A Holy Crusade For This Helmeted Crusader!

Part 1

“Tch, our week without you in town was so heavenly. Why did you have to come back?”

The Casino Owner threw me out of the casino.

I had gambled all my money away again, but that was fine. Someday I’ll make it big, and spit on all these losers.

Also, don’t think I didn’t learn anything from last time.

With the quest money we got from that last quest in Mortimer’s Estate, I bought some food and water to eat before gambling the rest away, that way I wouldn’t go hungry tonight.

Also, I’m dead drunk.

“Shur…d u~p, cunt…”

My face completely red from the booze and my words slurred unintelligibly as I got up from my feet.

Seeing my state, the Casino Owner closed his eyes, softening his stance as he sighed tiredly.

“Even if you still tried to solicit them, you didn’t touch any waitresses or any of my cute female dealers, I’ll give that to you at least. But you reek of alcohol! I don’t know if this is the right thing for me to say as the owner, but don’t gamble when drunk, you’ll lose even more money.”

There was a quick momentary softness in the Casino Owner’s expression before he walked back in and shut his doors.

“...”

With that said, the sky was quickly turning dark and it was cold.

The inn I usually stayed at was pretty far from where I was, but the Water Goddess Church was only a few minutes away.

So I drunkenly stumbled in that direction.

…

Almost falling into the large water fountain dedicated to the Water Goddess, I drunkenly stumbled up the steps.

This was my second home, sort of.

I wasn’t particularly welcomed here by most of the workers, but I was a valuable casual worker regardless considering that I was a Holy Crusader. If all were to abandon me, the church would always welcome me. Perhaps not warmly, but welcome me still.

“Open n-up… Cutie. Cute little priestess, I… I know you’re in there~! Lift up your skirt for… me… -Hec!…”

Saying things that would make me cringe and shiver in complete and utter shame while sober, I banged my fist on the door.

Without a word, the door slowly opened.

I met the gaze of a tall elegant bearded man.

He wore a dark blue priest outfit with intricate golden patterns and designs, and wore a rectangular hat with the same design on his head.

He was a fairly built middle-aged man, a face full of hair and upon meeting my gaze, the hairs on his face twisted into a visible smile.

“You’re back, Slate! Puahahaha! Yes, the Water Goddess told me as much!”

Oh… Not this guy. Where’s Young Priestess?

“F-Father Stan? You’re back from the Water Goddess Retreat already?”

After seeing Father Stan’s face, I sobered up a little bit.

As part of the Water Goddess Sect, this guy was essentially my boss. He was an Arch-Priest, with a high rank in the church.

The traditional church hierarchy went from Deacon, Priestess, Seminarian, Holy Combat Classes, Priest, Arch-Priest, Bishop, Arch-Bishop and finally Cardinal. The higher the rank, the more likely the person had stronger Holy Attributes. I fell under the Holy Combat classes category.

But I couldn’t care less about all of that. I rarely participated in church activities at all. I stopped attending mass a long time ago, I’m sure the Goddess will forgive me though.

“Indeed I am, youngling crusader! Come on in!”

The Church was a place for serenity and quiet, at least, in usual cases.

As my boss, Father Stan was the Head Arch-Priest of this town’s Water Goddess Sect. Also, because of that the church felt more like a lively forum than a church.

That was the type of person he was, and the influence he had.

His personality was overbearing.

“Young Priestess!”

Father Stan, with a charming smile on his face directed at no one in particular, called out for Young Priestess, who was on the floor doing some cleaning.

“Y-Yes, Father?”

“No no no. Young Priestess, it’s Yes ‘daddy’. Understood?”

“Uh… There’s no way I can say that! Father! Please don’t say such creepy things!”

I’m sure Young Priestess would have smacked me without thinking if I asked her that, but Father Stan was different.

He was the Head Arch-Priest.

“Don’t torture her like that, Sir.”

In a quiet voice I spoke up for Young Priestess while I was being held up by Father Stan.

“Yes, please don’t!”

Young Priestess bowed, her expression completely red.

“Then go fetch some water for our drunk Crusader.”

“Understood, Father!”

Father Stan sat me down on one of the long-rowed wooden seats within the church while the priestess fetched me some water.

Workers within the church, who all had gone to the retreat with the Head Arch-Priest a week prior, were walking in and out of the church to the other connected buildings; you could hear the chattering echoing in the large church from the connecting hallways.

Most of the workers were relaxing in these connected buildings, and not the church itself.

That was the only proof of things being lively, with only me, Father Stan and Young Priestess in the main church currently.

“Here you go.”

Young Priestess handed me a cup of water.

“Thank you.”

While I wasn’t completely sober, I felt a little bit fine now, at least to talk properly:

“What have you guys been up to since I was gone?”

I was curious.

Father Stan answered first:

“Hm… Other than the usual disrupting the Earth Goddess Church’s sermons by drenching their Head Priest in holy water, I would say I’ve been simply easing back into work after coming back from the Retreat.”

Father Stan just said something outrageous, that was actually really outrageous.

“...I guess I’ve just been cleaning and doing my job too.”

Young Priestess followed it with her answer.

“-Sir, I think you should stop harassing the other Goddess Sect’s work activities.”

As I raised that reasonable suggestion, Young Priestess cringed as she was ignored.

“Absolutely not.”

Father Stan didn’t have an amicable relationship with the other Head Priests in town. That was part of the reason why the Water Goddess was so unpopular in the town of ‘Ally’.

“Father, I think it’s best that you did.”

Young Priestess raised that extremely reasonable suggestion.

“Wahahahaha! What a foolish suggestion, youngling crusader!”

Young Princess grimaced once more as she was ignored for the second time.

Laughing unnecessarily, Father Stan continued:

“-Anyhow, Mr drunken crusader! We have gotten word that a strong demonic presence has been spotted in a nearby settlement. Before the other foolish church sects go out

to deal with it, we first shall claim the glory of victory in the name of the Water Goddess!”

He wasn’t asking me to come, he was telling me to. Just in a nicer dramatic way.

He was annoying, but he was the only one who welcomed me with open arms into the church. If I were a Holy Crusader for any other Church, I would have been kicked out.

Father Stan was fine with me not attending mass or not helping with church activities. I was an adventurer after all, but I was still a Holy Crusader with a duty, and part of their organisation as a casual worker of sorts.

If he asked me to do something, I was obliged to do so. Even if I didn’t want to.

But it wasn’t like he was working me to the bone, it’s been a few months since he requested something of me.

“I understand, Sir.”

Satisfied, Father Stan prepared to leave, but not before pausing.

“Sniff. Sniff.”

He sniffed the air around me.

There was an awkward silence.

He glared at me with a dark expression.

“-Crusader Slate… Have you been coddling with disgusting undead vermin?”

The air suddenly felt heavier, suffocating under the weight of disapproval.

“-You smell like… A Lesser Lich… No, a Middle Lich.”

His words sliced through the air, his dark expression radiated an aura of absolute displeasure.

