Yosefin’s father allowed me in the house without asking why I wanted to talk with her. I cracked the door open to see if I could spot her inside her room. I heard multiple mouse clicking, keyboard pressing, and occasional pissed-off grunts she normally did when she played any competitive games. It was nice to hear them after several months of not gaming together. I could stand here for a while listening to what funny bullshit she might be going through, but I didn’t let the good times get in the way of the reason why I came. When I pushed open the door, she went quiet. The keyboard and mouse clicking stopped.

“Was ist es? (What is it?“) She said. She resumed playing for a few seconds then stopped again. “Was wollen Sie? (What do you want?“) She said, raising her voice. I stepped in the second she peeked her head around from her chair to see who it was.

“Hey,” I said softly with no emotion in my voice. “We need to talk.” She looked at her computer screen where an active match was going off. I walked in, closing the door behind me by firmly holding the knob on the open position and then slowly releasing it back. “Naomi is threatening to break up with me because of how you’re acting.” Without saying a word, she closed out of her match and put her headset on the desk. She interlocked her fingers with her forearms resting on her legs while ducking her head down. It gave me the sense that she didn’t give a shit about what was happening or was scared to look me in the eyes for the trouble I was going through. “Will you grow the fuck up?” I said, raising my voice.

“Excuse me?” She said with so much sass that it brought my blood to a boil. I went over to the foot of her bed to get away from the door so her parents wouldn’t easily hear me.

“You’re fucking up my chance of keeping her, Yosefin! So, fucking stop!”

“Screw you, dude!” She jumped so fast out of her seat that it spun into the desk. “It’s your fault I’m fucked emotionally!”

“What?” I laughed in frustration. I couldn’t believe that she was blaming me for her childish behavior. “Are you serious?”

“You made me go along with that stupid dating shit while knowing I didn’t want to do it.”

“I did it for us.”

“No!” She said many times as she wagged her finger at me. “You did it for yourself. You did it because you didn’t want to be with me because of what I am.”

“Wrong,” I said several times while she tried to one-up me by saying yes. “You’re absolutely wrong! You know the reasons,” I said, pointing my finger at her chest.

“Those reasons,” she emphasized then smacked my hand away so she could jab her finger into my chest. “Are a bunch of lies! Do you remember what we did when I wanted to rant, hmm?”

“You manipulated me into doing that.” She stuttered and couldn’t look at me in the eyes until she stopped.

“You enjoyed it. All I did was ask.” Then, she stuttered some more before reminding me that I wanted to see her naked to appease my curiosity. “That was all on you.”

“I just wanted to know I wasn’t being lied to.”

“You thought I was lying about what I am?!” She said then scoffed, laughing at me. “Face it, dude,” she said as she stood less than a foot from me. Half of her body was standing near my right side. Her right foot was between my feet and her boobs were grazing my stomach. “All those intimate moments we had,” she whispered before she giggled like a crazy woman. “You wanted me.”

“I didn’t. I... kept getting uncomfortable afterward.”

“But you came back for more!” Some spit hit my cheek. I turned my head away then came back. “Sorry.” She used her thumb to wipe it off and the back of her hand to dry the skin. I was stunned by how she went from a moment of anger followed by apologetic kindness. It left me almost speechless about how random it was. We were red in the face moments ago, pointing fingers, cursing, and yelling. Then it became calm like we were getting ready to admit defeat or say something off-topic.

“Yosefin,” I said to fill the silence.

“What?” She somewhat snapped but said it again without the attitude.

“I don’t know.” She took a step back, crossed her arms, and tucked them under her boobs all while her eyes closed.

“Just fucking say it, for the love of god,” she said after taking a deep breath.

“Say what?” I said, hesitant to deny an idea of what she meant.

