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Stooges

The star system of Cadia was still a bit of a mess after my last visit, and the later debacle with a pair of Dark Gods that died here.

Thus, while my forces prepared for the next battle, I repaired and fortified the system with my enhanced powers, with the usual asteroid forts and ice comets, plus more minefields, orbital elevators and several spacedocks. Meanwhile, Zath completed the repairs to the Cadian Pylon network, and gathered 2000 broken Pylons inside my tesseract labyrinth.

As more of my dispersed battlegroups arrived, so did the Imperial reinforcements. The Adeptus Sororitas golden Fortress, the Mobilitas Sanctus also arrived, commanded by Abbess Morvenn Vahl , while 3 companies of Custodes escorted 3 reluctant Primachs, tied and bound into huge Mortifier Penitent Engines. The Blackstone Fortress was also escorted by 1000 cruisers and Missionary Ships .

Canis sniffed at the traitor Primarchs tied to the mobile torture walkers, but it was likely the potent smell of incense and holy oils.

"Seems a bit over the top." Primarch Khan said as his Primarch-Brothers walked into the meeting hall. Corax just stared with hate, possibly because he had hunted the traitors for millennia and failed to kill any.

"Which one is Lancefire?" the Sororitas Abbess demanded with a clear voice, when faced with thousands of Blank Astartes all bearing the bleeding heart of the Lamenters on their shoulders.

I smiled inward, and elbowed Laur. "I am Lancefire!" he answered proudly, followed by thousands of more voices, raising into a Blank chorus chanting their own family name.

"... Dear God-Emperor, this Crusade is led by an idiot." Abbess Vahl muttered in a low voice, sounding a bit disappointed.

I grinned and displaced the Purgator_Mirabilis suit away, leaving the Abbess in her high-quality synthskin underarmor, and then dropped her in my lap, as I sat down on my metal throne.

Janice sure knew how to send me great gifts. The Abbess was a formidable woman, and her assets molded nicely in my arms. "I am Pef Lancefire, my dear. Now, is the dick-measuring contest over, or should we continue in my bedroom?" I asked, a bit curious.

The Abbess scanned my face, possibly comparing it to the one implanted in her mind. "Your likeliness to Holy Sanguinius is just as uncanny as I was warned off. At least the two failed Primarchs seem well-behaved." Morvenn noted with a glance towards Corax and Khan.

I pouted as I really meant my words about the dick measuring...anyway. "So, Penitent Engines for the Three Stooges? They will lose a good deal of their combat power while bound like that." I commented a bit rhetorical.

"You would trust the traitors to walk free on your ship, Warmaster Lancefire?" the Abbess answered with a poignant question of her own.

Would I? Of course not. Will they be able to do anything while I kept my sense on them? Also not.

"The Emperor wants to test them. Second chances and such. Our preferences are not relevant on this matter." I said with a careless tone, and released the three Fallen Primarchs on their knees in front of my throne.

Perturabo remained kneeling while watching me with keen eyes, while Angron jumped to his feet and glared around with a provoking face. Mortarion rose slowly, and scanned the room for escape doors and possible allies. Yeah, they couldn't be trusted. But that was the point. I was the Warmaster, so I had to deal with it.

"This Crusade fleet will enter the Warp soon, and break into the Crystal Labyrinth of Tzeentch. You three are quite familiar with Chaos and their ways, which is why the Emperor sent you to me.

A siege specialist, a melee expert and a sneaky dude with a thousand poisoned plans in his sick mind. And a pretty Sister to measure my dick, I suppose." I concluded while turning my hand to reveal a pretty rose for the woman in my lap.

Morvenn glared at me for a second, then grabbed the rose. "You're exactly as lecherous as the other Sisters described you, Pef Lancefire." she growled in warning and then smelled the rose cautiously.

"I know, my dear. I once had a dick-measuring contest with a Dark God called Slaanesh, right here at Cadia. My dick won." I confided in her, and poked her chest with a finger to test the bounce.

Very bouncy.

"Best way to attack Tzeentch would be through the Gates_of_Varl , Warmaster. We could enter the third Labyrinth layer directly, instead of wasting time breaching the first and second layers from the Maelstrom." Perturabo proposed with a logical tone.

"See, my dear Morvenn? Traitors have their uses, even ones like the Fallen Primarchs." I whispered to the pretty Abbess and leaned in to steal a kiss.

The Sister smacked my head with the rose, but didn't fight the kiss, intently fighting my tongue with some skill.

'Zath, are you agreeing?' I asked inward.

'We still need to pass by the Maelstrom and lock it down with 999 Pylons, but the Gates of Varl will indeed provide an advantage for your fleet. We have some defenses already in place, just need to restore them to our control.' the C'tan answered after a minute-long kiss. With the pretty Abbess, the kiss.

