Aygylaana and Sasha had just left his house and were heading to Szechuan Wok in Hong Kong Town for a date they didn’t really want to go on.

“I get the feeling that we should have been more dressed for this,” Aygylaana said.

“You can get dressed up for a date if you want to, but it just makes me uncomfortable,” Sasha said, “If you only find me attractive in a suit and tie that I’d rather burn, then I don’t wanna be around you.”

“True conflict of interest,” Aygylaana said in Egnadian before speaking English again, “How do you lie at anything resembling a formal event here?”

“Pretend to be a politician and use their emotions for your lies.”

“Foy-hstu.”

“Wha-?”

“A loose translation is ‘Dry seas’,” Aygylaana explained, “On my planet, it is a rather-vulgar expression, but I do not care.”

“How in the fuck could you?” Sasha asked.

“They are normals,” Aygylaana said, “There is no conceivable way to do so, assuming you do not have your brain swapped for another that is much less capable.”

“Exactly,” Sasha said, “We’re going and having dinner in Hong Kong Town at what’s essentially a place for Evelyn to low-key brag about her new meat, probably try to get in your head, and have good Moo Goo Gai Pan served to her. Since Melanie called and asked for it, based on some background nose that I picked up, Nyx is gonna be there too in hopes of getting you out of the picture if my experience with her is anything to go by.”

“Intellectual gifts are amazing,” Aygylaana said, adjusting her glasses and accidentally opening the glovebox, “This is what?” she asked, holding a gun to Sasha.

“My gun, a ‘67 KGB-issued Makarov,” Sasha answered, nonchalantly, “It’s loaded and racked, so put it back.”

“What if I activate it?”

“I’ll die and you’ll probably die too, seeing as how I’m driving the car.”

“I want to shoot it,” Aygylaana said, prompting Sasha to roll down the window and hold the steering wheel with his knee.

“Alright, aim out the window. It’s already racked, so grab it with your dominant hand and hold it steady with your other. Line up what you wanna shoot in the notches, and pull the trigger.”

“Parameters?”

“Try not to shoot anyone or anything or I’m not letting you do this again.”

Aygylaana lined up a target in her sights, took a breath, and pulled the trigger when it was in line with the open window.

“Perfect,” she said in Egnadian as a car skidded and wrecked.

“Oh my God, my baby’s dead!” someone shouted.

“Who shot my wife!?” another screamed.

“I felt the wind off of that,” Sasha said, rolling up his window and looking in his rearview mirror at the multi-car pileup, “What were you aiming at, exactly?”

“A car with a partially open window. The man looked like a twat.”

“I know a gun store that sells some really good firearms in Altanora. We should go next week.”

“You said if I aim at someone, I could never do this again.”

“I also said that I love Eve’s mom and have viable sperm,” Sasha said, “Notice a pattern here?”

“I like how you think.”

“Now let’s get the fuck away before any cops find out that was us,” Sasha said, swerving onto another highway and taking a high-speed detour, “Fast learner.”

“Believe me, you have no idea of the things I have picked up over the years.”

Meanwhile, at the restaurant in Hong Kong Town, Nyx and Melanie were getting seated at their booth, directly adjacent to the table Sasha, Aygylaana, Evelyn, and Krazenstou would be sitting at.

“How was the car?” Evelyn said, walking over to Nyx.

“I may ditch my Acura for one of those things, actually.”

“Personally, I don’t like anything that old from Chrysler.”

“You drive a Dodge, you know that’s a Chrysler, right?”

“Yeah, but it was the only thing on the lot that day that Sasha said was ‘mechanically sound’, which is basically a translation of ‘This is the only car that I’ll be caught dead in for whatever stupid reason.’.”

“What the hell is his problem?” Nyx asked.

“Excuse me,” a waitress said with a Hong Kong accent, “Could I get your drink orders?”

“Sprite with no ice!” Melanie said.

“Do you have root beer?”

“We do,” she said, “Would you like ice?”

“Sure,” Nyx said, “Just a little bit.”

「Thank you,」 she said in Cantonese before heading back to the kitchen to get the drinks.

“What kind of cocksucker would pull that kind of shit?”

“If it hadn’t been for him, I’d be driving a Kia right now.”

“Don’t lose it over that,” Nyx said, “I can promise you that you’d be worse off with something from Korea than you are with what you have now.”

“Still, why in the hell would he do something like that?”

“He does love old Chrysler cars, maybe he wanted to fix it?”

“It was a good car to get me through school with, but I don’t think it’ll last until August.”

“When are you getting your degree?”

“I just have to take one more class over the summer and then I’ll have my Master’s in Nursing. Between you and me, I’m glad that Sasha’s gonna be gone to the USSR then.”