A part of me knew what she was alluding to. The words I assumed she wanted to hear were that I liked her. The problem with that was I wasn’t confident in believing that, even though my actions would testify against it. There was too much evidence exposing my true thoughts for her. I thought I could find the perfect woman I dreamed of. Naomi was the perfect fit for what I wanted. She was beautiful, sexy, loyal, friendly, supportive, someone I could have some modest fun with, yet I kept finding myself looking down the sights where Yosefin was. She was like Naomi, but Yosefin wasn’t a woman. She was a product of a strange mutation that she wore like a badge of honor until she met me. I caused her doubt in herself because of my unwillingness to be honest with myself. All I had to do was say the truth and maybe our friendship wouldn’t reach the point of going nuclear.

“Stop,” she stopped to touch my chest while close to my body. “Stop looking at me like you don’t care for me,” she cried with teary eyes. “Just say that you’ve always had feelings for me.” She tucked her head down into my chest right after tears fell from her eyes. I embraced her without hesitation. “I’ll admit, I’ve been a really shitty person to you.”

“It’s fine.”

“No,” she said nearly crying. “I’m an absolute shithead. I’m childish, manipulative, envious, clingy.” Spoken like a sinner confessing their guilt. The ugly truths about her were a sight of relief to hear but a hard pill to swallow for me. It was partly my fault those terrible attributes were elevated to an extreme.

“It’s my fault too,” I said.

“It’s not. I’ve been like this since god knows how long. You were the unfortunate person that got hit by it.”

“It hit me hard.”

“I’m a bad friend!” She continued crying like a sad child. I tried my best to calm her down by rubbing her back. Eventually, I got her to stop by making her sit with me on her bed. She cuddled in my lap with her head under my chin. “I’m sorry for the stress I caused between you and Naomi. I’m so ashamed of myself.”

“Don’t be.”

“What friend does what I did?” Her wheezing made me feel absolutely terrible. I hated seeing her sad. I got teary-eyed whenever she beat on herself. “We shouldn’t be friends anymore. I’m ruining your life.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said, looking at me with her eyes drenched in tears. “Go be with her, Josh. Go be happy.” While she was trying to prevent herself from crying with her hands over her eyes, I deeply thought about whether I should accept her wish. If I went along and took Naomi as my girlfriend, what would that do to Yosefin?

As I stared at the defeat within Yosefin’s tear-drenched red face, I decided to mentally rip up the goal of seeking the perfect girl and chose to take the better alternative that would last me to the end of my days. My decision wasn’t solely based on the repercussions it would have on Yosefin, but on what it would do to us as a whole. I had the best person standing in front of me all along. Sure, she wasn’t the thing I truly wanted because of one little issue I had. She had her flaws many wouldn’t dare to be around yet she gave me many amazing memories I would never forget. She tickled my heart in so many ways that she could make me smile just by a thought. Why should I start over?

Time after time my actions contradicted my opposing thoughts. I kept coming back. It was time to end the shenanigans and begin to be honest with myself. I couldn’t let my two-face wishy-washy bullshit continue destroying my friend.

“I’m not going back to her,” I said. “I can’t be with her.”

“What?” She said, sniffing up a hefty amount of mucus. “Why not?”

“Because...” I sighed to combat the intense stress that washed over me when I finally saw her as my one true girlfriend. “I want to be with you.” She stopped crying and looked me dead in the eyes.

“You’re... not... serious. You don’t even like me.”

“Come on. Is that true?”

“Yes! You’ve told me countless times no!” I repeated the same question but emphasized and slowed my words. For a long moment, she stared at me without saying a word.

“I’m done lying to you,” I said twice, softening my voice the second time.

“Oh, my god.” Her trembling voice brought me to tears. “But... I’m... I’m not a...”

“I don’t care about that anymore,” I said, poking her chest where her heart was.

“But I’m still a terrible person. Look at how I acted this year and last year.”

“If I was honest with myself, you would have never acted like that. I’m so sorry, Yosefin.” I hugged her and asked for forgiveness for denying I liked her. She cried in silence and then began to giggle.

“I forgive you!”

“Thank you.” She hugged me with all her might. “And this is how I’ll make everything right between us,” I said, resting my hand on her bare thigh. “Do you want to be my—”

“Yes!” She screamed behind her hands. “S- Sorry,” she said normally. “Yes.”

“Girlfriend?” I said to make sure that name would be fine. “Does that sound all right with you?”

