Nentonia walked the halls with less energy than she usually did. In truth, she was getting bored of the ship. It’s already been three weeks, almost four, since the voyage started, and there’s nothing new on the ship, so it wasn’t surprising.

She wanted to just stay in her room and wait until they reached Tisah. However, a certain someone had become interested in her, and would occasionally visit her room to talk.

Nentonia stopped walking, noticing the footsteps in front of her. She caught a glimpse of someone’s orange hair, and immediately hid behind a corner. She took a quick peek, and saw Kalaman in the distance, walking as if looking for something. Nentonia waited until Kalaman’s footsteps faded into the distance, and she waited another half-minute more just to be safe. From the looks of it, Kalaman went downstairs. Nentonia gave out a sigh and headed for the upper deck.

She leaned against the railing and calmly stared at the waves below. She didn’t get as sick as she did before anymore, which she found a bit lamentable. She somewhat enjoyed that dizzying feeling.

“What am I doing...?” Nentonia sighed.

She started avoiding Kalaman, just like she did with Jaysie. Once again, she was afraid of herself. She didn’t want to see him, so she’s been wandering around more than usual. If she stayed put, then Kalaman would easily find her.

In all honesty, this was her fault for always hanging around and teasing him. Even after all this time, she still hasn’t learned that her little pranks could and would turn against her. Thinking about it, she probably always felt this way towards him since the beginning, and it’s probably why she accepted his invitation.

Her wavy reflection in the water laughed at her.

“So Jaysie’s death was meaningless, is that it?” she said mockingly.

“She’s dead because of me,” Nentonia replied. “If that’s what ‘becoming whole’ means, then I don’t want it.”

“What, you’re choosing to become a good girl now? Don’t you think it’s a bit too late for that?”

“Evil is wrong. It doesn’t mesh well with the world that people live in. Even sister Ava abandoned me.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

Nentonia thought long and hard in silence. “...I don’t know. There’s no place for a devil like me.”

The reflection laughed and spread her arms as if to accept an embrace. “There is. It’s right here! Down here, you don’t have to worry about anything!”

Nentonia giggled. “That would be nice. But isn’t that a waste? After all this time, I finally got to start adventuring, like me and Jaysie wanted to do.”

“But it hurts, doesn’t it? It hurts in a way that doesn’t feel good. You can’t breathe, Nenny. You’re not you. You’re not whole. And you, coward that you are, don’t want to be whole. Where else can you go?”

“...I’ll leave,” Nentonia said. “Armei already showed me the answer. When we get to Tisah, I’ll leave, and I’ll never see Kalaman again.”

“After everything you said to Kalaman? You chastised him for being incomplete, yet here you are, yet here you are, doing exactly the same thing he did. All you’re doing is running away.”

“Maybe. But that’s fine. I’ll run.”

The smile on the reflection’s face vanished, and it was replaced by disappointment and resignation. “Then go ahead and suffocate.”

The ocean became quiet, but the reflection’s expression did not change. Nentonia rested her head on the railing and took a deep breath, but her lungs didn’t feel relaxed at all.

She was tired.

†

Nentonia made a mistake.

She wanted to talk with Remina about her feelings a bit. Remina was unnerving to be around, in all honesty. Nentonia could feel superficiality from her every action, all the way down to how she spoke, but she felt that Remina was at least a good listener. Talking with her was one of the things that made the voyage more bearable.

Yet inside the room was only Kalaman, the person she’d been avoiding for the past few days.

“...Ah, Kalaman,” she said, trying her best to pretend to be calm as usual. “I thought you’d still be patrolling.”

“The stench of blood is getting annoying to deal with,” he replied. “I stopped early.”

“So you noticed it too, huh? You must have good eyes. Or a good nose.”

“Could say the same to you.”

Blood has always been something Nentonia took notice of really quickly. “I’m ... a bit sensitive to the smell. So, you’re busy right?”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

“No, I’m not.”

It was worth a shot, she thought. But she really needed to leave fast. “I see. Um, so anyways, I’m actually quite busy, so I’m just going to—”

“Leave? You just got here. Just take a seat.”

“Ah, but—”

“You’re not busy. And I’m not stupid. Sit.” There was a powerful commanding tone in his voice. He really was persistent. This was why she wanted to avoid meeting him at all.

“...Mm, right. I’ll do that.” Realizing she can’t really run away from this anymore, she conceded and sat down on the bed opposite to him.

There was nothing she could say. There was nothing she wanted to say. She kept herself from meeting his gaze because she knew her heart would end up desiring more if she did. She had resolved herself already, and she didn’t want to back out now.

“You’re pretty quiet now,” Kalaman spoke.

“Ah, well, I get quiet every now and then.” Even Nentonia wasn’t convinced by her own words.

“You on your period?”

This man...

“...Should you really be saying that to a lady?”

“Then what the fuck is going on with you?”

...What was wrong with her?

That was a question she, too, wanted the answers to. Why was she like this? Why did she desire the things she did? Why was she born this way if the world had no place for her?

