(Bram’s POV)

Well I thought these people were utterly useless but actually they’re not at all.

Firstly Drake…unsociable, but when he isn't he’s an utter asshole. Not exactly perfect…but he had the fantastic idea of everyone having crossbows…and they’re working pretty well so far since there’s little skill beyond pointing and shooting.

I could live with him, if he didn’t speak in all honesty.

Billy…well he’s a cripple…makes him basically luggage, if not literally in my case. Though he’s at least sociable and definitely the most likeable out of everyone.

Sean…hmm what can I say about an obese kid who whines at a large amount of things, doesn’t do what he’s told and is extremely sexually obsessed…I could definitely do without him…but sadly I can’t, but at least i'm able to block out all his incessent whining about everyting to the point where i actually miss most of it.

Now Fiera with her fiery red hair and actually quite abrasive personality is welcome…though her shouting could lessen and her seriously darkening mood doesn’t exactly help our atmosphere much. But she’s actually got priestly powers so she’s number one so far…plus she sort of keeps everyone in line.

And here we all are, poncing across this fuck off massive field towards some Erishha forest because our sole female got herself so wasted that she slept with some random stranger even though it’s apparently against her whole deity…

There’s a level of drunken stupidity…then there’s her.

It’s been two days since we left the city with a few bought sacks of random crap that I thought we needed…plus with Drake’s oddly good advice on adventuring gear I believe we’ve got everything we need.

And since we’ve survived 2 days, decently fed on burnt rabbit and warmed with sheepskin blankets at night I’d say we’re doing fine.

Though throwing up all that rabbit quietly didn’t go down so well…I mean everyone’s sticking together like a pack of melted jelly beans…bloody people followed me when I went to ‘take a piss’ and lo and behold saw me spewing out all my meal.

Fiera’s now force-feeding me like a child because apparently I need nutrients to survive. Fuck that, I’ve lived this long without fully digesting anything so why do I need to begin doing it now?

“Oy you done chundering over there Mr Anoxeric?”

“Seriously, stop giving me crappy nicknames Drake”

“Just pointing out the truth” He saunters away, thwacking himself on a tree. Hah that’s what he gets.

Apparently, he’s half-blind. Found that out pretty quick when he showed his extremely shit shooting skills and we had a bit of a forced confession session. Either that or he’s just crap at aiming and it is dark out…

Throwing up the bland, burnt meal, I walk zigzaggedly back to our slowly growing less shit campsite.

Who would’ve suspected none of us had gone camping before? No fucking surprise if you ask me.

I mean I at least seem like a normal person, but honestly only the morgue in the hospital ever interested me. Maybe I should’ve gone camping when I went to school…nah it would’ve been shit trying to socialise with people who I literally couldn’t care less about.

“Sit” Fiera rounds on me immediately, half pushing me to the floor near the spluttering campfire. How they burnt the food with barely a fire going no one will ever know. “Here”

And there’s now rabbit in my mouth again. Vile.

Living through the ordeal, she decides I’ve been tortured enough and curls up under her sheepskin.

Apparently she’s not ok sleeping in the tent with the rest of those twats…I hardly blame her but really she’s an actual idiot sleeping out in this weather.

*Drip*

The world just loves pissing on me.

…

*Achoo*

“Bram seriously get in the fucking tent next time, can’t have you getting sick on us” I would think Billy actually cared about me, if I wasn’t his ride.

“And have to deal with you shits? Yea I’d rather not. How the hell do you and Drake not kill eachother in it anyways?”

“Sean’s just in the middle, so if we piss eachother off enough, he gets the butt as our meatshield” Explains the slowly growing number of bruises.

I mean I’d think its mean…if I cared but I don’t so whatever stops them from killing themselves.

“Argh you lot, stop hurting eachother, I can’t waste all my mana healing you up you know and if you really do some damage to It, I might not be able to help” At least I’m not dehumanizing him, Fiera. “And you, get in the fucking tent next time, or i’m dragging your ass into it”

“I’ll go if you go”

*Twitch*

“….is fuck the word? Well fuck you”

“that is the correct use of that word, well done!” She’s slowly learning our swear words. It is a bit odd that there aren’t any at all in this world, that we’ve encountered so far, so I do wonder how people express hatred to eachother. Do they just kill eachother?

Anyways, back to carrying one useless shit while calming down the constantly pissed off Fiera.

Erishha forest seems to be another day away according to our mostly useful guide so there isn’t much else to do but shoot rabbits along the way and slowly learn about the freaks I have to deal with until god knows when.

