Chapter Nineteen

At that time, I was still a stupid adolescent. What could desperation be for me at that time?

It didn’t take long before Jessica replied with a letter.

How sweet it is to hear from someone gone.

How surprised I am to see you come along.

I would have loved so if the clock unwinds;

Just hours ago I to Michael’s heart blind.

Never would I wish to make you deject

But worse to turn accept into reject.

I wish I could have any other choice,

I hope on that day I can hear your voice.

Skye put her arm over my shoulder and gave me a friendly hug.

“It’s okay Andrew, there’s nothing we can do, being who we are.”

The second part of the sentence added more despair. Yeah. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t even go ask her because it would get so much attention. I couldn’t compete against Michael; I wasn’t even supposed to be here.

She deserved to have her own life. She couldn’t date someone like me — someone who could kill without mercy, and someone who could die at any second or be dispatched far far away. She deserved someone. Michael was smart, and probably nice. He was the right one for Jessica, not me.

“Jessica still wishes you to be there,” said Skye. She saw through the veils of my thoughts. “You could just bring me along with you. You need to be there.” With all those frustration and despair weighted on my shoulders, I didn’t even bother decrypting what Skye actually meant.

Then came the day of the dance.

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I took Skye’s suggestion.

Coincidentally the night was at Saturday, so Skye and I didn’t need to sneak out the base.

Skye really dressed up for me. She “bought”, or used whatever way to get, a beautiful black dress. She had also put on make-ups, something she only would do if it required interacting with other humans in the normal society. For the first time I realized that Jessica wasn’t the only beautiful girl in this world.

“Wow…” I uttered, “You look amazing!”

“Thanks,” she smiled. Under the yellow shade of the lamppost her face was half covered in shadows. It added another layer of attractiveness. Then this question came to me.

“Skye, have you never loved anyone before?”

“I thought I told you this before. You were the one who explained to me what love is.”

“Yes, that was defining, but have you ever experienced it?”

“Not before, but maybe now.”

I eyed Skye curiously, “Who?”

Skye thought for a while and said, “Not your concern now. Maybe someday you will know.”

She stepped a bit closer, and I could smell the faint trace of perfume.

“Maybe we should hurry, it’s gonna start soon,” she whispered.

In the dance hall there already gathered a hundred or so couples. I could recognize some faces from the school that day.

Then someone whispered something at the door, and everyone began to move aside, like the guard moving to the side of the pathway for the prince and princess.

There they came. Michael and Jessica. The real prince and princess, walking with their magnetic atmosphere that automatically attracts everyone’s eyes.

“Wow…” a girl beside us exclaimed.

Yeah. I could understand. Jessica was wearing an elegant white dress. So magnificent and gorgeous that even the wind stopped to stare in awe. Her beautiful brown eyes resonated perfectly with her hair. She didn’t seem to notice that the world was gazing at her, and she stared right into my eyes. Michael, by her side, looked perfectly equal to her beauty. A black tux with a flower at the breast pocket. His hair was brushed back neatly, and his eyes carried the deep and smooth intensity.

I took a sip of the drink. A hot wave plunged down my body, contrasting to the icy temperature of the drink. I picked up a heat wave rushing to my cheeks. Alcohol.

If getting drunk could really allow me to forget everything, I would rather forget my sadness and disappointment. Even if it meant I couldn’t enjoy the present with Skye now…

The slow song changed my mind.

The lights dimmed. Even the disco lights turned from volatile pulsating to slow gliding. Skye’s fragrant breath gently touched my skin. The breath cleared the blurred drowsiness of the cocktail I drank.

I slowly moved towards Jessica and Michael’s direction. Looking past Skye and Michael, I could see Jessica there. The corner of her eyes glimmered for a second. Tears? Or just glitter dust? Did she like her choice? Would her heart be stolen by Michael?

My body was right beside Jessica, but my heart was miles away, chasing hers.

Then my vision floated back towards Skye. Her presence here filled up the void inside my heart. That was when I realized that I would not be able to have everything I wanted. But I didn’t have to. I still had Jessica’s real love. I still had Skye by my side. I still had joy in my life.

That dance was long ago. Long before the village invasion. Long before they started to experiment me with all kinds of drugs. Long before I realized their ultimate goal. Or believed I did. It was still a time when I was innocent and immature, yet convinced that my life was of hardship to conquer because of ST’s death. It was also a time when, perhaps, life itself was still worth living for.