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A Desolate Life
Chapter 243 - Revelations

Chapter 243 - Revelations

Chapter 243 - Revelations

Yaan found himself residing in the body of his younger self. However, he was simply an observer to this illusion of his memory, he was unable to make any changes.

‘This is the first truth? Well, it’s a memory of mine, of course it’s true…but just watching my own memories isn’t going to stir my heart.’

Yaan calmly waited, observing his younger self sitting there on the wooden bed.

He recalled this time, it was soon after he received the Fiend Foundation technique. Right, he remembered…back then, he had struggled for a full night, debating over whether or not he really had it in him to kill 100 people, just in order to gain some strength.

The heavenly dao had already informed him that it would show him three truths, one of which pertained to his birth, creation and his very existence and purpose in this world. Clearly, this was just a memory, it was not that truth.

Yaan watched silently, observing his younger self struggle through the night.

“I don’t want to kill anyone…” The young Yaan muttered.

Yaan watched this expressionlessly. He had been young and naive back then, he was yet to understand the true cruelty of this world.

Eventually, the young Yaan realised something…he realised that in actual fact, he would happily kill Elder Sun and Xinti, those people who were responsible for the deaths of his loved ones.

“Then…I just need to kill evil people?” The young Yaan had this thought.

Whoosh…

The scene changed again.

Yaan watched as his younger self killed for the first time. He planned painstakingly, eventually killing Xinti, the tyrant of Zong Village who made his life a living hell back then.

After killing Xinti, he pulled back in a daze, but then, someone else stormed in.

His younger self cried out in shock, accidentally killing a girl who he had not expected to be here!

He was distraught and ran into the forest. In the forest, his emotions were a mess. He eventually reached the river and felt sick as he cleaned the blood from his clothes, over, and over, and over again…

Yaan observed this and sighed. He of course remembered this. Back then, he had felt terrible guilt due to taking an innocent life, and of course, he feared the potential repercussions of his actions…

But it was only the beginning.

The scene changed again.

The young Yaan lost control, massacring many children in Zong Village.

As Yaan watched this scene, his gaze showed a cold light. He knew that the heavenly dao was trying to play with his emotions, trying to stir his heart…but he refused to be toyed with.

He watched everything play out, time and time again. He did not look away, and he refused to feel a single emotion. He refused to feel anything towards his own tragic life, and he would not grieve for the people he devastated along his journey.

Each time the scene changed, Yaan reached a different, awful point in his life.

Every time he killed someone, every time his heart was thrown into turmoil. He was forced to re-experience all of these things, all of the guilt, the turmoil, the changes he went through, and how he gradually, steadily, became colder and colder…

Yaan not only saw, heard and felt these scenes, he actually felt the emotions his younger self felt too. However…Yaan simply considered these the emotions of his younger, naive self; they were not his own, current emotions.

In the inheritance, he truly became a ruthless monster, but even so, he did not feel good about killing. But, doing what needed to be done, he persevered.

The scene changed time and time again. At first, Yaan remained indifferent to all these changes, but at some point, he felt that something was off.

During his stay in the Southern Continent, he reached a turning point in his life where he determined that he no longer cared about others…and yet, he felt like that wasn’t quite right. It was as if there was a certain feeling of pain somewhere within him, even though he ‘knew’ that there was not…

As he slaughtered his way through the Kingdom of Lunar Song, this feeling grew stronger and stronger. It was bizarre, and Yaan could not understand it.

Clearly, by this point, he did not even possess a heart…right? So what was this feeling…as if some crucial part of him was in terrible pain…?

Yaan tried to understand this, thinking that perhaps, this was what it meant to accept the truth. However, finally, this illusion of his life ended.

Whoosh…

Seeing that he had passed through the first illusion, Yaan no longer bothered thinking about the strange feeling from before. Since he had made it into the second illusion of truth, he supposed that it didn’t matter. He needed to focus on the next illusion, he couldn’t allow himself to become distracted by something that he had already passed.

Thinking this, Yaan couldn’t help but smirk.

‘Heavenly dao, I have long since accepted the atrocities I have committed. Some were influenced by external factors, others were entirely my own doing…but so what? I do not have a heart…this…cannot affect me!

With this thought in mind, Yaan entered the second illusion.

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Yaan blinked in surprise. He recognised this illusion.

The Fragment of Qi left two immortal treasures behind for Yaan; the abyssal blood sword and the unknown Rank 7 pill.

When Yaan consumed that Rank 7 pill, he witnessed the final moments of the Primordial Devil’s life, right before he was forced to tear apart his own dao soul into five fragments, resulting in an unpredictable reincarnation. From there, Yaan lost contact with the other four fragments, experiencing his own journey through the world. He remained in a dormant state as his dao soul was passed through many generations of mortals, until finally, he awakened within a suitable host, a pitiful six year old human boy.