“Crusader Slate… Tell me, why do you have that smell on you?”

He didn’t refer to me as ‘youngling crusader’ like he usually did, all sense of familiarity disappeared as he coldly called me by my Job Class and name as if I was a stranger.

Even the Young Priestess had the same dark expression on her face as she too glared at me.

“The last quest I took had me kill an undead commanded by a Middle Lich, Sir.”

Upon hearing my excuse, making exaggerated movements, the Arch-Priest’s warm smile returned and the atmosphere lightened as his demeanour shifted back.

With a hearty laugh, he put his hands on his waist and turned his back to me.

“Puahahaha, of course! There’s no way you would befriend any undead! Good job on killing that thing. I’m glad to have you onboard, youngling crusader! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

With such loud utterings, the weirdo Father Stan with heavy joyful footsteps paced out into the connected buildings and out of the church while humming a tune “Mm, hmm hm mm.”, leaving me and Young Priestess alone.

The Church Sects were very famous for their unmatched hatred of Undead and Demons.

That’s why Father Stan and Young Princess looked so serious the moment they smelt any evidence of my involvement from Mortimer. I think it was when Ionia and I hugged him out of pity.

Putting that aside he was a lively individual, even as he walked out, there was a bounce in each step.

When the Head Arch-Priest left, Young Priestess sighed in relief.

“Ah… He’s gone, finally.”

“You’re happy to see him go?”

I looked at the Young Priestess with a look of pity, but still asked that question.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just… Father is a little bit overbearing, Father is nice and all, but I want to limit my time spent with him. Also, did you say my name and mention my skirt while knocking on the church doors?”

The moment she finished speaking, out in the distance we could hear the loud enthusiastic shout from Father Stan echo in the distance:

“—-You missed out on the last retreat, so you’ll also be coming with us too, Young Priestess!—-”

“Ehhh?!”

How sad.

She can’t get a break.

She would be with me and Father Stan for a long week or so.

…

Part 2

The next day–

After I informed my comrades that I would suddenly be gone to deal with church business, they all nodded in understanding, agreeing enthusiastically.

Almost… Too enthusiastically.

I had mixed feelings about how quickly they agreed to let me, the vanguard of the party and only one with Holy Attributes, go for a week, they didn’t even show any sign of resistance.

But that was okay.

…

We had just arrived at the small human settlement an hour carriage ride away from the town of Ally.

With a population of 1000~, it was a country-side rural settlement of small villages with decent societal functions.

From the dirt trail, the carriage reached the stone walls of the settlement, approaching the metal gate before being allowed to enter.

“-Blegh, the stench of a demon is strong in this settlement.”

Father Stan pinched his nose as the carriage rolled into the settlement, looking around in utter disgust.

For this religious expedition, there was only Father Stan, me and Young Priestess.

Why so few people?

Usually, for exorcism-related expeditions, at least a group of ten Priests would be sent to deal with the devil. But, due to the quality of the people being sent, only 3 were necessary.

Father Stan was an Arch-Priest, a massive difference in holy strength compared to a simple Priest.

And he was accompanied by a Holy Crusader, me, while my Holy Attributes were as competent as veteran Priestess’, I made up for it with physical strength.

And Young Priestess was just an extra, she wasn’t necessary.

Father Stan just brought her along for… Hands-on job training of sorts, as a newbie Priestess.

“Truly, it stinks.”

Young Priestess pinched her nose too.

Just what exactly are you guys smelling?

I didn’t smell a thing, I assume it’s something that only someone who grew up in the church could smell.

“Alright, we’re here.”

Listening to the carriage drivers’ words, all three of us got off. We were greeted with the gazes of curious onlookers, this settlement seemed to rarely get any visitors.

“W-Where are you going, Father?”

The moment we got off, Father Stan immediately paced his way toward the Water Goddess Chapel within the settlement.

I scanned the area around me while following Father Stan, this just seemed like an ordinary place. No one seemed overly frightened, or in terror of a potential demonic attack.

Weird, considering that they desperately begged the churches for aid.

“This is where we’ll wait for the person.”

Opening the dusty doors of the Chapel, it was empty, completely devoid of any evidence of recent use. The seats were dusty, and the concrete floor had dirt and cracks.

“Hm, it seems like no one is a firm believer of our gracious Water Goddess. How disappointing, we should let the demons ravage this place then.”

“No, we can’t let that happen! We have to stay.”

Young Priestess, the voice of reason, grabbed Father Stan’s shoulders as he turned around to leave with an empty disappointed expression.

“–Ah, Father Stan! Thank the goddess you’re here.”

Hearing the news of our arrival, an important-looking person rushed toward the Water Goddess Chapel, facing Father Stan head on.

“Ohoho? Yes indeed, I, the Head Arch-Priest of the Water Goddess Sect from the town of Ally have been sent to deal with your demonic issue! Now tell me, what exactly has been happening. This will be an easy problem to solve for a powerful Arch-Priest such as myself! Muahahaha!”

With overly exaggerated movements, like saluting and spreading his arms out wide, Father Stan declared loudly.

Seeing this utter display of bravado pissed me off, just a little bit.

But, to the desperate expression of the important-looking person, it was relieving:

“And are these your subordinates? Very good. Come, I’ll bring you to my office, we can talk more there.”

The important-looking man led us.

…

“-Along with graffitiing the Water Goddess chapel with sacrilegious symbols and phrases like ‘The Water Goddess is inferior to the Earth Goddess’ and other unspeakable phrases it’s also been-”

“Outrageous! The Water Goddess Sect is superior to the Earth Sect, by tenfold! That demon has been doing all of that. I cannot forgive it, how despicable…”

Father Stan interrupted the important-looking person, who happened to be the Chief of the settlement.

By the way, out of all the sects, the Water Sect hated the Earth Sect the most. There was a bitter rivalry between the two.

The Chief continued after he was done:

“-But that’s not the worst of it… This demon, they’re… They’ve been driving everyone in this settlement completely nuts.”

The Chief, slumped in his chair, grasped the back of his neck with both hands. His eyes, drained and lifeless, fixed wearily on his cluttered desk with a hint of trauma.

This demon must be doing some heinous things to have the Chief of the settlement look like this.

It was like he’s been through war, then hell and back.

“How exactly? Is it through [Possession] and other mind-affecting spells?”

Young Priestess stepped forward and with a serious expression, inquired.

“N-No, thankfully not that. How do I put this, every morning when I go to work, my favourite shirt goes missing from the wardrobe. And I have to spend a full 10 minutes to find it, and it’s always in the hard to reach places! … How does it even end up on the roof?!”

The Chief, looking up with a teary expression, slammed his fist on the desk, his voice trembling with desperation and agony.

Excuse me?

I tilted my head, my brow furrowing. He was probably getting to the main point.

“-Not only that! When I look at my face in the mirror every morning, there’s always some sort of drawing on it. Today it was ‘Worst Chief Ever’, do you know how hard it was to scrub off my face?! This… D-Demon, unforgivable!”