“How did someone like you end up having to put up with someone like him?” Nyx asked.

“It’s a long story,” Evelyn said as her phone pinged.

Sasha: I’m speeding down Kowloon Avenue, so we’ll be there in a few minutes.

“Shit, he’s almost here!” Evelyn said, responding with a thumbs up emoticon before hurrying back over to her place across from the gorgon, “Act natural!”

「Colbert, party of four,」 Sasha said in Cantonese, 「The other two should already be here.」

「Yes, sir,」 the host replied in Cantonese as well.

「Thank you,」 Sasha said as he and Aygylaana were led to the table.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” the host asked in English.

“What is the strongest beer you have?” Aygylaana asked, “I have to tolerate dinner with an idiotic slut tonight and I wish to not confuse her anymore than is necessary.”

“I’m right here,” Evelyn said under her breath.

“Vodka, if you will,” Sasha said.

“Water with lemon,” Evelyn said.

“I’ll have water with lemon as well,” Krazenstou said.

“I will be with you for your dinner orders shortly,” the host said, heading back to the kitchen.

“If you’re gonna be watching a TV show all weekend,” Sasha said, “I’ll probably head out and service the Geo to make sure it’s ready to go if we ever head to the sticks.”

“I don’t think that your beat-up sports car would make it out there.”

“I mean the Metro sedan,” Sasha said, “It’s just a three-cylinder engine, but what I’m more worried about is the transmission in the car, but it could just be a hole in the exhaust.”

“Because it does the shifting by itself?”

“No, it’s because it’s a weak little shit,” Sasha said, “I have a fed go out and run it once a month as a plainclothes operation. Nothing much, just run it to the store, maybe cruise the highways in it, doesn’t really matter. It gets used once a month so the gas doesn’t go stale and the engine won’t seize. Agent Barns ran it for about an hour and topped off the tank a week ago. Said everything was fine, but it was incredibly loud.”

“As long as I’m not in a house with you and that North Korean cookbook you got from Pyongyang the last time you went, I’m gonna be fine.”

“Speaking of which,” Sasha said, “Scratch Mother Russia, I postponed that indefinitely, at least until the Soviets get me what I need first.”

“What are you doing, then?”

“I still haven’t heard back from the Ching Chong people, but I might go somewhere else.”

“Normally, I’d ask if you could stop saying shit like that, but I already know you can’t or won’t. Why the hell bother?”

“Aygylaana’s driving lesson went well,” Sasha said flatly.

“I heard that whole thing over the phone,” Evelyn said, “There were literal tire marks at the end of the driveway.”

“And my sports car is naturally-aspirated,” Sasha said, “Is there a point to any of this?”

“What the hell were you trying to teach her!?”

“How to drive,” Sasha said, wondering if she was braindead.

“There is a difference… between driving a car… and having a fucking race… while you’re drunk!!!”

“No… but I’ll get back to you when there is… alright?” Sasha condescended.

“My urine is rather pungent,” Aygylaana said, standing and heading to the bathroom, “I will be in the toilet facilities.”

“I… need to go wash,” Evelyn said, quickly following.

“Who does Eve think she’s fooling?” Krazenstou said as soon as the girls were out of sight.

“I hope for the sake of whatever is rattling around in her head that she doesn’t think I’m buying this,” Sasha said.

“You know?”

“Oh please,” Sasha said, “I’ve lived with the slut, and I’m also aware of some animosity that’s going on between her and Sexy. She makes about as much sense as a two kilowatt generator with a Pentastar or Tigershark engine instead of your run-of-the-mill dropper-capacity banger.”

“Maybe you could tell me about her,” Krazenstou said.

“Using data I’ve extrapolated from personal experience, as well as previous ‘relationships’, and I use that word very loosely,” Sasha said, “Eve is a thirsty-as-hell slut with an inferiority complex that is matched only by her hotheaded stubbornness and unconscious pathological fear of change.”

Krazenstou put a hand to his face and groaned, “This is gonna be one hell of a night.”

“Welcome to the club,” Sasha said, raising his glass nonchalantly.

In the bathroom, Evelyn had shoved Aygylaana into a stall and locked the door.

“Alright, I don’t know what the hell you’re planning here, but it ends now!” Evelyn said, holding Aygylaana in one hand with a knife on her jugular in the other, “I’ve heard about everything you’ve done and damn if I’m gonna let you hurt that fucking Soviet jackass out there!”

Aygylaana looked at her, the Egnadian’s expression a mixture of annoyed and low-key anger, “I came to the shitter to empty my urinary bladder. Might I ask if I am somehow overstepping my boundaries when you are in the vicinity?”

