They continued to stare. “Why are you all staring at me?”

Selvaggi shrugged. “We always argue over mutators. You are our guest. Seems fitting to leave it to you.”

I shook my head. “No way, you guys would trust me? Why not put it to a vote?”

Branciforte snorted. “We always vote the exact same way. I am for, Owl and Pitbull are against.”

“But you guys have mutators, you’ve all mentioned it.”

“Ah, sometimes Pitbull does not vote, sometimes Owl does not. Rarely, they grumble and let me choose.”

“You guys would let me choose, just like that?”

Coopman nodded. “Yeah, we’ll honor whatever you say. As it is, you have changed things up so much, it’s way more interesting than normal.”

“What? How?”

Selvaggi answered, saying “Normally we’re locked in a three-way tie for the first dozen or so waves. You’ve come in and thrown off our normal balance, added an unpredictable element, that is to say, you as a commander. We know how each other thinks and fights. We don’t know you. So, yeah. Whatever you say, we’re going with. Because you have made this fresh and interesting again.”

“If you guys are bored, why not change the game?”

Branciforte shook his head. “This is the one we were able to bring. There’s a limit to what we can include from outside. And we all like this one. The other board games are usually more contentious.”

“Ha, I get that,” I said with a laugh. “My family regularly gets into fights over Monopoly or Risk. There was one family reunion where my uncle proposed Riskopoly. That lasted all four days of the reunion, and ended with three fist fights. Mostly between my uncles, but one of my aunts got in on the action and knocked uncle Mikey silly.”

They all stared at me. I shrugged. “Alright, my family is weird. Let’s do it. Throw another mutator in.”

The storm started to gather immediately. Lightning built, though it seemed quicker the second time around, maybe because I knew what was coming. The electrical arcs built into letters, then a word. I tried to make it out, but it took a long moment before it was recognizable.

Slick Approach

“Nice,” I said. The other three groaned. “What?”

“It’s not a compliment to you,” Selvaggi said. “It’s talking about our castles. Watch.”

I looked at his castle, and two giant pots suddenly appeared at the end of a wooden crane. They were lifted to his battlements where several mannequin-men installed the pots at the one-third and two-third points on his wall. I looked behind me when I heard wood creaking and saw two pots of my own being lifted.

“What is that?”

“Boiling grease. The first install is free, but refills take… about three rounds.” Selvaggi put a long finger to his snout, tapping on his protruding canine. “We’ve never had Asymmetrical Warfare with Slick Approach before.”

Coopman laughed. “No, we haven’t. But that means everyone is guaranteed a new layer of defense.”

Branciforte clapped his hands together. “Excellent! We are ready for the next round.”

I nodded and returned to my seat. The deck of cards descended from the sky and dealt out cards. I did my best to adopt a neutral expression. A seven, followed by an ace. I felt my eyebrow quirk. A two, a ten, and another ace. I shut down the urge to shout. Instead, I selected the other three cards and traded them in, but they resulted in a five, eight, and nine. Nothing to help me. Even so, I had a pair of aces. That was a good hand.

The upgrade menu opened, and I saw I had sixty-two gold to work with. I eyed the available upgrades.

Soldiers:

Speed: 2

Health: 15

Damage: 5

Quantity: 20

Soldier upgrades:

+1 cost per investment

Speed: 11

Health: 11

Damage: 12

Quantity: 10

Archers:

Speed: 2

Health: 5

Damage: 6

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Range: 15

Quantity: 2

Archer upgrades:

+2 cost per investment

Speed: 10

Health: 20

Damage: 12

Range: 10

Quantity: 15

Mages:

Speed: 2

Health: 3

Damage: 9

Range: 10

Quantity: 4

Mage upgrades:

+3 cost per investment

Speed: 13

Health: 20

Damage: 13

Range: 15

Quantity: 24

Castle:

Health: 250

Repair: No

Archers: 1

Castle upgrades:

Health: 10

Repair (ability): 100

Repair: Cost dependent

Archers: 10

Unlocks:

Knights: 100

Bears: 100

Dwarves: 150

Griffons: 200

Dragon: 500

I had sixty-two… one more round like that, and I could afford Knights, or Bears. I really wished I could see a preview of the unit before investing that much gold. On the other hand, sixty gold could get a lot of upgrades. I thought on it for a long moment, idly watching the timer count down. Then a new thought struck me. The target had rolled clockwise, from Coopman to Selvaggi. If that pattern continued, I was next. And if I was successful enough… if I could get just thirty-eight gold, I could field a new unit in the defense of my castle. Having a surprise like that would do some serious damage to the morale of the bosses.

I cleared the upgrade menu away, confirming I didn’t want to make any changes. The timer continued ticking away, and I saw Selvaggi in his chair, hand on chin as he looked into the distance. He was obviously trying to determine what he wanted to do. I watched him look at the timer above his menu, or so I assumed based on his head motion, then poke at the menu. A moment later, the timer disappeared and the horn blew. It was time for action; and now I would get to see the grease in action.

