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A Portal Fantasy Comedy Poem
Midgard Serpent: The Hater of Riddles

Midgard Serpent: The Hater of Riddles

29

Al-Out draws his sword, facing ten adversaries

Standing in the 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' sword pose

One sees an opening, lunges, Al-Out parries

He laughs, his opponent didn't even come close

Al-Out somersaults and lands right under the nose

Of one of them and kicks him into two others

Three of them fall down, shaking from their heads to toes

He circles around the ground to fight another

"Over the Hills and Far Away pose" he utters

Changing his stance with his sword now in just one hand

One now charges at him screaming, "For my mother!"

But not a single blow can this brave man withstand

"To Grandmother's House We Go" His new stance looks grand

Three fall down with a single hit from his sword hilt

"Praying Mantis Smells Like Teen Spirit," stance looks bland

But it can destroy your foe with a single tilt

"Even ten men cannot do you harm. You're too built"

Says Al-Out's good bearded friend "Al-imony

"The next time fight twenty, or you will feel some guilt

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

And eat some more food, Al-Out. You're way too bony

Al-Out looks at his fallen foes, his gaze stony

"Next time I will start my spar with at least twenty

For lunch, I wouldn't mind eating some abalone

That's, on the off chance that we might still have any

"We're all out, but we do have mutton aplenty,"

Laughs his friend, "you think of only fighting and food

Look for a wife, other pursuits, there are many

other things that you can do. Change your attitude

For science and art you have such great aptitude

Forget about your vengeance and live your life well

In peace and comfort, do not just stand there and brood

With your mindset you can now only live in hell"

"I know your thoughts on this. You do not need to tell

I've heard it all before, but my vengeance is firm

It is now only death and blood that i can smell

I will kill him...Sayonara, that wicked germ"

"The tribe will follow you where e'er, we will not squirm,"

Al-Imony replies, "ask us and we're yours"

Says Al-Out, "i can't ask this of you, I affirm.

Vengeance is mine alone, I'll settle all my scores."

30

The Midgard Serpent wanders around the Northlands

He roams just outside the walls of mighty Asgard

So hungry. It's very troublesome to have glands

Oh what he would give for something deep fried in lard

The thump of a heartbeat which it can't disregard

is heard some distance away. He sees a creature

Lion's body, woman's head, she stares at him hard

An Egyptian headdress is one of her features

She seems to be lost, wandering hither tither

This strange Sphinx looks to be very hungry as well

Midgard Serpent really really wants to eat her

Serpent drools as he senses her delicious smell

"Answer my riddle," she says, "do your best and tell

If your answer is right this Sphinx will not eat you

If you are wrong, then in my stomach you shall dwell

Oh you look very tasty. Yes you really do

Guess my name," she says, her eyes turning red from blue

"You won't have a name," says the Serpent with a smile

"Of course I have a name, all things have one, it's true

Your answer is very wrong, you're off by a mile"

"You misheard me," it now admires her side profile

"Your name now doesn't matter at all, don't you see?

A green liquid drops down his lips, it's something vile

"For very soon, of this life of names you'll be free."

It eats the Sphinx before she even thinks to flee

Quickly devouring its green coloured life force

"A mere appetizer," it says miserably

Serpent wishes with its stomach it could divorce

Hungry, it follows a large glacier to its source

Where it kicks a sleeping frost giant up awake

"Will you, my endless starving stomach, reinforce?

Do you want me to guess your name 'fore i partake?"

"How did you know?" The giant asks, "you'll make fine steak."

"People here have some strange naming fetish it seems,"

The Midgard serpent eats him like he's a pancake

Sated at long last, it sleeps for a while and dreams