But this time, even though Yaan witnessed the same scene since again, he saw it very, very differently. Instead of re-experiencing this memory for himself, he saw the scene from the heavenly dao’s all-encompassing perspective…

“Heavenly dao, you dare to interfere with this devil’s reincarnation?!”

A red-haired devil roared out into an endless darkness. As for where this place was, Yaan now understood, since he could see this all transpiring through the heavenly dao’s gaze…

The Primordial Devil had lost all of his life essence. His body had crumbled, but his dao soul, which closely resembled his original body, but now with a few imperfections, entered a place that could only be described as ‘death’.

Relying on his willpower alone, the devil prevented himself from sinking into the depths of this place. If he truly entered the depths of death, he knew that he would be unable to return to the world of the living.

The Primordial Devil had no separate soul or consciousness, or more accurately speaking, his soul, mind and body, were all one and the same, contained within a mountain of divine flesh. Because of this, he could not reincarnate ordinarily, he could only attempt to reincarnate his dao soul into an appropriate embryo upon the instant of its conception. But, even after planning arduously for many years, he failed, all because…

“This was caused because I unknowingly allowed the cursed heavenly dao to enter my heart in order to facilitate my reincarnation…damnit! At this rate, my entire dao heart will shatter!”

The Primordial Devil was prideful, so prideful that he disdained from cultivating the heavenly dao’s ways! He only cultivated his body and his own dao heart, everything else was below him!

But as he attempted to control the reincarnation of his dao soul, something that nobody had ever succeeded in doing, even to this day, he was forced to grasp at any straw in order to survive. In his desperation, he comprehended the dao of life and death, instantly attaining a shocking level of comprehension due to his previously suppressed comprehension talent exploding out in this one moment. He used the dao of life and death to maintain his conscious control over his dao soul, even after entering this place called ‘death’.

Yaan remembered this part of the memory, though he was now seeing it from another perspective. However, previously, he had not realised that it was at this moment, that his ‘fragment’ was truly ‘born’. Before, when he saw the illusion through the immortal pill, he did not see the minute details, such as the Primordial Devil’s sudden realisation that it was already too late - he had betrayed his dao heart, resulting in the formation of a terrifying heart demon!

Heart demons were born in the dao heart and plagued the dao soul when a person did something contrary to their dao heart’s core principle. For lower cultivators, this was a huge problem…but for the Primordial Devil, this was the biggest problem he could possibly face in this life, it was an even bigger problem than him being forced to reincarnate!

In this moment, the red-haired devil, in his state of being neither alive nor dead, made a decision.

“I have no choice but to fragment my dao soul into five parts! Only like this can I remove the heavenly dao’s influence!”

Yaan now understood that by ‘heavenly dao’s influence’, he meant two things; his dao comprehension, and his heart demon which was born from this comprehension. However, if he could simply ‘remove’ those things, this whole ordeal wouldn’t even be an issue…it was far more complex than just that.

In truth, removing his dao comprehension was simple - in fact, he had already done so by now. After all, throughout his life, he had suppressed his own dao comprehension talent, preventing himself from comprehending dao. Now that he had comprehended dao, he destroyed his own understanding immediately. Unfortunately, the damage was already done, he had used the heavenly dao’s ways to facilitate his reincarnation! No, what he needed to remove was not his dao comprehension…but his very ability to comprehend dao!

With an enraged and ferocious roar, the terrifying red-haired muscular being tore apart his own dao soul into five separate fragments. This was an incomprehensible decision, perhaps only this devil could actually attempt something so insane and survive!

Back when Yaan saw this memory through the Rank 7 pill, he lost contact with the other four fragments at this point, experiencing his journey as a single one of them.

But now, that did not happen. Because he was now witnessing everything from the heavenly dao’s perspective, he not only saw the journeys of all five ‘fragments’, he also saw through the details behind the fragmentation of the Primordial Devil’s dao soul.

It was not simply a ‘fragmentation’, it was a removal of four fragments that he deemed malignant, from himself, the ‘fifth fragment’!

And the fifth fragment, which could not be considered a mere 'core fragment’, but was truly the Primordial Devil…was not Yaan.

The core was not the ‘Fragment of Dao’…there was no ‘Fragment of Dao’…

The core fragment, the true Primordial Devil, was born again as the red-haired man, the one whom Yaan called the Fragment of Blood. The core fragment, which retained the Primordial Devil’s personality and demeanour, was the person who gained the Primordial Sage’s help after she quickly understood the situation. The core fragment, who went on to become the Blood Plane Lord, retained the Primordial Devil’s true dao heart! Of course, his dao heart had lost its strength, returning to a mortal dao heart following his reincarnation…

But then, what exactly were the other fragments?

