A good shower helps temper my feelings a little bit. I donāt usually take multiple showers on a single day but, after the close encounter with Momā¦ I really felt like I needed one. I canāt help but feel a little guilty about it too, considering she would feel so terrible if she knew the distress talking with her caused me.
āShe tries her best to be good to you and you answer with such contempt. You always find ways to be worse, huh?ā
Ignoring myself is easier in the shower. The warm water makes it all feel so distant, after allā¦ but eventually, I have to go out. I canāt just stay here until I die. Thereās still work to be done, after all.
When the water stops running, I get out of the shower and dry myself up, get in my pajamas (as I donāt plan to go out or talk to any more people today) and then walk over to the living roomās table. My latest acquisition, āThe Bastardās Guide to Magicā, is resting right beside my computer and āThe Butterflies of Creationā. To be honest, I am quite excited to start reading and practicing.
Or, well, I was pretty excited. Right now I am more like, neutral towards it. Neutral towards everything. I honestly am just going through the motions of life, and the more I think about that fact, the more bitter I become.
I am seriously considering just throwing the rest of the day in the garbage bin and just dedicating myself to playing and sleeping (again), when suddenly the computer dings. A message?
UndeadVito: hey.
UndeadVito: whatās your favorite kind of engine?
My eyes are glued to the screen for a solid three minutes, as my brain races to try and understand the question. Engine? As in, a carās engine? Knowing Vito, it had to be a carās engine. That boy has always been very into cars even at his young ageā¦ I remember telling him he was āobsessedā with the stuffā¦
ā¦To this day I regret saying that. I am sure it has contributed to him being cagey about his interests with others.
No, no time to get lost in guilt. Focus. Heās reaching out, that means he has an idea he wants to share, or heās bored. Either way, I want to be there for him.
Time to push all that depression deep inside and ignore it for a bit.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I dunno o.o hmmā¦
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Never really thought of it! uwu Are V-Engines still a thing?
UndeadVito: V-Engines are very much still a thing, ye.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Then that! n.n
UndeadVito: normie.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Bitch! UndeadVito: hey dude thereās nothing wrong with being a normie. UndeadVito: I have normie friends. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Why are you even asking about this? =w= UndeadVito: I am designing a new car, wanted to make one for ya. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Awww! n.n Thatās very nice, remember to show me when you make the blueprints. UndeadVito: how many cylinders? xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Shit, uhhhh o.o is 8 a good number? UndeadVito: itās an expensive number thatās what it is. UndeadVito: but hey itās your car. UndeadVito: whatās with you and 8 tho? xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I dunno, I like 8! ewe Sue me! UndeadVito: I will, donāt think I wont. I canāt help but smile a little bit. The boy seems to be in a good mood and, really, that got me in a better mood too. Though I know he is also very prone to lying these daysā¦ I just hope he is keeping himself out of trouble. UndeadVito: stuff going well on your side, bro? xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Iā¦ actually have some stuff on my mind. u.u UndeadVito: oh? UndeadVito: tell me man, Im here for ya. Maybe it would be a good example for him to show some vulnerabilityā¦ xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: ā¦ Iāmā¦ xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: ā¦ thinking of changing careers. UndeadVito: called it. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Fuck you UndeadVito: I dont mean it in a bad way dude. UndeadVito: but as far as I can remember, youāve looked miserable going to Uni. UndeadVito: Ive never dared to really question you because, well. UndeadVito: youāre an oldass man now, you know what you doing. UndeadVito: but I was worried. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: So it really shows huh? u.u Yeah Iāveā¦ never really felt at home here. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Donāt tell Mom and Dad <.< I wanna tell them myself, when I come to the decision. UndeadVito: I wont, no worries. UndeadVito: but thanks for telling me dude. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank YOU for listening n.n This is where I could take the chance to actually ask him about stuff, but then everything would feel a little performative now, wouldnāt it? xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Do you think I should tell them soon? u.u UndeadVito: the sooner the better, bro. UndeadVito: but take your time with things, donāt rush it if you donāt feel like it. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: ā¦ Iāll do it after vacation. UndeadVito: good. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: But I will visit this next weekend n.n The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. UndeadVito: oh hell yea. