“Are all your cities like this?”

I stood next to Basil, both of us with our heads craned way back. The building was absolutely massive. We were still several blocks away, and this monstrosity occupied the entire horizon. It had to be a half-mile to a side, and several miles tall. It was impossible as far as our material science was concerned. The weight alone would cause the building to collapse on itself.

“No. This is way beyond what we’re capable of.”

“Then it was made by the system. You know what that means.”

“No, Basil. I don’t. What does it mean?”

He looked at me, then realization dawned once more.

“Right! No tutorial. It’s a dungeon.”

“A dungeon? Like chains and whips?”

“No. Well, maybe, but they way you say it, it sounds like a sex thing.”

“Oh, it very much is.” I double-tapped with my eyebrows for emphasis.

“Whatever you just did, never do it again, mate.”

“What, this?” I double-tapped my eyebrows again. The look of pure horror and disgust on his face was incredible.

“Zombies do not use their eyebrows like that.”

“Good thing I’m not a zombie. I’m a half-dead.”

“Would that be ‘I’m a half-dead’ or ‘I’m half-dead?’”

I put my hand to my chin while I thought. “I dunno. I guess it would be correct either way, since I am half-dead, but I am also one of the race of half-dead.”

“Fair point. Shall we, then?”

I sighed. “Yeah, let’s find out what the freaky dungeon is all about.”

We got back into the car and rolled through the oddly empty streets to the new building. It was weird, seeing the city absent of all the hustle and bustle. It felt wrong. On top of that, there were whole sections of the city that were intimately familiar, interspersed with brand new buildings, casinos mostly, and the odd park. It made everything feel surreal. Like I was trapped in a dream and couldn’t wake up.

The drive only took a few minutes, but it was tense the entire way. I didn’t know what to expect. When we arrived, I took a closer look. The building, while massive, otherwise fit in with the aesthetic of the city, as far as it could be said to have one. Sleek glass-and-steel exterior, with neon signs blazing, even during the day. I reached a hand out to open the door, then felt resistance. My hand was brought short a few inches from the pull handle.

Dungeon Discovered!

The Silver Spire Casino

Congratulations! As the discoverer of this dungeon, you have earned a new title!

“Wah! I got a title!”

I looked over at Basil, and even through the window blocking my vision, I could see he was beaming.

“What did you get, buddy?”

“I got–”

Title awarded: Adventurer!

+1 to all stats.

“Adventurer?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

I smiled, and he punched me in the arm. “Bastard. You got it too?”

“Of course.”

“I can’t even get a title without you taking the excitement away!”

“Why does me getting the title make it less exciting for you? You earned one! And, unless I’m mistaken, it’s your first title.”

His smile returned in an instant. “That’s right! I have a title. First in my family in nearly a millennium.”

The idea boggled me. Sure, he was effectively immortal as a zombie, but nobody in his family finding or earning a title in a thousand years?

“How?”

“We are not a lucky family. Often used as first wave cannon fodder in undead incursions.”

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

I slapped his shoulder, which surprisingly sent him stumbling.

“Ooh, sorry buddy. Doesn’t matter, you’re lucky now, right?”

“Yeah, you know, you’re right. If it weren’t for you stomping all my limbs off, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

I snorted. “That’s a weird way to put it, but true.”

I turned my attention back to the window and the dungeon that awaited us.

The Silver Spire Casino

Adjusting level to surroundings.

Level set: ground floor to level five.

“Hey, it just said the level was set to five on the ground floor.”

“Oh, dear lord.”

“What, you’re level four now, right?”

He paused and looked at his own sheet. I saw the stunned look on his face a moment later.

“Yeah. How did you know?”

I held a finger up. “Well, for one, I can see your sheet as your lord.” I raised another finger. “B, you were with me when we killed that boss. Actually, I think you delivered the final blow.”

“I… I may have.” He suddenly seemed sheepish.

I waved him off. “I’m glad you did. Saved my bacon, and you got an extra level out of it. You’re going to be fine. You’ll get your job in just a little bit, and you’ll end up even more badass.”

He nodded resolutely. “Yeah, I will.”

“And I’m level six. We’re going to crush this.”

The Silver Spire Casino

Level: Five

Floors: 400

Would you like to challenge The Silver Spire Casino?

“It says four-hundred floors, but I can’t imagine it’s level five on all four-hundred floors.”

Basil shook his head. “I’ll explain once we’re inside. Let’s go!”

I couldn’t help it. His excitement got me going again. I nodded and accepted the prompt.

“Let’s goooo!”

The world faded away like pixels dying in my vision. It was quick, only about a quarter of a second, but I still caught the effect. The next thing I knew, the effect reversed, and I could see that we were standing in a downright palatial lobby. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling forty feet above. The sounds of any normal casino assaulted us. After the quiet of the city, the jangling, chiming, alarm-like call of the games was a wall of sound.

“Gah!” I covered my ears until I adjusted.

