The following nights were spent at the quarry. Eloise helped Sofia not only with shifting but with movement in general. Sofia had been trying to move like a human still, and Eloise was perfectly content to make it clear how much that slowed her down.

Sofia’s days were spent researching anything she could think of. Eloise wanted to build something for kindred, a community, a haven, a family. Sofia was more than on board.

The internet had so much information about vampires, and none of it seemed remotely real or useful. Even her more mortal research into kink and power dynamics didn’t particularly get anywhere. But she was trying to figure out how to make such an imbalanced relationship work.

It was clear Jackie pushed her and Sofia forwent her own needs for what she imagined Jackie needed. Jackie’s attempts at comfort did not work as it was Sofia whose boundaries were being crossed. It didn’t matter if Jackie was comfortable laying down her life for Sofia, because Sofia wasn’t comfortable with it. It was all backwards and twisted up, the only reason she could even articulate it is because she had time and space to think things over.

Sofia was uncomfortable wielding so much power over Jackie and Jackie did not understand that. Sofia didn’t want a slave, but Jackie couldn’t be an equal, didn’t need to be an equal.

They needed to have some awkward conversations and find a dynamic that worked for them. Sofia wasn’t opposed to wielding power with Jackie if she knew what the rules were.

In a normal relationship, she knew the rules which only varied a little. But if they were going to work, they needed something specific to themselves. The relationship would always be imbalanced but if they didn’t try to pretend it wasn’t, if they factored that in, then maybe they could fix things.

Or maybe not. Maybe she was grasping at straws. If shit wasn’t working, adding some kind of 24/7 dominant and submissive dynamic to their whole relationship would hardly fix anything.

But it wasn’t like this was a sex thing, or even a kink thing really. The whole reason she was considering this is because a normal relationship wasn’t an option.

Really what it seemed to come down to was they needed a contract. They needed established rules. Forget everything else, they needed a structure for whatever they were doing that worked for them. Because a ball of chaos and trauma bonding that would send them spinning back into everything falling apart wasn’t an option.

Regardless of how much they wanted to make it work though… they had broken up for a reason. At what point was moving on just a better option?

Except well… neither of them wanted to go their separate ways. And Jackie had been onto something, the only thing that really mattered in their relationship was them. If they both wanted to make it work it would be such a waste not to try.

While all of Sofia’s philosophizing was great, she really needed to talk this over with Jackie. Communication was always the most important thing in any kind of relationship.

She replied to a text from Jackie and sent a few links to maybe start broaching the subject. It already seemed awkward but they would just have to get used to it if they wanted to have these kinds of discussions.

While they had been texting occasionally they had been keeping space between them. Sofia couldn’t let herself rely entirely on Jackie even if it was Jackie who she wanted to turn to.

Eloise had been a massive help but… she was Eloise. They were on good terms but… Sofia didn't know if she would ever get over the whole being murdered thing.

Which then brought her back to Eloise’s suggestion, informing Sofia’s family of the partial truth. An idea that was as terrifying as it was appealing.

There was only one pro really, which was that she wouldn’t have to hide. There was only really one con too, her family could disown her or worse. The pros and cons list went right in the trash, that had gotten her nowhere.

But coming clean about lying, about dying about being undead… it seemed like too much for anyone normal to accept. Where would she even begin? Her parents would freak out if she remotely harmed herself. She wanted to keep her eyes hidden, the same went for shapeshifting.

Her teeth maybe, she had been careful to keep those unnoticed. Only ever offered a close-lipped smile. But weird fucking teeth were a step down from undead.

She could simply have them feel for a pulse. Maybe that was the best option.

Just the prospect of revealing this made her feel ill with anxiety. Despite everything she had managed this somehow felt beyond her. Her family was her support system even if she had pulled away, if she lost them… she would truly have nothing.

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She… Sofia needed help. She was terrified and she needed help. She had a bad habit of not putting her foot down, not saying what she needed, not asking for help or letting herself rely on others. No wonder Jackie had felt babied.

She called Eloise and swallowed her pride and nerves. “I… I need your help.”

----------------------------------------

“For the record, the last thing I expected to wake up to from you were a bunch of articles on BDSM,” Jackie snickered over the phone.

Sofia groaned as she pulled her blankets up. “I just thought it might be good to know,” she offered.

“Sure,” Jackie snorted.

“I mean it, especially with all the safety stuff and boundaries,” Sofia retorted. “I eat people to survive, both of those things are very much needed.”

Jackie was silent for a moment, “right, ok. What are you thinking?”

“I mean… we don’t need to artificially make up a power dynamic obviously but like… contracts. If we outline what we expect and need and stuff, then we know the rules,” Sofia tried to explain.

“That’s… a very Sofia thing to do,” Jackie replied with amusement. “What would that entail?”

Sofia was struggling to find this lighthearted. “Well, one thing is that you need to look out for yourself. The fact that you are willing to let me hurt and kill you and you’re fine with that doesn’t reassure me. Because I’m very much not fine with that and now I’m the one who is panicking about not hurting you.”

“And because I put it all on you, you end up babying me which makes me… escalate,” Jackie winced.

