Novels2Search

Dearest Lovers

The day after Christmas started off with bad news. Yosefin woke me after getting off the phone with her mom to tell me that her parents got stuck in a snowstorm that came in last night. They were forced to get a hotel to wait out the storm, but the snow made travel impossible. I heard about the storm’s arrival days before but didn’t think it would come until the weekend. The neighborhood had several feet of snow blocking the street. We were somewhat confined to the house because of the snow blocking the front and back doors. Luckily the garage was connected to the house. If we needed to get out, we could get the shovels to dig our way out.

“Yo, dude!” Yosefin said, shaking my side of the bed by pumping her hand into the mattress. “Looks like you’re staying over for another night.”

“Huh?” I said in a groggy voice.

“You’re staying over for another night!” She said in a monotone voice. “This is so awesome!”

“How so?”

“I get to spend more time with my boyfriend,” she said, doing a little dance. Her optimism was adorable.

“What would you like to do with me today?”

“Oh,” she said manically laughing as she leaned into my face. “Poor choice of words.” I instantly regretted how I formed my words. “I would like you to...”

“To?” I said after trying to soothe my throat by gulping the little saliva I had.

“I don’t know,” she chuckled once. “I got so much weird shit on my mind that I would like to try.”

“Like?” She hummed for a thought with a smile on her face. “I don’t know,” she mumbled.

“Is it sex related?” I said to target the most controversial topic we would talk about as a couple.

“What?! Uh... n... no!”

“Was that too early?”

“Not at all! I mean...” She pointed to her bedside drawer with the one that had a dildo inside and spoke without taking a reasonable pause. “I got boxes of condoms. Do you want to try? You’re an extra large fit, right?”

“Excuse me?” She stuttered severely for three seconds before taking a deep breath. “Slow down. What do you mean by that?”

“You’re size,” she said with her finger pointing at my crotch. “If you don’t mind me knowing.” Oddly, I didn’t find her wanting to know strange. I was eager, but I didn’t know what I was. It never crossed my mind that I should check.

“Um,” I said after trying to visualize the biggest I’ve seen it. “Pretty big, I guess.”

“Right...” Her face began to turn pink the more she kept pausing in her sentence. “I’ve seen it. I should already know this.”

“I’ve... never shown you it.”

“That’s right,” she giggled for a short moment. “You had your underwear on.”

The reminder made me blush because of what I accidentally did. I crumpled the blanket to hide my erection from showing through. She glanced at my crotch and adverted her eyes for a second before they looked back at me.

“Sorry,” she said, bowing her head. “I didn’t mean to look.”

“Well,” I said after deciding to not hide it anymore. “I can’t control it all the time.” She found that remark funny. Her chuckle sounded like she was afraid or nervous to let it all out. And, she hid half of her face with her hands when it happened. “How often does that happen to you?”

“You got a good look at it... yeah?”

“Everything was... small.”

“It... doesn’t...” Her index and thumb opened out from each other to represent growth. “Remember when I said it doesn’t work? I... I have that with... this...”

“So,” I said as I tried to remember what she specifically said about a strange condition she had. “What was that weird word you have?”

“Azoospermia.”

“Yes,” I said before after snapping my fingers. “Jeez, Yosefin. What the hell happened to you?”

“I don’t fucking know!” She said and let out a short laugh. “I’m weird!”

“So the condoms are for...”

“Others,” she said and looked off to her left for a long time. “Other... guys.” Something about her responses gave me red flags.

“How old is that box?”

“A few months old,” she said, looking at her fingers. I bit the corner of my lip to force myself not to smile. There were no others. She admitted that I was the only one she sought for.

“Why are you lying?” I said, letting my smile break through. “It couldn’t have been for James. You didn’t want to be with him.” Her cheeks turned red the longer she stayed quiet. After six seconds went by she broke her silence and decided to look at me.

“I need to know your stance on this... situation.”

“Okay?”

“I know you prefer women.”

“That’s correct.”

“You made an exception for me.”

“I did,” I said slowly, giving her a side-eye glance. “Where is this going?”