“So where are you all from?”

“Tennessee” Sean spikes up, panting loudly as he tried to keep up…bloody guy needs to lose weight or even the cripple could out-crawl him.

“Somewhere, who the fuck cares” great..Drake

“London actually”

“Wait but your like Indian”

“Yeah and I can’t be from London cause I am brown and speak slightly in an Indian accent like dis eh? Shall I add racist to the list of fucked up things that you are?”

“I hate everyone equally so if anything I’m the least racist person you’ll ever know”

“I’m ok with most people, unlike assholes like you, people who use disabled toilet but aren’t, assholes like you, people who treat me like I’m ‘special’ just because I can’t bloody walk and oh assholes like you”

“I’m so glad I’m so much in your thoughts but I’d rather you didn’t fantasize about me like you do with the rabbits you have in you sack. I saw you taking one out yesterday, having a test run are we?”

“Ew it’s dead, only the freak here likes those sort of things, and it’s not the bloody same, it’s a rabbit not a beast-person”

“Same thing right”

“Oh I’m going to fuck that dragon first when we find it, just to make you cry”

“But then you’d be getting hard for a scaly, oh wouldn’t that make me the winner”

“Not if they reject you over me, a furry, oh what horrors”

“ALRIGHT you two, if you keep bitching about those sort of things I will shove my staff sooo far up your ass that I’ll have half of it shoved down your throat” She's getting slightly better at insults now. she's definitely a quick learner.

And that’s the end of that conversation once more. Seriously those two are never going to quit it as far as I’m concerned…

…

*Cough*

*Thwack*

“Cure” She actually hit me with her staff before healing me so as to not waste mana…that’s efficient but harsh.

“Sleep inside or I will wake you up unpleasantly each day” Don’t mind it actually: the sound's a good alarm.

Gathering our stuff, failing decently at bringing the tent down in one piece...ignoring the massive rip that ahemDrake, someone caused on day one.

On the damp grass again and more utterly bloody useless conversation about politics…which died in about two seconds since no one here gave a single fuck about anything that happened in the world.

I don’t actually miss Earth that much…but I did have a girlfriend and although she made me eat all of her cooking experiments, sex with her was like with a dead fish…which was actually what I liked.

But at least here I can hopefully find some vampiress or something as equally cold and beautiful to lay with. Oh I can’t wait to meet something as equally soulless and unfeeling as I.

“Twats” That’s her new favourite way of addressing us all “We’re at the forest”

…Well it’s a forest, whoop de fucking doo. Are we supposed to be excited by a bunch of large dense trees?

“What’s so special about this forest anyways?” Billy asks what everyone else is thinking I’d assume, or at least the ones with brains which may be most actually.

“It’s the home of many dire animals since the water supply is cursed with demon blood it has changed the wildlife around it”

“Dire animals?” Never heard of those before

“Basically bigger, nastier and got a few extra external bones to fuck you with, right up your alley Furry”

“Just so you know, I’m hoping you get impaled by something in the near future and don’t die”

“Oh are you offering you homo”

“Now excuse me, I’m at least bi don’t missexualise me”

“You two not the time for bickering or don’t you want to hear more about the forest and just walk in to your deaths?”

“Forest with nasty animals, yadayadayada, got it, cool let’s go find a person and kill them”

“…HAAAAARGH…right, ok I’ll tell you on the bloody way then” She storms forwards, slowly followed by us. “Dire animals aren’t usually that bad, but these kind evolve as they eat one another, becoming stronger and way more dangerous than your normal dire animal. Guild requests usually are to quell these stronger beasts before they basically wipe out the forest and go hunting somewhere else…like the city” She speaks scholarly as if blurting out a well rehearsed sentence”

“Has that happened before?” Sounds like a dangerous place

“Yes, once before a long time ago…it wiped out a quarter of the population in the city before it finally died. Erishha was what it was called, or that was what the first human it had eaten it was called and that is what the dire beast named itself after”

“So it ate a human and then what, became more human?”

“It gained the abilites of a human like speech but it remained a fully fledged monster”

“So…what if we ate one?” Billy asks curiously from my back

“See you’re already hungry for one, don’t resist you fucking Furry”

“I’ll find a fucking dire lizard for you tie your dick to it you Scaly shit”

“YOU will die, some previous heroes tried it and had to be killed”

“So you guys killed them, not the eating”

“It made them into monsters”

“Right” I don’t trust that, sounds like a controlling dictatorship to me. Ah well fuck it, I’ll see if I can get her to have some and check out the effects.