“How many people have you killed? And don’t lie to me!”

“Excuse me?”

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“I know you’re lying about who the fuck you really are, I know you’ve killed people, I know you’re a psychopathic bitch! But if you think you’re hurting anyone I care for, think again!”

“What in fuck is happening?” Aygylaana said, “Tell me now.”

Evelyn started putting pressure on Aygylaana’s throat, so she kicked her into the stall door before taking the knife in one hand and slamming her face against the floor with the other, “Your accusations are baseless. Leave me alone,” she said through gritted teeth in Evelyn’s ear, “And I will kill again when the time is right.”

“Fuck you… you bitch,” Evelyn said, freeing her head and biting Aygylaana’s arm as tightly as she could, hoping that her teeth would shred through the aliens skin as easily as they would a medium-well steak.

As the taste of rotten eggs and penicillin filled her mouth, she heard a suppressed scream followed by Aygylaana trying to rip her off of her arm.

“No more!” Aygylaana said in Egnadian, slamming Evelyn against the stall before using the tiger’s dress to tie her up while she was still in a daze as she tried not to soil her new clothes, “Motherfucker, all of this to relieve myself?”

As Evelyn moaned while the stench of ammonia and bug spray filled the air, Aygylaana was drawing several hundred conclusions about Evelyn per second while she sat on the toilet. A few minutes later, she got back up and threw another punch at the Egnadian.

“You fucking space bitch, I’ll kill you!”

Aygylaana knew what the repercussions would be either way, so she let Evelyn knock her off of the toilet.

“Wait until later,” Aygylaana said flatly as Evelyn came at her again.

After a few moments, though, Aygylaana’s eyes became fiery orbs with narrow pupils, and her hair became the color of tar. Her tail was at its natural length and made of fire, and her teeth became fangs as a pair of wings, made of a black fire, grew from her back.

“Evelyn Rhianna Colbert!” she yelled, her voice booming as if she were a king.

Back outside, Sasha and Krazenstou were still talking.

“Eve hates the way I do things, but she still spends seventy percent of her time at my house, basically,” the Russian explained, “Tell me how messed up that is.”

“She also has a few good points in there. Credit where credit is due and shit,” Krazenstou said, “With everything you have, you could easily get newer, nicer stuff, practicality be damned, but I do see the logic in not trashing something that still works.”

“She thought I was crazy when I fixed up the apartment in the warehouse, she thought I was crazy when I bought the apartment in that complex, she hated that I moved into a split-level built in the 70s, and it’s no different with cars. I kept my Sundance America, I bought a Geo Storm, so on and so forth. Sure, they didn’t have air conditioning or even an automatic transmission, but hell if I care. It all boils down to one thing, and that’s how different we are. She wants new stuff, even if it’s not particularly nice, whereas I’m okay with old shit as long as I can work on it and keep it going, everything from a Japanese motorbike to a literal server farm.”

“Are you ready to order?” a waitress said with an almost real Hong Kong accent, walking up to their table.

She appeared to be Cantonese, just like the vast majority of the town, though her eyes and hair stood out from the rest. Her irises were golden, except for a certain angle where they appeared red, her pupils were vertical, her hair had a dark blue stripe, the same color as Nyx’s hair, and Sasha saw a pair of fangs when she spoke.

“Nyx, you don’t work here,” he said, “I know what you’re up to, and when you get yourself killed, don’t come crying to me over it.”

“Uh, I’m actually, Amy Tao Xiu Ying.”

“Okay, Amy Tao, answer me this, there’s a vampire two tables over. Why are you and her not around at the same time, huh?”

“I don’t involve myself in our patrons’ lives.”

“We’ll be a few minutes,” Krazenstou said.

“Yes sir,” Amy Tao said, walking off.

“Tell me you know that’s just Nyx’s ass-terrible impression of a Cantonese chick.”

“Believe me, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen her do this shit.”

“Thank god.”

“Nyx thinks the Egnadian should die early. She’s been lying about everything since she got here, actually. Even her name, but I’m not convincing Death to end her life early.”

“She told me what she wanted to be called was just a pseudonym that she used for her work. As much as I lack a respect for anyone’s privacy, if you know her real name, tell me.”

“Her real name is Hsobowraho Kafryjo. She grew up in an orphanage before running away after twelve years.”

“Only makes sense. She gets named like she’s a defective mistake because she’s neurodivergent. Everything is just making more sense now. Why keep tabs on her like this?”

“The god Airnys wanted Hsobowraho to be able to think she could make the right decisions, which is why she came to Earth.”