“If,” she said then paused to rest her hand on the back of my hand. “If you were into me like that and... you wanna go for it, I believe in a conservative role.”

“Conservative role?” I said in my head. Even though she was vague on what she meant, I somewhat had an idea of what she tried to water down. I knew she wasn’t religious so the marriage thing wasn’t it. There were things I felt she knew I wouldn’t dare try if I had a gun to my head.

“Okay,” I said with a little chuckle behind it. “No sex before marriage. Got it.” I gave her two thumbs up to see how she would react.

“No!” She blushed more. She curled my thumbs down in my palms. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Conservative role,” I said air quoting it. “Sounds stupid. Just say what you would or wouldn’t do.” She squinted and shifted her lips to the left corner of her face to create the biggest pouty face she could muster.

“Listen here, dude,” she said with her finger lightly pressing my chest. She pressed her lips against her teeth and said nothing.

“I’m listening.”

“I just wanna make you feel comfortable if you are up for that.”

“If I weren’t, you wouldn’t be my girlfriend.” Her annoyed look turned into something more joyful. “I knew what I signed up for when I asked you out.”

“Yeah right,” she scoffed. “You know, certain types of couples avoid sex to way later.”

“Well, I think that’s stupid.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Her face was blushed red at that point. I could tell she wanted me to make a move. Her legs were crossed over her lap and the direction of her body never faced away from me through the entire conversation. “I know it’s only been two days, but do you want to try tonight and see if you’re okay doing it with me?” My heart momentarily stopped but I kept myself calm to make it seem I wasn’t having a minor panic attack. Bubbles began to form inside my stomach. I suddenly felt sick, but the butterflies almost negated the sensation.

“See if I’m into it?” A gas bubble floated into the divot in my neck. I burped, leaned away, and let out the air through my nose away from her. The butterflies took over, soothing and calming me down.

“Mhmm.” I couldn’t comprehend why she was willing to try it out that early in our relationship. We hadn’t had time to test the waters to see if we were compatible in the long run and we were about to have sex to see if I would enjoy doing it with her.

“Are you horny or something?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Well, not at the moment.” Her voice was calm. “That’ll depend on your answer.”

“Why do you want me to see if I’m into it?”

“Josh...” She laughed in a way that didn’t feel like it was real. It was short, and when it stopped, she wasn’t smiling. “There’s going to be a lot of testing in this relationship, I’m afraid. This is new for the both of us.” She kept perfect eye contact with me the entire time she spoke. “Things will get extra weird. But, mostly on your part because of what I am.”

“Probably,” I said, failing to keep direct eye contact.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. It won’t change how much I adore you.”

“I don’t deserve you,” I said in my head. “Let’s do it,” I said out loud.

“Are you sure you want to try?” Her voice rose with excitement as a smile began to creep through. “You know I got two places you can try and not three.” The lovely butterflies scattered.

“Jesus Christ,” I said, rolling my eyes. “No shit. I’m aware of that.” I tried to keep my anxiety in check. I didn’t want to chicken out and regret not trying. For the sake of love and being more willing to explore new avenues, I mentally doubled down to make it happen. “I’m not blind,” I said with a bit of cockiness. “Or in denial.”

“Sorry! I’m so nervous for you! This is so far leftfield for you. I don’t want you to freak out when I’m riding the wave.” The image created gave me a pleasant scare. My heart let out a single pump that warmed my entire body like a heat wave.

“It’s okay,” I said and kissed her lips. “I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re not...” I kissed her again to let her know nothing bad would happen. “Okay... I believe you. She kissed my cheek and gave me a tight, warm hug afterward. “I’m glad we had this conversation this early.”

“Were you dreading it?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” she whined with laughter, snuggling her head between the bed and my bed.

“Okay, okay,” I said, pulling her into my lap to hug her. “Let’s get our day started. I’m starving.”

Before we began another new day as a couple, Yosefin and I had a short discussion of what she would make for breakfast. We decided on having french toast but she was unsure if she had the proper ingredients. I decided to take a shower while she looked to see if she had everything she needed. After wetting my body and drenching my hair with water, I heard the hooks on the shower curtains squeak as they slid across the hanging frame. I forced my eyes open to see what was going on despite the burning sensation from the water. It was her. I didn’t ask why or what she was doing naked with me. All I saw was my girlfriend coming in to join me.

