're actually dating...?!"

"She's not my girlfriend, Gram Gram!" Chad rubbed his face tiredly. "She's never going to let this go, is she..."

Annie's cheeks colored slightly as she chuckled. "No, she's not. She was right, though. You were an awfully cute baby."

He groaned.

***

As Chad and Jerry enjoyed a late lunch of leftover pot roast -- which was fantastic, as always -- Annie updated him on what he'd missed. Thankfully, there wasn't much. Aside from the matter of his grandma's mystery level, things had been blessedly safe.

Annie had made sure to contact the neighbors, just as Chad had suggested. All of them had caught on that something was amiss, given the weird text appearing over themselves, their families, and their animals. However, Annie's call had helped to confirm that it was no hallucination. They wanted to get together and meet as soon as Chad had returned.

She'd also taken the liberty of taking an inventory of the firearms in the house while she kept watch. Evidently, she'd been impressed. The whole collection was safely stored away in the guest room after she'd made sure they were in working order.

After he told the Massage Therapist about his own adventures, she nodded to his oversized limb. "So you messed it up punching a big ol' bird, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it." Chad winced. "I think I pulled something."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course you did. I'll take a look at it once you're done eatin'. And have a shower, of course. You look like you're wearing half the birds you killed."

"I mean, you're not wrong." Squawkers called down. The bird had taken up residence high above their heads, holding on to the chain of an old chandelier set over the table. His head swiveled about, keeping an eye on the army of cats that stared up at him. "Honestly, I dunno how he deals with it. I can't stand having stuff in my feathers."

"Agreed." Jerry grimaced. "You could have at least washed your hands."

"Oh, yeah." Chad scratched his head. He felt hardened clumps of something flake off before he stopped. "Oops."

Annie hesitated, then nodded her head toward the front door. "Actually, you should probably hose off outside first. You'll definitely clog the drain goin' in like that."

"Hey! What am I, a dog?" Chad protested! "I'm not that bad!"

"Yes, you are. Believe me. So get a move on."

***

A short while later, Annie laid Chad on the couch to look over him. Jerry had moved to one of the spare rooms to unpack his things while Squawkers avoided the cats as best he could. As the masseuse traced a finger over Chad's spine, she clucked with disapproval.

"Chad?"

"Yeah?" Pain throbbed through his aching muscles.

"Remember when I told you not to push it too far?"

"...Kind of?"

"Did you listen?"

"...No?"

"No, you didn't." He felt Annie's hands move across his muscles with quick precision, probing and prodding them. "What is this? Your spine's all outta alignment, your shoulder'll hardly budge, there's tearing all over the place... Hell, it's a miracle you can even walk right now! And don't even get me started on your arm muscles." She poked at the flesh of his right bicep. It didn't give. "They feel like damn rocks!"

"Right? Isn't it awesome?" Chad couldn't suppress a grin.

"That's the part you focus on? Not the whole 'it's a miracle you're not paralyzed' part?!" Annie swatted the back of his head. "Chad, be serious here! I told you to be careful!"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"Ow! I know, I know." He turned his head in an attempt to glance up at the masseuse. "What can I say? I did what I had to. If I didn't stick a bunch of strength in my arm, there's no way I could've gotten outta there alive, Annie. And if I didn't take on that big bird, it would've killed everyone!"

"Maybe that's true, but Chad..." She put a hand to her forehead and blew out a breath. "I know you. And if there's one thing you're known for, it's going overboard. I'm sure you didn't have to go this far."

"Annie, you're the best masseuse I know. If anyone can fix me up, it's you." He shot her a thumbs up, wincing slightly at the motion.

That elicited a dry chuckle. "I don't think you understand. You're in bad shape, here. I can fix you for now, but I don't think I can prevent it from happening again."

She laid her hands on his muscles and started working. In an instant, Chad felt a wave of relaxation ripple through him. All the tension and stiffness he'd been holding over the past day disappeared as though it had never even existed. Even the dull aches and pains faded as his muscles stopped pulling themselves apart and simply rested.

"Damn, Annie." He tried not to groan. "Were you holding out on me before? Because that feels amazing."

She snorted. "Hardly. It's that Relaxing Touch trait I got. Seems like it's not just for show."

"Yeah..." Chad sank into the couch even further. "Damn. This whole apocalypse thing really is growing on me..."

Annie kneaded at Chad's muscles with practiced efficiency, working from his shoulders all the way down his spine. The woman used a lot more elbow compared to her usual routine, though she did rely on her fingers and hands for some of the more delicate parts of his musculature. But with the almost sedative effect of her trait, Chad could barely tell. Eventually, she moved on to his arms -- both of them, though he was pleased to note that she spent a lot more time on his right.

Chad lost track of time, simply allowing himself to rest. Though he'd gotten some sleep the night before, it couldn't compare to this. Not just because Gram Gram's couch was far more comfortable than a hard floor, either.

I'm home, I'm comfy, and everyone's safe. That's all that matters.

