This visualization was the most complex one he had ever made, and Avery believed it had tremendous potential, but he was not satisfied with that. Despite its intricacies, it was still only a virtual world that had absolutely no impact on reality, or even on his spirit.
This was just a scene in his imagination, a daydream that would fade and disappear as soon as he thought of something else. Avery might be able to utilize this dream to produce intent, but he couldn't help thinking, what if it wasn't just a dream?
What if he could make this real, something that had real meaning and weight? Looking at the golden strands that were holding his spirit together, he knew it had to be possible.
Those translucent threads were conceptual entities with no material form, but that did not mean they were only an inconsequential illusions. They were born out of a reflection of the Tao, and were in a strange half-virtual state, being both imaginary and substantial.
Avery wanted to make his entire imaginary world ascend to this state, so that it would become fixed. He would then be able to work on it and improve it without needing to worry he would forget details each time his attention slipped.
Besides, it seemed logical to him that such a mental world would be much more advanced, and therefore much more effective at generating intent. It would be such a significant improvement he might even directly reach the next level of runes.
He also guessed that since the world would become half-virtual, it would become much closer to reality, and Avery would therefore have much less trouble studying the Tao from it.
Of course it was easy to speculate, but actually achieving that state was the hard part. That golden substance was created by his visualization resonating with the Tao, and as far as he could tell, he would need to be a saint to gain that sort of power.
Perhaps merely being an immortal would suffice, but even that was far out of Avery’s reach. Becoming one was probably much harder than what Avery was trying to do in the first place, which was to improve his runes.
Hoping to give significance to his mental world using only his own powers was unrealistic, which was why he planned to make use of the external forces. He thought that he had found a new exploit, one that would save him at least centuries of work.
Avery’s idea was to once again attempt to draw the Tao. The last time he had drawn the Tao, it may have splintered his spirit and almost killed him, but it had also transformed the golden dragon he had drawn to represent it.
He wanted to repeat the action that had gotten him into this mess, he was expecting very different results from before. This time, instead of having a single element symbolizing the Avenue in an otherwise unrelated world, now he was saying that everything in his visualization was a representation of the Great Way. If the sanctifying effect of the Tao was consistent, and that everything was representing it, then logically the entire virtual world would be elevated.
The best part was that since his entire visualization would be blessed, and that he had seen that the resulting image of the Tao could heal his mind, Avery believed there was a very good chance that his mind would end up stronger instead of being harmed.
Besides, this time he was not directing the Tao, dishonoring it by attempting to devour it. Instead it was a praise of its magnificence and glory, claiming that the entire world flowed from the Tao. Surely that would elicit a much gentler response from the Avenue?
He could of course see how wrong things could go, and that he was basing his reasoning on a lot of things that had no guarantee of being true, but he was determined to go through with his plan.
He only had twenty years left before his points ran out, and as far as he knew, he was nowhere near his goal of writing runes without his pen. He knew he had previously resolved to do things the right way, but time was pressing. He could tell that without finding shortcuts and taking some major risks, he would die of starvation.
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Being killed because he could not bear the arrival of the Avenue was not ideal, but it scared him infinitely less than the thought of dying and disappearing soundlessly, Losing any chance of seeing the Tao again. He was a foreign soul, so what would his afterlife be? would he be reincarnated normally, would he return to his original world, or would it just be nothingness?
Drawing the Tao was a risk, but he preferred to think that he was taking an active step towards salvation, instead of just idly waiting for death.
Besides, it was not like he really had a choice. He had already declared that his mental world was an expression of the Tao multiple times during its creation. Whether he liked it or not, both concepts were now intricately linked, and using this world for engraving would undoubtedly prompt a reaction from the Heavens.
Since his decision was made, the only remaining thing to consider was how to maximise his chances to actually survive the Tao’s presence long enough for his soul’s transformation to take place. It was hard to know how dangerous this second heavenly descent would be, so Avery was just going to prepare all he could, and hope for the best.
Last time he was in so much pain he hadn't even thought of looking through the system for things to protect or heal his soul, but now that he had the presence of mind to check, he found a few promising items.
There were a few different types of treasures and talismans that could protect the soul, as well two very expensive herbs that boasted the capability to heal a wound of the soul.
They would probably not last long, being damaged both by the surrounding dragon power as well as by the Tao’s overbearing presence, but every bit would help. If the situation got dire, they could make the difference between life and death.
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His preparations finished, Avery took a moment to prepare himself for the upcoming ordeal, then, controlling his trembling hands, he drew the rune with practiced ease.
The instant his stylus touched the dragon, he immediately knew that this would be much worse than last time. It felt like all of the trillions of cells in his body had suddenly gained minds of their own, and they were all going in different directions, tearing his body apart with their uncoordinated efforts.
It felt like his brain was growing too big for his skull, his head was threatening to pop like a balloon.
He did not get to appreciate the majesty of the Tao, or even notice it’s arrival, but was only vaguely aware of a blinding light and of a deafening symphony before all of his senses shut down, unable to comprehend such overbearing glory.
Every part of his body, mind and soul was madly struggling, fighting against itself, driven mad by witnessing the unknowable. It was so bad that Avery had to spend his points indiscriminately, forced to buy consumables at an incredible pace just to remain whole.
In short, it was torture, but he grit his teeth and bore with the pain. Some of his predictions were obviously completely wrong, but he still had hopes his conclusions remained solid. If the Tao was so much worse this time, perhaps it was because it was resonating with something much bigger? Maybe this was actually good news?
In any case, he could feel his mental world was indeed undergoing a wondrous transformation, but his pain-addled brain was incapable of identifying what exactly was happening.
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The agony lingered for what seemed to be forever, and it was so intense that Avery didn’t realize when it had stopped, his body still instinctively sending painful distress signals through his nerves, without realizing the danger had passed. Similarly, his brain continued processing nonexistent pain signals, even as his body calmed down.
Worse, while his mind eventually settled down, his soul never stopped crying out in anguish. No matter how many soul repairing treasures he bought, it did nothing to help, and Avery eventually had to stop wasting points, as he still needed them for time warps.
It had been, and still was the worst experience Avery could ever imagine, but a single glance at his mindscape was enough to confirm it was all worth it.
He did not know why his soul was still in such torment, as everything else had ended up according to his expectations. His visualization was at the same time unchanged and completely different.
It still depicted exactly the same things, but it was no longer made out of thoughts and dreams, but of something much greater, something permanent. The entire mental world seemed to glow softly in a mythical light, intact and even stronger than before, and it was clear Avery’s bet had paid off.
Giddy of his success, Avery wanted nothing more than to immediately test out his new visualization, but the inexplicable pain he felt rendered him unable to concentrate.