“And what’s the first thing she does? Fall in love with me,” Sasha said, “Assuming she’s neurologically capable. I’ve been picking up psychopathy markers all over her like water.”

“That basically sums her up.”

“Who would’ve thought that a demon is more capable of acting humane than Evelyn?”

“Speaking of that, why don’t you have any beliefs of your own?”

“Excuse me?” Sasha asked.

“You’re literally speaking to a demon, yet you don’t believe in any of the principals of religion,” Krazenstou explained, “Why is that?”

“I know of your existence, yes, but I’m also more than aware that, as of this current moment, the life span of our entire existence is limited to an old laptop and a three-year-old thumb drive.”

“Care to elaborate?”

Sasha took out his lighter and set his left arm on fire before starting a cigarette.

“Are you crazy or just suicidal!?”

“We’re in a C-rated novel where physics are determined by the lonely guy writing this crap,” Sasha said as the fire froze in place and crystallized, “How else would I still have a functioning liver and clean lungs? That’s still nothing to say about why I’m not suffering third-degree burns on my whole body right now. Honestly, if a god exists, then it’s the person in the reality outside of ours that’s making this crazy-ass shit happen.”

Krazenstou put his face into his hands as Sasha smashed the crystal fire on the table and wiped it off of his arm, “How do you find out this stuff?”

“I’ll explain later,” Sasha said as Aygylaana and Evelyn came back to the table, looking as though they were just in a fight, “The fuck happened?”

“She apparently finds it insulting that I have to relieve myself in a manner similar to the Terran people.”

“Eve, need I remind you that I carry a gun on me when I’m not ass-naked in the shower?”

“You lost your pistol the day before you met her!” Evelyn said as Sasha opened his jacket and revealed that he indeed was carrying a gun, “You put a bullet in me again, I’ll ship your ass to Kim Jong-un in a huge box labeled ‘Anthrax’,” she said, now sitting down as he closed his jacket again.

“You left your firearm in the car,” Aygylaana said to Sasha in Egnadian as she sat across from him.

“Yeah, well when I lost the Soviet Makarov, I put a C11 in my jacket so I’d have at least some protection,” he replied in Egnadian.

“You are the only one here who has any logic,” Aygylaana said, once again in English.

“Don’t make the dumb slut feel dumb,” Sasha said, looking at Evelyn, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

“You were looking right at me.”

“Are you ready to order?” the host said, coming back to the table.

“I’ll have the Liangpi,” Sasha said, “Shanghai style. Also, I’d lay off of the cigarettes for a while if I were you.”

“Roujiamo,” Aygylaana said, “And I do believe my mate’s assessment is correct and accurate.”

“I’ll have your Moo Goo Gai Pan,” Evelyn said.

“I’ll have the Roujiamo,” Krazenstou said, looking to Evelyn, “I remember when it was invented during the Qin Dynasty.”

“Lotta fluff,” Evelyn said under her breath.

“Thank you,” the host said with a bow, “I will return soon.”

“That was the most painless a restaurant has ever been when we try to double-date,” Evelyn said as soon as the waiter was out of earshot.

“Maybe if you’d stop trying to be a massive cunt everywhere you go just to antagonize me, Aygylaana, and your mom, maybe we could have more pleasant experiences like this.”

Evelyn sternly looked to Sasha for a few moments before speaking, “Great, now you ruined it.”

“Ruined what?”

“Nevermind.”

“Dumbass.”

“Excuse me?” Evelyn said, “Between the two of us, I’m much more emotionally mature than you are! Do we need to revisit everything you’ve done?”

“I know,” Sasha said, “Shooting that little shit between the eyes because she was a mild annoyance was bad, her husband was mad and I was supposed to be sad.”

“I’m not even gonna ask if you even know just how wrong that sounded,” Evelyn said, “Just tell me.”

“My cold-blooded murder was a hundred percent justified and called for.”

“I can’t believe you!” Evelyn said, putting her head into her hands.

“The dumb slut was a bitch in the bathroom.”

“Eve, do you need another bullet lodged in your thigh?”

“Absolutely not!” she said, breaking out into cold sweats.

“Then shut up and act right,” Sasha said.

Dinner, ultimately, went off without too much issue after that. Still, Sasha had, once again, managed to piss Evelyn off to no end, whatsoever.

“Whelp, the food’s good,” Sasha said, getting up to go to the bathroom, “Everything has settled and I will be back soon.”

As soon as Sasha was in the bathroom, Evelyn checked her phone.

Nyx: Im gonna hang around until after he leaves

Nyx: I dont want him 2 kno Im n Aziza’s car

Evelyn: Copy

Evelyn: Mind if I bring Krazenstow over to your place?

