EXTREMELY BITTER BITTERANT

Mortal tier recipe. No cultivation requirements

Did I mention that it’s extremely bitter?

Bitterants generally exist for one purpose. To stop people and animals from consuming things they should not, and nothing can really change that. You may find the rare person who actually likes the taste of these things, as a result of a very rare mutated taste, but the majority will despise even approaching their tongue towards this stuff.

But the reason it was created, even simpler. Parents fed up with their kids constantly sucking on random objects lying around the house. How easily justifiable it is when your kid is suddenly rolling their tongue around your family’s rare divine stone, an item inherited through dozens of generations. It was inevitable for someone to come up with the first, and it spiralled onwards from there.

INGREDIENTS AND RECIPE

*       Pus root juice, 50 ml – non magical fluid

*       Black-spotted lichen, 30 grams – non magical plant

*       Resonant crystal worm blood, 15 ml – natural gathering stage worm part

*       Any softwood ash, 30 grams – non magical powder

This is just one of many bitterant recipes, but this one is famed for having the lowest number of side effects and allergic reactions. As such, most parents will try to go for this type.

Pus root juice is exactly what you expect, a vile appearing dark yellow fluid that only matches that in taste. Having tried it in a bet, I implore anyone reading to never take a sip. The most likely following reaction is to force yourself to vomit, because knowing it resides within you only reminds you further of the taste.

It can be found in most tropical climates, but specifically grows well in places with lots of competition. The stress of everything trying to kill it only strengthens the intense bitter attributes.

Black-spotted lichen exclusively grows in snowy, mountainous regions, although you can form cultures of it in practically any place with snow. The black spots release powerful bittering agents throughout the mass upon sensing touch. This is to discourage other creatures trying to eat it, not that some still don’t try.

Softwood ash is barely worth noting. Pick a tree made of softwood, chop it down, strip the bark, and finally burn it to ash. Alternatively, just buy the ash since making it on an industrial scale for fertilizer is common in most places.

Resonant crystal worms are probably one of the few worms I’d call beautiful. Unlike the majority of their species, these worms have bodies purely composed of crystals. Their ‘skin’ is a hard, dense crystal which wards off most blunt and sharp attacks, while their internals are somehow fully functional. Obviously, I know how they work, but let’s keep the magic for you.

They are exclusively formed in any mine composed of resonating gemstones. There are quite a lot of these gemstones though, so finding these works of art is barely a chore. On top of this, their natural resonating qualities make them valuable, so a lot of mines set up farms for these lot. Buy a live one, find an abandoned crystal mine to hunt for one, or just buy the blood pre-packaged, your call.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

Begin the process by putting on a pair of gloves. Unless you’d like all your food for the next week to taste bitter…

The actual first step is to use a glass knife to cut out all the black spots on the lichen. A metal knife may discharge a small static current into the lichen, letting it know something has touched it. Glass, an effective insulator, does not release a discharge and lets you remove the spots. If it were not clear, your gloves should also be an insulator. Skin protecting sap does fulfil this criteria.

Throw away the rest of the lichen with the black spots removed. These should be crushed with a stone mortar and pestle, leaving a creamy black paste.

Pus root juice is obtained by just squeezing a pus root, nothing special. The juice is directly added to your black paste and mixed thoroughly. The resulting product should still be entirely black, but the originally thick cream should loosen into a paint-like consistency.

This stuff is technically a competent bitterant, and it works quite well, but very few people want to paint their stuff black. For that reason we now prepare the worm blood.

To add it we first heat the blood until it bubbles. Due to its magical nature you’ll need a hotter than average flame, likely reaching 300 C. The crystal clear worm blood will make it more than clear when it begins reaching its boiling point. Now add the lichen and pus root juice mixture to it in a slow pouring motion. Doing it slowly gives the mixture a proper chance to mix together.

You’ll know it succeeds as the black fades away on contact. However, dumping it all in one place may require longer to achieve this as you now have to wait for the mixture to diffuse throughout your worm blood. The only reason the solution won’t become completely transparent is because someone cheated you over.

Even the expired version of this blood will clear any colour, but it lacks the resonating effect. As a crystal being, the refractive qualities of the worm blood completely overpower the natural light absorption of anything black. For this reason alone, it will always remove a non-magical liquid’s colour. It doesn’t work on solids for more than obvious reasons.

Due to the special effect of resonating crystals, this worm blood is similar in that regard. It will increase the bitterness of the pus root and black-spotted lichen by nearly a hundred fold. Drinking even a drop of this would probably make you dispose of your entire stomach contents for the next few days, so just don’t do it.

It’s unfortunate that this blood can only be used in a few mortal tier recipes. It simply refuses to resonate with any other natural gathering stage item.

USAGE

So, I made quite a point of parents coating it on things they don’t want their kids putting in their mouths, but never explained the exact methodology. You don’t want to dump the item in this fluid, instead applying a thin coating and nothing more. The best method to do this is using a paintbrush to cover the entire object and then leave it to dry. Now your kid won’t suck on your family’s special rock.

Please note, I am using rock as a placeholder. Inherited family artifacts are way too vast to generalise, so what better than a joke example?

Aside from deterring kids, some may remember how drinking just a single drop will result in days of sickness. Naturally, this means that poisoning a person with this stuff is a way to leave them bedridden for a day or so. Finding cures for these bitterants isn’t exactly hard, so don’t expect it working for awfully long.

One may also consider pranking a friend with it. I’ll share some simple insight on that. It’s a fantastic idea for ruining friendships, but if you’re already a manipulative narcissist that does this stuff…