“Is there something wrong with using boyfriend?” My heart sunk into my stomach like a brick. When I grabbed my chest she bursted out laughing to the point she began snorting. “Bro, settle down. I get it. That title...” She stopped to swing her fingers under her neck. “Now... girlfriend... That’s a name I will honor.”

“Honor?”

“Josh... I will make you proud choosing me.”

“Gosh,” I chuckled nervously. “Sounds like you’ll go above and beyond.”

“That’s because,” she paused to snuggle under my left arm. Her left hand was gently clawing my chest while the other hand held my waist. “I’ve been waiting for this moment,” she whispered in a gentle voice. “Since I was eighteen, I wanted you.” Her voice got softer. It went to a barely hearable level. “Now that I’m twenty...” She looked me in the eyes when she said those words. I gazed into her brown eyes, losing myself in them. My mind went blank until she spoke some more. “I feel like a happy child!” She giggled.

“So,” I said, gently lifting her chin to bring her lips closer to mine. Unfortunately, I brought them too close and we ended up making out before I could ask if she was ready to start dating. We kissed a few times before she pulled away to ask me what I was going to say. “Are you ready to see how this goes?”

“To be honest, you picked the worst time to ask me out,” she laughed. “Like... dude, look at me! My fucking arms and legs are hairy. My hair is fucking short and back to its original color.”

“Sorry,” I cringed through my teeth then laughed with her.

“It’s okay. They don’t bother you, right?”

“Eh...” When I looked at her hairy arms and legs, it was all she needed for an answer.

“Don’t worry. You’ll get your silky smooth skin back after today.” The way she gave me possession of her body gave me one of the most arousing chills throughout my brain. My eyes jittered. Goosebumps rose on my arms. “Hey, should I dye my hair back to the blonde streaks?”

“If you want.”

“Nah,” she snickered. “I’ll grow it out,” she said then came up to my ear to whisper. “So, how are you going to tell Naomi about us?”

“I guess I’ll call her.”

“Or,” she said, taking my hand away from my pocket where my phone was. “We do it together in person.”

“Why? She was going to be my girlfriend. I have to be the one to tell her my decision.”

“I share the responsibility too.” She held my hand, soothing the back of it with her thumb. Her normally soft skin had a somewhat of a rough texture. It was another negative detail I felt like I caused. “What time is it?” She asked, glancing at the window. “Maybe we could tell her today.”

“This is going to suck.”

“Yeah,” she sighed.

Yosefin rode in my car when I drove to Naomi’s apartment. It was partly snowing during that time of day. Yosefin had to huddle against me to stay warm while we waited for Naomi to answer the door. When Naomi opened the door, her smile turned into a frown the second she saw Yosefin. I wasted no time telling her the decision I made with Yosefin. Yosefin helped me further explain my choice, but it was also straight to the point. Naomi didn’t take the breakup well. She cussed us both out with the most vile language I couldn’t imagine saying to someone.

“You’ve managed to break my heart twice,” Naomi said, jabbing two fingers into my chest. “Fuck you! Fuck men! And...” She looked at Yosefin and spat at her feet. Luckily, her spit hit the ground. I pulled us away just in case she wanted to try again. “I don’t know what he sees in an absolutely whiny bitch like you.” Yosefin clutched me tighter while Naomi continued insulting her. She questioned why a girl like Yosefin should exist. “Joshua, your standards must be so low for to want unlikeable dogshit like this fucking trashy girl.”

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

“Josh,” Yosefin said the moment I had enough of the insults.

“Let’s go,” I said. Once we got back into the car, I was so livid that I was speechless. I sat with my head in my hand and eyes closed for a few minutes before apologizing to Yosefin for Naomi’s unfiltered behavior. “You are not those things she said.”

“I know,” she said at a soft volume I almost didn’t hear. I thought she was about to cry. I waited to see if she would. She didn’t look at me but kept her eyes forward at the front of the car. “But I can’t help but find some of them accurate.” Her voice remained calm, and her eyes were dry. She smiled when she saw me watching, then said,” Yes,” as if everything was fine.

