“Was it Neckbeard or Kevin, who approved of this?” I asked, my voice grave but calm.

Neckbeardman hesitated, stuttering incoherent anime quotes as he re-adjusted his glasses over and over. He tugged on his beard as his Dao techniques flickered and wavered under internal conflict.

“Who is he?” asked the fox-eared lady, eyeing me with long lingering glances.

Qi exploded into a black feathered armor around Silent Feather. “An enemy.”

She blurred into a bolt of death and was about to collide with me when a blubbery arm halted her. “W-wait,” said Neckbeardman.

“Darling?” She stopped a step away from us. “He is the pest this one has told you of. The source of all our domain’s troubles. Join your blade with mine, give your future waifu the best wedding present of her life.”

“Agh.” Neckbeardman fell down to a knee as conflicting emotions raced across his features, twitching his brows and mouth every which way. “Waifu vs m’lady… m’lady vs m’friend… but she has already slewn… waifu is still waifu. But m’ladies are to be protected. But…”

Concern in Silent Feather’s eyes twisted to anger, and her wrath turned back to me. “You will pay for what you have done to this one’s darling.”

“No.” Combining [Chad Stride] and [Eyes of the Alpha], I took command of the room, quieting all but Neckbeardman’s confused sobs. Striding past her, I gave Silent Feather a warning glare, informing her through eye-contact that the only reason her life was spared was her connection to my old friend.

None blocked my path to Nelly, but as I reached for her, a voice spoke beside me.

“Mmm… To think an errand would place a powerful specimen such as yourself on my path, why I must’ve been a saintess in my past life. Name’s Rhie, but call me whatever you desire,” she purred, her voice and touch on my shoulder both deeply dyed by seduction. As she spoke, the room grew warm with exotic scents, and her black scleras seemed to drink in all the light around her slit eyes.

“Now hold, please, before you use those muscles of yours, my lord. We didn’t know the woman was so valued by a man like you, else we’d have long since approached with far more… pleasant negotiation tactics.” Mischief and plain desire visited her smile as her finger ghosted over [Unlimited Abworks]. Her Qi infused pheromones attempted and failed to seduce my Muscle-on-Muscle stage empowered nose-hairs. “A man like you, you deserve to rule a jungle, not wither in this concrete wasteland. Come with me. You can have your lady-friend for yourself, and all the consorts you desire, including any… and I do mean any gold eared three tailed kitsune called Rhie.”

It was subtle, but the fact that she was able to keep her eyes locked on mine whilst I channeled Big Dick energy to [Eyes of the Alpha] was a dead giveaway.

I seized her skull in my palm and ripped it to a pulp.

Shrieking wind howled through the room. Misty illusion of a foxy lady melted into wormy strands of color, which entwined into the hollow face of a pale toothless giant about to swallow my face whole into an Abyss.

[Jawline Guillotine] beheaded it, dispersing the second illusion.

The real Rhie had already dashed past an adjacent hall of abandoned cubicles, carrying both Nelly and the green, glowing Qi orb. Worms of colorful mist arose from her squiggly tattoos, beginning to weave another illusion to cover her trail. She blew me a kiss.

“Bye bye handsome~”

I knelt, assuming the sacred form of [Leg Day Everyday].

What was left of my Happyland slippers evaporated as I sprang forward. Surprise turned to panic on the kitsune’s features. She turned to receive my charge and began manifesting into reality the tattoo of a nightmare forest covering her body.

In an instant, the surrounding hallway was choked by an impenetrable forest of scraggly black branches and thorny hedges, and the ceiling gave way to an alien moon surrounded by foreign stars. Eyes lit up in the woods and an unearthly cacophony of caws and growls heralded the approach of towering silhouettes of dark beasts.

From the mushy leaves beneath my feet to the scent of decay, the illusion felt more real than waking reality.

I closed my eyes and ignored my senses.

From my brief interaction with the kitsune, I could predict her next move with Big Brain mode.

Rather than flail around aimlessly, I spread my arms and relaxed. “Come. Stab wherever you like and let this game be over with.”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

A giggle warbled, echoing across the nightmare forest.

Five stabs pierced my chest as unnaturally long nails struck through pecs and bone, reaching for my heart. I channeled every micro-Chad of Big Dick energy generated by my bold act into reinforcing my chest and snapped into a defensive posture.

Before the vixen could withdraw her nails, I grabbed her wrist and smiled. “My turn.”

As one would wield a bath towel in a locker room shared by fellow Alpha Cultivators, I proceeded to wield the kitsune by her wrist, slapping and swatting her about my steel-like muscles and our surroundings. It took five slaps for her illusion to dissolve. Ten for her to lose the will to fight. Twenty for me to deem the bloody mess that she’d become punishment enough for attempting to kidnap Nelly. Thirty for her to begin sobbing apologies for what she’d done.

Whilst vengeance rarely aligns by the Dao of Chadness, extreme displays of dominance are sometimes required to ensure that your enemies stop wishing to be your enemies.

