As Nentonia slowly walked through the halls, she could feel her own chest hurting. She just wanted to go back to her room and laze about as she usually did. But she knew she couldn’t just leave things like this. She looked at her own shaking hands, trying to find something inside herself to give her courage.

Today was Jaysie’s fifteenth birthday. For almost an entire year, the two of them haven’t hung out at all. Whenever Jaysie tried to visit, Nentonia would always end up finding an excuse to leave. Most of the time, she simply kept her guard up, making sure that Jaysie never saw her at all.

And now, she was about to leave for the tower. This would be the last time the two of them would ever meet, or sea each other ever again. They at least needed to talk one last time.

Nentonia stood in front of Jaysie’s door. Now that she was here, her head was pounding. What would she even say? How would she break the ice? Should she start with an apology?

A million thoughts raced, and none of them helped.

“...Alright.”

She steeled herself. Letting things end like this was way scarier to her. Thinking about it was only going to make her doubt her decisions, so the best way would just be to not think about it at all. Nentonia grabbed the door and opened it before she had any time to doubt herself.

“Jaysie, it’s me...” she said to an empty room. She looked around, but saw no trace of her. Her heart sank, thinking that she’d already left. But thinking about it more clearly, that couldn’t be the case. She still had a birthday party tonight. She would only leave for the tower after that.

“What’s wrong, Nentonia?” Sister Ava passed by and asked after noticing her there. “Are you looking for Jayceran?”

There was clear worry in her voice. After all, she knew that there was distance between Nentonia and Jaysie now, though she didn’t really know why.

“Do you know where she went?” Nentonia asked.

Ava shook her head. “Jayceran doesn’t usually leave her room, so I’ve got no clue.”

Nentonia began running around the orphanage, trying to look for Jaysie. She checked the library, the kitchen, the main hall ... yet she was nowhere to be found. Nentonia left the orphanage building, yet she wasn’t outside in the gardens either.

Maybe she really did head to the tower. Or maybe Jaysie was hiding from her. That was understandable. Nentonia essentially avoided her for an entire year. It would make sense if Jaysie started hating her now. Perhaps this was for the best then. Nentonia was still scared.

“Jaysie...”

But she still wanted to see her. At least, to tell her how she felt. Jaysie deserved an explanation.

She looked towards the tower. It stood like a giant half submerged under the river; the watchful guardian of ships passing by.

“...”

Nentonia began walking towards it.

†

She had a feeling. A thought. Maybe Jaysie would want to see the tower she was supposed to go to a bit closer. After all, it was the biggest moment of her life.

Nentonia arrived at the beach. She’s never been here much, but she always liked the feel of the sand against her bare soles. They were warm and comforting. The sound of the waves gently crashing against the shore was also calming.

In front of her stood Jaysie, her feet dipped in the shallow waters as she stared at the tower in the distance. Perhaps hearing the footsteps on the sand, Jaysie spoke without turning around.

“Is that you, Nenny?” she asked.

“...Yeah.”

Jayceran was quiet for a bit. Whatever she was thinking, Nentonia would never know. “Look over there. It’s the tower of the seer. They’ve taught us all about it for our entire lives, but we’ve never really seen it up close, have we? Strange to think I’m supposed to live there now.”

Hearing that made Nentonia’s heart clench. After today, the two of them would never meet again. While Nentonia was given pretty much the same education as the rest of the orphans, she wasn’t granted a chance to be a priestess. She would never be able to go to that tower and visit her.

That’s right. Nentonia was here to say goodbye. One last talk before everything ends.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“I came here to confirm my feelings, and it’s as I figured,” Jaysie said. “I really don’t want to go anymore.”

“Huh...?”

“Strange, right? I think this is the first time I’ve wanted not to do something. Like, truly. Not because I’ve been told it’s not something I’m supposed to want, but because I really just don’t want to.” She turned around and locked eyes with Nentonia. “I guess I can blame you for that, too.”

“Jaysie, I—”

“Can I ask why?” she said.

Of course, she didn’t need to clarify. Nentonia understood perfectly what she meant. She unwittingly clenched her hands as she thought of the words to say.

“...You remember, don’t you?” Nentonia began. “Back when we were kids. With that dog, and all.”

She nodded. “Of course I do. You took a rock and broke a dog’s leg. I remembered you saying that you did it so you could see if you could do healing magic. You didn’t, but I guess even if you did, the orphanage would’ve still ostracized you.”

After that incident, only Jaysie and sister Ava continued to associate with Nentonia. “Right. Well, after that, I’ve realized that I have certain ... tendencies and desires.”

“Mhm.”