“Are you okay? Did she hurt you?”

“No... but yes,” she answered still smiling. “I’m okay. That was old Yosefin she was really mad at.” She stopped mid-sentence to kiss me on the cheek. Her cold lips sent a chill down my neck. “This one will not be like that anymore.”

“Good. So, what do you want to do today? It’s Christmas Eve. Wanna do something fun?”

“Let’s go skating!”

“Fine,” I said, rolling my eyes.

We skated for hours, wasting our entire day in the rink. I never thought I would enjoy my time more than before. My face and stomach began to ache from laughing too much. Yosefin had the same issues and asked me to slow dance with her so we could have a moment that wasn’t pure fun. I was so exhausted from moving so much that she was the only one swaying me instead of us doing it together.

“Bro,” Yosefin giggled. “Are you done for the day?”

“I need to sit down.”

“Okay.” She held my hand and walked me outside the rink to a table far away from everyone. It was a dark corner of the room since most of the lights were turned off to set the romantic mood inside the rink. I didn’t understand why she chose this spot until she sat in my lap facing me when I got in a chair.

“Couldn’t you wait till we got to your room?”

“Is that what you want?”

“I prefer we don’t do this around people. Plus, it feels odd with all of this thick clothing on.”

“Josh!” She gasped into a playful giggle. “So... like... naked?”

“No?” I said, cracking my voice. “Just out of these clothes.”

“Ah huh,” she said and then leaned back to cross her arms. “Whatever you say.”

Once I brought her home, her parents were already sleeping. She had to input a code to prevent the alarm system from waking up everyone when we entered through the front door.

“Are you staying the night?” She whispered while carefully tugging my fingers to bring me into her room.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Mhmm!” She smiled and shook her head rapidly. “We should make this a thing. You spending the night here during this time of the year.” The idea sounded amazing. One night with her to let loose on a worldwide special day sounded like a good time.

“I’m down.”

“Hell yes,” she whispered and fist-pumped the air. “Come! Let’s get this night going!”

Unlike the night from last year, all we did was lay in bed and talk about what our future would look like since we were in a relationship. She did most of the talking. All I did was listen and occasionally grunt to show her I was listening to every thoughtful word. She went as far as marriage and adopting kids. I had to pull the breaks on eyeing the future and redirect her somewhere in the upcoming months.

“Come back. You’re thinking too far ahead,” I said.

“But,” she paused to move my hand from her hip to her stomach. “These are genuine concerns.”

“I know, but that’s way far ahead.”

“Okay,” she said, sighing.

I rolled on my back to stretch out of being in the same spoon position for half an hour. The stretch made me let out a massive yawn. Seconds later, she yawned and snuggled halfway on me. She planted her left leg between my legs. The upper part of it was pressing into my crotch. I couldn’t help but grab her plump ass to make sure she didn’t move from that spot.

“I’m gonna so love this,” she said.

“Love what?” I said nearly laughing as I thought about how much she would like being grabbed and touched. My dirty mind went to places it shouldn’t have gone. I didn’t want to repeat the stupid relationship I had with Kat. With Yosefin, it would be meaningful. “Yosefin,” I said to catch her attention.

“Yeah huh?”

“How often would we do... things like this?” I patted her ass in hopes she would understand the hint. “That sort of stuff.” She hummed for a long time before giving me an answer.

“I would say a few times per week. Maybe every day if you’d like.”

“Jesus!”I screamed in my head.

“Do you want me to do something now?” She said, slowly approaching my face. “Are you itching for something new?”

“No,” I panicked. “I’m fine for now.”

“Okay,” she said then rolled off of me to get under the covers from her side of the bed. “How about tomorrow? We’ll try something new, ja?”

I laughed nervously as I accepted to do whatever she wanted. Her cute grin made me regret my decision. I had the perfect chance to test the waters in the moment but I blew it for a chance later. Knowing my confidence level, I would most likely not say a word to remind her. I feard the unknown. My biggest concern was how I would act if she was looking for love. I knew what I signed up for, but I wish it didn’t scare me.

“Josh!” She said. I snapped out of my daydreaming like a bulb popping when someone turned on the lights.