She wanted to have a normal happiness, just like everyone else. But for her to be happy, someone else had to be unhappy. That’s just cruel design.

Nentonia raised her head and looked at Kalaman, staring at him straight in the eyes. She knew what she desired. She wanted to devour him. She wanted to be devoured by him. She wanted to feel his touch. She wanted the sensation of his fingers digging deep into her skin. She wanted to caress him, and feel the warmth of his wounds on her fingers. And she wanted to feel that warmth fade in her embrace. She wanted him in every way that was anything but “normal”.

She forced herself to smile. “It’s nothing. I’m just feeling down a bit, but you don’t need to worry.”

Kalaman’s face darkened. “What, you not rotten anymore?”

“Pardon?”

Nentonia didn’t understand what he meant by that. Kalaman stood up and started walking towards her.

“You said before that you could only be yourself around me because we were both ‘rotten and incomplete’, whatever that drivel means. But now, you’re wearing that damn mask in front of me. What, don’t like playing friends anymore?”

“...That’s not...”

...Don’t pretend like you can see through my mask. You’d hate me if you knew. Everyone does.

Kalaman stood in front of her, his massive body towering over hers.

“Do you hate me?” he asked.

If only. Then everything would be so simple. “No, of course not.”

“Are you afraid of me?”

“I am. You’re quite intimidating right now, in fact.”

“...And why were you avoiding me?”

She wanted to tell him. She wanted to lay herself bare right then, to expose herself fully and truly to him. She wanted to cling to that tiny chance that he’d be able to see her the same way still.

...There’s no place for a devil like me.

“I just don’t want to be around you right now.”

She really was a coward. Nentonia hung her head in shame. All she had to do was keep this up. Avoid him, and just keep doing that until the voyage ends. Then everything would stop, and she’d be free.

Then, suddenly, she felt his hand on her neck. And in the next moment, there he was on top of her on the bed, their faces only a breath’s pace away. His eyes studied her every miniscule movements, as if he was caressing every inch of her. His hands were around his neck, yet she felt no rage in them.

He stretched one of his fingers on her neck up towards her face, gently sliding across her cheek.

Every semblance of reason was disappearing. In that moment, all she wanted was more of him.

“Do you want to devour me?” she whispered.

“...And if I say I do?” he replied.

This was dangerous. Really dangerous.

She could feel her own walls breaking down.

After all these years, she’d finally forgotten the taste of that poisonous nectar. Yet here she was, so close to it, and it was as sweet as she remembered. It permeated through her skin, invading her body like a parasite.

She’s met people with addictions before, but she never really understood how they become so attached to their vices. “Wouldn’t it be easy to just stop?” she thought.

But now she understood. If you taste it once, you may still be able to run away. You could convince yourself that it isn’t worth it, and the feeling would become much like a dream. But the moment you taste it a second time, it digs its claws into your flesh, overwhelming every other feeling.

At that point, it becomes too real to think of as nothing more than a dream.

Nentonia slid her hands against his shoulders, interlocking her fingers behind his neck in a loose embrace. “Then I’ll devour you in return. Well keep taking from each other, bit by bit. Then, we’ll both disappear.”

“Do you get off on saying cryptic shit all the time?”

She did enjoy the look of confusions on his face, so he wasn’t wrong. She thought it was cute, to say the least.

“I don’t want to devour you, Kalaman.” When she said that, she felt her heart getting lighter. For the first time, she was exposing her true self to him.

“And why is that?” he asked.

“If I told you to jump into the ocean and drown, would you? If I asked you to stand in a burning pyre, would you?”

There was confusion on his face. “What are you talking about—?”

“Would you?”

That was all she needed to know.

There was this pervasive feeling of guilt hanging abundant on Kalaman’s shoulders. She knew that feeling well, so it was easy for her to spot. Kalaman was no noble hero, he was a man that desired judgement. It’s why stories about his adventures always portrayed him as a reckless hero.

He was chasing after that, but he probably doesn’t even know it. Or rather, he’s afraid of acknowledging it.

He is incomplete. As was she.

The two of them may be able to complete each other.

“...I don’t know.”

A simple answer. An honest answer.

He was still running.

Nentonia felt a tinge of disappointment. She was still hesitating about this path. She wanted him to give her the final push. But they weren’t ready yet.

Nentonia pushed Kalaman up so she could stand. “We’re not a good match for each other, Kalaman.” At least, not right now, she thought.

“Thought you said the two of us had a lot in common?” he asked.

“It’s because of that. We’re both rotten, but we’re incomplete. As long as we’re not whole, we will be incapable of loving.”

“...What will make us whole, then?”

“Different strokes for different folks,” she said as she walked to the door. “But only pain will complete us, Kalaman.”

She stopped by the doorway and turned to him. She caressed her neck, which had his hands around it just moments before. It probably wouldn’t leave a bruise, which made her sad.

Do it harder next time, she spoke to him with her smile, then left.

She walked through the halls with a light skip. Some part of her was still unsure, but at the very least, she should just enjoy this chance to breath.