Angron raised his eyes in challenge towards me, so I raised a finger and turned him upside down, making the giant Primarch meet the floor with his face. "Say thank you, Warmaster." I demanded from the angry Primarch.

The man bounced back and rose in defiance, so he smacked his face into the floor again.

"Angron, you're shaming yourself. Warmaster Lancefire killed Slaanesh and Khorne right here at Cadia. And he released us from those walking pain engines." Mortarion spoke next, and helped Angron rise beside him.

"...Thank you, Warmaster." Angron muttered with an angry scowl.

"Great! We're heading towards the Maelstrom next. Laur, you feed the Three Stooges while I get to know Morvenn better." I ordered and vanished from the meeting hall with my guest still in my arms.

I landed in my bed with the Abbess on my chest, both already naked. "No romance from the angel-faced Warmaster?" the woman asked as her hand measured my dick.

I just kissed her again, and gently slid inside her. "Our children will be very pretty, Morvenn. And all of them Blank." I explained as my fingers teased her perky breasts.

"Children? In a week we'll enter the Warp and probably die painfully in the clutches of a Warp monster." she asked quite cogently.

"We are not in the outer universe now, my dear. This space is my private temporal dimension. We can have a thousand years to raise quite a lot of children. You will have to share me with a few thousand women as well, but that is my Emperor-given duty. The Blank genes are not really suitable for cloning, see?" I whispered in her ear, while I pumped her womb full of my blessed gene-seed.

"A thousand years outside of time? Plenty time for romance, then. You could take me to dinner..." Morvenn demanded as she leaned on my chest and kissed my neck.

Well, the tesseracts didn't actually require sustenance or even air to breathe, avoiding pesky natural laws via C'tan magic, but one meal wouldn't be a problem.

-------------------------

Purity tapped her silver spoon five times, and vanished from the Imperial Palace and the frenzy of packing things up for departure. So many ancient books, paintings and sculptures being stored safely into padded crates, then moved away.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

She appeared in her second home, the Lancefire Spire where her Big Brother Patrocles lived. Big Sister Janice was also here, for some reason. Probably planning another nefarious scheme, like they always did for about 12 years already.

"Patrocles! I need a hug!" she demanded and jumped into her brother's arms. He was not Father, but at least he was a man. She had enough Sisters in the creepy Sororitas Silent Vigils and Familious circles.

"Purity, my beloved sister! No longer clicking your heels for a dimensional shift?" Tech Marine Patrocles Lancefire asked with a light tone, and a wink towards Janice.

"It was a phase! I was twelve. Silver spoons are so much dignified, though." Purity explained in mild outrage, and stuck her tongue at Janice.

Janice stepped closer and pecked her cheek with a kiss, then blinked her eyes and vanished.

"Don't ask!" Patrocles warned her, before she could even decide to ask.

Purity pouted, then jumped off the cold power armor and into the warm seat left by Janice. "You're not packing anything? Half the palace is upside-down already."

"I am not leaving Terra, Purity. Father wants me here, and the Emperor agreed." Patrocles answered after a minute of heavy silence.

"If you're not leaving...it means I can stay too." Purity noted with interest.

A flash of lightning announced the old Prognosticar warping-in, looking high and mighty in the silver armor of the Grey Knights. But Purity knew better. Father had somehow turned a whole Brotherhood of the Holy Grey Knights into house guards, while her step-brothers from the Red Templars Chapter had their base in the orbital facility called Port Stanley at the top of the Spire.

There was only one Lamenter on Terra, but Patrocles was special, almost like Father in many aspects.

"Lady Purity, always an honor to grace us with your presence. Eager to smash the recruits again?" the Prognosticar asked with mild curiosity.

Purity raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the Astronomican with her soul vision. The golden pyre was pulsing faster and faster, a clear sign of imminent...something.

"There's five or six days left, Grey Knight. You still want me to train your new recruits?" Purity wondered in surprise. What use will it do if she overpowered the less trained Grey Knights with Warp spells again.

The Prognosticar glanced at Patrocles, then turned around and teleported deep inside the basement of the Spire, where the darker secrets were locked.

"There are almost 7 days left, Purity. You can reach Forge Ryza if you depart now." Patrocles urged her with a kind voice.

"No, my dear brother. Father sent me to Terra, and hasn't rescinded his orders. Which means he wants me here, for whatever happens. Probably another Black Crusade if I were to guess." Purity guessed, but not really.

"Fighting one Great Daemon in the Webway doesn't mean you are strong enough, little sister. Your mother is a dozen times stronger, and she still died...a few times." Patrocles spoke with a sad voice. Lamenting, maybe.

