“Joshua! Yosefin’s here!” My mother yelled from the foyer. I was in the middle of placing blue paint tape on the edges of the walls in my room when I heard her. When I heard Vanessa talking with Yosefin, I immediately stopped what I was doing and headed to the second-floor banister. Vanessa was already asking to see Yosefin’s tattoos. They were covered again, but she used a cream-colored sweater to hide them.

“Vanessa!” I said to break her away from Yosefin. “Really?”

“What?” Vanessa said, shrugging her shoulders with her arms out to me. “I never got to see them!”

“She doesn’t want to show them!”

“Josh, it’s okay,” Yosefin said. She waved her in a downward motion to tell me to settle down. “Wait for me in your room, okay?”

“Okay,” I said after squinting my eyes at my sister. She squinted too then resumed wanting to know about Yosefin’s tattoos. I went back into my room to continue laying tape the second I saw Yosefin take off her sweater.

Ten minutes later, Yosefin finally came into my room. At that time, I finished taping and started painting near the edges of the tape to make rolling paint an easier job for us. She threw her sweater on the bed and tied her hair back before she greeted me with a hug from behind. Her arms firmly yet comfortably clutched my waist.

“Hey, Joshy,” Yosefin said with her lips inches away from my ear.

“Hey,” I said, keeping my focus on painting the edges.

“Whatcha doing there, buddy?”

“Edging.”

“Oh?” She said nearly letting out a giggle. I realized what I said sounded dirty.

“You know what I meant.”

“You should have chosen better words.”

“Whatever,” I chuckled.

I told Yosefin to get to work helping me paint my room. We took turns rolling paint on five walls in my room. My mother wanted me to paint my white walls different colors because she got tired of seeing the scuffed marks and broken pieces of dry walls from my childhood. I fixed up what I could before calling Yosefin to help out. I knew she would happily spend time with me. This was her first time seeing my room. Too bad it was empty of furniture.

The whole task lasted about an hour. Yosefin sat on my bed to rest while I sat on the floor with my back on against the bedframe. My face was near her knee and when she saw me glance at it, she put herself directly behind me. Her knees were about a hand length from my ears. They smelled like cinnamon and were soft to the touch as usual.

“So,” Yosefin said as she took my hairband off, and gently combed her fingers through my hair. “Is that girl the perfect one?”

“Naomi?” I asked for clarification.

“Who else?”

“She seems cool,” I said when I pushed her legs closer to my face. “Any luck with you?” All she gave me for an answer was a grunt-like growl. “Are you even trying?” Her feet turned inward over my chest. And she stopped combing my hair. The more indicators I saw that she wasn’t, it made me a bit annoyed. But, it was the type of annoyance that made me sympathize with what she truly wanted. “Yosefin,” I sighed. “You gotta try.” She stayed quiet so I had to sit up and look her in the eyes. She was frowning with her mouth shifted to the side. For a moment, she wouldn’t look at me. When I whispered her name, her cheeks slowly began blushing pink. “Yosefin...”

“Stop,” she said, shutting her eyes and tucking her head down. “Just... stop...”

“Stop what?” I playfully nudge the top of my head into her stomach to make her laugh. It took two more tries for her to giggle. On the fourth nudge, she redirected my head upward to bring me to face level with her. She held it there and couldn’t stop glancing at my lips. “No,” I said, slowly taking her hands off my face. “We agreed to stop.”

“Jesus Christ,” she smiled like she was going to cry. Her eyes did get watery, but she kept herself from tearing after taking a deep breath. “I hate you. I really want to punch you in the gut and then cry about how I’ll never treat you horribly again.”

“Why would you do all of that?” I said with a nervous chuckle.

“I,” she paused to kiss me on the cheek. ” I think I need a therapist.”

“Why?”

“Because when I look at you, my heart melts.” She then added, “But you want to date girls and make me see other guys,” she whined. She smiled and chuckled even though it felt like she was complaining. “Like, fuck! I’m right here, Josh!”

“Settle down, Yosefin,” I said with my hands massaging her shoulders. “You’re scaring me.”

“I’m so sorry!” She said, cupping her hands over her mouth. I looked behind me at the door that led to the second-floor hallway to see if there was anyone there before I hugged Yosefin. “I’m so sorry, Josh.”

“I know... I know,” I gently said before I kissed her on the cheek. “But, you got to let me go. You didn’t want me when I suggested I should look the other way.”

“That’s the issue. I didn’t want you to ignore me like that.”

“But you’re being wishy-washy about it now.”

“I know,” she said, slapping her hands over her face. “I want you. No... I fantasized about having you. Yet, it’ll never be a true relationship if you ignore that one thing about me.” Her words hit me deep in my feelings. I understood more of the dilemma she was going through and how it was eating inside her. “I fucking hate this,” she cried. “Why did I fucking mutate into this fucking mix of.... Whatever!?”

“Easy,” I said then shushed her in hopes she’ll won’t yell again. “Don’t talk like that.”

There were a few options I could do to make her feel better in hopes it would make her not sad. One option was to make her think optimistically about how she could find the one that’ll take her as she is. The problem with that one was that she already heard it before. Option two was to cuddle or snuggle, depending on which was enough to subdue her sadness. I chose to tackle both simultaneously.