Strolling through the abnormally quiet forest, the first sight of life I see is a rabbit hopping along…well I thought it was a rabbit until it turned towards us with teeth each the size of it’s head.

I guess if I could still have nightmares this would be on my list.

*Twangtwangtwangtwang*

At least no hesitation from anyone…but only 2 hit, mine and Billy’s.

But it is dead so…I guess no complaints from me really.

“So this is a dire rabbit?” Drake rushes over to pick it up “Hey Anorexic, how’s Furry’s boner feeling”

“Shut up and look out for more monsters” I roll my eyes at him, I wouldn’t know if Billy had a boner but I hope not, it’d be a bit strange if he did.

Sure enough he shuts up as a slathering yelp pierces the quiet forest.

Ok what in the hell was that.

*flutter*

“It’s a birdie” Sean points to the sky

…

..

.

“Yeah, a birdie” With blood red eyes, clawed hands and feet, yep not talons, and of course massive ass teeth.

Drool drips between its teeth as it looks down to us with the everlasting grin, diving at Sean of course.

“Billy BACK” I push him off me, grabbing his legs as he tumbles off my shoulders and swing him towards the bird thing, which is a really fucked up robin.

“OW THAT FUCKING HURTS”

“Shut up it was necessary”

“Necessary my ass, you could’ve stabbed it or shot it or something else instead of whipping me around like some human club”

I roll my eyes at him as I help him back onto my shoulders. He huffs but doesn’t hurt me, hah, well I am his ride…

*Twang*

“it’s dead now…bloody hell never heard a bird yelp before, Furry are birds part of your fuckotoire?”

“I thought they’d be closer to your flying lizards”

“Dire monsters are feared for both their looks at unnatural sounds, it unnerves many people” Fiera butts in before it’s too late.

“Well I guess I’m bloody glad I can barely see…good luck the rest of you with your nightmares hahaha”

“Oh meeting you filled that quota”

“I said nightmares not wet dreams you freaky Furry”

“If you begin the Furry and Scaly talks one more time today, I will literally shove this bird inside both of you, the first one being the one who starts it…so who wants to” Fiera really stays at one hundred percent angry.

Moving quickly along we meet a few more completely messed up dire animals: a black elongated boar which gored me before trying to fly off with its tiny wings, A fat snake with legs and just a few other random misshapen animals. It was like quickened evolution gone bad, as if eating other animals gave your rondom traits and in most cases it was a messed up outcome.

Though anyways I’m glad Fiera’s a competent healer or I would’ve been fucked over by whatever the hell that was.

Plus these crossbows are freaking awesome, they basically one shot everything! Drake’s a complete asshole but at least he’s got a good sense for weaponry.

A few hours and a decent amount of random dire monsters which luckily don’t show their prowess before getting shot to death, we finally reach a black river.

I mean I’m a dull sensed human and I instinctively know that’s not good to drink.

Why a normal animal would ever assume with its heightened senses that it’s safe to drink confuses the hell out of me, but anyways I just saw a massive fuck off flying fish jump out and swallow some weird deer-wolf thing whole.

…

..

.

And fish/bear thing with multiple jagged bones jutting out of it is dead with a few crossbow bolts in its side.

“Those crossbows are extremely strong” Fiera notes. Well they are crossbows.

“Yeah any decent crossbow has at least enough power to shoot through armour so the fact that it’s killing these monsters like flies isn’t surprising”

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“But…why doesn’t everyone use these then?” Fiera seems rather surprised at my question…to be honest I’d thought it would be quite normal to use since their power and ease to use was quite trendy with casual people.

“Because each one was a thousand gold pieces plus the bolts made it almost five thousand in total” Drake reminds me why most people don’t use them

…

..

.

I mean it isn’t that hard to make right? So why are they so freaking damn expensive?

“Who makes the crossbows?”

“It’s the dwarves and the few that we have captured to work for us didn’t give the recipe away…even under torture. I guess it’s the craftman’s secret to death. So it takes a lot of money and effort to get them somehow transported or taken from the dwarves so they tend to be very expensive” Wow these humans really don’t care even the slightest about the other races…they are seriously messed up and that’s coming from me.

Well if I think we should head to the dwarves and get some backup crossbows…maybe stronger ones for stronger monsters…arbelester’s were they called? I swear I saw that in a game I played once…when I still played…wait aren’t we already using those?