Nyx: Wat r u 2 doing there?

Evelyn: You know…

Nyx: Im leaving 2nite after I get my car back. Stay out of my bedroom

“So, you ready to continue our night?” Evelyn asked the demon.

“It’s been fun,” he said, “Sure.”

“Are you paying for the food?” Aygylaana asked, slightly slurring her words.

“Why? Did Sasha not have a card made for you?”

“No, I just do not wish to be here.”

Evelyn rolled her eyes before getting the check, “Fine,” she said, getting her clutch and heading to the front counter with Krazenstou, “Tell Sasha we’re already gone.”

Several minutes later, Sasha came out of the bathroom and headed back to the table.

“When we get in the car, I need you to explain a few things to me,” Aygylaana said in Egnadian.

“Of course,” Sasha replied in English, “Did Eve already get the check?”

Aygylaana nodded in response.

“Alright, let’s go,” Sasha said, gathering his stuff before leaving with Aygylaana.

“Coast is clear,” Nyx said to Melanie after Sasha and Aygylaana had left the building, “Five minutes until we leave starts now.

Outside, Sasha was starting the engine in his car.

“I see that most of your cars are by Plymouth,” Aygylaana said as Sasha headed back to Alpines’ City via Kowloon Avenue.

“I’m a K-car nut,” Sasha said, “If Chrysler ever made a minivan on the K platform the size of the Mazda5, I would’ve gotten that for a company van. They just have simple engines when something does go wrong, so it’s not that much time and effort usually, but it’s still infuriating when I can’t try to outrun cops in a car with a 2200 four-cylinder from over thirty years ago.”

“Are you serious?”

“I would, without a doubt, value a Yugo or 70s Lada wagon higher than I would a new Rolls-Royce, even though the former wouldn’t have sold for over five grand and the latter goes for millions.”

“People think that newer is always better, but they do not know how to do maintenance on their crap. The commonality is just… I am currently trilingual now and I have no word.”

“Speaking of cars, you find something you like? My only request is that it’s easy to work on.”

“Your Geo Storm had a good engine. Maybe it or something similar?”

“The makes I know of that have that are Geo, Isuzu, Scion, Saturn, Toyota, Mitsubishi, Nissan, and Honda. Scions are hard as hell to work on, so steer clear of that if you want, and Subaru tends to use boxer-style engines in their cars.”

“Should I worry about my vessel?” Aygylaana asked, “It has been a while and I don’t know if it is likely to be discovered.”

“Eh, it fell in a semi-wooded area and I saw it cloak itself, so it should be fine out of the general eye. That road was turned into a backroad in the mid-60s when the highway was brought to Alpines’ City. Now, it’s simply a road that gets resurfaced when it’s more pothole than road. It still heads out to Ramston, but not many people use it anymore because it’s only a two-lane. Because of the way Americans drive, it would congest rather easily.”

“Easily as in?”

“When a new virus broke loose, SARS-CoV-2, everyone was panicking and going to the hospital. The highway was full, so traffic started flowing back into this road again. It took about ten minutes for traffic on that road to grind to a standstill. Later, we all found out that it only affects a handful of certain species, the only common one being humans. Beastmen don’t really get sick from it, so that takes out anywhere between one- and two-thirds of the population in any given area. Most of the cases of it are no worse than influenza, but because it’s a novel virus, the thing that scares people so much is their general lack of immunity to it.”

“I should be fine, assuming that to be the case.”

“Speaking of your vessel,” Sasha said, speeding out of Hong Kong Town, “I have some plans to build something. I’ve made working prototypes before, but they never actually lasted. Your faster-than-light travel mechanisms should be able to provide me with the power I’d need for hopping realities with reliability. If you feel like trying to take it apart, I could bring the Scion van to that road and we could try to put the pieces in there.”

“Would it even fit? Disassembly should be a nonissue with the tools I acquired before leaving Egna for good.”

“Don’t piss on it before you try it,” Sasha said, “I’ll head to the garage and we’ll go back to that spot in the van. The back seats are always folded down unless someone else is borrowing it, so it has a decent amount of cargo space. I think we’d be fine if my calculations are right.”

“You saw it for two seconds in poor lighting.”

“Exactly,” Sasha said, “And I’ve also loaded enough crap in that van to know that I can carry a TV console in it.”

“We could certainly measure,” Aygylaana said, seeing a cop car with its lights on, “May I?”

“Roll down the window just enough to get a good shot and roll it back up immediately after. To rack it, pull the top back.”

Aygylaana followed Sasha’s directions and fired four shots at the cop car before putting the gun back in the glove compartment.