The bloody and wet form of the kitsune slumped with a wet smack when I released her.

“Stay there,” I said.

She replied with a red clump of broken teeth.

Nelly sat in a corner, still cocooned in a blanket, still snoring, blissfully unaware of her surroundings. In her lap sat the orb with the spring inside it. The soft misty glow emanating from it held within it the scent of fresh leaves, softness of moss-grown trunks, and the crispness of cold spring waters.

Whilst this particular pill was unknown to me, the outward signs alone told me the Qi within was a good match for Nelly’s sleeping bloodline. All I needed now was a blender.

Glancing around me, at the far corner of the dark office space, I spotted a kitchen with a sign ‘Office Family Fun Center’ written above it. Though the amount of Karen energy in the sign gave me chills, I approached, and soon located a fresh carton of oatmilk, protein bars, and a thermos bottle.

I washed my hands, then crushed the pill and placed the forest powder as well as the supplementary ingredients in the thermos. My hands and the bottle began to blur as I shook the thermos violently, ensuring that Chad alchemy reactions bind the Qi and protein into a tasty and easily digestible form for maximum gains and maximum Qi absorption. This done, I wrote a little note saying ‘Magical Juice, for Nelly. From Titan :)’ and placed the thermos in her lap.

While drying my hands, I heard Neckbeardman sob. Silent Feather was holding him, looking as devastated as her larger partner.

"Kill me, Chad.” Tears streamed down his cheeks. “I admit defeat in a fair battle. Your Dao prevailed. Is m’lady greater than waifu or the other way around? A moment before it seemed like an obvious truth. And now? Doubts haunt my every thought and where clarity once reigned, only confusion remains. End this torment, this humiliation.”

I approached my old friend and made myself comfortable in Silent Feather’s personal space. “I never fought to kill. I fought to win and in this the biggest victory is one where I reclaim my friends. Both of them.”

I clasped Neckbeardman’s hand and gave him a manly embrace. When I pulled back, the tear-stained face staring at me had transformed to Kevin’s.

He tried to blubber a reply, but I clapped his shoulder. “Go now. You’ll need time to figure things out and for your Dao to settle.”

Kevin nodded, wiping his eyes. He stood to leave, followed by a confused and mildly outraged Silent Feather.

Qi boiled around her as she shot me a glare. “Do not make the mistake of believing this is over.”

“This is over.” I left her and returned to Nelly.

Though I couldn’t kill the bride whilst her entire sect was gathered here, this fight between us was as good as done. Either Neckbeardman would collapse under his Dao and implode together with all the ‘waifus’ linked to his Dao, or Kevin would emerge victorious from catharsis and ooze with such Chadbeardness that even a cultivator as heinous as Silent Feather could not remain unchanged.

All that remained for me to do was wait.

Big Brain had prevailed.

I heard a click inside my skull and it was as if a flood surged through my brain. All at once, all my neurons computed at maximum speed. World slowed down. A sensory overload struck me as my brain finally became able to process the raw input from Muscle-on-Muscle enhanced senses. I could hear sweat on Neckbeardman’s brow, smell the color of the spray painting outside (Fluo Pink), and saw the fluctuation around Nelly with enough clarity to deduce the temperature gradients of air. Without prompting, my brain immediately automatically analyzed, deconstructed, and parodied the plot outlines of a literature genius green-text I’d read last week. Big Brain ideas flooded to me as if they were the most natural thing in the world.

I drew a deep breath.

Exhaled.

My chest fluttered as calm and peace returned.

Finally, I had completed the Big Brain stage.

Only the Chadorgan stage remained before my ascension to true GigaChadhood. My grin grew wider still, as Nelly moaned, rubbing her eyes.

“Nggh…. OooOoooO! A bottle?!” She uncorked the thermos and glugged it down in one gulp. “Phueeh! Nothing beats fresh milk after a bath. Huuuh? Glowly tits?”

Light of the orb glowed through her throat and body. Whilst a gentleman might’ve averted his gaze, as Nelly tugged on her neckline, I executed the Chad move of simultaneously enjoying the view and maintaining eye-contact by stretching my eye-muscles to widen my field of view. The pill dissolved into her and roused her slumbering power.

Green flames erupted through her eyes. Power of earth and woods flooded from her skin, pulsing out in hot waves of spring, flapping fabric and toppling nearby furniture. Nelly blinked, closing and opening her mouth, as scales of madness were lifted. Her gaze went from herself to me and her features fell into a broken smile of joy and bitterness.

“Titan…” She tried to stand and fell.

I caught her and was wrapped in the waves of Qi emanating from her as if they were greedy thorns attempting to strangle me in a hug. I embraced her right back. “Nelly, welcome back.”

Nelly squealed with joy, smiling more beautifully than ever before.

We both leaned in for a kiss, and missed, planting the first one on each other’s eye and chin, respectively.

After a hearty chuckle, we slowed down and did it properly.

Again.

And again…