“Drake are these arbelesters?”

“Yes because of the little wooden lever that helps reload it makes it an arbalester I believe” He knows a surprising amount about these things. Yet nothing about real life…I do wonder what he did in his thirty two years of life…but at the same time I don’t care in the slightest.

Moving closer to the water I order Sean to fill an empty canteen. He refuses.

“There might be a mermaid in there”

“Like I’d fall for that”

“No seriously, what if a fish ate a woman, it could look like one” it’s possible?? Maybe.

He believed it though so off goes Sean close to the black almost definitely dangerous water. i mean if nothing else he's useful as juicy bait the obese thing

…

..

.

Well expected something to happen god dammit that was almost dull if not for the tension waiting for something to leap out of the water at him.

Right one deadly filled canteen on my belt, now remember not to drink it.

“Why do you have a canteen of that. I told you it’s cursed with demon blood!”

“You want to kill that guy right? Well if you haven’t noticed we’re not the strongest people and I swear he had a party of five and we’ve only got four crossbows…you want to fight someone all by yourself…and that’s assuming we actually hit and kill all four others”

“…That’s actually smart” At what point did I seem to be an idiot. I am actually rather smart if you didn’t notice.

Continuing along wildly in the forest…because none of us actually have any bloody idea where these people are supposed to be in the forest we for some absolutely not so bizarre reason end up seeing them from a mile away

…

..

.

Oh yeah let’s just make a fire in the middle of a fucking zoo of freaky animal hybrids…what a fantastic idea.

…Well they might actually have a good idea and since none of us can make a decent enough fire if it does help might as well stick by them.

And if it doesn’t help...the more the merrier against these fucked up animals.

“Hello there” I call out from a safe distance, and none react whatsoever, so they were expecting us? Ah there’s someone with a bow sitting down staring directly at me…a ranger or something?

“At least you’re not monsters so sit down and warm yourselves by the fire” The ranger(?) gives us all a glance before motioning for us to sit down.

The rest of his group is eating quietly by the large campfire. Let’s see, someone with a pointy hat, one with a big shield by his side, one with a big axe and the other with no visible weapons and a black cloak.

Well looks like they cover all the bases? I think? And the one with the big shield is big, dark skinned and has a jaw that can smash stone as Billy puts it.

Perfectamundo.

Sitting down, I of course next to the target and inbetween him and Fiera, we each hoist a badly skinned rabbit over the fire and watch it burn slowly.

Everyone cooks their own shit, no sharing or caring needed.

“That has got to be the worst skinned rabbit I’ve ever seen” the ranger makes some conversation as he looks lovingly at his own morsel.

“Well with a rapier it’s not exactly the easiest task” I mean we forgot to buy knives…mostly because it wasn’t as necessary as everything else we got, plus any blades we got were long and pointy.

“Here use this and actually remove all the fur, it makes for a better meal” Well that ranger is being way too nice giving me a nice pointy knife to use.

“Hey” The target gives Fiera a wink…who scowls back. Well you know if you’re going to poison someone at least act nice. “Don’t act so tough when you know you came all the way here just to find me” He gives a most horrendous wink.

And he is more correct than he fears.

“Oh we’re just here for training, needed to test out these babies before we went on a proper adventure” Give my arbalester, as I guess I should call it now, a light petting.

“That’s some fancy looking crossbow you have there” more than a few of the others look at it hungrily.

“Yeah and it does a fancily good job at putting holes in things” You look hungrily at my things, I’ll make sure you know it comes at a price.

I take out the canteen, puff up my cheeks and gulp, before l release the water back into the canteen quietly.

“Want some?”

“Do you know about the water here?”

“Obviously, I may look inexperienced but I know about the demon blood filled waters here and a few other things” I am completely and utterly inexperienced in this world…but I’m quickly learning quite a few things.

He takes a large swig before handing it back.

“So how’d you get the money for such toys?”

“I’ve got a rich daddy” I do funnily enough, but not in this world.

His face turns sour at that but he laughs nonetheless, strongly, and he doesn’t seem to be stopping.

“Hey Okard you ok?” the equally muscular axe-wielding friend checks up on him.

*Splurt*

And I’m now covered in his blood.

“KILL THEM”  Oh shit that happened way to fucking fast.

*Twangtwangtwangtwang*

…

..

.

He’s definitely dead with 3 bolts in him

Aaaand I shot the mage in the face well shit guys, not what i was expecting!

