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A Portal Fantasy Comedy Poem
Mary had a Little Lamb

Mary had a Little Lamb

1

One evening long ago, Mary and little lamb

both gazed at the sky, pondering meanings of life

Monotony, dullness, ennui suffused them:

Go to school, go back home, wash dishes, no drive

to learn. Her interests lay in philosophy

Nietzsche, Plato, Chesterton, wide variety

Of startling intellects… Not Aesop fabelry

that the teacher regaled students with endlessly

She wanted to run away to France and meet with

existentialists who would challenge all her wit

Oh, what is this? A portal appears… Mary’s gone

Peter is a young shepherd, fourteen years come morn

He celebrates his birthday with his flock, now dawn

Sheepy1, Sheepy2, and Ypeehs, the last name

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

An attempt at creativity he’s very proud (to) claim!

For thirteen years he gloried in war and battle

Like any other child his age. Epiphany

shines with this new dawn, leaving his high voice broken

“Females,” he croaks, “are not plague ridden monsters, nay,

Not abominations of Beelzebub, I reckon,

But rather attractive,” he opines to his flock.

Fond memories of Mary engulf the boy’s mind

He sees her far out on the prairie with little lamb

Fleece as white as snow. What to do? Perhaps talking

might help. Perhaps an ode to her beauty, he thinks

Oh Beautiful Creature

Goddess of all that you see

This offering of mine- a pitcher,

Can never be worthy of Thee.

He prepares a cup of milk to offer his love

He approaches, palms sweating, legs trembling, mind numb

“OH BOOTIFUL KEECHAAA,” he stammers, and then Mary’s gone!

The lamb ‘maa’s at him in disdain.

2

Do women just disappear come adolescence?

Peter wonders, cast into a pit of despondence

No wonder Mama tells Georgie off for flirting

Anguished he stands, from the black magic of his courting

Lancelot and Guinevere, Marian and Hood

No, something's wrong here, something is misunderstood

An epic quest of chivalry, Peter sets out in search of Mary

The lamb bleats in disdain and follows.

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