I locked my door so no one would come in on us. My parents and sister didn’t know about the type of close friendship we had, so I didn’t want them freaking out if they happened to see us lying on the bed holding each other.

“Yosefin,” I said when I stood between her legs. “Let’s... cuddle.”

“What?” She stuttered.

“You heard me.” I tried to act serious but I couldn’t keep my voice at a steady pitch.

“You can’t be serious, right?” To show I was, I took her shoes off and laid her on her back by lifting her legs in the air. “Oh, mein Gott. (Oh, my god.)” She looked at the door and then at me with the same open eyes.

“How do you want to do it?” My voice was shaky and my confidence was dropping.

“Why are you doing this?” She said yet tugged on my shirt to reel me closer. “I thought we agreed to never do this again.” Her words made it seem like she didn’t want it, but her gaze and grip said otherwise. She became a mouth breather the more she stared.

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“Do you want my shirt off?”

“Is the..?” She stopped to look at the door.

“It is.”

Before I could fully lay on top of her, she held me back with her hands on my chest. I moved away and sat on the corner of the bed while she lay there, gazing at the ceiling with her arms crossed over her lap.

“What do you want?” I said. “Honestly.”

“I don’t know anymore,” she said. She rolled on her left side into the fetal position.

“Oh, Yosefin.” I tried again. She let me spoon from behind. She even backed up to fit her ass in my lap. “Have you been talking to anyone on the app?”

“Couple of guys and some girls are interested in me,” she quietly mumbled.

“Interested... to chat?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to them.”

The second I was going to ask if I could look through her phone, she handed it to me unlocked. It was showing all the direct messages she got over the days. There were so many people wanting to speak with her. I scrolled down to the bottom to see who was in the first match. It was a guy. He looked familiar. I couldn’t figure out where I saw him, so I checked more into their match. The date record said they matched four days ago.

“Yosefin,” I said, showing her the phone. “Was this the guy matched with in class?” She squinted and leaned forward towards the phone for a second before nodding. His name was James Boga. He was twenty years old, single, had a full-time job, and was looking for love. “What’s wrong with this guy? He looks all right to me.”

“Hmph,” Yosefin grunted out her nose, displaying no interest as she laid her head back down.

“Say hi.” She continued to grunt but it sounded whiny. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Don’t you dare,” she said through her teeth as she rolled over to look at me.

“I’m going to do it.”

“No!” We wrestled for control of the phone. I didn’t plan on going through with it but I wanted to know the extent of how much she disliked this plan we agreed upon. She was trying her best to push my hands away from getting the phone. Her face got red the more she struggled. I felt bad about trying to get it and being overpowering so I stopped.

“Okay, I’m done.” She stuffed her phone down her bra. That tactic brought a dark memory of when she took my phone from me when I was a fool for Kat. I crossed my arm over my chest to show her I wouldn’t bother trying.

“Ha!” She poked my hand while giggling.

“Yosefin,” I said, rolling my eyes and groaning. “If you won’t take this seriously, so be it. I’m done trying to help you,” I ranted without slowing down. “I want you to be happy and try something I can’t give to you. You can’t live your life always around me.” She tucked her lips in and took a deep breath in and out through her nose.

“You’re right,” she said after wiping the tears from her eyes with her thumbs. She opened her phone and started rapidly texting someone with both of her thumbs. Her eyes darted left and right like she was quickly skimming through words. “Okay... I... hit up James and apologized to him about not replying for days.” The fact that she apologized surprised me. There was no need for it. Nowhere in her message did I see anyone ask if she was there. They all greeted her but never followed up on that.

“Good,” I praised and gave her a tender punch to the side of her shoulder. “I’m glad you’re doing this.”

“Well,” she sighed then held my left hand from the top. I flipped my hand so we could hold hands. She saw that and smiled at me. “What do you wanna do?” She asked when she laid her head on my shoulder.

“Whatever you want,” I said in hopes she would do the obvious.

“Whatever I want?” She said softly. “Like... anything?”

“Anything.”

We didn’t get the chance to cuddle and I was hoping she would ask me for it, or do something close. Yosefin decided we should put my room back together. I was surprised but somewhat relieved she didn’t do what I expected. It was commendable.

After a week passed, Naomi and I agreed to meet each other at a public park that had running trails, playgrounds, and soccer fields for our first date. I came in a bit late because I was so focused on looking good. She was sitting alone at a wooden table with her head in her hands.

“Yo!” I said.

“Jesus fuck!” Naomi jumped and crossed her hand over her heart. “Joshua,” she giggled. “You freaking scared me!”

“I’m sorry,” I said, looking away to see if anyone heard her scream. At that moment, she ran in for a surprise hug.

“Thanks for coming!”

“You’re welcome?” I was confused as to why she said that. It sounded like she was worried I wouldn’t.

“Wow! You smell great!” She got on her toes to take a whiff of my neck. “It’s amazing!”

“Thanks.”