“KILL THEM”

The ranger unslings his bow while the rogue scrambles up and grabs his weapons.

Agh fucking idiots the lot of them.

“BVUUUUUU”

…

..

.

That sounded…fucking terrifying.

“BVUUUUUUUU” And it’s closer, oh shit.

“INCOMING” The ranger rolls to the side and moments later a MASSIVE ASS BULL crashes into the campfire, one of its four huge tusks goring straight through the cloaked guy, rogue whatever he was it doesn’t matter as that guy is oh so definitely dead.

“HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT?” Nevermind, seems he squeezed inbetween two of the tusks.

The holy shit monster in question is the size of one of those massive trucks bull with a row of jagged bone sticking out it’s back, four tusks, fuck off canines, an elongated body, a ropelike tail with jagged bone on it and of course eight extremely fucking sharp feet with claws on them.

What do we do? Of course shoot it.

Does it bloody die? Of course not, the bolts are actually pretty fucking tiny compared to it.

“AIM FOR SOMETHING TO KILL IT”

“BIG FUCKING HELP ANOREXIC”

Luckily the Thing is focused on the rogue which is busy stabbing it with it’s daggers, climbing its face.

And it’s on two legs now, Not even more terrifying at all.

“I’LL KILL YOU GUYS LATER, LET’S WORK TOGETHER FOR THIS NOW”

“WELL WE ALREADY KILLED THE GUY WE WERE SUPPOSED TO SO YOU GUYS CAN LIVE FOR ALL I CARE”

“WAIT RUBE HAD A BOUNTY?” The ranger fires a volley of arrows, one piercing the Thing’s eye to a small effect of annoyance.

“RUBE? OH THE WIZARD NO IT WAS THE BLACK DUDE”

“WHY IN DIVINE’S DID YOU KILL RUBE THEN?”

“YEAH YOU FUCKTARD ANOREXIC WHY?”

*Twang* well at least its underbelly is softer and it actually bvuu’s madly when we hit it there. Keep shooting there, it seems like it’s working

“I FREAKED OUT, THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO KILL YOU”

“WE WERE SO ACTUALLY A GOOD DECISION. AND WE’RE STILL GOING TO AFTER THIS” From somewhere in the darkness on top of that Thing’s head, somehow dodging the two upper claws is the rogue.

I mean I’m impressed by him and I actually hope he dies…but at the end of the fight, because if he can dodge those claws he can probably dodge our bolts.

“SHOOT IT”

*Twang*

Thank god these aren’t too bad to reload.

“BVUUuuu” Oh it’s getting quieter

I reload and then turn my body and Billy’s towards the ranger

And of course we miss.

“ANDOR FINISH IT BEFORE THESE BASTARDS FINISH ME OFF” The ranger screams as he fires an arrow at me, oh shit!

Running in a zig zaggy motion, I see Billy reloading his crossbow using his dead feet and my head as support for it.

Run run run, run run run run run run run!!

“GOT HIM”

I go to a light jog then stop and turn to see a ranger kneeling as he holds one of two bolts in his chest.

 Well that must’ve hurt.

“bvuuuu”

And now to finish off the rog-

…

..

.

*Thump*

That’s half a rogue at my feet, ohhh shit.

“KILL IT” I scream as the thing turns towards me, claws swiping my direction.

 Of course I’m fucking out of there,  quickly throwing myself on the other side of the campfire, stopping it momentarily as it ponders what to do against the fire.

Apparently swatting it away was it’s decision and oh god am I royally fucked, I can’t even move my legs properly anymore shit shit shit!

*huuuuu* is that fire I see building up in its mouth?

*Twang*

…

..

.

*CRASH*

…

..

.

*Twangtwangtwang*

Juuuust to make sure it’s dead.

“Aha, that worked better than expected” Drake waltzes into view, looking rather confident.

“I know, my shot through it’s mouth worked beautifully”

“…Oh…as much as I hate to say it that does sound like it was the killing blow”

“Wait so what was your shot? I didn’t see you anywhere near it’s mouth. Oh don’t tell me you shot it up the ass!?” I can swear he’s giggling.

“Look there wasn’t anywhere else better to shoot from where I was standing ok, so fuck you”

“I always knew you wanted to give it to someone in the ass”

“That’s your job you Furry piece of shit”

“Don’t deny your true feelings for it you scaly whore”

“Seriously can you guys ever stop bitching at eachother?”

Both roll their eyes at me.

“By the way Bram, did you get beaten up at school a lot?”