What kind of demon is that?

“-And when I go outside to put my boots on, there is always one missing from each pair.”

The Chief moved his foot out, so we all could see.

Indeed, he was missing a boot on one foot.

“-And this demon mocks me by returning the missing boot the moment I get home from work!”

Is this really the work of a demon?

“Mm… Truly, signs of a disgusting demonic presence…”

Father Stan stroked his beard, looking down at an angle with a contemplative expression.

“You’re taking this seriously?” x2

I exchanged glances with Young Priestess. I'm glad I’m not the only one here who thinks that everything the Chief said was just plain stupid.

Someone is playing a prank on you, not a demon.

But it was worth considering that this was happening to everyone in the settlement.

The culprit is very dedicated.

“Right?! Please, I beg of you. Get rid of this demon!”

It’s not a demon…

…

Part 3

“-This is obviously just an elaborate joke, Father. Please, let’s just go home.”

“Weren’t you stopping me from going home just earlier? Also, I’ve been in the business for over 40 years, Young Priestess, I know a strong demonic presence when I sense one.”

“-That’s just the blabbering of an idiot Chief!”

Young Priestess pleaded with Father Stan, but he ignored her pleas.

I chose this exact moment to tease her:

“Father Stan is an Arch-Priest. I trust his instincts. I have complete and utter faith in the Water Goddess. And I know the Water Goddess has faith in Father Stan. So I’ll place all my faith in Father Stan’s abilities.”

I said with an air of purity and grace.

“Yes, yes! Smart boy!”

Father Stan’s expression was elated, his palm smacked my back a few times in glee.

“S-Slate, even if you’re pretending to be good, please don’t. It makes me feel a little sick.”

For the rest of the day–

We followed Father Stan along and investigated potential clues, and asked questions. We confirmed that everything the Chief said about it happening to other people too was accurate.

We listened to their pleas, I’ll recount one instance of a single resident, out of hundreds.

Imagine this:

You wake up to go to work, you put on a shirt and it feels a little bit moist in the armpits. And when you go to find your boots, there is only one of each pair. When you enter the bathroom, and sit down to do your business; the toilet paper is out of reach. When you walk out the door, you trip on something that wasn’t there the day before. After a long day of hard labour, when you go home to lay on your bed, the bed feels completely wet.

This has been occurring everyday for a month straight, according to this victim.

I still doubt that it’s a demon though.

It’s probably a very dedicated prankster.

The Church’s assistance was unnecessary, but the people in this settlement seemed to believe it was ‘demonic events’.

Young Priestess and I agreed that these events were stupid and not-so-demonic, but Father Stan seemed insistent and kept up the search seriously.

When that went nowhere, Father Stan tried to track the demon by smell alone, but that led to a dead end.

Having made no progress the entire evening, we retired for the night in an Inn provided to us by the Chief.

…

The Next Morning–

“Let me sleep a little more…”

“No, wake up! Wake up now!”

In my assigned room in the Inn, Young Priestess’s long blonde bangs tickled my nose.

“-Don’t hide your face into the pillow!”

“...Fine, what is it?”

I turned over to open my listless eyes, and was met with the familiar face of Young Priestess, but there was something different about her face.

Written on her forehead and cheeks were the three words:

“...’Earth Goddess Priestess’. Who wrote that? They have really nice girly handwriting.”

“That’s not the problem! …It was the demon, only a demon would write something as heretic-ulous as that on a humble Water Goddess’s Priestess!

Just yesterday, the very idea of a demon playing pranks seemed like a joke to her.

Now she’s all into it.

Ignoring her play on words of “Heretic” and “Ridiculous”, I couldn’t help but smirk at the words written on her face with a “Heh”.

Anyone from the Water Goddess Sect hated the Earth Goddess Sect, and vice versa. That included Young Priestess.

So of course, I received a hard clanging smack across the cheeks of my steel helmet.

“I heard that smirk!”

“Alright, relax. You’ve woken me straight up. Don’t hit me like that, what are you gonna do if I go stupid?”

I sat up quickly after receiving that blow against my helmet.

“This is unforgivable… This demon isn’t a joke, I’ll make it pay.”

Young Priestess uttered in pure hatred, completely ignoring my commnt. Normally, she would have replied with: ‘But you’re already stupid’. It seems like the prank really affected her psyche.

“Come on, I thought we agreed for once. There’s no way it’s the work of a demon. Weren’t you treating the idea of a demon as a joke just yesterday?”

“Yes! But it’s clear to me now, yes! Only a demon would think of such a sacrilegious act!”

I guess becoming a victim made her change her mind.

Now that I think about it, if a demon had a prank played on her while she was sleeping…

Then what about me?

“Hey, is there anything written on my helmet?”

I wore the helmet to bed, as comfortable as that sounds, so I definitely wouldn’t feel anyone writing anything on it.

Turning to face Young Priestess head on, I asked, pointing at myself. Hoping to get an outsider’s view.

For some reason, after hearing that question, Young Priestess blushed slightly and averted her gaze.

Eh?

“Hey, look at me.”

She refused to meet my eyes.

That was very suspicious.

“Hey.”

I called out to her again.

Her eyes trailed back to my forehead, and then averted it with a troubled: “Eek!”.

I have a bad feeling about this.

“Young Priestess, why won’t you look at me?”

Throwing the sheets off of myself, I stomped into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

“-T-This…”

Meeting my own hand in my reflection in the mirror, my eyes trailed forward. I clenched my grip as I read the words written on my steel helmet forehead.

There was a long silence, until:

“-It’s not small, I’m perfectly average!”

With that proud declaration, I rushed out of the bathroom and back to where the Young Priestess was, snatched my clothes and quickly dressed myself.

“-Let’s go, Young Priestess, let’s purify that damned son of a gun! I’ll make it pay. It was definitely a demon, only a demon would think of something like this!”

I too had a change of heart.

Tightening my belt, I looked downward to find my boots.

“-There’s only one? I’m pretty sure I put them right beside each…”

My words trailed off as I came to a cold realisation:

The demon has a habit of misplacing one's boots, and returning it to them later during the day.

“-Damn it!”

I threw the only boot I had hard onto the ground.

“Don’t worry Slate, I’m only wearing one boot too. Look.”

As if to comfort me, Young Priestess directed.

I looked down to see Young Priestess wearing a single boot, while the other foot was only covered by a sock.

I looked at Young Priestess and she looked at me back, I could see her eyes trail up.

Seeing what was written, she lowered her head suddenly and bit her bottom lip.

Her shoulders were quivering; she seemed to be holding back her laughter.

T-This, this jerk!

“Hey, Earth Goddess Priestess. You got something to say to me? What, you want to see my amazing long-sword and confirm it for yourself? Alright then! Let me show it to you right now!”

Before I could unbuckle my belt, and drop my pants, someone had opened the door.

It was Father Stan.

Seeing the current display: Me unbuckling my belt, and the trembling priestess looking away, covering her mouth holding back her laughter.