We showered together without saying a single word. We took turns playfully cleaning each other within the limited space. It was an enjoyable, romantic experience to be at the level of comfort within two days of being together. The most we did sexually at first was make out and get touchy after we washed off all the soap from our bodies. Then for the first time in my life, I got a handjob. It was strange at first to have someone stroke me down there other than my hand. At first, it tickled since her hand was small and soft compared to my own. She lathered her hands with soap to make them slippery the more she tugged and stroked it. Eventually, it led to me snuggling her from behind while playing with her tits and kissing different parts of her neck for a few minutes. She didn’t get a chance to finish what she started.

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Once I began to calm down, my mind started to clear. Questions formed, seeking out to know what made her do something out of the blue. It was extremely left-field for her. A part of me believed she came into the shower with me to get me used to being intimate with her in the future. Another part felt like she did it to prepare me for sex tonight. Either way, I ended up never asking why she did what she did.

Our amazing time ended when I mentioned my stomach growling. She stepped away from my grasp and lightly pushed me away from her.

“Time to get you fed,” she said, walking me out of the tub by holding my hand. My mind was on autopilot mode. I didn’t realize where I was until she placed a plate of French toast in front of me. The sound of the glass plate hitting the granite island countertop made me jump. “You okay? Did I scare you?”

“My mind is still in the bathroom.”

“I completely understand that phenomenon,” she said, stuffing her mouth. “It happens all the time when I think about things we do. I’m trying not to think about what I did.”

“Why?” I said, stuffing my mouth.

“Because I want to do it again!” She said softly and shook her fist like she was trying to nerf her excitement. “But, I want to do normal stuff for a while.”

“I’m down with whatever you want to do.”

“First, let’s enjoy this.”

The French toast was sickeningly the best version I had. The homemade eggnog tasted better than our local grocery’s version. We cuddled on the couch afterward, watching whatever piqued our interest on the TV when the power suddenly flickered. Without warning, Yosefin sprung into defensive action like a sudden survival switch ignited. She lit the fireplace and put on the weather forecast. I watched the station while she looked through the pantry for snacks to last us through the storm.

“We’re good on everything!” She yelled from the kitchen. “And we got plenty of water and soda!”

“That’s perfect!”

My sister called me a few minutes later to check up on me when she overheard my mother asking my dad if I would be all right. I told her Yosefin was in high survival mode and that I was in good hands. She checked the entire house and made sure we had everything we needed.

“Okay. I’ll let you go. Tell Yosefin I said hi,” Vanessa said.

“Vanessa says hi,” I said.

“Hallo!” Yosefin said, waving her hand.

We wished each other a safe time during the blizzard before hanging up. I didn’t pay much attention to the news. All I wanted to do was watch something less informative but enjoyable. Yosefin had the remote, plus she was watching the TV while talking on the phone. She sat next to me speaking her German. I listened to every word even though I couldn’t understand it. Only two words stood out from the hundreds of words that she spoke.

“Ja, Papa. Josh und mir geht es gut. Ich habe ihn gerade gefüttert.” (Yes, dad. Josh and I are okay. I just fed him.) When I heard my name, she wouldn’t stop massaging my right knee. I had them criss crossed while I was listening. “Der Kamin ist angezündet.” (The fireplace is lit.)

“What is he saying?” I whispered.

“Passt auf euch auf. Wir sehen uns bald wieder.” (Stay safe. I’ll see you soon.) She said with a grin and her finger over her mouth. She hung up the phone and asked what I wanted to do now. I told her the same thing about doing what she wanted. “I can’t be the only one thinking of what to do.”

“Fine fine.” I looked around the house to find inspiration for what we could do. There was nothing in the house that popped out. But the piled snow on the window gave me a crazy idea. “Have you ever been in a snow fight?” Her eyes shot open. She straightened her back and looked at the windows at the front of the house.