“What?”

“You’re getting red in the face!”

“Well...” I laughed in short bursts. “You’ll see a lot of that.”

“You’ll see it a lot from me too so you’re not alone in this.” It soothed my heart to hear her say that. I felt like she had some idea of the sheer stress that went through my mind. She seemed to handle it better than me. “Well,” she yawned. She grabbed the fan remote and shut off the lights then came back to me for a snuggle. “Good night,” she said after a lovely kiss on my cheek. “And... sweet dreams.”

“Thanks. Good night, Yosefin.” She smiled for a second, adjusted her body one more time, and stopped moving. The only few sounds in the room were the fan ceiling throwing cool air into my ears and her gentle breathing.

Christmas morning was a big day for us. After Yosefin’s parents fed us breakfast, she surprised them with the big news that we were dating. They were ecstatic. I felt like I was getting congratulated for an award ceremony. It was quite odd yet nice to see her parents happy for her. But it didn’t stop there. For the sake of celebration and fairness, I brought Yosefin to my parent’s house and told them the big news. Unfortunately, we didn’t get the reaction her parents had. They were more confused because I was in the middle of dating Naomi for months. Yosefin tried her best to explain why I switched but luckily, I found the words to give them the perfect answer.

“We were like soulmates,” I said. “Soulmates that were scared of each other and too shy to take the leap of faith.” My parents gave me awes and nodded their heads when they finally got the picture.

“You don’t know how much this means to me to be dating your son,” Yosefin said. She held my hand while she spoke from the heart. She glossed over not having a typical average life when she was younger. I thought she would spill the beans about what her body turned into but she never mentioned it in the slightest. All of the focus was on the lack of friends and being socially awkward for a time. She got teary-eyed after she joked around about how I got on her radar through my old pictures on social media.

“I had to get him,” Yosefin said. My parents chuckled when she said that. The tears in her eyes remained until she turned her back to them. One blink was all it took for them to flow all at once. And the lovely part about it was the gorgeous smile she gave me.

I took Yosefin to my room so we could be in private. Our emotions were high. We couldn’t stop gazing at each other like we were about to do something out of the blue.

“I like what you said back there,” she said. “You perfectly explained our friendship.”

“Thanks,” I said, averting my shy gaze for a quick second. “That was bold of you to talk about your past.”

“I left a few details out,” she said then winked. “So,” she whispered. We reached out to grab each other’s thighs as if we were synchronized. Our fingers bumped. She pulled away so I took the chance to place my hand between her legs.

“What do you want to do today?” She didn’t answer right away. She had a deep contemplative stare that lasted for a few seconds. Her lips were slightly open. She looked at my eyes, lips, and down my chest in that order. “Something on your mind?” She nodded. “What is it? Are we going out somewhere?”

“No,” she said, breaking her gaze to stare at the floor. “Spend the night with me,” she said in a soft voice.

“Again?”

“A real one this time. Let’s have fun, watch movies, drink coca, and cuddle.”

“Sure. I don’t have any plans today.”

“Well,” she said, stretching the word as she tapped her hand on my shoulder. “Spend time with your family. I’ll call you to come later.”

I happily did what Yosefin wanted. Around seven o’clock, she texted me to come. It was heavily snowing that night. My car wasn’t suited to drive through thick snow but it luckily made it to her house. When I arrived, I saw that her dad’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. The second I rang the doorbell, she dragged me in by my jacket. She embraced me with a tight hug with the wind blowing into the house. I had to slam the door shut with my foot.

“I want to do something before we start,” she said then pulled herself away.

I got a good look at her before she walked off to her room. She had full makeup on. Her lips were glossy red. The mascara around her eyes made her brown eyes pop more. Her cheeks were artificially blushed with a pinkish-red color and she wore a necklace with a pink rhombus jewel. The last piece that stood out was her casual outfit. She wore a white shirt tucked under her black elastic shorts. The house wasn’t that warm the more I moved away from the front door. It was cool until I walked into her room. The temp was nice and warm from a small heater she had on low on her dresser.