“Exactly,” Sofia agreed. “So for example, rule one is that you need to look out for yourself. I know you can fight far better than I can, if you make it clear that you also have agency I won’t worry as much.”

Jackie took a deep breath. “Ok.”

“Maybe this really doesn’t need anything to do with kink stuff, I’m just trying to… structure this,” Sofia sighed.

“No,” Jackie piped up, “I get it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, we both were trying. This is why if we explicitly state our boundaries and stuff then we won’t have these issues,” Sofia cut her off.

“So I state a boundary then?” Jackie asked, “We should probably write all this down.”

Sofia grabbed a pencil and paper. “Ok, go.”

“Um… ok, I guess one of my boundaries is that you can’t hurt yourself. Like seriously hurting yourself. I know you heal and whatever… but seeing you burn and cook… it…” Jackie trailed off, struggling to find the right words.

This wasn’t really following the idea of a kink contract at all but that didn’t matter. This was a method of communication and it was working.

“Ok, so… 1. Jackie has an obligation to maintain her agency and protect herself. 2. Sofia has an obligation to refrain from self-harm unless necessary,” Sofia summarized.

“What counts as necessary?” Jackie asked.

“I don’t know, it just implies I can hurt myself if I have to but I can’t just go hurting myself willy-nilly,” Sofia retorted. “Like, the sun hurts me. Punto final. Some self-harm is unavoidable.”

Jackie sighed, “Okay, that… I don’t like you being hurt at all but that’s fair. Just… no standing in front of open windows or… y'know.”

“Understood,” Sofia nodded, writing the last of it down. “Another good one is open communication. We both have an obligation to clearly communicate our feelings and desires.”

“You may need to occasionally force it out of me but deal,” Jackie chuckled. “I guess… I want you to not be so gentle,” she suggested awkwardly.

“Hold on, let me make a needs category,” Sofia interrupted, Jackie sighed. “Ok go.”

“I…,” Jackie groaned. “I want you to be less gentle. I know you’re scared of hurting me but I… I do like a little roughhousing and pain. And… I do want you to bite me.”

Sofia swallowed, having failed to write most of that down. She really wished they weren't several hours away from each other. “A-Amendum to that, at most a nip, I’m not taking any chunks out of you. And I… I can work with that if we do some more safety net stuff. I was doing research.”

“Of course you were,” Jackie chuckled awkwardly.

“A-Anyway, I can be a little rougher but… um, I can’t be mean, especially not verbally. I don’t like hurting you or people in general, usually,” Sofia clarified.

“That’s fair. Don’t worry, I’m good at getting on people's nerves,” Jackie chuckled.

“I don’t mind if you want to be bratty but I only have so much patience,” Sofia sighed.

“Do we need to establish punishments?” Jackie asked, Sofia could hear the smirk over the phone.

“Not right now, let’s just… back to boundaries. I… I can’t be… human when I’m… cold. I get numb, I don’t feel the things I usually do,” Sofia forced out.

This had been a real problem and it was uncomfortable to share but well… communication was now one of the rules.

“I guess when I’m cold I need space, or at least things need to… chill out a lot. I can’t… be there for you when all I can feel is hunger,” Sofia expanded.

Jackie was quiet for a moment. “Okay, I will… manage my expectations I guess.”

“That’s all I need, I just… I have to pull away when I’m cold.”

“But then you also need to have an obligation to stay well-fed. I am… sometimes clingy, and if you’re constantly pulling away from me then that’s not gonna work,” Jackie added.

“I can work with that,” Sofia smiled. “Let’s leave this for now unless you can have anything else. Give ourselves some time to think about what else we could add.”

“Sure, uh… should I come back soon? To Gem Creek?” Jackie asked. Sofia knew her well enough to notice her hesitation in her question. “No rush obviously I’m just… trying to organize. H-How are you feeling about things?”

Sofia would have honestly told her to return ASAP. It seemed unreal that it had been weeks since they had seen each other. “I would say soon but I’m gonna be coming clean to my family and I don’t know how that’s going to go?”

“You’re going to tell them everything?” Jackie replied clearly not expecting that.

“Yeah, we’re having a family dinner Friday, Eloise is coming. We’re still sorting out the details but I’m gonna tell them the bare minimum and hope everything works out,” Sofia offered nervously.

“Oh…” Jackie replied, her voice too neutral. “Well… good luck.”

“What?” Sofia asked.

“Nothing,” Jackie retorted.

“Do I already need to force clear communication?” Sofia sighed. Not that she could, despite hearing Jackie the threat was far too thin so separated.”

“I…” Jackie sighed. “Do you want me to be there when you tell them?”

“Do you want to be there?” Sofia frowned.

“Yes,” Jackie replied, finally speaking her mind.

“Then come,” Sofia decided. “It will be nice to see you and the support would be appreciated.”

“And having a human who knows might smooth some stuff over,” Jackie added encouragingly.

“Yeah,” Sofia smiled. “Then definitely come. I’ll send you the information.”

“Okay,” Jackie replied, the smile evident in her voice.

“Okay,” Sofia laughed nervously. “I-I can't wait to see you.”

“Me too,” Jackie offered gleefully.