The hordes of skeletons were here, the Dark Lord marching at their head. (He had to walk because there wasn't enough budget for riding on large flying skeletal dragons.) Mark and Tusky readied themselves to fight, right next to Kram and his harem.
"Behold, mortals!" the Dark Lord began his evil speech. "These will be the minions that will kill you. Attack!"
"Wait, that's it?" Mark asked, confused. He was expecting a longer evil monologue, and at least a little verbal sparring.
"Whatever," Kram said with a shrug. There was no more time for idle chit-chat, because the skeletons were already upon them.
Mark began with showing off a couple of flashy Berserker-combos. He was devastating, but so was Kram and the girls. Unfortunately, Mark couldn't fight with full power, because his true power was powered by the saltiness of his enemies. Currently Mark was the only one who was salty when he saw how much power Kram had. He was envious and also red as a tomato from the extortion to do something really cool, but it was of no use. Kram was so much more cooler.
Nevertheless, they cut down the skeletons left and right with ease. It was almost too easy, as if the whole undead army was just a bunch of straw dummies plus a little CGI. If this continued, the end of the battle would be very anti-climatic.
Luckily, the Dark Lord knew this too and saved the best as the last. He snapped his bony fingers, and suddenly all of the skeletons that have been cut down stood up once again and continued to fight.
"Ohh noo!" one of Kram's girls screamed. "How will we win like this?!"
"Let's burn them!"
*whoosh, whoosh, fire sound effects in the background*
"Noo, they are still getting up!! Burning them doesn't do anything!"
The girls were now beginning to panic, shooting doe-eyed glances at Kram more and more frequently. However, not even Kram had any idea how to stop the skeletons from reassembling themselves.
"Hahaha, you can't kill my minions!" the Dark Lord bragged, because evil guys are always bragging instead of just winning quickly. "They can only be killed if they are dancing. But they won't dance unless someone is singing to them! Bwahahaha!"
Well, this is why bad guys always lose in novels like this. If they had just stayed silent and slaughtered everyone, the story would have been much different... but on the other hand, what would be the point then? A victory was only a victory if you could tell your opponent about your clever plan. It would be too confusing for the good guys to die while not even understanding what there are facing.
"Singing, huh?" the tall high elf in high heels said. "That should be easy for us."
"Oho!" the Dark Lord said, "But female singing doesn't count. Sorry!"
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Kram's harem gasped in shock.
"That's sexist!" every harem member exclaimed as one. They were real experts when it came to sexism. But no matter how much they complained, it was up to either Mark or Kram now to achieve victory. Well, unless one of the girls was secretly a guy. But that would be unsettling.
"Nyaa! Do it, Kram!" the catgirl screamed. "You have to sing to save us!"
"Yes! Sing please!" another girl shouted.
Kram furrowed his brow. "...no."
"What?! Why?"
"Singing is not cool," Kram said. "I'm only doing cool things. There's no way I'd embarrass myself by singing."
The girls nodded in agreement. Seeing their dark hero sing would be really strange, that was true. They agreed with Kram, and kept killing the skeletons as they reformed over and over. Uh-huh. This didn't bode well. Now the only one who could save the day was (surprise-surprise) Mark!
Mark grinned like Grin the Grinner. (Not to be confused with Grin's bro, Grim the Reaper.) Finally, it was time for Mark to prove himself. There was just one itty-bitty problem that made Mark's smile falter.
Mark didn't know any songs with lyrics.
Now, this might appear to be really strange for the readers, but there was a simple explanation for this. Mark's favorite music genres were dubstep and trance. And electronic music didn't have any lyrics! (Well, at least those songs that Mark usually listened to. Don't judge.)
"Mark, hurry!" Tusky shouted at him as she cut down two skeletons. "You have to do it now!"
Mark was sweating buckets in his nervousness, but then a sudden thought occurred to him. The Dark Lord had only said that they had to sing. He hadn't said that there should lyrics as well. In a sudden moment of clarity, he took out the microphone from his backpack. He knew this would come useful one day!
"Ladies and gentlemen," Mark spoke into the microphone, "I present you one of my favorite songs: Darude - Sandstorm!"
"Nooo, don't do it," the Dark Lord, Kram, Kram's harem, Tusky, and even the audience shouted as one.
But Mark just cleared his throat, then began to sing.
"Duuuuuuuuun
Dun dun dun dun dun di
Dun dun dun dun dun di
Dun dun dun dun dun di
Dun din din du dan dan
Dun dun dun dun dun di
Dun dun dun dun dun di"
"It's working!" Tusky said as every skeleton on the battlefield began to dance like mindless idiots. (Haha, it's funny coz they were actually mindless idiots.)
"Boom Boom
Du nana na na na
Beep nana na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na
Nananananananananananananana
Tick tick ta tack tack"
"Kill them all!" the girls cheered as Kram swept through the dancing skeletons. He killed hundreds within seconds, and the Dark Lord could only watch and scream and dance in his impotence.
"There are a few in the back who aren't dancing!" Tusky shouted. "Mark, sing louder!"
Mark activated his secret Berseker skill:
"WHOOSH
DA NANA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NI NI NI NI NI
NA NE NE NE NE NE
NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA
NE NA NA NA NA NA
DA NANA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NI NI NI NI NI
NA NE NE NE NE NE
NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA
NE NA NA NA NA NA"
The skeletons were slaughtered left and right. They had no chance. Kram jumped towards the Dark Lord, and hit him so hard that he was flung into the sky.
"This isn't oveeeeer," the Dark Lord shouted. "I'll be back, kids!!!" And then he disappeared in the bright blue sky, only a small star marking his place in the distance.
When the last of the skeletons were cut down, Mark dropped the mic with a flourish. He then turned around and began walking back to the city. He took out a pair of black sunglasses from his packet, and put them on at the exact time when the explosions began behind him. He didn't even look back as the explosions tore up the landscape in the background.
"Mission complete," he said on a cool voice. He walked back proudly to the city, ready to be celebrated as the hero who saved the day.
"Ha! GAYYYY!" some of the townspeople chorused.