“Toasty,” I said. I got out of my warm clothes and parked myself on the bed after closing the door. Her bathroom door was cracked open. I heard a loud thump followed by what sounded like cursing in German. “Are you okay?”

“Are you sitting down?” She said.

“I am.” She stormed out of the bathroom half-naked and stood before me with her head down and hands behind her back. Her stomach was level with my face. I looked down before looking up to her eyes. She had on black underwear with a white elastic band that went high up her waist. Her bra had the same design. “What are you—”

“I’m gonna do it!” She said quickly. She didn’t have to say anything else for me to understand what she was about to do.

“It was meant to happen eventually, right?”

“If you want me, you need to see the truth,” she said with a light chuckle and a sigh. “Are you ready?” I nodded my head to give her the green light. She took off her bra without any hesitation. The sight of them took my breath away. My heart rate began to rise while my erection grew. Before she slid down her underwear, she took a step back. Her thumbs went down her waist and she bent over to slide them down. For a moment she paused once her underwear was under her feet. My heart rate rose higher from the anticipation. “Joshua,” she said after taking a deep breath. “This is me.”

She stood up with her hands behind her back. The first thing I noticed was the weight she lost. She wasn’t as chubby as I remembered at the beginning of the semester.

“You’ve lost some weight,” I said, looking her in the eyes.

“Depression will do that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said and looked at her feet through the cover of blinking.

“At least I’m at the weight I wanted to be on.” I found that comment laughable yet worrisome. Her figure looked spectacular.

“You still look amazing.”

“Thanks,” she said before she went silent for a moment. “Did you... look?”

“Not yet,” I said indirectly glancing at her right leg.

“Should I go cover up?”

My eyes began to slowly drift up her leg as if it had a mind of its own. Once they reached her hips, they locked on what caused us so much trouble. I wasn’t repulsed by any form of fashion. My stomach didn’t turn, my heart rate stayed where it was, and I didn’t look away from complete shock. All of my aroused emotions remained the same. I was relieved that my curious answers from months ago were answered, yet happy to finally see the person I came to have feelings for in full display. There was no facade blinding my view.

“This is Yosefin Böhme,” I said, talking out loud.

“Yeah, this is me,” she said, opening her arms out. “I’m like you, just weird in a lot of places.” She soothed her right boob and gripped her left waist. “So many places,” she scoffed with a smirk, shaking her head as if she was disappointed.

“You’re wrong.” I stood up and held her close for the best tender hug I could offer. “You’re not like me. You are, Yosefin. Right in all the places.”

“But... I wasn’t supposed to look like this. I’m a freaking mutant, Josh. Look at the things that shouldn’t be on me.” She tucked her face between my neck and shoulder and kept repeating, “I’m a mutant.”

“Don’t call yourself that,” I said while she tried to fight with me by saying she was. Eventually, she lost the fight. I won by complimenting her beauty and amazing personality. The insults she said to herself turned into shy mumbled agreements. “You were made to look like this,” I said after I made sure she looked at me. “Just so a stupid guy like me would fall in love with it.”

“No,” she whispered in a weep, holding me tight. “You’re not stupid.”

“Look at what I’ve done. I’m stupid, an idiot; simple!”

“No, you’re not,” she said several times until her soft voice overpowered all the negativity I saw in myself.

She held me close. It felt like she was trying to pull me down to her. I surrendered and allowed her to take hold of how she wanted me to stand. She bent me down to her height. Her arms went around the back of my neck while I held her lower back.

“We’ve done some stupid things,” She said. “But that doesn’t matter. You are an amazing guy.”

“I am?”

“There’s no one in the world I want to be with more than you.”

I had to look her in the eyes to see if she meant those words. Her eyes were flowing with tears. She tried to smile but kept frowning. The truthful realization of how in love she was with me hit me deeply. I felt like an extreme asshole it took me a long time to see how much she was into me.

“Yosefin,” I said. “I feel the same way.”

“Damn,” she said almost weeping. She covered her eyes with her forearm but kept crying. “Don’t make me mess up my makeup!”