“Now why in the hell is that coming into conversation?”

“Because you’ve got like…six arrows sticking out of you and you haven’t reacted to it at all…”

“Ah….ow ow shit, ow now that the adrenaline is going holy shit does that hurt” totally convincing…shit.

*Twang*

“OOF…What the fuck was that for!” I sit up after getting blasted by a bolt in the stomach.

“Holee shit, you can’t feel a fucking thing can you?”

“You could’ve just bloody asked not shot me, I can’t feel a thing but I’m still probably dying!”

“I’ve got you” Fiera comes over, shoves me down and rips out the bolt. Oh she enjoyed that I can see the smile you little freak.

“Well it’s your fault for lying so crappily, and I was actually assuming you’re a good liar since you’ve somehow managed to avoid most things about yourself thus far so now comes the forced confession" ah revenge for earlier, I see.

“Alright, I can’t feel a bloody thing. I’ve got some weird genetic problem which means I can’t feel quite a few things”

“Like? C’mon Anorexic with no feelings” He reloads his arbalester. Don’t bloody threaten me, I’ll bloody shoot you back

“Do tell us, because I can hold you and Fiera’s got quite a bit of mana left. You may not feel pain but I guess it just means we’ll experiment to see what else you can’t feel” Billy gives me a sardonic pat on the head.

“Seriously is it that fucking important?”

“Well yes it means you can tank for us, pretty fucking important if you ask me”

“Wait tank…does that mean I’m no longer Billy’s ride if I have to be upfront?”

…

..

.

“Yes”

“YES” Fucking fantastic, he may be small but he’s so fucking annoying to carry. “I can’t feel pain, temperature, taste or pleasure”

…

..

.

“How are you still alive?” Both Billy and Drake look at me funny.

I shrug my shoulders, never really thought about killing myself after having a little bit of a cutting session…it just wasn’t any different to normal life and rather dulling.

“Well at least we understand one thing about you now” Fiera butts in as everyone else looks at me incredulously “You like the dead so much because you feel as much as them right?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I have emotions just physically I’m kind of dead…but you’re not completely incorrect however”

“Well at least you won’t bitch when I heal you” She looks almost, scratch that, actually sad that I don’t feel anything as she pulls each arrow out a lot more roughly than you should. I know since I worked part time as a nurse sometimes in ER and there’s some weird shit coming through those doors.

“So while were all gaping at Anorexic’s completely fucked up body, has anyone seen the fat twat?”

…

..

.

“Found him” Billy calls over from a small distance “He’s breathing with a bit of froth around the mouth”

“He must’ve had a heart attack with all the adrenaline and movement”

“Fucking fatso”

“Ditto”

“Oy he may be a fat little shit but he is just a kid” Fiera looks mildly apprehensive

“Who came all over you if I remember the story correctly” I give her a small smile, oh that was interesting to learn.

*Twitch* “I hope he lives to dread another day that fat little shit” Agressively passive that is definitely more like her.

She finishes with my wounds and goes to tend the fallen boy. The rest of us…er loot of course. I mean we killed the people, looting their corpses isn’t exactly off limits now is it.

Well I mean apart from taking their money, I also strip the mage from his robes…because I don’t know robes are magical and sell for money? I take the staff too as Drake suggests. everthing else that isn't edible and weighs too much we just leave. who cares if some animal becomes plate skinned, I'm not going to be anywhere near here for quite a while.

“Hey Anorexic, you err want me to give you two a little alone time” He points at the now naked mage.

Patting my penis…oh shit it has a reaction…well since I’ve resisted fucking a corpse this long I won’t suddenly give in now. I can find a vampiress or something equally as cold and dead yet somehow living.

Well note for later, short red hair  and a twig-like body is good apparently.

Drake’s already walked off laughing at his own crude humour. Well we may have all officially murdered some shitty humans, well at least one shitty human, since the ranger seemed pretty decent, but everyone is still the same fucked up retards as always…at least that’ll never change.

Now off to some fucking elves to learn some magic, because why the fuck not apparently.

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Author's Corner:

Last for the day, hope you're somehow enjoying the story/fiction(?) (bit of a wierd word given the strangeness of the fiction but whatever floats yer boat), so please give a widdle review/comment on what you'd like to see (please refrain from thanks and first....i give absolutely zero shiets for both of them and are ratehr saddening to see that's all you can come up with when you comment. you reading it is thanks enough, comment with some vivacity my people and you shall be rewarded!!!)