After reading the note, Joseph woke up in an instant. He was in the middle of the wilderness, clad in pajamas, with no hint of civilization nearby. And his only hint was not to die.

“Finally awake aren’t you, sleepyhead,” spoke the floating head. Mo Li Bei finally had come back out again.

“What is going on? Why didn’t you warn me?”

“Sorry, but in the presence of cultivators that outrank you by multiple realms, I need to hide. With your advancement, I’ll be able to hide better, but I don’t want to be detected and exorcised. I still have too many mortal attachments to pass on.”

As far as the only mortal attachments Joseph knew about were Mo Li Bei’s wish for mass murder.

Joseph concentrated on the surrounding area. He was standing in the middle of a small clearing and the surrounding forest was loud. The few forests he had visited on earth had been quieter, but this one was overflowing with life.

Wherever he looked, he could see insects and small animals. Birds populated the trees, bees, bugs and mosquitoes were buzzing around and a single white squirrel was watching him from behind a white tree with bright green leaves that seemed to shine like freshly polished car paint.

Joseph tried to remember what to do in such a situation. All he could think about was the rule of three: three minutes without air, three hours without shelter in extreme environmental conditions, three days without water and three weeks without food. But he wasn’t sure if those ideas still applied to him. After all, he wasn’t a baseline human anymore.

He focused on his floating companion. “What do you suggest I should do? I’m not familiar with these kinds of environments.”

“First you scam me, then you want my advice all the time? If I wasn’t bound contractually, I’d kill you for your behavior.”

Joseph raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t really answer my questions?”

“The youth is so impatient these days... Let this master instruct you. Again.” Mo Li Bei’s sighted. “Based on the Qi density that you can’t feel because of your lacking realm, this is a mortal forest. At worst, you’ll encounter a Dantian cleansing beast, so you are mostly safe from the wildlife as long as you don’t provoke anything.

“Back in my days, this type of challenge was very common. Just find a high point, climb a tree or something and try to find civilization off from that. Don’t worry about the survival aspect. You’ll be out of the woods in one or two days.”

Joseph looked at the surrounding trees. The one with the polished leaves seemed to be the tallest. Its branches started low, granting him easy access to the crown.

When he approached the tree, the squirrel he’d seen previously ducked away. He hadn’t thought much of the wildlife so far, but he took Mo Li Bei’s warning seriously. Beasts in cultivation stories could be quite dangerous, and he had little to no fighting experience. Even something as harmless as a squirrel could turn out to be a Divine Wind Squirrel of the Heavenly Way and shoot wind blades at the speed of a gunshot.

He checked the tree for the squirrel, but it had vanished completely. Without giving it another thought, he started climbing. The wood was dry and held his weight without issue, letting him ascend quickly.

His recently advanced body made the process effortless. On earth, he had been able to a few pull ups, but now he could grab a branch with one hand and just lift his body upwards without any support. It was a stark difference to his experiences climbing as a kid.

With a final push, he made his way out of the denser parts, allowing him to see beyond the forest. He was stuck in a giant crater, holding a small forest. The only way out would be to climb the sheer stone walls. He estimated the height to be a hundred meters, or around 1.093 football fields.

Climbing that high without any kind of protection would be suicide.

Joseph sighted. “I don’t think I can do that in two days old fart.”

“Who are you calling old? I died young. I wasn’t even ten thousand years old! And don’t be a wuss. That cliff is tiny. A fall from that height wouldn’t even hurt a dantian cleansing cultivator.”

“So all I need to do is advance again? Why does that seem to be the answer to every problem?”

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

“If you can’t solve the issue through power, you just don’t have enough,” the floating head proclaimed. “Your meridians should form cleaned anyway. All you need to do is wait to advance. Most cultivators would kill for that kind of privilege.”

Spending a few days outside after being holed up in a seclusion chamber for so long didn’t sound that bad to Joseph. His only issue was the lack of any kind of survival equipment.

He looked around one more time. There was a waterfall on his left and he could see that it ended in a small lake. Since he was still pretty much mortal, he would need to handle his mortal urges, and water was his first priority. He hadn’t drank since yesterday evening and his mouth still held that dry feeling from waking up.

Joseph made his way back down the tree. When he had arrived back on flat earth, the squirrel he’d seen previously was waiting for him. It wasn’t like the red squirrels he was used to. The fur was white with a silver shine. Its green eyes held an unusual intelligence, only undermined by the large nut in its hands.