Yosefin was the one who gave me her cologne the day before I came here. I never thought she would do that. She seemed like the type who would not want me to achieve a good impression right off the bat. I thought she would still be clingy and complain to me about why she was the better match than all women in the world. So far, she kept her cool.

“So,” I said slowly. “Why did we come here?”

“Could we, y’know... Talk first,” Naomi said, anxiously rubbing her hands together.

“Talk?”

“Yeah,” she nodded quickly. “I don’t want today to count as a date.”

“Uhh,” I hummed as I tried to figure out what the hell we were doing. “Are we hanging out?”

“Yes,” she pointed at me with both of her fingers. “More like a meet and greet.”

“Okay...” A meet and greet sounded a bit dumb. We already did that when we first saw each other in class.

I followed Naomi to a stone bench and table with a giant umbrella. She sat down first, patting the open space to her left. I sat with my arms crossed in my lap. She was in the same posture but had a lovely smile on her face. Her pearly white teeth and braces were showing through the gaps of her pink smooth lips.

“Could I, like...” Naomi says, struggling to get her words. “Ask a whole bunch of questions about you?”

“Uh, sure,” I said because I was scared to question the details of what she would ask. She asked me about any red flags I despised if we dated. “Jealousy,” I said right off the bad.

“Oh,” she giggled. “Jealous like me getting upset you’re talking to other girls, right?”

“Mhmm,” I said, nodding. “I got a friend that has issues with that.”

“Let me guess. The girl that you sit with?”

“Lucky guess,” I said, giving her a tender knuckle nudge to her meaty thigh. It felt like I was touching a firm pillow. “Wow... your thigh is...”

“Thick?” Thick was an accurate statement but not the word I was thinking of. “I lift weights.”

“Really?” She took out her phone to show me several pictures of her posing half-naked, flexing her muscles. “Wow!” They were so stunning that I had to focus my mind on something else to prevent me from getting an erection. Her body was more defined than mine. She took her phone away from me to look ahead in the gallery. One picture came up and she quickly locked the phone.

“Whoa!” She said and put her phone in her pocket. “That was close.”

“What was it?”

“Uh,” she said, looking at the ground for a quick second before looking directly at me. “I’m a bit of a narcissist when it comes to how I look.” I didn’t fully understand what she meant until she clarified it. “I take nudes of myself... sometimes.” My heart jumped. I kind of wanted to see but was scared to ask her since we were just getting to know each other.

“Why?” I asked to appease my curiosity.

“I don’t have a good reason,” she blushed. That answer wasn’t going to cut it. I wanted to know a better reason. For the sake of our first hangout, I decided to avoid asking her about it. If a conversation led back to that subject, I would bring it up in a heartbeat.

“Do you have any more questions for me?”

“So your friend. What’s her name?” I nearly said Yosefin instead of Yose. Naomi didn’t know about Yosefin’s other name. I didn’t think I should be the one to tell Naomi until I consulted Yosefin if I could use it.

“Yose,” I answered in a weak voice.

“Would she become jealous if we dated?” I tried my hardest to not smile or be uncomfortable. She watched me squirm to avoid the question. “Wow, she’s got you worried.”

“Nah,” I lied. She gave me the most judgmental face. I couldn’t look her in the eyes for more than two seconds. “Okay! I am,” I confessed with my head on the table.

“You know what you should do,” she said, sitting shoulder to shoulder with leg touching mine.

“What?” I said, turning to see her. She laid her head down inches from the tip of my nose.

“Simply not care,” she said when she pulled my hand to hold it in her warm lap.

“Easier said than done. We’re... close. Like... very close.”

“I know how that feels.” She told me a story about a guy friend she dated. It led to an extremely toxic relationship where they couldn’t let each other see new people. She finally had enough drama and removed herself from his life to move on. After a year went by, she felt it was time to love whether it turned into a friendship or a relationship. “So,” she said. “Don’t let Yose sour our time together, okay? I don’t want any major drama.”

“I’ll try. It might take a bit of talking.”

“Will you promise me?” I felt her pinky curl around mine. “She’s not your girl or anything, right?”

“She’s not.”

“Okay.” Her pinky tightened a little. When I firmly held it, she grinned. “Let me hear you say it,” she whispered. Her gentle voice gave me a wonderful shiver down my neck. “Promise Yose or even other people won’t push us away.”

“I promise,” I said without thinking of the other factors that could be a problem.

“Thanks, Joshua,” she said as she hugged me. “So,” she let out a single chuckle. “Can I continue asking you questions?”

We went back and forth asking each other questions for over an hour. One question led to several minutes of talking about it. Sometimes we would get off-topic and discuss other unrelated things. I felt like I found a woman I could genuinely connect with. We damn near shared the same hobby interests. She was primarily a homebody type of person but enjoyed going out a few times a month. She played video games on the latest console yet she admitted to being not good at them.

Naomi’s personality felt friendly in the sense she would choose to get along with all people. I admired and was relieved to hear her say that. The drama I went through the previous year changed me. Yosefin’s cries and anger, including what I did with Kat kept haunting me. I was worried about getting into more drama with Yosefin for talking to other women, but at the same time, I wasn’t. If she were to get mad, I would try to stand my ground. We both knew it would never truly work out. It was time for a change.