Sometime later, Annie gently shook him out of his daydreaming. "Alright, that's the best I can do. How does that feel?"

Chad sat up and gingerly stretched his arm. He was still pretty inflexible, his elbow straining to straighten past ninety degrees. His back and shoulder also felt as sore as though they'd been beaten up for days on end. But nothing hurt. Most importantly, he could move his arm again.

He flexed his fingers a few times, then rotated his arm in ever-widening circles. Then he grinned. "Thanks, Annie. You're a miracle worker."

"No, I'm not." She settled onto the couch with a sigh, leaning her head back against the worn cushions. "Which is exactly why you gotta be careful, Chad."

"I am being careful! I got home safe, didn't I?"

He heard a snicker from near the ceiling. "Right. I dunno if I'd call your driving 'careful', much less your fighting..."

He glared up at the grey parrot perched in the rafters. "You're not helping, Squawk."

"You know what I mean." Annie wiped some sweat off her forehead. "You can't just keep putting points into your arm's strength like this. I know it helped you out back there, but think of the future. What if you throw out your back in the middle of a fight? What are you gonna do then?"

"I'll push through it." Chad nodded resolutely. "I've done it before."

"You can't just 'push through' your arm not working."

"Ok, well… It's not like I've been doing all strength. I put some into constitution too!"

"Look," Annie fixed him with a pleading look. "I'm not telling you to stop completely. Just... maybe put something into your other arm, at least? For balance?"

"And what, have two arms that are half as strong?" Chad shook his head. "That's not me, Annie. And besides, what if that extra strength is all that's between Gram Gram and some big nasty monster?"

"And what if there are two big nasty monsters? I can't give you a full massage in the middle of a battle, Chad!"

The pair continued to argue back and forth. Chad maintained that having one super strong arm was far better than two, while Annie insisted that the benefits of balance outweighed any possible gains he'd get otherwise. Neither made any headway in convincing the other until, eventually, they were interrupted.

"Ugh, I'm tired of hearing you two squabble! How about we compromise, huh?"

They both looked up as Squawkers fluttered down toward Chad's shoulder. All of the cats in the area instantly went on alert, their eyes going wide. The bird thought better of his decision and reversed, landing near the ceiling once again. "Erm... anyway! How about this. Chad wants to keep beefing up his one arm, right?"

"Right," the arm wrestler nodded.

"And Annie's worried about your arm becoming the gross monstrosity we all know it is, right?"

"...That, and his stupid ass dying." Annie muttered. "But yes."

"So!" Squawkers puffed out his chest. "I have a proposal. Or, you might say... a plan."

"Well, let's hear it!" Chad grinned. He nudged Annie and whispered, "he loves showing off how smart he is."

"Well, it sounds like there's a middle ground here." He saw a gleam in the parrot's eye. "What if you, Chad, keep focusing on your right arm like you want to. But you have to put your points in the other stats, too -- not just strength?"

"That... doesn't sound like a middle ground at all." Annie crossed her arms. "How is that a compromise?"

"Chad, you mentioned that constitution shrinks your arm a bit, right?"

"Right." Chad raised his limb. "That's why it's smaller than it was."

"It was bigger?!" Annie glared at him. "Chad..."

"Well!" Squawkers interrupted before she could get going. "What if we say you have to add enough constitution that your arm doesn't go completely haywire? Maybe you can keep a balance that way!"

"That..." Chad hesitated. "I guess I could. But I won't be nearly as strong..."

"Of course you will! Constitution's all about endurance and defense and stuff, right?" Squawkers pointed out. "If anything, this just means that your arm will be strong and invincible!"

"Huh..." He mulled it over. "That is a good point..."

"So?" Squawkers preened. "Isn't it a good plan?"

After a moment of thought, Chad nodded. "I'm down to try it. Annie?"

The woman sighed. "Really? You can't just put something into your left? Or your back, at least?"

"Who's ever beaten a monster to death with their back muscles?" Chad chuckled. "What's the point of putting strength there? Constitution, maybe, but still…"

"Your health, for one..." Annie muttered, then shook her head. "Fine. Do what you want. Just try not to hurt yourself, ok?"

"Great!" Squawkers celebrated above. "Then we're all good! See, that wasn't so bad!"

"Careful, there's a cat sneaking up behind you."

"Wha-- shit!"

The parrot flapped away in alarm as a black cat pounced unsuccessfully. Chad chuckled. "Guess that means I should use those stat points, huh?" Suddenly, he perked up. "Oh! That reminds me. Now that this is all done, I've got a bunch of stuff to look through."

"Stuff?" Annie raised an eyebrow, leaning forward and placing her elbows on her knees.

"Yup!" Chad opened up his status window. "I got some skills, something called a skill upgrade, and a trait upgrade, too."

"Neat. Well, we've still got a while till dinner. Might as well get it done now." She stood and stretched. "While you're doin' that, I'll go call the neighbors. They'll want to get together and talk."

Chad nodded in agreement as Annie headed toward the kitchen. First thing's first. I want to see what skills I got.

Without further ado, he pulled up the options.