“No,” she said like she was excited. “I’ve never even formed a snowball.”

“Go get dressed.”

“Okay!” The excitement within her exploded like a dog on the zoomies. She jumped off the couch from the armrest side to run to her room. I took my sweet ass time to her room so I could let the excitement continue to build. By the time I got there, she had on a thick jacket with fur trim around the hood. She had on thick socks and black leggings with a baggy pair of cargo pants behind her on the bed.

“Come on,” she said out of breath as she giggled. “Get dressed, dude!” I watched her fantastically put on everything she needed to keep herself warm. When she finished, she stood in my face, breathing slightly hard out her nose. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Enjoying? No. I’m happy to see you so excited.” I got myself clothed while she waited in the doorway. “Ready?”

“I’ve been ready for like five minutes! Let’s go!”

The front door had too much snow behind it. Some of it came inside when I cracked it open. We had to exit through the garage door but that wasn’t without a challenge. I had to shovel out a pathway to the front yard. Yosefin wasn’t much of a help due to her poor technique for shoveling. I could tell who wasn’t the primary yard worker within the family.

“Okay!” She said, squatting over the snow to collect the snow into her hands. “What the fuck am I doing?” Her snowball looked like someone balled up toilet paper. When she threw it near me, it disintegrated in mid-air. “Uh... I need some help, Joshy.” I formed a snowball the best I could under the chilling weather. It wasn’t my best but it was a ball. I handed it to her and she threw it into my chest.

“I can’t believe you betrayed me like that.” She ran away screaming and laughing like a happy child while I was making another one. I chased her through several neighbor’s yards. The moment she slipped on ice within the grass, her fate was sealed.

“No,” she begged. Her arms crossed over her face. I tossed the snow lightly down on her stomach. Half of it flattened and sprawled into the grass. She giggled nonstop as she tried to form another snowball to hit me with. It turned out like the one before, but it seemed to not matter. I took my time forming snowballs. She kept shotgunning me with a fist full of snow. “You’re losing terribly.”

“I know. But at least I’m going down swinging.”

We goofed around for nearly an hour snowball fighting, making snow angels in people’s yards, and attempting to make a snowman at her house. The cold began to take its toll on my fingers from the melted snow soaking through my gloves. Yosefin couldn’t stand the cold, so we rushed back into the warm house. She sat between my legs in front of the fireplace to get warm quickly. We were sniffing and cuddling for minutes.

“Josh,” she said after blowing all the mucus into a roll of toilet paper.

“Yeah?”

“You’re awesome.” I was surprised at how random the compliment was. “I’m having so much fun. And, look!” She pointed at the window to our left with her palm open. “It’s still daylight. If only we could go out and do other fun things.”

“Stupid storm,” I said, smoothing the back of her neck close to her nave.

“Stupid storm,” she said and moved her neck to the side to expose more of it. “Hey, Josh.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you wanna do it now?” Her question was straightforward. There were no stutters or tone pitching. It was a simple question that needed a simple answer in the same tone.

“Yes.” She stood up and stuck her hand out for me to grab. She led me to her room. The second she walked in, she went straight for the drawer with the condom. I locked the door purely out of it being a habit. There was a moment when I thought about unlocking it since her parents weren’t able to come. What was the point if no one would walk in on us? She didn’t seem to care or didn’t react to the click of the knob when it locked.

“Y’know... This isn’t necessary.”

“What isn’t?”

“This,” she said, holding up a violet-colored condom. “You don’t have to use it on me.”

“Isn’t it for... being safe, right?”

“It is,” she blushed, smiling for a short second. “From diseases and whatnot. But... I’m healthy. I promise.”

“Okay?” I said, taking the condom. “What will happen to me if I don’t use this?”

“Absolutely nothing,” she said, emphasizing her words by swinging her arms out from a cross position. “If fact, it’ll feel better for you!”

“How do you know this?”

“Are you really going to make me explain?” The lack of understanding on my part was embarrassing.

“I’m sorry. Do you mind telling?”