“Agreed,” Basil said loudly. I turned and saw him covering his own ears.

“C’mon, let’s go find out what’s up.”

I led the way, slowly lowering my hands. Either my ears adjusted, or somehow the ambient noise had reduced. Either way, the noise level was bearable. I could see signs hanging low on the walls, often below artwork that was equal parts gaudy and gorgeous. Some classical paintings were displayed next to memorabilia, like an electric guitar that was signed by somebody. The main entrance was directly in front of us, shaped like an arch. It was thirty feet wide and twenty tall, allowing more than a dozen people to pass without touching shoulders. One burly man in a black suit stood in the center.

“You know, you would think there would be more people in a place like this.”

I turned in place, taking it all in. The walls looked to be marble, the floors were a deep, vibrant red and plush underfoot. The lighting was bright but soft, giving everything a luster that bordered on a golden glow.

I shrugged, then pointed at the guy. “Should we go ask what’s up?”

Basil nodded, and I led the way.

As we drew closer, more detail became obvious. The man was huge. I mean, truly massive. He had to be at least seven feet tall. Then his skin tone started to look more and more gray. By the time the status window appeared, it was clear he wasn’t human.

Malachi

Stone Golem

Level 99

Bouncer

Level 99

“We are not going to mess with this guy,” I said.

I heard Basil dry swallow. “Agreed.”

I waved, though the bouncer did not respond. I closed the last few feet, and his hand quickly, but silently shot up in the universal sign for ‘stop.’

“No entry without Casino chips.”

I nodded. “Uh, yeah, of course. Where would I get those?”

He pointed with the same hand toward the cage that had the sign ‘Cashier’ over it. Then he went back to his waiting pose, hands clasped in front of his torso. I wasn’t even sure if he had a belly, or a thorax, or what the anatomy for a golem would be. Either way, I wasn’t messing with him.

“Cashier it is. Let’s go, Basil.”

I led the way to the cage. Inside a small creature sat with a visor on, looking at a computer screen. It looked like a praying mantis, though the face was much more human than the skin color would otherwise suggest.

“What’ll it be?” Her voice was surprisingly nasal. Like a late-middle-aged white woman, complete with smoker’s rasp.

I paused, looking for any signage. There was really nothing to help me.

“Uh, yeah. I need casino chips?”

She nodded, popping bubblegum. “Ten chips per silver. No limit. How much do you want?”

I looked over at Basil, who shrugged. “Uh, how much do I need to get past the bouncer?”

She sighed. “Enough to play a game. The minimum is ten chips per slot, but I would recommend more. If you play and lose, the bouncer will escort you out until you’ve got more.”

I checked my inventory. I had 990 copper and 10 silver.

“Can you change up copper to silver for me too?”

The lady-bug thing sighed again. “No more than a thousand copper.”

“We’re in luck then. I have 990 copper.”

“I can give you ninety silver,” she said.

Basil touched my shoulder. “That’s a 10-percent fee. Really high. Most money changers only take two-to-three percent, plus a flat fee.”

I turned back to the lady. “Give me 94, and it’s a deal.”

She shook her head. “Not a negotiation. I can give you ninety. That’s it.”

I turned back to Basil. “Ten copper to a silver, then what’s above that?”

“Ten silver to a gold, ten gold to platinum. I’ve only heard rumors about what’s above that, but it’s something like a hundred platinum to a mythril coin.”

“Huh. Well… we have just barely enough for a platinum.”

Basil’s eyes bugged out. “You have that much gold?!” Then he slammed his dainty hand over his mouth to muffle himself. “You have that much?”

“Well, no, but I have that much copper and silver. Even after the exchanger fee.”

“Ask her if there’s a changing fee for getting chips.”

I turned back and she was already answering. “I can hear him just fine. There is no fee for converting to or from casino chips. Only for tiering your money.”

I nodded. “Give me as many chips as I can get with this.” I pushed all my copper and silver over.

She started gathering it up. “Wait,” I said and she paused. “If it’s ten chips to a silver, and ten copper to a silver, can I just pay with copper instead?”

She smirked. “No luck there, kid. We only accept silver or higher.”

“Sneaky,” Basil muttered.

She counted it out, verifying what I said, then she pushed a thousand casino chips through the slot. They came out in neat stacks of twenty-five. I reached to pick up the first stack, but everything was sucked into my hand all at once.

“That’s handy.”

“Yeah,” Basil said. “Makes it easy when handling a lot of money.”

I mentally separated out half the chips and held a hand out to Basil.

“What’s this?”

“Your half.”

“My half of what?”

I tilted my head. “Your half of the loot.”

He waved his hands in negation. “No, no, boss. That’s your money.”

“Shut up and take the chips. I need you in there with me. If you’re not comfortable taking it as your share, consider it minion pay.”

He sighed and took the stack. We made our way back to the bouncer, who opened the rope without a word.

“Let’s get our gamble on,” I said.