Father Stan cupped his bearded chin, gave me a thumbs up and shut the door.

“Hey wait!” x2.

Young Priestess and I yelled simultaneously.

…

Later on–

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“There’s no way that I like that guy! Father, please don’t misunderstand, you realise that I'd rather kiss a demon than even consider a relationship with him, right?!”

All three of us were walking down the street of the settlement town.

I had wrapped some cloth around my foot to compensate for the minus 1 boot, and she washed her face.

Father Stan smiled, but he didn’t say anything.

“-It’s alright Earth Priestess, don’t be such a tsundere. If you like me, just admit it already.”

“Shut up, short-sword.”

“-Gleck-Grrr-Mcc-Grr”

I made growling noises at Young Priestess as she stuck her tongue out to me.

I stuck my tongue out too in response.

–

We spent the entire day searching for clues and exploring the natural region of the area for any lingering scent of a demon, we found no clues and returned to the inn to sleep.

…

Part 4

Next Morning–

“This isn’t fair… Sniff. Sniff… W-Why isn’t the demon doing anything to you, Father?!”

The Young Priestess, between sniffing her tears back, stood outside the inn with the three of us.

The morning air outside was cold.

Evidently, the Young Priestess was wearing her usual outfit, but there was one thing that was different:

“-Cutting board.”

Those words came out of my mouth.

“Short-sword! Short-sword! Short-sword! Short-sword!”

“-Cutting board! Cutting board! Cutting board! Cutting board!”

My helmet received a clanging smack from the teary priestess.

The fabric where her chest was had an intricate stitching that clearly spelt out: “Cutting Board”.

As if to mock Young Priestess even more, the demon even left a Flat-Blade Screwdriver on her chest above the stitching.

This demon was amazing.

I couldn’t tell if the demon was a sadist, or just someone with a really good sense of humour.

“It’s only the law of this world that a lowly demon would be too afraid to confront me. Me! Heh.”

In comparison to Young Priestess, Father Stan wasn’t affected by the demon’s pranks at all, in fact, the demon did nothing to him.

That was unfair.

By the way, I got off lightly today. I simply woke up with my sheets beneath me wet.

If you’re wondering, the reason why Father Stan or we didn’t draw any anti-demon barriers was because we were desperate for clues or leads.

“Hm, but it’s quite troublesome though; where could this demon be? Its scent is all over the place. And when we arrived here, the trail got even more complicated.”

After our arrival, the pranks the demon seemed to play on the residents toned down a bit, but as a result it got worse for us.

The demon seemed to be focusing their efforts on us instead of the townsfolk.

“Oooh. Aaah–!”

Father Stan tilted his head back as he groaned dramatically into the sky, his eyes closed as his fingers laced his forehead:

“-Let’s split up! Youngling Crusader with the short-sword can’t smell the stench of a demon properly so stay close to the cutting board, okay?”

And with both the Priestess and I glaring daggers at him from behind, Father Stan walked away with a content smile.

“-Should we draw something on his face tonight?”

“-Definitely.”

Agreeing with my suggestion, Young Priestess walked off in the opposite direction with me.

…

The Day After–

Young Priestess sniffled, her eyes red from tears of exasperation.

"Why does this demon keep targeting me?!”

The Young Priestess had the words “Kick me” stitched to the back of her Priestess outfit.

By the way, the demon didn’t do anything to me today, which pissed off Young Priestess even more.

“...Pfft.”

“Laugh again, and I’ll tell all the girls in town that you got a shortsword.”

“Oh? Father Stan interrupted us last time, but it seems like you’re just asking for it. Alright then, since you got a big mouth, let’s pair it with a visual of my big sword-”

Young Priestess immediately grabbed my wrists, preventing me from pulling down my trousers.

“C-Come on, Mr Holy Crusader. I don’t want to see that junk!”

“Acting bashful now? How uncharacteristic of you! Shut it! I don’t want to hear another word from you, just sit and let me prove it to you!”

“Your eagerness to prove is only making me believe that you really do have a short-sword!”

“Let go of my belt! Pervert! Perverted Priestess! This Perverted Water Priestess is trying to pull down my pants!”

“-N-No! If I let you do it, then I can’t serve the Water Goddess anymore! I made a vow to be pure! And don’t call me a pervert, I’m nothing like you!”

“Should have thought about that before making fun of me!”

“-Stop being a child!”

“You’re being a child!”

“-No you!”

“No you!”

“-A kid. You’re a kid!”

Young Priestess and I struggled intensely with our hands on my belt, with two opposite objectives.

“Listen here, Young Priestess. I’m not the type of man to back down from a challenge… My name is Slate, the proud Holy Crusader to the Water Goddess, and with my pride for the Water Goddess on the line I will prove to you that I have a long-sword!”

“You’re driving me insane, you worthless Crusader! Don’t you dare say such sacrilegious things in the same sentence as the Water Goddess! You’ll get divine retribution!”

In the end, the Inn owner came in and shut us both up.

…

Later during the day–

“Is the smell getting stronger?”

“A little…”

In search of the demon, We made our way toward a greener area full of trees and plant life, we were attentive despite two days of failed attempts searching for the demon.

But it was still running rampant, as evident by the stitching of the words ‘Cutting Board’ on Young Priestess’s robed chest area, and ‘Kick me’ on her back.

Of course, I kicked her many times.

“Say, do you have any experience with demons?”

Curious, I inquired.

“...What’s up with the sudden question? Well, uh, no. The only demons I’ve seen are the ones Father Stan exorcised during retreats I was at.”

As expected, she was a newbie priestess after all.

“What do you guys even do at retreats?”

I had never participated, I was an adventurer first; Holy Crusader second.

But it was different for Young Priestess. While I was out on adventures, she lived and breathed life as a church worker.

“Uhh– It depends, actually. Usually we send out small parties to help out any other Water Sects in different towns and train new church workers too. But sometimes they send out Priests to deal with excessive buildup of undead in settlements like this or to exorcise higher-tiered demons the local church can’t deal with.”

“Wait, that last bit, isn’t this technically a retreat too?”

Even though it was just Father Stan, Young Priestess, and me, it met the criteria for a retreat.

“Yep, I thought you knew that. You’ve never been to a retreat before? That means this is your first time, right?”

Young Priestess looked up toward me with a dumbfounded expression.

What’s there to be surprised about?

“Apparently so.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. You’re a Holy Crusader, that’s a respectable role with great responsibility, you know?! And you’re telling me you haven’t done any retreats? What kind of Holy Crusader are you?”

“I’m an adventurer, Young Priestess. And then I’m a Holy Crusader, think of me as a casual worker that only shows up when you guys need me. I’m not as dedicated as Father Stan is, or you are.”

I set the record straight, if it wasn’t already.

“Yeah I know, but…”

Young Priestess looked toward the ground, and twiddled her fingers with a dreamy expression before uttering lowly:

“-...Holy Crusaders are supposed to be handsome dedicated cool veteran holy swordsmen, with countless of exorcisms under their belt.”