“It’s okay,” she said then tenderly punched my chest. “Imagine playing on your game controller with gloves on. It doesn’t feel right because you don’t feel the texture.” The explanation went over my head like a complex math example being explained. “Imagine stroking with gardening gloves,” she said bluntly. She awed in agreeance with me the moment I understood what she meant.

“Gross,” I said and tossed the condom on her desk. “I don’t want to feel that.”

“Are you sure?” She asked, creeping closer to me with her hands clinging to the lower parts of my shirt. “You know where it’s going, right?” I nodded my head. “And you’re fine with being... there?”

“I think I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” she said after exhaling a lot of air out. “Here we go.”

She was the first to get naked. She wanted to use the anticipation and parts of her body that were familiar to me to rile me up before I saw the rest of her body. I got naked and sat on the bed with her. We stared at what interested us the most before letting our hands touch satisfaction. Her beauty overwhelmed me to the point my crotch acted like a second heart, pulsating every time my heart pumped. Never in my life had I felt that intense arousal to be with someone like her. Kat wasn’t close to how I felt with Yosefin yet I loved how sexy Kat was. Big and fat was my niche back then. Naomi took it over afterward for few a months, but I kept drawing back to Yosefin like a month to a lightbulb. If a person like Yosefin commonly existed through the circumstances of a strange mutation like hers, I would never look at them the way I did with the other women. Yosefin was special. She never asserted to be something she wasn’t. She remained true to her creation and honest about her mindset even when I wanted to see it differently. I fell in love with her mind and the façade I put upon her before adoring the truth as a whole.

Once we had our fill of foreplay, she laid on her stomach in the middle of the bed and pointed her thumb toward her ass. My heart rate went through the roof when I had her between my legs. I was inches from touching her ass. She was still, unlike me. I couldn’t stop my arms from shaking.

“Are you going to do it?” She said seconds later.

“Yeah,” I said. “Give me a minute.”

“We don’t have to do this,” she said after she rolled on her side. “I’m fine with what we normally do.”

“Where did my confidence go?” I said, laughing at myself. “I want to do this. Just, give me a minute.” I couldn’t commit. My arms kept shaking. I wanted to approach but I stayed put like a deer in headlights. She sat up and rolled me back to make me sit on my legs. “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “Fuck!”

“Hey, it’s all right,” she said gently then gave me a reassuring smile. “There are some things we can’t do together.” I put my head down in shame. I felt like I failed the one thing I should be responsible for giving. “Don’t do that.” She crawled up to me and snuggled against the right side of my body. “Remember what I told you? I don’t need this to be in love with you.”

“But, I feel like it’s necessary.”

“Not in this relationship,” she said and let out a soft chuckle. “I will love you no matter what things we don’t do.”

“Will you?”

“Of course, I will,” she said before making out with me. “Plus,” she said briefly moving her lips away. “There are other things we could try I think we’ll enjoy.”

“Like?” She tapped the center part of her lips and nudged my crotch without looking. “Have you done that before?” Her smile dropped instantly. She dropped her head slightly and stared at me with half of her brows covering her eyes. The realization of why she gave me that sinister look didn’t hit me until a second later after I repeated what I said in my head. “Oh,” I said.

“Of course I haven’t!” She snapped yet laughed immediately afterward. “Have you?”

“Hell, no!” I said, laughing.

“Okay,” she said several times to calm us down. Each word was quick but got softer the more it was repeated. “What do you say? Would you like me to try?” I didn’t say if she could with words but I opened my legs so she would have room. “Don’t let me continue if you don’t won’t it.”

“I’ll let you know.”

Luckily, I didn’t have a single moment where I wanted her away. I wanted her to stay longer after she finished. She admitted between moments when she had to move away to a break that she had no clue about the proper methods of performing. I couldn’t give her any ideas so we had to source from various porn videos, including the ones that were high in educational value. The ones that weren’t straight-up porn gave her the best advice. She tried her best to apply all she learned. I did see some drastic changes and some not-so-comfortable issues return. But the experience was worth it in the end. She was intoxicated with joy for providing something that could work for us. I was relieved everything worked out well and I didn’t chicken out.