My army marched onto the field. Twenty soldiers, six archers, and six mages. Something seemed different. I had already confirmed the hand affected what units went out, but I had a feeling aces also changed what was going on. The last time I had drawn a pair, I had more soldiers than normal. This time, I had no extra soldiers, but a boatload more archers.

My men started their fast jog toward Selvaggi’s castle, once again beating the others to the fight. That was when I saw Selvaggi’s forces. He had forty leather-clad soldiers, and more worryingly, four archers. His force stepped forward to engage mine, and arrows started to fly. A moment later, the fireballs began to rain down as well.

He started with forty-four men, while I had only thirty-two. However, while his were tougher, mine moved faster, and the ranged capability of my force was not to be underestimated. I watched in awe and sadness as the two forces slaughtered each other. By the time his last archer fell, I was down to four archers and two mages. Every one of the soldiers on both sides had died. The last of my forces marched toward the castle just as the other two forces made contact and started to fight.

My men were going to attack Selvaggi’s castle, which was interesting. The fight had clearly gone too fast for the others to catch up, and so the archers and mages were moving ahead with their primary target. That’s when the new mutator came into play. Just as they were within firing range, the two pots of oil emptied over the battlements and washed down the wall, coating the ground in boiling grease. I could hear the men screaming from even that far away. The defense seemed… savage. Primitive. Even more so than using swords and bows.

The wave of boiling grease hit Coopman and Branciforte’s brawling troops. The fight was taken out of them quickly as they were knocked to the ground and sent sliding every which way. It was almost comical, if I tuned out the screams of pain. Then it got worse. The first unit to regain their feet was one of my mages. He spotted one of the other hostiles, I couldn’t tell which under the thick layer of grease, and cast a fireball. That set that entire section of the field on fire in seconds. It was a mercy, though, because the screaming ended very quickly after that.

Once more, the four of us didn’t speak. The only sound was the crackling of still-cooking flesh. Once in a while, a faint breeze carried the smell of charring meat. It made my mouth water, and my stomach turn.

“Why do they smell like that? I mean, you said they’re not human.”

Selvaggi shook his head, one hand pinching his nose. “I don’t know. We’ve never had mages on the field at the same time as the grease.”

“It seems like you guys haven’t seen a lot of this game, based on how often you’re surprised.”

“Perhaps we have fallen into a little bit of a rut,” Branciforte said in his characteristically thick, yet stoic accent.

“Perhaps nothing,” Coopman said. “That was horrifying.”

“Worse still, I didn’t get credit for any of those kills,” Selvaggi said with a little whine.

“What?” I looked at my counter and my jaw dropped. I got credit for every kill, including those of my remaining men. “Why did I get paid for the deaths of my own men?”

“That doesn’t sound right,” Coopman said. “You shouldn’t ever get paid like that.”

I shook my head. “Before any of you say it, I don’t want any more mutators. Not right now, at least. And this is probably going to happen again, if your forces get close enough to my castle. Can we remove a mutator?”

Branciforte shook his head. “No. Once a mutator is applied, it stays until the game ends.”

“The way I see it, the game is basically over.”

Selvaggi snorted. “How do you figure, hot shot?”

“I have mages. None of you do. At this point, unless your forces get strong enough to repel all three armies, every round will go to the grease, which will likely end in one of my mages setting the field on fire, crediting me with all the deaths after that point. That gives me basically all the funding going forward. My victory is all-but-inevitable, if this mutator stays.”

The three of them suddenly went quiet. I don’t know how, but it seemed they could speak without including me. The silence went on for two long minutes, before they finally returned. Selvaggi spoke for the group.

“You’re probably right. We could try to adapt, but odds are good you will win if we don’t change something. So, we vote for a mutator.”

“I just said–”

“We know what you said. But the best bet to counter that mutator is a new one that can potentially rebalance the field.”

“And if it tips it further in my favor?”

“Then the game ends that much faster.”

I growled, then nodded. The storm coalesced almost instantly. Only this time, something changed.

DOUBLE MUTATOR!

“Damn it, how did that happen? Did one of you request as well?” I looked across at Branciforte. He had his brows drawn down tight.

“Does that mean what I think it means?”

The storm started striking not one spot in the sky, but two. Words built quickly in the bright flashes of lightning.

Slap Some Spinners On It

The bosses groaned again. The building lightning drowned them out.

What a Trip

“Ooh, that’s going to make this way more interesting.”

I couldn’t even tell who had said that; my ears were still ringing from the aural assault. The storm cleared away, and when I could see the field again, hundreds of mushrooms had sprouted. They all looked relatively identical, red caps with white dots and stems. They were as stereotypical as mushrooms could get. I had a sneaking suspicion I knew what those would do.

“Well, that’s going to change things up significantly.” I looked over at Selvaggi who had a satisfied smirk on his face. “You won’t be taking every battle, now. In fact, that might have just put the game back in Roulette’s favor.”

I shrugged. “Could be. Let’s play.”

The deck descended, and cards were dealt. I looked at my ending hand. Six, seven, eight, nine, and ten. A straight. I rubbed my hands together. My defense was going to make them very, very angry. And I was ready for it.