The other fragments each contained something that the Primordial Devil deemed unnecessary. They were the parts of him that he discarded during his reincarnation, in order to separate himself from his heart demon, and to remove the heavenly dao’s influence from his heart once and for all.

The Fragment of Qi…

The Fragment of Qi contained the Primordial Devil’s Qi cultivation talent, something he inadvertently developed after suddenly comprehending dao. The Fragment of Qi also had the strongest ‘talent’ for cultivation, but talent was something that the Primordial Devil disdained, as he believed that his own will should triumph above all else. Likewise, the Fragment of Qi possessed powerful dao comprehension, but only in daos which were strongly intertwined with Qi refining cultivation itself.

The Fragment of Soul…inherited almost nothing. The Primordial Devil was born without a soul in the normal sense, and he discarded the Fragment of Soul to ensure that when he reincarnated, he would reincarnate into a being with the ability to perfectly fuse their soul into their body during Nirvana Rebirth.

The Fragment of Mind was quite strange. The Primordial Devil had once casually mentioned that psyche cultivation was not a terrible pursuit, because it could be used to strengthen the mind within the physical body. In fact, the Primordial Devil was such an intelligent being himself, that in his moment of life and death crisis, he created the Fragment of Mind, granting it supreme intellect, solely because he intended to devour the Fragment of Mind later on, using this nourishment to strengthen his consciousness.

That left Yaan, the so called ‘Fragment of Dao’…

But there was no such thing as the Fragment of Dao. As Yaan watched the formation of his own dao soul as it was torn out from the Primordial Devil’s dao soul, he staggered backwards, his entire body shaking.

Yaan watched as he was born. He watched as, unlike the other fragments, he was not carefully created by the Primordial Devil. Instead, he was torn away from the devil’s dao soul with hatred, as if he was simply a malignant tumour.

The ‘fragment’ that was Yaan, took away everything that the Primordial Devil despised.

The Primordial Devil hated the heavenly dao, and he hated that ever since his birth into this world, he had always possessed extremely high dao comprehension. He gave some of this comprehension to the other fragments, as this was necessary in order to complete their removal from his dao soul, but as for the rest of his comprehension talent, it was given to Yaan.

But, as he broke away from the Primordial Devil, Yaan ended up receiving a portion of the other four fragments’ advantages. He gained some minor talent in Qi refining, much greater talent in psyche cultivation, the Fragment of Soul’s ability to transform his soul, and he even inherited a portion of the Primordial Devil’s ability to bulldoze his way through body tempering!

It was strange…it was as if Yaan’s dao heart existed for the sole purpose of opposing the portion of the Primordial Devil’s dao heart that he unwittingly took with him…Yaan’s dao heart was born from contradiction, doubt, confusion and uncertainty, like no other heart that existed in this world.

The moment Yaan saw all this and came to that same realisation as before, the seal he had placed on his memories back then instantly shattered.

With the memory of his realisation unsealed, which mirrored the truth playing out before his eyes, Yaan knew that this was indeed the truth. In fact, as he came to this realisation, and as he watched the truth behind his own existence unfold, this truth which had been hidden from him ever since the moment of his inception, Yaan’s comprehension of the ‘truth’ fragment of the illusion dao showed signs of reaching immortal stage comprehension.

But right now, he did not feel good about this. In fact…he did not want to accept this truth…

“No…it can’t be like this…” Yaan muttered, his eyes wide and trembling. He slowly shook his head as he watched the scene play out in slow motion.

He had already somewhat guessed that he was not actually the core fragment of the Primordial Devil. He had considered the possibility that he, and the other three fragments, were actually something different compared to the ‘Fragment of Blood’.

But now, it became clear to him. The Fragment of Blood, was the Primordial Devil himself. The Fragment of Qi, the Fragment of Mind and the Fragment of Soul, were all parts of himself that the Primordial Devil discarded, intending to devour them later on, turning them into his own blood-based strength.

And Yaan…was simply a trial for him to overcome.

Yaan could not even be considered a fragment of the Primordial Devil. He was a unique existence in this world, born from the dao heart of another living being. He was born due to the Primordial Devil’s self-betrayal, from the doubt in his heart which formed when he used the heavenly dao to save his own life. What started as a mere doubt, became a malignant emotion which feasted on the Primordial Devil’s dao soul, growing stronger and stronger, until it gained its own independent existence. When that existence was finally torn away by the Primordial Devil himself, Yaan’s own unique dao soul was finally formed.

He did not want to believe it, because the truth was simply too bitter. But, in his heart, he knew that he had finally uncovered this bitter truth…

Yaan was not an ordinary human, but neither was he the Primordial Devil. No…

Yaan was the Primordial Devil’s heart demon.