“A-and ever since a year ago, I’ve been feeling certain things towards you. Dangerous things. Jaysie ... I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jaysie’s expression didn’t change, as if her smile had been plastered on her face like ink on paper. Slowly and calmly, she began walking towards Nentonia. The sight of her figure approaching her made Nentonia’s heart race. It’s been a while since she’s gotten a proper look at Jaysie, and she’s just now realized how much more alluring she had gotten.

When she was close enough for Nentonia to catch a whiff of her scent, her mind began to swirl. When had she desired her this much.

Toxin.

She was toxin to her nerves, sweeter than any nectar. She wanted nothing more than to hold her in her embrace, feel her skin against hers. Yet, at the same time, other desires sprung forth. Her vision shifted downwards, from the gentle features of her face to the softness of her neck, untouched by blemishes or scars. She wanted to feel it fill the gaps in her palms. She desired to feel her strain.

Nentonia was born this way. That much, she was already able to come to terms with. But, if anything else, she didn’t want Jaysie to be devoured by her.

She took a step back. Jaysie noticed this, and stopped her advance.

“Are you afraid?” Jaysie asked.

“I already told you, so please, stay back,” Nentonia replied, her voice quivering. “I don’t want to cause you any pain.”

“How strange. Even though you don’t seem to mind being in pain yourself. Sister Ava keeps scolding you for being absentminded in the kitchen, always cutting yourself and touching hot stoves with your bare hands, but I could tell you knew exactly what you were doing.”

Nentonia stared at her, almost feeling flattered in a twisted way.

“What, did you think I didn’t notice? Out of everyone in this orphanage, the one I pay attention to the most is you, Nenny. I know you take delight in pain. Now, you also want me to partake in that delight. What are you so afraid of?”

“B-but, everyone else, they ... Sister Ava said you’re not supposed to like things like that...”

“So? Who cares what they think?”

“...You wouldn’t like it too, right?”

The placed a finger on her chin. “Hmm, if you asked me to choose, I guess I like not being in pain more.”

“S-see! Then—”

Nevertheless, Jaysie took a step forward. Just one. Her eyes looked at Nentonia, as if asking “can I?”

“...Why?” Nentonia asked.

“I think I’ve told you before already. Nothing matters to me except you.” She took another step forward. Then another. And another, until finally, she was right in front of her again. “There’s a missing piece inside you, but there’s nothing inside me at all. I won’t be completed, but you still can.”

“Completed?”

Jaysie reached out and stroked Nentonia’s neck. “You feel like something’s missing from your life, right? It’s always boring. You’re not you. Everyone’s having so much fun, playing with dresses and fawning over the boys in town. But the two of us won’t feel as happy as them. I certainly won’t, at least. But you’re only one step away.”

Then, Jaysie grabbed Nentonia’s hands, and gently wrapped them around her own neck. Nentonia could feel her warmth, and it was nothing less that addictive.

“Jaysie, stop...”

“This is what you’re missing, Nenny. You don’t want me to be hurt, right?”

“...No.”

“Would you feel bad if you ended up hurting me?”

“Of course I would. I’d feel terrible.”

Jaysie’s smile widened ever so slightly. “And there it is. The final piece. The one thing you’ve wanted your entire life. The sting of knives and hot stoves wouldn’t compare, would it?”

“I don’t...”

Nentonia wanted to let go. Jaysie’s hands weren’t holding hers anymore. There was nothing stopping her from retracting her hand from her neck. And yet, she felt as if they’ve been glued in place.

“You don’t. You don’t want to. And that’s why you desire it more than anything else.” She raised her head to give her a better hold of her neck. “See? There’s no one who’ll know you more than me.”

Jaysie grabbed her waist and fell on her back, dragging Nentonia with her. The two of them laid on the sand, with Nentonia’s hands still on her neck. Jaysie’s disheveled hair, her slightly strained visage, the way her eyes clearly peered into Nentonia ... all of them overpowered her.

Jaysie smiled, clasping Nentonia’s face in her hands lovingly.

“Pain will complete you, Nenny.”

†

The shore was silent, save for the winds and the waves. Everything seemed so distant.

Nentonia was a mess. Her eyes were red, having run out of all her tears already. Grief assailed every part of her, wringing her hearty dry. And yet, it was beating so fast. This exhilaration—this excitement—was unlike anything she’d ever experienced.

“Nentonia ... what have you done...?!”

She heard Ava’s voice behind her. She turned to see her face, which always looked at her with gentle affection and pity, twist and deform into amalgam of dizzying confusion and putrid terror. She looked at her as if she was some sort of abominable monster.

In all likelihood, she really was. A monster in human skin. The teachings Nentonia went through had a word for this: evil. She was like this since she was born. She didn’t know who her parents were, but maybe they were monsters themselves.

People like her should never have been born. They were an affront to human nature, a heretic to the creed of life itself. She knew that. Nentonia knew more than anyone else how much of a mistake her own birth was.

But at that moment, she couldn’t help but smile.