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Do you have vacations too? o.o UndeadVito: yea. UndeadVito: oh that reminds me. UndeadVito: should I tell mom and dad that youāre comin? UndeadVito: theyāre assuming you wont. xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: ā¦ Yeah, tellāem. uwu I want to spend time with the family at least for a week. UndeadVito: hell yea. UndeadVito: alrite, gonna go draw. UndeadVito: smell ya later. I sigh for a moment, closing my eyes, feeling myself smiling. This kidā¦ he seems to be trying, at least. Trying to keep the light alive, trying to keep a smiling facade. I should do it as well, no? My mood is still not fully back up, so I canāt really push myself to open the mysterious Guideā¦ instead, I connect back to Dejima to check the topics I started posting on. Just a few silly conversations about life in the Sleeper World (as they call it), talks about anime and videogames, nothing truly serious. It reminds me of my old times on VirtualZone, back when I spent my afternoons writing fanfic and participating in collective writing (basically roleplay, really). I was never super popular or anything but, people knew my name from the many works I kept pushing back then. It felt nice to be known, at least a little bitā¦ maybe I could start writing again, posting it here and all? āI think itās a wonderful idea. If there is a place to post, of course.ā āPlease donāt act like a clown in front of the other mages.ā Sigh. Checking on the Chatbox, I see two people in. Jeep creep is in there! The guy has always made me curious, maybe this is as good a time as any to talk to him. The problem is that the other person in the chat was souseiseki. From what I gathered, it was Canny who kept that one under control, but there were no signs of the cool kid of the block hereā¦ āDonāt let her intimidate you. Just go in as usual! Focus on Jeep creep!ā Right! After taking a few deep breaths and trying to mentally prepare myself, I enter the chatbox. Tav has connected to the Chatbox Tav: Hey hey everyone n.n souseiseki: Hi. @ Jeep creep: well if it isnāt the person of the hour! @ Jeep creep: howās it going Tav? enjoying your time in the forum, I hope? Tav: Yeah yeah, thanks for asking though =u=b Everyone has been nice! souseiseki: I havenāt o.o Tav: Ok, almost everyone eweUu @ Jeep creep: donāt be a bully, Sou. souseiseki: donāt tell me what to do old man o.o souseiseki: just because you got the @ doesnāt mean you can tell me what to do @ Jeep creep: thatās exactly what it means though. souseiseki: you people cuddle this guy way too much, itās disgusting o.o souseiseki: Iām just being real o.o I donāt know him, I donāt have to be nice. Tav: Itās fine, really! n.nUu I got used to mean girls in school. @ Jeep creep: MEAN GIRLS xDDDD souseiseki: bitch. souseiseki: Iām the meanest girl. That gets a chuckle out of me. I hope it was in good humor, at leastā¦ The conversation continues from here, at least for a bit. I ask how they are doing. Souseiseki seems to be having a ārotten dayā in her own words, with her teacher giving her āthe eyeā at college. I canāt believe it, but I find myself kind of empathizing with this bitch about that. I know what it is like to gain the negative attention of a teacher. Jeep creep, whom Sou calls āMortā and he insisted I do the same, seemed to have a regular day working at a car repair shop. Now this gets my attention. Tav: Ah! You work with cars then? n.n souseiseki: thatās what he said o.o @ Jeep creep: yep yep! Tav: Oh nice, my brother is super into cars! o.o he hasnāt taught me much but, Iām curiousā¦ Tav: Today he asked me what my favorite engine was xD @ Jeep creep: oh yeah? and what did you say? Tav: Oh shit, not this again OwO Tav. I said V-engine! V8! @ Jeep creep: ah hah, a classic! souseiseki: normie o.o Tav: Thatās what he said! ;w; But what was I supposed to say!? I donāt know zilch about cars! souseiseki: me neither and even I know thatās a normie one o.o @ Jeep creep: nothing wrong with liking a popular choice, theyāre popular for a reason after all! Well the man seems mature after all, nice and kind. Although, now that Sou has pointed out they were ācoddling meā, I am wondering if all this kindness from them was just a frontā¦ No. There is no need to start doubting everyone now, that would only make things more unpleasant. I honestly rather think people are being sincere. I am thinking when suddenly, a new person pops in. Canned Tea has joined the Chatbox. Canned Tea: sup bitches, bros and non-binary hoes souseiseki: hey canny @ Jeep creep: hello there cancan Tav: Hey Canny! n.n! Canned Tea: what are we talking about? @ Jeep creep: cars Canned Tea: my favorite, letās go Itās incredible how much Sou mellows when Canny is around. Sheās like a completely different person! Attentive, calm, may I even say happy? The conversation devolves into nonsense real soon, but thatās alright by me. I am used to nonsense being thrown around, no real problemā¦ āFeeling better?ā I think soā¦ I think. I think I am finally ready to open that first page of the book. Tav: Alright everyone, I am leaving for now :c I have work to do! Canned Tea: ah hah, so you found it huh? Tav: I did, I did! >w< it was hard but, I did! souseiseki: what are we talking about now? I doubt for a second. Can I even talk about this book in the chatbox? Considering it is supposed to be a secretā¦ Canned Tea: things Canned Tea: and stuff Canned Tea: nunya biz souseiseki: o.o souseiseki: youāre getting awfully chummy with this one. Is that jealousy I feel in the air? I canāt help but smirk a little bit there. But I shake it off immediately. No, donāt start trouble! āHomewrecker.ā We donāt even know if those two are a thing! Not to mention, it is not even like that. Weāre justā¦ ā¦ Can I really say weāre friends this early? Acquaintances. Weāre acquaintances. Canned Tea: no idea what you talkin about here Canned Tea: itās nothing souseiseki: o.o souseiseki: if you say so. @ Jeep creep: ahhh children these days @ Jeep creep: itās so cute souseiseki: shut the fuck up mort. Tav: lol Anyways, see you all! n.n/ Tav has disconnected from the Chatbox. With a satisfied sigh, I turn to check on the book, carefully opening the old thing and whispering the keywords once again, this time watching the ink swirl and shift around the page like the waters in a rowdy river.