Aaron's life flashed before his eyes as he plummeted through the air. The ground was just a few inches away from him. His mind piled up with regrets as he embraced his last few moments of consciousness.
"If my folks from my old world were to see me now... Do you think they'lI be proud?.... I fought evil... I slayed monsters that most would cower in fear from.... and most importantly, I actually held a conversation with a female!........"
Despite the perilous situation, Aaron's mind was clear and calm. He made a slight smile as he accepted his fate. Then a single thought appeared which stirred his mind into a whirlwind.
"WAIT! WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MONOLOGUE IS THIS!! A HERO CAN'T DIE FROM FALLING OFF A ROOF!! WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS SHITTY STORY!!!!!!!"
(Writer's notes:What? Did you think there was going to be actual character developement?)
Aaron's neck snapped as he hit the floor. He felt a surge of pain which lasted for an instance before suddenly disappearing. His hands laid on a chilly, snow white floor. He looked upwards from his position and saw the empty void of space staring down on him. Aaron was temporarily stunned as he pieced together his surroundings. Then it hit him.
"Not this shit again"
Cris:
Oh, you're back...
A lady in traditional clothing leaned over an annoyed rogue to peer at his face.
Aaron:
If you lean forward a bit more I might be able to catch a view of your boobs.
Aaron smiled as the goddess kicked the teenager to the side.
Cris:
Just because I can read you're thoughts, it doesn't mean that you should be shouting them out loud.
Aaron:
Why not? It increases the chances of one of the multiple porn scenarios I have laid out to come true.
Cris:
Do you speak like this with everyone?
Aaron:
Only when I'm certain I can't be accused of sexual harassment and want to be a dick to someone."
Cris sighed and her shoulders sunk as Aaron's thoughts grew even lewder.
Cris:
You do not care about the fact that you're speaking to a goddess do you.
Aaron:
Last time I checked, A GODDESS DOESN'T FUCKING LIE!!!
Cris:
What do you mean.
Aaron:
I'M THE PROTAGONIST OF THIS WORD!!!! WHERE ARE MY OP POWERS!!! ISN'T THIS ALL AN ANIME WHERE THE BAD ASS HERO GETS THE BITCHES AND SAVES THE WORLD!!
Cris:
When did I ever say that.
Cris gave an annoyed glance towards the furious brat complaing about his lack of privilages.
The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
Aaron:
YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST GIVEN ME SOME POWER UP YOU CUNT!!
Cris:
I did! I doubled your 3 lowest stats!
Aaron:
MY STRENGTH IS A 6.
Cris:
Exactly! I doubled it!
Aaron:
WHAT--
All of Aaron's pent up rage was coming out in this instance. The hardships he endured. The psychoatic teammates he was forced to work with. The constant stream of bad luck that was his daily routine. They were all caused by this single person. But he suddenly stopped after hearing Cris's response. Aaron stammered and continued in a nervous voice.
Aaron:
S-s-oo you're saying that.... my stats are after the modifiers
Cris:
Yes.
Aaron:
oh. I see.....
His eyes started to tear up as the effects of living a life as a shut-in finally caught up to him. He realised the unhealthy routine that consisted of waking up at 5pm and consuming only instant noodles has left him totally unprepared in this new world.
Aaron:
Just hurry up and send me to the another world already............ I've given up on living in this one.......
Cris:
I'd love to, but I can't. There's a chance you could get revived in the next few hours.
Aaron:
There are reviving spells in this world?
Cris:
Yes. However, they can only be performed by high level priests and requires a lot of mana. It also won't extend you life span so you can't be revived from old age
Aaron:
Doesn't that ruin all meaning to death and remove any stakes from adventuring in this world. Did you not balance this shit correctly.
Cris:
If you keep quiet now, I may not smite your friends for trying to revive you.
Cris looked through a portal she materialized that showed Aaron's corpse. There, 3 girls were huddled around a body that was lying lifelessly on the ground
Aaron:
My friends are trying to help me? DID THEY HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART! HAVE THEY REALIZED HOW IMPORTANT I AM TO THEM. WILL ONE OF THEM GIVE ME A SURPRISE CONFESSION ONCE I'M REVIVED.
Aaron jumped towards Cris and pushed her aside to take a good look at the screen. He could see Silver, Nia and Ruby kneeling besides his body. The 3 of them were leaning over the corpse, blocking Aaron from having a complete view of himself. There was silence amongst them. Then suddenly Ruby's voice came through the portal as if it were a speaker.
Ruby:
I can't believe it.
Aaron smiled smugly at this sight. He put on a brave and dramatic tone as he monologued despite the fact that only Cris could hear him.
Aaron:
Don't worry, Ruby. I'll be back soon. There's no need to get depressed over my passing. It will only be a small hiccup before we can inevitably be reunited-
Ruby:
I didn't think he was ACTUALLY broke!
Aaron:
huh?
Aaron took a closer look through the portal as to what the girls were doing. He saw the fox girl rummaging through his pockets in an attempt to find goods or anything she could use as black mail.
Nia:
SEEEEE!!!!!! ITS NOT SO FUNNY WHEN IT YOU GETTING HURT ISHH ITTTT!!!!! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING FUN OF ME YOU MEANNIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
The hazel-haired cleric shook the soulless body around in an attempt to garner some sort of reaction from it. Her tears and snot covered the poor boys face.
Aaron:
Hey Cris, Go ahead and smite them if you want.
Cris:
Are you sure you don't want to rethink your team's composition?
The goddess dissapointedly stared at the annoyed teenager who stood in front of her. Aaron continued watching the commotion as the 3 girls continued to loot and harass his body.
"I finally get why disrespecting bodies is against the Geneva Convention"
Silver:
Alright I think that's enough playing with his body. We should bring him to the church to get revived.
The other 2 girls looked over at the silver haired knight. They each had a dissappointed look on their face as they slowly pryed themselves of Aaron's body.
"Atleast, I have one helpful teammate...."
Silver:
Besides, he is the only one in the party who can cook.
"Scratch that"
Ruby:
Yeah, and he's the only one who can torture Nia as well as I do.
Nia:
BUT HE DOESN'T HELPPP MEE AT ALLLLLL!!!!!!!!
Ruby:
Your opinion doesn't count
Nia continued to whine as the 2 other girls begrudgingly started to carry the body.