What the hell was she fantasising about? The religious version of the knight in shining armour?

She had a smitten expression, directed at no one in particular.

Looking at her face, she seemed to be imagining something with a red blush radiating from her cheeks.

“Supposed to be? Then what does that make me?”

“A fake! You weren’t born into the vocation like we all were, you just suddenly showed up and… Wait, you never told me about your Job-Class before we met.”

Young Priestess began to pry into my past.

“No, I was always a Holy Crusader.”

“I don’t believe you! Ugh… You’re the first Holy Crusader I’ve known, aah– I won’t let you ruin my dreamy perception of them.”

Seriously, who are you thinking about?

She seemed to have an idealised romantical image in her mind of what a Holy Crusader should be.

Did all the young girls in the church look up to Holy Crusaders as some sort of stud hero?

First I’ve heard of that.

If I had known that earlier, I would have let the women I solicit daily know that I was a Holy Crusader. I’ll add it to my pick-up lines.

“-How’d you become a Holy Crusader anyway? You told me you weren’t born at the church, how’d you get ordained?”

Young Priestess switched her thoughts from fantasy back to reality, raising a curious question.

To become a Holy Crusader, you had to meet 3 requirements.

The first one was to have a Job-Class with a primary melee focus, like a Swordsman.

The second was to have a decent enough Holy Attribute. A Holy Attribute was essentially just a measurement of your Holy Power, which was similar to mana, just holy, and could be improved with prayer and meditation. Mana and Holy Attributes. Different sides on the same coin.

And the third,most important and difficult was to be recommended, trained, evaluated and ordained by an Arch-Priest or above.

I had met all those three requirements a long time ago.

The reason why Young Priestess seemed to doubt it was because I wasn’t born into the church, which would make it extremely difficult to meet the last and most important requirements.

“That’s a secret.”

I decided not to indulge her about my history.

“Aw, come on! Please?”

Young Priestess looked up at me with her brows knitted and puffed her cheeks, pouting.

“As your superior, it’s not appropriate for you to ask me these types of questions.”

I decided to use my leverage as a superior ranking church member to tease her.

“Slate. Sir.”

Putting unnecessary emphasis on that last word, Young Priestess continued:

“-I will never recognise you as my superior, even if you threaten my life. Just because you’re a Holy Crusader, which is a very respected Job-Class, doesn’t mean I have to recognise the person who holds it! Okay, Sir?”

To be frank, I did not care about my role as a Holy Crusader. It meant nothing to me. Same with the rank it holds within the church, I didn’t mind treating Young Priestess as an equal; even if I shouldn’t.

From mine and an adventurer’s perspective, it was just a simple Job-Class with benefits.

But to the people of the church, it meant a lot. And to nobles, it would be considered a point of prestige for their houses.

“Well, sorry for not being the Holy Crusader you know and love in those books you read.”

I shrugged my shoulders, expecting a quick response.

But instead, Young Priestess suddenly stopped in her tracks, forcing me to quickly halt too.

“What’s the matter?”

Young Priestess had her gaze toward one direction, scanning the trees before her.

My eyes followed her line of sight.

“-The demon stench just suddenly got stronger. Slate, it’s nearby!”

After Young Priestess’s warning, I began to scan the area.

I noticed it first.

“Over there!”

Hidden behind the trees was a dark figure, peaking out toward us.

But most notably.

“Wings… It’s a devil!”

Hearing Young Priestess’s visual assessment, I drew out my blade, quickly shuffling over to stand in front of Young Priestess.

…

Part 5

“–Ah, you’ve found me, truly.”

The voice of a sexy-sounding woman came from the direction of the shadowed wings hiding poorly behind the tree.

The devil walked out.

“L-Lewd!”

Young Priestess covered her eyes with a burning blush upon seeing the well-endowed form of the devil.

Despite the devil looking like a light-pinked haired female, it wore a lavish dark-red long-sleeved buttoned shirt covered by a tight tight-black vest with black trousers, an outfit that anyone with decent-standing would wear to any formal event.

How professional.

Like a buisness-woman demon.

But, her face was covered up by an electronic screen-like mask that showed an extremely simplistic expression on her face.

Just two white dots and a line, which seemed to move in parallel to the expression beneath the mask.

What a weird thing to wear.

“This devil is too lewd! Ahh!”

Young Priestess was squirming, though she covered her face, she peeked again.

The devil had a really well-proportioned body, like, really well-proportioned in all ways.

“The devil was a succubus?”

I commented.

“How rude, my name is Seraphine! I’m a High-Class Devil!”

Despite sounding offended by my assumption, the light-pink haired devil with a needlessly seductive body spoke with a prideful attitude.

My eyes were glued stuck at her, Young Priestesss covered my eyes with her palm.

When Seraphine spoke, the electronic mask’s expression followed it, forming a smug expression.

“-You’re the one who’s been terrorising the people of this settlement?”

Young Priestess questioned cautiously.

In response to that, Seraphine’s eyes, mere dots of light against the darkness of the mask, gleamed with amusement at the stitching of the words ‘Cutting Board’ on Young Priestess chest, and got even more smug with a–

“–Pfft.”

Seraphines’ shoulders shuddered intensely.

She was holding back her laughter.

“Hey, Slate, let’s exorcise this devil already.”

A vein popped on Young Priestess’s temple.

“-But wasn’t it- Puahahahaha! ufufu. Aaaah–!”

Apparently, seeing the look Young Priestess’s face made Seraphine explode into an burst of uncontrollable laughter before she composed enough to barely enough speak:

“-Wasn’t it genius?! Pffft. Not only did I spend an hour stitching the words ‘cutting board’ on your so very flat chest, but I stole the flat-head screwdriver from the carpenter’s shed and put it on your chest! Get it? Because your chest is flat? Flat-head? Bahahahaha! Get it? Get it?!”

I don’t know if I should laugh, or feel bad for this devil’s poor sense of humour.

“Hey Slate, what are you waiting for? This thing thinks it's funny, let’s kill it already. Wait, did I hear you smirk just now?”

I couldn’t help but smirk with an audible “Heh”.

Regardless, I got it, it was damned hilarious.

“And you, Mr Short Sword. I inspected the ‘tools’ you had. And wrote ‘short-sword’ on his helmet. Puahahaha. Look at him, look at him! That crusader is trembling in embarrassment! Hahahahah! This is amazing! This is spectacular!”

Seraphine was rolling on the grass, her mask displayed her face as bawling in tears of pure laughter.

“Die! [Exorcism]! Die! Die! Die! Die! [Exorcism]!”

That person who suddenly lost control and began to scream and chant was none other than me.

The [Exorcism] spell had no effect on the light-hearted devil, she stood proudly while rolling around in ecstasy.

“Why won’t you die already! [Exorcism]!”

I cast the spell again, but it had no effect.

Standing with trembling feet, hurt in the stomach from all the laughter, Seraphine looked at us.

Her mask displayed a mischievous smirk, the white digital lines forming a crooked grin.