When he came closer, the squirrel banged the nut on a nearby rock. The nut didn’t crack. Then, the squirrel pushed the nut into Joseph’s direction with an expectant look.

“You want me to crack the nut for you?”

The squirrel nodded.

Joseph took the nut and put it on the same rock as the squirrel had used. With a smaller stone, he bashed the nut open and gave the remains back to the squirrel.

“Here you go.”

The squirrel grabbed the cracked nut and performed a victory dance. After a few seconds, it nodded and ran away.

Joseph didn’t think too much about it. He was in a magical land, so a friendly magical squirrel wasn’t too unusual. The bigger mystery to him was why it could understand him.

“Do all squirrels understand humans?” he asked his floating pocket encyclopedia.

“Why would a beast not understand you?”

“Wait, can all animals here communicate with humans?”

“Beasts, not animals brat. Animals are mortal beings. Beasts are those that have cultivated. Gaining intelligence is the first step for all beasts on their path of cultivation. The ability to understand the rough intent of spoken words is the next. That means that your little squirrel outranks you in cultivation.”

Joseph gulped. He would try to be careful not to enrage his new friend.

He started to walk in the direction of the waterfall. A few minutes later, two white squirrels holding nuts came up to him. Apparently, the squirrel had gossiped. He cracked their nuts open for them and the two vanished again.

The procedure continued over the next half hour. Every few minutes, a squirrel would come with a nut, he would crack it and it would be off on its way again. The amount of squirrels increased over time and when he arrived at the lake, there was a small herd of squirrels following him.

The lake was a minor affair. It would fit two Olympic swimming pools with the new standardized minimum depth of 2.5 meters and had crystal clear water. The picturesque framing of trees invited you to just sit down and relax. He could even spot a small sandy beach close to the waterfall feeding the lake. He honestly wondered how his uncle considered this whole thing a punishment at all. Even if he was forced to play communal nutcracker for a few weeks until his meridians had formed, it wouldn’t be the worst way to spend his time.

Like a squirrel shepherd, he made his way to the water. The squirrels seemed to be exuberant that they had found someone to crack their nuts for them.

He dunked his hands into the water. It was cool to the touch and felt silky smooth between his fingers. Forming a cup with his hands, he lifted some to drink.

It tasted like water. He honestly didn’t know what he had expected.

After a few more sips, he sat down next to the lake and watched the squirrels. It was a warm day, so he didn’t feel uncomfortable at all in his pajamas. He only hoped that it wouldn’t be too cold at night.

The squirrels, meanwhile, seemed to have a small party. Some had started dancing, while others were eating their cracked nuts. Over the last stretch of the way to the river, they had lost their shyness, with one even being so daring to climb to his shoulder and offer him a nut.

He ate the treat and scratched the critter absently.

At some point when he had partly started to dose, something in the water moved. A blue scaly head rose out of the lake, slitted pupils staring at the squirrel party.

It was an enormous snake with whiskers similar to a catfish.

“Ahh, my minionss, coming back with a new tribute,” the snake spoke with a lisp. “Bring me my nutss.”

The squirrels looked at the snake for a second, then they started to laugh. They raised middle fingers and blew raspberries at the reptile.

“Impudence! I leave you a quarter of the cracked nuts! Why would you betray me?”

The little fuckers pointed at me in unison.

“Human! You dare to interrupt this dragonss minions in their divine duties?”

“I cracked a few nuts for them. What’s the issue?”

The snake got visibly angry. “What’s the issue? What’s the issue? I had a great scam- deal with the minions, and now you butt in! What’s your cut? Thirty? Forty percent? I’ll raise you by ten!”

“It’s just nuts, Mr. Snake. No need to get your pants twisted.”

“I’m a dragon, you mongrel!”

The snake spat a glob of fluid at him. It flew too quickly for him to evade, hitting his shin.

Joseph cried out in pain. The spit was acidic and burned his skin. A large red welt was forming on his leg.

His first instinct was to run to the river and clean the wounded area. But the snake was already preparing a second spit bomb.

Instead, he moved behind a tree, not a second too late, as the next glob of spit hit the bark instead of him.

The squirrels just stood where they were, snickering at the conflict.

“No one takes me seriously! I am the carp that swam up the waterfall and bounced off the dragon gate!” - Joseph remembered the story *slightly* differently, but it would explain a few things - “The Lord of the Lake! Until you bring me tribute, none shall come to my shores!”

The draconic snake snapped at the closest squirrel and pulled it into the water. It happened so fast that the little animal could barely react at all.

Panic broke out between the squirrels.