“My bad!” When her arm came down, her tears fell without her blinking. “Shit! I’m sorry!”

“I need to take it off anyway.” Her tears wouldn’t stop flowing. She took a step to her left and cried softly with her forearm over her eyes again. The low tone of her weeping scared me to my bones.

“Are you okay?” When I tugged on her arm to see her face, she slowly turned to me with her arms reaching for my chest. She cradled her face against my chest and cried with no sense of control. “Whoa,” I said after I put my arms around her back to keep her steady. “Why are you crying like this?” It took her a minute to calm down, and lots of back rubs to keep her calm. “Are you good?” I said, keeping my voice soft.

“I’m good,” she said softly. “I’m gonna go clean up.”

She walked into her bathroom while I sat on her bed with my hands in my face, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong. Minutes went by. I sat in the same position, soothing my eyes, face, and ears to keep myself calm, and checked through every moment leading up to her crying. I didn’t hear her come out of the bathroom until she snuggled her face into my shoulder. Her face was clean. The hair near her hairline was damped and had rose sented aroma. She was clothed in what she had worn earlier in the day, but her bra and underwear were on the ground in front of us.

“Did I say something wrong to make you cry?” I said.

“I don’t deserve you,” she said. “I feel like I’ve gotten you through shitty means.”

“Like how?”

“I had a crush on you before we met in college,” she said through her teeth before she poked my shoulder twice. She reminded me of the time she quote-on-quote stalked my social media page when I posted skateboarding pictures. “And I knew what I wanted would be extremely impossible because of what I am.”

“Then Kat came along and messed up your plan for a time, yeah?”

“Oh my god,” she said, rolling her eyes while spazzing her eyelids open and shut. “I thought she would take you from me. You were really into her and I hated that.”

“Why?”

“She’s gorgeous for her size. She has a fat ass and big tits. What man wouldn’t want her?”

“A few,” I said almost laughing.

“I was scared I would lose you to that... bitch! I tried to make you see that I was the better choice.”

“I should have picked you sooner.”

“But you weren’t comfortable.” The truth stung. It gave me a sour taste in my mouth when I remembered denying her after she offered me to pick her to date. “Then we had that dance last year. After that, we went places.” The word ‘place’ was emphasized.

“Lots of places.”

“Mhmm.” She nodded, smiling with her lips in her mouth. “I wore a pretty dress and bathing suit to impress you.” I was surprised. I thought she did that because of the weather and the places we were going to. “So, do you understand how badly I wanted you?”

“I do and I fucked it up by making you agree to try dating someone else.”

“You made me feel unlovable. And before you say that you’re sorry,” she said then stopped talking for a moment. “This was all in my head,” she said, tapping the sides of her head. “I took my delusions to the extreme.”

“Sorry,” I said when I couldn’t resist to urge from not taking responsibility.

“For a year, I tried to make you fall in love with me. Now... I got what I wanted. But, was it worth all the damage I caused?”

“I believe it was,” I said after I kissed the scar on her forehead. “You got what you wanted and I got what I should’ve had.”

“How could you say that?” She said nearly crying with a smile on her face. “I almost lost you because of what I wanted.”

“I almost lost you because I was in denial,” I said almost laughing at myself. “Like I said, I’m stupid. I’ve made our year miserable. I’m a terrible person.”

“Stop,” she said, hugging me from the side. “You’re not those things. You’re the best thing that’s happened in my life!”

“I am?”

“Yes!” She said, getting choked up on her words. “I love you, Joshua,” she said, bawling her eyes out. “This is a dream come true.”

“I’m happy it came true.”

“What about you?” She said, watching my face closely. “Is this what you wanted?” Her hand lay on her chest when she asked me that question. “Or is this good enough?”

“It is.”

“Yay,” she said, cheering softly. Her smile was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

Yosefin and I spent most of our time doing the same stuff we did last year. It was strange to not feel weird about what she was anymore. I felt more confident expressing more of my feelings whether it was through conversation or being intimate. The only regret I had was what I did and not loving her sooner. Her short natural black hair acted as a physical reminder of months of denial and a warning for me to never make those mistakes again.