“Did you forget, I’m a High-Class devil! Such pathetic spells won’t work on me, puahahahah!”

“I said: It’s average! [Exorcism]!”

“I-I’m just about average too! [Exorcism]! I’m not flat!”

Young Priestess and I cast the [Exorcism] spell over and over again, but it didn’t work.

“Alright, we’ll just have to physically attack her then.”

“Nope!”

Before I mustered up the will to fight it head on, Seraphine decided to flap her black demon wings to suspend herself in the air.

“Hey, that’s not fair!”

“Is it? I don’t think it’s fair you got an Arch-Priest with you. But that’s okay, he isn’t with you anymore.”

With that unbreakable grin on that mask, Seraphine looked down on us.

“W-Why do you do this? What benefit do you get? Aren’t demons supposed to inflict real pain and suffering on humans? Why are you taking one of each pair of boots from every resident in this town and doing such petty acts of terrorism?”

Young Priestesses shouted out.

The real motives of devils was physical and emotional torment of humans.

But this devil seemed to get off of something else.

“Don’t you get it? Because it’s fricking hilarious!”

What?

Seraphine continued:

“–Do you know how good it feels to see the Chief’s face when he realises that he’ll have to step in the shower again after coming out because I set up a mechanism to drop a whole bunch of dirt and mud on top of him after he gets out?”

Eh?

“–Or the frustration on the face of someone who, despite buying toilet paper the day before, suddenly finds it to be just a hair’s touch out of reach in its time of need?!”

While floating in the air, Serpahine curled into a ball and spun around slowly while giving her evil monologue.

“–Come on, don’t you get the joke? Okay okay, how about this: When you go get coffee at a favourite cafe of yours, your sugar cubes are mistaken as salt cubes!”

H-How petty!

Young Priestess and I shared a glance.

“And you’ve been doing these things to everyone in this town?”

“Mhm! … Though, it seems that you’ve been sent here to stop me.”

Serpahine nodded enthusiastically, before taking on a more serious expression; at least, the mask showed a simplistic frown.

“-It can’t be helped then.”

Almost instantly, Seraphine flew down at an angle at a bullet’s speed, feet first hitting my stomach, pinning me to the ground.

“Gurk-!”

What the hell? She’s strong!

“Slate!”

Young Priestess looked on helplessly, there wasn’t much she could do.

If [Exorcism] didn’t work, then there wasn’t much she could do. She wasn’t a melee fighter.

“Woah! That’s a sharp edge!”

While pinned, I swung my blade at her legs.

Seraphine jumped back, and grabbed Young Priestess from behind.

“H-Hey!”

“That Arch-Priest with you guys is a pain to deal with, but I guess I’ll kill you both and find another settlement to play with.”

Any traces of Seraphine’s playful attitude had completely disappeared.

She was serious, she had enough fun.

The situation was desperate.

She wasn’t affected by our Holy spells, and she had insane physical strength too.

That was expected for a High-Class Devil.

We were no match.

“-Puahaha! A puny little devil acting like a hot-shot and taking my subordinate as a hostage? How cute!”

From nowhere, Father Stan appeared.

For some reason, he appeared very reliable right now.

“Ugh! It’s the Arch-Priest.”

“Father Stan!” x2

Young Priestess and I called out with relief.

Serpahine’s screened mask contorted a disgusted expression.

It seems like the person she was avoiding this entire time appeared right before her.

“Hm, yes, it is me! Head Arch-Priest of the Water Goddess Sect in the town of Ally! Now, let my beautiful little priestess go. Or I’ll vaniquish you… No, I’ll do that regardless.”

“D-Don’t get any closer, I’ll do some crazy things if you do!”

There was a hint of fear in Seraphine’s voice.

“Oho? Like what?”

“Like, kill this Priestess!”

“-Father Stan! I just felt something sharp press against my back! Please don’t let her do that!”

Father Stan didn’t carry any weapons, yet walked confidently toward the shuddering Seraphine.

Seraphine’s electronic mask displayed an expression of uncertainty, mixed with fear and disgust.

“-You devils are the stain of the earth. Begone. [Sacred Exorcism]!”

Father Stan cast a superior spell compared to the ones Young Priestess and I cast earlier.

“Eeek—-! That hurts!”

Seraphine’s grip loosened, Young Priestess broke off and ran behind me, taking cover.

Holy spells don’t affect humans at all, so she was fine.

But in contrast:

“Oh? You’re still alive? Tch, you must be a High-Class devil.”

Seraphine was breathing intensely, and her body seemed a little more translucent than before, most likely from the spell.

“I-I’ll get you back for this!”

With that said, Seraphine flew into the sky in a tactical retreat.

“[Sacred Exorcism]!

“Ow! Ow! Stop it!”

Father Stan shot her down.

“Huh, normally even a High-Class devil would have been vanquished after at least 2. I guess I’ll have to use a stronger spell: [Greater Sacred Exor–”

Before Father Stan could complete the incantation, Seraphine began to plead:

“Okay, okay! I promise I’ll stop! I won’t come back to hunt you and I’ll stop messing with the residents of this settlement! I’m a devil, when we promise something we mean it! It’s almost impossible for us to break our promises. I promise! So please don’t purify me!”

I could easily beat Father Stan in a fight. But Father Stan could easily mop the floor with Seraphine. Yet Seraphine could absolutely obliterate me.

What’s up with this weird power balance?

“If you want to live, then there’s something you must do.”

“W-What is it?”

Hearing the pleas of the well-endowed devil, Father Stan walked up to her, who was sitting defensively on the floor.

“-Call me daddy Stan.”

“What?” x3

We all cringed.

T-This guy.

“W-What did you say?”

“Foolish devil, did you not hear me?! If you want to live, then look up at me with cute upturned eyes and say: ‘I’ve been a bad little devil, daddy. Please don’t purify me!’. And maybe! Maybe! I will consider letting you off with a light purification!”

What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Is he really the Head Arch-Priest?

Is he really my boss?

“W-What a loser.”

Young Priestess commented, her eyes were lifeless as she watched the situation unfold.

Father Stan had an earnest and serious expression on his face, in contrast to the extremely concerned Seraphine.

“Fine! If that’s all I have to do…”

You’re going along with it?!

“-Hey, Young Priestess. What do you think is going on here?”

I scooted over to Young Priestess, who was looking at Father Stan with a deadpan expression, as if she was staring at a piece of trash.

“Don’t ask me that.”

Young Priestess lifelessly replied.

“Come on then, or I’ll purify you! [Greater Sacred Exor-”

“Fine! Fine! Ugh, how humiliating. P-Please forgive me, I’ve been a bad little devil… Aah–! You’re disgusting! You’re a pervert! How are you a priest! Die! Die! Die!”

She actually did it.

“Is that it? I thought there was more to what I asked you to say!”

“Ugh… P-Please don’t… Purify me! D…-”

“No! You missed the most important word!”

Father Stan!

I see the tears dripping from behind her mask!

“-Let’s go.”