“That was awesome,” I said. “Did you have fun?”

“I did,” she said, wiping the saliva off her mouth with the back of her hand. “Hey, I got to know where your mind is right now.” She tucked herself under my left armpit and put her arm around my lower back. I held her up so she wouldn’t have to hold herself. “Are there any regrets or any repulsive lingering thoughts for letting me do that?”

“No.”

“Nothing like, oh my god! Why did I do that? There’s no way I’ll recover from this!” She said, trying to mimic my voice as if I was panicking. “None of that?”

“None.”

“Are you positive? If it’s small, please let me know.”

“Listen,” I said as softly as I could with my lips near hers. I kissed them after I said, “You don’t have to ask me questions like that anymore.”

“I have to. I don’t want to gross you out if we’re going to be intimate. What if I did something shocking?” I thought about what she said. There could be another incident where I wouldn’t be comfortable.

“I don’t want you to be cautious around me. Wouldn’t that hinder our relationship?”

“It could,” she said, glancing away for a second. “I’ll try not to,” she said and smiled at a slow pace. “I’m your first oddity. I need to know what you don’t like.”

“I won’t let my issues or discomfort divide us.” She sighed, shaking her head with a smile. “I’m serious,” I said, soothing the space between her boobs with my knuckle. “I don’t want to make you sad again.”

“You can’t prevent that,” she said gently holding the fingers of the hand I touched her with. “You’re gonna make me cry. You’re gonna make me scream and be angry. But, you’ll also make me so proud and happy.”

“I want to be the best man you want to have. Flawless. Perfect.”

“The best man I want has issues. It’s what makes him special to me.” She kissed my two fingers and pressed them on the side of her face. “Issues with himself and with me. It’s normal.”

“The only issue I have is with myself and what I did to you because of the dating agreement.”

“Oh, Josh.” She caressed my right cheek mostly with her thumb. The touch was mesmerizing. I leaned into it like a cat enjoying face scratches. “Not going to lie, you really fucked me up.”

“I know. I’m reminded every day of my mistake.” I touched her hair to let her know what I meant since the other physical examples were gone. “This is my fault.”

“I’ll turn my hair red if you keep thinking that,” she said, smirking. “Or cut it all off.”

“Please, don’t do that. That’ll really make me sad.”

“Then stop seeing it as your screw-up.” She crawled on top of me and hovered over my face with her hands near my neck. Her ass was planted on my lap. I grabbed her waist to keep her steady. “I forgave you the moment you asked me out,” she said then leaned closer to my face. “I forgave you more when you said I shouldn’t call myself a mutant.”

“That’s a lot of forgiving.”

“Will you please forgive yourself for me?”

“I... forgive myself.”

“Say it again.”

“I forgive myself.”

“Don’t you ever look at me with any more regret,” she whispered, touching my lips. “Verstanden?” (Understood?)

“Ja,” I said and finalized her command with a kiss. She rolled off me to her side of the bed all while grinning.

“You’re so adorable, Joshy!” She said then yawned. “I can’t wait to see what it’s like being your girlfriend!”

The night came to a close almost in the same fashion our first night together ended. After she changed the sheets and took a shower, we headed to bed. I faced away before going to sleep. She wasn’t ready for the night to end, even though she was tired. Her playful touches kept me from sleeping.

“Yosefin,” I said, elongating her name. “Stop.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you,” she said gently.

The bed shook then she went silent. I slowly rolled over without making a sound to see what happened. Her back was facing me. I thought about getting back to the position I was in, but the image of us facing away after the amazing night we had didn’t sit well with me. I cuddled her from behind and put my arm around her stomach to pull her closer to me. She remained silent but let out the finest exhale through her nose after she rested her hand over mine.

“Did I sound like I was mad?” I said, keeping my voice soft.

“Yes,” she said at the same volume I spoke. “But, I see you weren’t.”

“If I’m mad,” I said then paused to kiss the base of her neck and the back of her shoulder. “I will tell you. The last thing I want is to give you mixed signals.”

“Right,” she snickered. “Goodnight, Joshy.”

“Goodnight, Yosefin.”

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