Purity touched her forehead and felt the blue rune still there. "I am immortal, at least once. I am much safer than you will ever be, big brother." she declared with a confident voice.

Patrocles scowled, as if a dirty secret was involved. "I'm not sure if using that gift will make you safer, Purity. Cegorach is still insane, and not in the harmless way. And the Eldar all hate our Father with a vengeance. The harlequins a little less, but that doesn't make them safe."

She nodded, receiving the warning for what it was. The Solitaire harlequins were quite safe for the obvious reasons, the rest of the Eldar race, not so much.

"So, I spied with my little eye...that Father has reached the Maelstrom. And just stays there." Purity revealed with a cute smile. She didn't ask, just as Patrocles wanted.

Patrocles sighed, and waved a hand towards the holoscreen wall, to produce a detailed map of the galaxy, far more complex and realistic than anything she had seen before.

An icon of a tiny warhammer blinked gently as to mark her Father's fleet, then a split screen opened to list the important persons and capital ships present. Nobody she cared for, least of all more Sisters of Battle, Custodes and Silent Sisters. The Primarchs were interesting, though, as was Canis.

"He is building a wall, to contain the Maelstrom. Necron tech, most likely." Patrocles answered her silent question.

Purity focused her psychic sight on the map, and realized it was a real-time projection. Astropathic messages still took time to relay and translate, but they weren't so accurate anyway, so this was some kind of Dark Age tech.

"You can speak with Father in real time?" she asked in a hopeful voice.

Patrocles measured her with a raised eyebrow, probably surprised. "It is possible, in dire need. But he must be waiting for something...ah. I see. Father is always father, even when the world ends."

He added as another symbol lit up in the Eastern Fringe, then began moving towards the Maelstrom rapidly.

"ETA 4 days. Faster than any Macharius engine?" Purity wondered as the trajectory took the silver bone symbol through the largest tendril of Hive Fleet Kronos .

"The Hive Kronos organisms have been adapted to fight Chaos. And Father has just requested them as his Tyranid Auxilia." Patrocles divulged after examining the map for another long minute.

"Even if that stupid fast ship captures some Chaos-adapted Tyranids...the Warp is too big." Purity exclaimed as she frowned at the map.

"Not some Tyranids. All of them." Patrocles concluded as the claw symbols of the more Tyranid fleets vanished from the map.

"Damn! Father doesn't think small, does he?" Purity wondered as another Hive Fleet vanished.

Janice returned to the room, as stared at the galactic map for a few seconds in awe. "Damn idiot! Calling the Necron thief for help was bad enough, but the whole Hive Mind? I'll punch father in the nose if he lives!" she yelled at the map.

"The death scream of thousands of Norn Queens might break the Crystal Labyrinth in half. Or at least kill all psykers and daemons in a tight volume like the Maelstrom." Patrocles deduced, as more Hive Fleets vanished from the map, and the projected trajectory of the silver bone intersected many more Hive Fleets.

"It will break the galaxy in two, Patrocles. Kill all the psykers in half the galaxy at a minimum! Turn off the Astronomican for months as well." Janice growled in outrage.

Purity smiled, and two dimples appeared on her cheeks. "Everything is going great, then? Father will save the universe, and make our enemies kill each other."

Patrocles nodded slowly, while Janice pointed at her with a glowing finger. "You better be wrong, little sister. I am going to the Astra Telepathica and have a galaxy-wide order sent to drop out of Warp for all ships, in four days from now. Luckily, we already planned that for next week, so things are already in place."

"Wait, I was right?" Purity asked as Janice vanished again.

"Even we underestimated father, Purity. But I already suspected something. Father was always willing to escalate to unthinkable scales in order to win. He did it at Commorragh, Sotha and Fenris, then at Cadia, then with Nurgle in his Garden, why not in Tzeentch's Labyrinth? Would Father care about killing a billion psykers and some Navigators?" Patrocles asked rhetorically. He wouldn't.

Purity hanged the silver spoon in her belt. "I'll go train the new recruits then. A few more psykers on our side would be nice if all the rest die." she decided, and teleported to Floor 666 where the Grey Knights recruits were undergoing their cruel conditioning and mind-warding spells.

"Boys! Guess who's back?" she asked with a joyful voice.

"Back again?" a morose Epistolary muttered in half-despair. He wasn't limping anymore, so Purity ignored his tone.

"But this time with feeling! I'm going to sever you all from the Warp, and see how long it takes for you to die. Ready?" Purity proposed with a cheerful voice as the poor Grey Knights' recruits groaned.

They weren't ready.