“-Yeah. I’m definitely going to write something on his face while he’s sleeping.”

Young Priestess said as she walked off with me, leaving the pitiful and vulnerable devil behind.

“W-Wait! Don’t leave me alone with this perverted Arch-Priest!”

Seraphine, with a voice full of earnest fear, called out to us.

“I have no such interest in a disgusting devil-”

While Father Stan was responding, Seraphine took that time to kick herself off the ground and high into the air:

“Damn you all! F-For an Arch-Priest to humiliate me like this. Aaah—! Die! Die! Die!”

Completely out of range of Father Stan’s attacks, she flew away.

…

A devil’s promise wasn’t something to be taken lightly.

“Are you sure, Father Stan?”

Sitting on the opposite side of Father Stan in the carriage headed back home, Priestess raised a doubt.

“Indeed, there won’t be any mischief in this settlement anymore. It’s frustrating to say this, but devils are more trustworthy than humans when it comes to promises. The only problem is that I wasn’t able to purify that demon. Ah~ But I’m happy regardless.”

It was deeply ingrained into demon culture that holding up one's end of the deal was of the utmost importance.

By the way, after Seraphine retreated and everyone went to bed, me and Young Priestess woke up in the middle of the night and drew some things on Father Stan’s face.

Young Priestess uncharacteristically was very into it, it was very concerning. She had a jaded look in her eyes as she drew some things.

I had to force her to stop.

We’ll just blame it on the demon when he finds out.

“Well, we got a happy ending, didn’t we? By the way, where’s the prize money? When I go back to town, I’m gonna spend some cash on a girl with a huge-rack to have a few drinks with me. I’m popular with the ladies back in town you know? Except, when I run out of cash, they seem to fade away.”

“Don’t you feel the least bit empty after saying that?”

I leaned back with a self-satisfied grin under my helmet, ignoring Young Priestess’s stupid comment.

“-And what are you talking about? There is no reward. This isn’t a quest, Slate, it’s a retreat. The Church does it all for free and we’re paid in support of the Water Goddess Sect.”

Time froze.

“What did you say just now?”

“D-Don’t touch me, hey, get off me, stop shaking me like that, get your hands off my shoulders! It’s not my fault! H-Hey, Father Stan! Get him off of me. Help! This is sexual assault! I’ll press charges the moment we get back to town! Aah! Short sword! Short sword! Short sword!”

Father Stan silently looked at us bickering around with a content expression.

…

Part 6

A week later—

It’s been a while since I participated in my first Retreat with the church, everything went back to normal.

“-Oh come on, I just want a drink with you.”

“I told you to get away from me!”

I was doing my usual rounds of soliciting cute girls.

No luck though.

I spotted a blonde-haired girl off in the distance wearing some nice expensive clothing and decided to go for one more.

“Hey, want to go for a drink with a Holy Crusader- Eh?”

When the lady turned around, I was met with a familiar face.

Seeing her made me take back my words, and I began to immediately walk away.

“-Sorry, wrong person.”

“Eh? Come on, finish what you were saying.”

She followed me.

“-No, I’m very sorry. Wrong person.”

“Don’t be like that! I wanna hear what you were gonna say!”

“-Leave me alone god damn it!”

The girl with a smug expression on her face was none other than my other adventuring party member.

Christina.

Stopping straight in my tracks, I turned around.

“What’s up with you, you’re not wearing your usual robe. What’s with this expensive-looking outfit, are you finally going to be married off?”

Christina was a noble-girl who, at the reluctance of her parents, decided to take on adventuring and joined our party.

Her full name was: Christina Bere Sarralle Dux.

Daughter of the Sarralle Noble House.

“Never! I’ll never get married to some random guy I’ve never seen before, I’m saving myself for Ali.”

As infatuated with Ali as ever.

Christina had good looks, but if you were to ask me if I liked her then it would be a hard no.

Why, you ask?

“Ah~ I just want to feel his muscular frame all over with my fingers, isn’t he just perfect?”

With a weird creepy expression, Christina pulled out a suspicious photo that she took of Ali.

This woman… I know it’s hypocritical for me to be critical of her hobbies, but…

Isn’t she going a bit too far?! Don’t take pictures of sleeping people!

“I get it, I get it. So, why are you dressed so nicely today? I almost never see you acting like an actual noble girl.”

Switching the subject, I asked.

“What do you mean by that? I really am a noble girl! Is it so wrong for me to want to dress up nice once in a while?”

She is definitely a noble, but she definitely isn’t ‘noble’.

Usually, she was dressed in her adventuring outfit.

So seeing her like this was a little weird.

As we were walking around town, I noticed a new stall opened up:

“-Greetings, adventurers, what do you say, want to buy these goods?”

A suspicious old lady called out to Christina and I, beckoning us to approach.

“Erm, what do you have?”

Christina peeked over at the wares presented.

It was just junk.

“Mmm, there’s this leather glove that if worn allows you to charm and manipulate whoever you want. They will do anything you desire. It costs 10,000 silver.”

“I-I’ll buy it!”

“No you’re not.”

I grabbed Christina by the collar and dragged her away.

No way.

By the way, 1 silver was enough for a night at a decent Inn.

“Let me go Slate, I need that! I need it!”

“I know the police in this town very well, if I see you with that thing I’ll contact them immediately.”

The police station provides me with shelter, cold food and some people to chat with. I frequent there often when I run out of money.

I doubt those gloves worked anyways, or had any magical properties. That old lady probably found it outside a dumpster.

Being a sheltered noble-girl resulted in her sense of sales and currency value to be absolutely non-existent.

After things had calmed down, we made our way to a local cafe–

“-I’ll get 3 mugs of beer, a whole-chicken and a steak please. Of course, my friend over here is paying for it.”

“Why am I paying for it?! Ah, I’ll get a chicken curry please.”

Christina spoke up with an exasperated expression before calmly placing her order.

As the waitress left, I replied:

“Eh? ‘Cause you’re a rich noble girl, it’s only natural that you pay for my order. Also, free food is the best tasting food.”

“As expected of the biggest scum in town, shouldn’t the man be paying for the food? I know Ali would have done that!”

“I’m a lifelong advocate for the equality of all races and genders, I won’t have you asserting your privilege. Therefore, I get to eat for free.”

“W-What. That doesn’t even make sense. But… I expected that, that’s the type of guy you are, heh~”

That last ‘heh~’ made me pop a vein.

Christina’s eyes were slightly squinted as she smiled innocently.

“Don’t smile like you’re better than me, it’s pissing me off.”

This girl… If she weren’t cute, rich, and was a guy, then she’d be exactly like me.

“Is that how you speak to someone who’s paying for your food?!’

“Aren’t we comrades in arms?”

I tilted my head, I switched my demeanour and smiled innocently underneath the helmet.

“Don’t tilt your head innocently at me like that, it’s horrific to look at.”

After waiting for our food, a new waitress came to serve us our food:

“Here’s your food, custo- Urk!”

The waitress paused upon recognising my helmet.

“C-Crusader with the short-sword?!”

Wearing an apron over her red-buttoned-up and black vest, the well-endowed waitress in question had an electronic mask displaying a simplistic face with 2 white dots and a line.

I know that mask…

The expression it displayed was surprise.

“Seraphine?! Oi, wait, what did you just call me?”

“What are you doing here?! Wait- If you’re here-”

Seraphine quickly turned her head side to side, her eyes scanning the area around.

She was trembling, I could hear her heart beating from here. Looks like she was horrified about a certain prospect. Really really horrified.

“Phew… The perverted Arch-Priest isn’t here with you.”

She heaved a heavy sigh of relief.

Does Father Stan scare you that much?

“-Hey, Slate, do you know this woman?”

Christina spoke to me, curious about the familiarity between me and Seraphine.

“S-She’s… An acquaintance.”

Seraphine’s shoulders dropped with a heavy sigh of relief when I said that.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Seraphine. My name is Christina, I don’t know how you got to know Slate, but I think it’s best if you cut him off from your life as soon as possible.”

Saying such mean things, Christina smiled wholesomely as she introduced herself.

“Nice to meet you too, Crusader’s friend.”

Seraphine’s electronic mask smiled.

“Hey, I need to talk to you alone. Come with me.”

I grabbed Seraphine, and brought her to a more private area.

“-What are you doing here?”

Resting my hands on my hips, I took her to the back alley of the cafe.

“Well, I had no other place to go…”

Seraphine looked off to the side passively, her hands clenched into a fist, pressing against her chest.

No other place to go? Don’t devils live in the underworld?

“So you decided to get a part-time job as a waitress in the town of Ally?”

“Yeah-uh but more importantly! Please don’t tell that perverted Arch-Priest that I’m here! I’m sure he’ll do some unspeakable things to me before purifying me, I don’t want that, please don’t tell him!”

Seraphine, a High-Class Devil that was stronger than me by tenfold both magically and physically, grabbed onto my shirt and pleaded, the electronic eyes displaying a teary expression.

“I don’t think he’d stoop low enough to copulate with a demon, but regardless, I’m sorry, but I have to tell-”

I was a Holy Crusader, it’s my job to vanquish devils. I have no choice. I have my pride as a Holy Crusader after all–

Seraphine pressed her chest against me.

“--I won’t tell a soul.”

I changed my tune almost instantly.

“Thank you! …You’re too easy.”

Pit a cute enough girl with a man like me, the result of the battle should be obvious.

Wait, what did you say about me being easy?

“-Anyways, how didn’t you have a place to go? Don’t you have like, devil friends in the underworld, or something?”

Ignoring her rude comment, I inquired.

“About that, I don’t have any devil friends.”

With a self-deprecating smile, Seraphine continued:

“As you know, we devils live off the torment of humans. Our sustenance is either the vitality or emotion of fear.”

“Yeah, and?”

I raised my brow.

“Well! I’m different from them! I get off to- Er, uh! I mean! I live off of the emotions of annoyance, frustration and inconvenience! Ah, but I did promise not to do it at that settlement, so I’m just doing it a tiny bit here! So technically, the verbal contract I made isn’t being broken.”

That would explain her motives for tormenting that settlement.

Wait, did you almost say that you get off to it?

Do we have another pervert on our hands?

With a prideful attitude, Seraphine put her hands on her waist and puffed out her chest.

“And as a result, no one in the underworld likes you?”

“Yes!”

Seraphine maintained her confidence, her smile unfading as she replied to that sad question with a sad answer.

Why are you proud of that?

“Say, will you torment the lives of the people here too? You know that if you do it here, all four sects, especially Father Stan, will come and hunt you, right?”

“Of course I know that! I’ll limit my meals to a few people, and do it sparsely! I won’t be caught like I was before!”

It seemed like she had a plan.

Sure, I was a Holy Crusader. But I wasn’t too dedicated to the workings of the church.

I’m an adventurer!

“What have you done today so far?”

I was curious.

“Well… the only meals I’ve had was when I-”

Before she could continue, we had the loud voices come from far off the main road.

“-Oho? Is this where the stinky demonic scent is?”

“-Yes, Father Stan, I think it’s toward that alleyway over there.”

I heard the familiar voices of Father Stan and Young Priestess.

“-Eeek! I sense a piece of trash! So I’ll see you later, Crusader man!”

Seraphine’s wings sprouted, and she flew off in a panic.

“Oh, youngling crusader, what are you doing here? Were you led here by the faint smell of a demon too?”

“Oh, hey Slate.”

Walking into the entrance of the alleyway, Father Stan and Young Priestess greeted me, oblivious to the prior presence of Seraphine.

“Y-Yeah, I thought I sensed a demon over here. But it must have been my imagination.”

I lied.

“Hm… I see, you should take a shower. You stink too.”

Father Stan sniffed my chest before pinching his nose.

“I sure will.”

With that, I returned to Christina to eat my food.

…

Part 7

Greetings, my name is Ali, Ali Creer.

My Job-Class is Fencer, and I’m a Former Captain of the Dark Sorcerer’s Army.

So, why was I a simple adventurer in the town of Ally?

That’s a story for another time.

But most importantly–

“-Damn it! How does she know! I-I made sure to silence any human who knew. Of course, my former comrades wouldn’t sell me out. I scrubbed my identity, and everything… This woman! Is she… Some sort of detective?”

In the horse barn I rented out, I slammed my fist against the wooden wall.

The horses neighed in response.

I’ve lived on this earth for 158 years as an Imp, pretending to be a human adventurer.

“And yet!”

That damned blonde-haired mage!

“Christina! How do you know?!”

That was the dilemma I’ve been facing for a while now.

“There’s no way she doesn’t know, right? She’s been getting too close to me and saying very suspicious things… I-I think she’s mocking me, yes, she’s definitely mocking me!”

Calm down. Think.

“During that last quest to Mortimer’s Mansion, when I pretended to sleep, there’s no doubt about it. She was collecting intel, she’s using that data to cross-examine information about me.”

I thought back to the time where she took hundreds of photos of me.

Did you think I didn’t know that?!

What about other times?

“Hm… She’s always trying to get closer, and touch me too. What a devious mage.”

I stroked my thick brown beard, my heart was racing.

“Damn it. I can’t kill her, I’ll just compromise myself.”

The only choice was to remain in the party, any other action would incriminate me even further.

For now, all I know is that she suspects that I was formerly part of the Dark Sorcerer’s Army, but she doesn’t have proof or evidence linking me back.

“..What a shrewd woman! She may act like an idiot, but I know who she really is.”

Maniacally laughing, I allowed gravity to take me as I grabbed my face with my palm. Falling onto the sack of hay I used as a mattress.

An extremely cunning, calculated and intellectually superior woman.

I was stuck in a corner, my only option was to play along and continue adventuring with the party.

Mhm, there was no way she was just a simple pervert overly obsessed with me, to the point where it’s creepy.

That type of woman doesn’t exist.

[End Chapter 2]